Freep reports UP not sure it's staying in Michigan (MGoSatire)
[Ed-M: Bumped because I'm still laughing]
Upper Peninsula can’t be sure it’s staying in Michigan
BY MARK SNYDER
DETROIT FREE PRESS SPORTS WRITER
The Upper Peninsula said all the right things.
It said it would “definitely” be back next year. After all, it is geologically attached where it is, and already has the Mackinac Bridge connecting it to the rest of Michigan.
But the UP will investigate other options.
Once caught in the middle of a Michigan-Ohio recruiting war over Toledo (who later proved to be one of the largest busts in history), the UP was lured away from Wisconsin with the promise of being part of an actual state. Things in Wisconsin have changed since then, however, and the UP may find the attraction of a living, breathing NFL team, as well as Bret Bielema’s musky man-scent, to be too powerful to resist.
The UP has been a valuable asset to Michigan. Once a source of lumber for paper mills and the iron that eventually fed Detroit’s automobile industry, the UP has recently put together an impressive collection of Indian casinos and even taken a Hollywood turn in “Escanaba in da Moonlight.”
However, the presence of Mackinac Island on its southeastern border has become an irritant. The overwhelming odor of horse feces and fudge can be a powerful repellent, and may push the UP toward the greener pastures of Green Bay.
The UP said Sunday it will be back. It was understandably emotional. It has since been unreachable for comment, as the invention of the telephone has not yet progressed that far north.
I believe, as of now, it will return to Michigan. When it makes the decision official, Michiganders can exhale.
Until then, even the UP can't be certain itself.
Contact Mark Snyder: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Editor's note: A previous headline on this story named the Upper Peninsula a part of Canada. This version is correct.
not the OP
My whole brain is crying.
My ass can't be sure that it's not a hole in the ground.
Speaking of funny things on the internet, would you please get your fiancee back to making webcomics? What do we gotta do?
Wedding planning and life as a whole have obviously been consuming her. Trust me, it's not that she doesn't want to start up again. The wedding is in about a month and a half, she's hoping to get going again afterward. I'll let her know (subtly, for the sake of my health) that the internet misses her.
it's from the onion before I opened up this thread
Sir, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this board is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
I thought the Freep was banned from MGoBlog?
Screw you guys, we're breaking free!
yeah fuck this joining wisconsin shit. time to bring back discussions about the state of Superior.
And that totally wouldn't be the most sadly misleading state name since this "New" Hampshire...
-1 for thinking it's brilliant.
this is quality satire on snyder's stupid article
it's not stupid per a few comments.
I want to punch that cat in your avatar.
Judging from the votes on your post, I'd say the MGoTribe has spoken . . .
I thought it was worthy of an inner chuckle. Not quite a HALOL!, but I'll give it an inner lol.
-1 to you too.
+1 for your icon because I've lived here for almost 20 years and the YpsiPenis is STILL FUNNY
Why does this post make people angry?
People can post every stupid picture in the world everyone lol's, circle jerks, and posts another stupid picture. But when someone posts a stupid/ half funny fake article they wrote the world is ending? Color me confused.
You incorrectly asserted that it's at least half-funny vs. not funny at all.
Lots of non-funny stuff gets posted, including your numerous responses to a thread that you clearly don't like.
I'll tell you whats down right hilarious, that FAIL picture you posted, man internet "FAIL" jokes are so funny, haha, funy funie. HA.
I just unleashed the fury on my upstairs bathroom.
Funny as heck. I loved reading it.
The headline alone made me chuckle, that's good enough for a worthless posbang. I didn't read the rest because I'm a lazy piece of shit.
-1 because Mackinac Island actually is in the UP. Seems entirely arbitrary, but true. If you've been to Mackinac Island but never crossed the bridge, you cannot claim that you have never been to the UP.
How can an island be part of a peninsula? There's, like, water between them. Also, my wife used to work on Mackinac Island, and she says you're crazy. So there.
I heard it was going to Ohio because of the lack of family values....
Witty, satirical, and, best of all, it pokes fun at the freep. Well done sir.
(update: new wolvy-plus for post-meltdown era)
Man, how do you like MGoBlog and not love posts like these?!? Unless maybe you're just a Scout poster who realized TomVH does a better job, and you're not really here for the Tower of Cook and his merry band of sarcