i find this extremely interesting
The Game I'll Watch in Hell
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When I die I'm probably going to hell, just ask any Notre Dame fan. So I started thinking the other day about what game I'll have to watch in hell, and thought it might be of interest to others. (Everybody makes The Baddest Michigan Team Ever!!, this is a change of pace.)
A couple of rules. First, I really remember Michigan Football from the 1985 season so that's the lower limit for me. Second, no goofey walk-ons or anything, they had to have played at least a little - enough to make you depressed. Lastly, I didn't nit-pick over the positions too much, so I may have picked five left tackles. (And full credit to Andy19il who helped with the list.)
So without further ado, your starting Michigan Wolverine All-Hell team offense!
QB - Demetrius Brown
RB - David Underwood
FB - Ray Jackson
WR - Ron Bellamy, Felman Malveaux
TE - Andy Mignery
OL - Justin Boren, Courtney Morgan, Reuben Riley, Alex Mitchell, Mike Kolodziej
K - Jason Gingell
And who will they be playing against? Why the All-Hell All-Stars:
DL - Steve Emtman, Vernon Gholston, Kenichi Udeze, Mike Vrabel
LB - Michael Stonebreaker, Chris Spielman, AJ Hawk
S - John Miller, Mike Doss
CB - Terrell Buckley, Will Poole
PR - Rocket Ismail
On the other sides of the ball, your starting Defense:
DL - Gabe Watson, Alex Ofili, Pat Massey, Larry Harrison
LB - Chris Graham, Carl Diggs, Bobby Powers
S - Ryan Mundy, Chuck Winters
CB - Johnny Sears, James Whitley
PR - Woodrow Hankins
Aaaaand they'll be going against the All-Hell All-Stars Offense (try not to be nauseated, we're almost done)
QB - Troy Smith
RB - TJ Duckett
FB - Jerome Bettis
WR - Plaxico Burress, Michael Westbrook
TE - Owen Daniels
OL - Orlando Pace, Aaron Taylor, Jeff Faine, Flozell Adams, Korey Stringer
K - Reggie Ho
Couple notes:
- Obviously Larry Harrison isn't wearing pants
- Ryan Mundy is the Michigan, non-Barwisized version
- Owen Daniels probably isn't the best choice at TE for everyone, but I was almost in a frothing rabid rage during the 2005 Wisconsin game, so he is the TE for me personally in this scenario
- Donovan McNabb was *strongly* considered
- Gabe Watson made the team because he continually failed to live up to expectations. Isn't that what hell's all about?
- John Miller intercepted 4 of Demetrius' passes in 1987
- OL is really tough to pick. You try it smart-guy. You can barely even find a roster on the net to help spur your memory. (Edit - Alex Mitchell replaced Jeff Gaston in an egregious miss by me. Just for that the weather forecast will be "UCLA 2000." My bad.)
- Chuck Winters allowed a first-offensive play 80-yard TD reception for Boston College in the mid-1990's. He did improve somewhat from there.
- I didn't do coaches, but Mike DeBord v Creepy Pants Sweater Vest sounds appropriate
- Credit to "Will Number Two" for pointing out the officials are from the Sun Belt Conference
- "Baleedat" recommends the Ohio Stadium grass circa 2006, I concur that's what Mephistopheles will have waiting for me
- Broadcasters are Brent Musberger and Mike Patrick
- I hate Reggio Ho with every fiber of my being, and I hope his puppies die.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:05 AM | 
Underwood
Underwood
July 11th, 2008 at 11:17 AM |
it's burned into my retina
it's burned into my retina
On the Colorado Miracle play in '94 the ball bounced off Chuck Winters before it went directly into Westbrook's hands. So, I'm down with him on the list.
I guess Gingell gets in over Elezovich because of The Horror (although the block wasn't his fault) but Elezovich was hideous.
Give it to Wheatley!
July 11th, 2008 at 11:30 AM |
But Elezovich gets a reprieve
But Elezovich gets a reprieve
But Elezovich gets a reprieve for kicking his career long to start the scoring in the tight 1993 Rose Bowl.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:01 PM |
What about...
What about...
What about the kicker on Bo's team who kept missing crucial FGs in the early 70s? Maybe it was a few guys, but here are his/their sins:
- Missing last-second game-winning FG in 1971 (or 72?) Rose Bowl against Stanford that would have given Michigan a perfect 12-0 season.
- Missing FG against OSU in 1972
- Missing two FGs against OSU in 1973, leading to the infamous 10-10 tie. (okay, ND-MSU in 1966 is also pretty famous, I'll give them that.)
Ann Arbor is a classy broad.
"Get off my plane!" - Ricky Stanzi, Air Force One 2
July 11th, 2008 at 1:18 PM |
Mike Lantry
Mike Lantry
Kicker in '71 was Dana Coin (at least for the OSU game, I assume also for Stanford).
Kicker in '72 and '73 was Mike Lantry (he was at UM from 1972-'74). 113-120 on PAT's; 21-47 in FG's. Pretty typical Bo kicker, maybe a little bit worse than average.
July 12th, 2008 at 3:04 AM |
Mike Lantry
Mike Lantry
I think Mike was a 27 or 28 year old Vietnam Vet when he played for UM. He made that first one in 72. I was 10 and behind that post.
May I suggest the refs from the 78 Rose Bowl. The phantom TD awarded to USC. White fumbled 2 yards from the goal line. The players knew it, the fans knew it, even the announcers knew it. First time I ever heard an announcer suggest instant replay in a sport. Even White says he fumbled. USC gets to play a home game with 80% of the stands filled with USC fans. No gifts needed.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:30 PM |
Kicking game in 1979
Kicking game in 1979
1979 was my first year in Ann Arbor, and it was a particularly bad year for punters and kickers.
3-18 in FG's; I don't know what they were in PAT's but the kickers, "anchored" by Brian Virgil, were awful. 4 punts were blocked and they had a 35 yard average in punt. Team lost to UNC (with Lawrence Taylor) 17-15 in the Gator Bowl.
Absolutely pathetic special teams in 1979.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:50 PM |
"Special" Teams
"Special" Teams
Yuck. I'm glad I was 5.
August 2nd, 2008 at 7:26 PM |
3-18?!?!?!? is that accurate
3-18?!?!?!? is that accurate
3-18?!?!?!? is that accurate (no pun intended) holy shit that's awful. glad i was -5
~Sean
August 8th, 2008 at 2:40 PM |
Yes, according to my source
Yes, according to my source
Sorry, didn't see your reply until now. But yes, according to my source (the book on Michigan vs. OSU entitled "The Big One" by Bill Cromartie) that 3-18 is correct. I was at those games and never saw such AWFUL field goal kicking.
Bo did not recruit or waste scholarships on kickers back then. I think he deemed them and kicking in general as unmanly and thus not worthy of scholarships back then. After that season, and a lot of harassment in the press, Bo reconsidered that policy, and after a few years had some pretty good kickers under him (Mick Gillette being the best of them).
July 11th, 2008 at 11:12 AM |
nice post
nice post
Wow... I do totally agree with John Miller for the opponent's D! I don't recognize any USC players in there, and considering their success againt M, you could just substitute their entire team in there.
The worst QB I ever saw who got playing time was Rich Hewlett (he started a couple of games in 1984, IIRC). Unlike Demetrius Brown, who threw a good ball (but made a lot of bad decisions), Hewlett was such a bad passer he couldn't even throw interceptions.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:33 AM |
USC Represented
USC Represented
Both Poole and Udeze were from the 2004 USC team, one of the few games I walked away from thinking "they clearly had more talent than we did."
July 11th, 2008 at 11:46 AM |
good call
good call
Funny, I've gotten that feeling after almost every Rose Bowl against USC.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:13 AM |
How about
How about
How about giving consideration to Amp Lee at RB? And as much as Smith beat us, he never took us behind the woodshed in the same manner as Dennis Dixon last year.
I think Dexter Jackson should be a third WR for the all-stars as well.
great and omniscient Grand Poobah of the WLA
July 11th, 2008 at 11:36 AM |
Good call
Good call
Amp Lee is absolutely in the discussion. That game was an unsightly abortion from the Buckley interception onward. There were many good RB's I can recall on opposing teams, but the feeling of powerlessness for TJ was powerful stuff.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:55 AM |
Sometimes I smoke a joint,
Sometimes I smoke a joint,
Sometimes I smoke a joint, watch the youtube highlights, and drift into an imaginary world where we win 51-31, Moeller goes on to win 3 titles in the 90s, and FSU is remembered as the almost power that went into Ann Arbor and got smacked back down to Wisconsin levels.
great and omniscient Grand Poobah of the WLA
July 11th, 2008 at 12:03 PM |
That was my first game
That was my first game
2nd grade, excited as hell, and wham.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:24 PM |
Yes
Yes
It's honestly my first real memory of Michigan football - I have vague recollections of us beating ND that year, but I was fascinated by Indians at the time so the fact the Seminoles were playing Michigan was huge for me.
The first trip I took to the Big House (not including trips as an infant) was....yeah...1994...Colorado.....good....times.....
great and omniscient Grand Poobah of the WLA
August 2nd, 2008 at 7:22 PM |
yea me too! I remember
yea me too! I remember
yea me too! I remember watching the game and being fascinated by the seminoles and their exciting style of play. JC penny had those plastic college fb uniforms and i wanted a Michigan one and an FSU so bad (i hope my mom still has those somewhere). It's funny now how much i hate FSU now, actually. And yea that 1994 game...I remember my father and I were driving to a red wings preseason game and listening to the end of that game on the radio. we parked the car atop the cobo roof, Beckmann said there was like 1 or 2 seconds left, my dad says, "you wanna go in now?..(and i have it in my head that he says "its over, sean" or something extremely jinxing to me although i don't think its true...I maybe just had to find someone to blame in my head)" anyways, i told him no...let's just listen...wellllll, sure enough.............
we just hit power on the radio and didnt say or hear anything about it again until the next day...to be honest i watched the highlight once, but i ALWAYS turn away now any time it comes on...have not seen it in 14 years
~Sean
July 11th, 2008 at 11:24 AM |
Troy Smith
Troy Smith
It has to be that guy given how often he did it. And who he played for.
Worst throws I ever saw from a UM qb with the game in doubt....Jason Carr.
This is hard for some positions. TE? Frankly, I firmly believe most of our TEs are just Tuman in a different uniform.
If we have a third WR, it has to be Keary Colbert.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:26 AM |
He certainly isn't doing much
He certainly isn't doing much
He certainly isn't doing much in Pittsburgh these days.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:31 AM |
No doubt
No doubt
No doubt Smith is a good choice. Maybe Dixon could be the backup.
It's just that for sheer throttling, I've never experienced anything like standing in the Big House that shitty day and watching Dixon rack up points like he was playing a middle school team. God. I'm crying now.
great and omniscient Grand Poobah of the WLA
July 21st, 2008 at 4:47 PM |
If Dixon is there,
If Dixon is there,
Donovan McNabb has to be also. Eerily similar circumstances - coming off a great season, highly ranked, taken to the woodshed by a mobile QB. Honestly, though, I think the McNabb-Syracuse beatdown hurt worse (personally) than the Oregon game. Perhaps I was still hung over from the app st shocker, I don't know, but McNabb was ridiculous that year.
For my privacy, my new username is "non-Oriental non-Andrew"
July 11th, 2008 at 11:27 AM |
ND's Tim Brown?
ND's Tim Brown?
I don't specifically recall, but didn't ND's Heisman Trophy winner Tim Brown have a good game or two against UM?
July 11th, 2008 at 1:19 PM |
Tim Brown
Tim Brown
He only beat us once with any meaningful playing time, the year he won the Heisman (1987.) I don't recall him being stellar in that game or anything, but I think that's the one in the four game win streak they pretty much kicked us around so he probably did. But he'd be in the discussion of "excellent receivers who played us, and would torch the defense as assembled."
July 11th, 2008 at 11:34 AM |
QB- Driesbach after he lost
QB- Driesbach after he lost
QB- Driesbach after he lost his confidence (he was a poor mans bellasari after that) platooning with Wisconsin Mallet
RB- Ed "two yard" Davis
FB- Evan Coleman (I think thats right, the guy who dropped a touchdown pass against Syracuse?)
Wr- Wisconsin Manningham
Wr- Bellamy
Te- Massaquoi
Defense
Lbs-Mclintock, Graham, Crable
Dbs- Howard, Curry bro's, Bad Lesuer, Shazor.
Kicker- Brabbs
Punter- Iowa Formation
PR- Whitley
KR- A Curry
Opposing team:
McNabb, Kustoc, Edwards platoon.
Damien Anderson, Beanie Wells, and Duckett run over us.
David Boston and every single Usc wide receiver to ever score on us gets to play.
Which bring us to the line. My defensive line would be a rotating front of Branch, Woodley, Renes, Feazell, Carr, Graham. My O-Line features greats such as Hutch, Jansen, Backus, Long and Jumbo.
And none of it matters because we are playing against USC's o-line and d-line and the next time we get pressure on USC's qb or protect our statue throwing will be the first time I have ever seen us do that against USC.
Sun Belt officiates.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:45 AM |
Officials
Officials
How could I forget the Sun Belt officials? They are definitely the Zebras-in-Hell.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:51 AM |
Not enough room on the roster
Not enough room on the roster
"... and every single Usc wide receiver to ever score on us gets to play."
Uh, I think we have to limit the roster to under a 100 players.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:02 PM |
Woodley and Branch?
Woodley and Branch?
Woodley and Branch on the All-Hell team? Are you crazy? Woodley won
the Lombardi Award for crying out loud! Remember, "Guns don't kill
people, Lamaar Woodley kills people"? Both 1st-early 2nd rounders
Ann Arbor is a classy broad.
"Get off my plane!" - Ricky Stanzi, Air Force One 2
July 11th, 2008 at 2:42 PM |
dude
dude
Crable, Bellamy, and Shazor were not that bad.
great and omniscient Grand Poobah of the WLA
July 11th, 2008 at 3:02 PM |
wisconsin manningham?
wisconsin manningham?
you mean 97 yard touchdown wisconsin manningham? no
July 19th, 2008 at 11:39 AM |
Iowa Formation
Iowa Formation
I was at the, now famous, Iowa formation game in Iowa city…I remember seeing them roll out for the first time and kick the ball off the field. I sank in my chair…Instantly Iowa fan was all over me…After the game I was leaning up against the Michigan equipment semi and as the Iowa fans walked by they keep drop kicking the air while laughing their ass’s off! I remember it like it was yesterday!
doxa
July 11th, 2008 at 11:42 AM |
Is Todd Howard....
Is Todd Howard....
The guy Brian always makes fun of? He's on there, no question, along with Whitley.
No question, Jim.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:48 AM |
CB's
CB's
Todd would definitely be 2nd string. Johnny Sears let Ball State almost precede The Horror by 10 months. He's actually ahead of Whitley on my list. I think I have some gray hair now simply because of James Whitley.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:54 AM |
Who do you sit with?
Who do you sit with?
The Ohio State Michigan games I have gone to I have always sat a couple rows away from some Ohio State fans so no real chance to observe.
I think it would be true hell to be watching the game with a MSU fan. The proceeding game would have been us beating State 28-24. All throughout this game he would laugh as our corners get burnt continually. I bring up the fact that we beat them and he'd inform me that some call that went our way in the 2nd quarter affected the entire game and that State would destroy us if they played us again. Have this conversation everytime something bad happens to Michigan.
God that was the worst game ever.
August 2nd, 2008 at 7:30 PM |
?
?
?
~Sean
July 11th, 2008 at 12:04 PM |
Chuck Winters
Chuck Winters
is still playing in Canada
http://www.argonauts.ca/index.php/roster/show/id/221
Pizza Bob Here = Andy there
July 11th, 2008 at 12:56 PM |
Wow
Wow
I'm shaking my head.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:24 PM |
N/A
N/A
I think you have to put McNabb on the team because he was really the initial torch-bearer for all of the running quarterbacks that would forever plague Lloyd Carr's coaching tenure.
We should really compile a list of all the running quarterbacks that torched Michigan in the Carr regime.
I'd also include Michigan RB Ricky Powers. That fumble against Illinois in the early 90s (1992?) when all UM really needed to do was take a knee haunts me to this day.
That 80 yard touchdown pass that Boston College threw on the first play of the season is the single greatest playcall ever! Every year on the first play of the season I hope Michigan will air it out like BC did, only to be disappointed by run left.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:14 PM |
Other officials
Other officials
Officials from ND-UM 2005. Henne scored on the play before he fumbled dammit. There was some "illegal touching" call. Michigan accepted the penalty on ND (which made no fucking sense because Henne had scored. The rest of the season was just downhill from there.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:26 PM |
Unfortunately
Unfortunately
It's ashame, but that was the rowdiest I can remember the crowd being in the Big House during my four years - the 2004 MSU game was pretty nuts, but the sheer anger and bottle throwing of the ND game was a landmark.
great and omniscient Grand Poobah of the WLA
July 11th, 2008 at 1:27 PM |
That reminds me
That reminds me
Weren't the officials in the 2004 ND game just as egregiously bad? And I believe both squads were Big Ten officials. Thanks for nothing you clowns.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:25 PM |
Hell: Demetrius Brown '87,
Hell: Demetrius Brown '87,
Heaven: Demetrius Brown '88.
I wish we had him now. He threw a pretty and accurate long ball - re: ALABAMA '88, OSU '88 - and could run run run.
Fun topic, BTW, versus actually working.
M'Dog
July 11th, 2008 at 1:48 PM |
Not all bad
Not all bad
Are you thinking of Michael Taylor, who replaced him in 1988? Demetrius had only 100 net career rushing yards (Taylor had 600+.) Brown was a career 51% passer, only 57% in 1988.
I'm probably mentally forgetting/discounting his 1988 turnaround.
But even if he was good in 1988, who would you replace him with that played in real contested games? Even Dreisbach had the Virginia game. Scott really only lost his spot to injury, IIRC. When you think about it, we've really had a great run at QB.
But 7 INT's... that's gotta earn Mr. Brown the starting spot.
July 11th, 2008 at 5:45 PM |
I think people forget how much Demitrius Brown
I think people forget how much Demitrius Brown
turned it around in '88 (Michael Taylor didn't factor much till '89).
The '88 team lead by Demitrius Brown was awesome. Only lost to Notre Dame on a next to last second field goal by them and a last second miss by us, and to U Miami on a recovered on side kick.
They should have played for the national championship. They beat all their Big Ten opposition, including OSU on a Brown-to-Kolesar bomb, and beat USC in the Rose Bowl on the strength of Leroy Hoard's pounding and Demitrius Brown's feet.
One of my biggets dissapointments as a Michigan fan was not getting to see Demitrius Brown come back in '89 (he ran afoul of Bo somehow), and Tony Boles come back (injured).
M'Dog
July 11th, 2008 at 5:52 PM |
Who would I replace Demitrius Brown with?
Who would I replace Demitrius Brown with?
Russ Rein '84. He only played half a game, against Iowa, but it was the single ugliest, most futile thing I have ever seen. We were shutout 26-0, our last shutout to-date.
M'Dog
July 15th, 2008 at 12:43 PM |
Ohhhhhh....
Ohhhhhh....
That '88 ND game was the most crushing defeat I can remember watching up until The Horror. I also remember Boles getting injured and that hurt alot too. Michigan football killed me when I was 11 (and still does).
July 15th, 2008 at 1:25 PM |
The Genie of the Lamp
The Genie of the Lamp
If I ever stumble across a proverbial "Lamp on the beach", one of my wishes will be "Gillette makes it."
July 11th, 2008 at 1:51 PM |
Ron Bellamy wasn't THAT bad.
Ron Bellamy wasn't THAT bad.
Ron Bellamy wasn't THAT bad. He had an OK senior year in 2002. Tyrone Butterfield should make this list over him. The only thing the guy's remembered for is a dropped pass (in the '95 UVA game, one play before the winner). And yet somehow he wore the #1 jersey (before he ended up transferring to some I-AA wasteland).
July 11th, 2008 at 1:58 PM |
WR's
WR's
I chose Bellamy for the same reason I did Watson... he was supposed to be a star and disappointed. He just kinda faded into the background. But I grant you he did more than Butterfield, who never did more than make sure we accidentally played with 10 (that I recall anyway.)
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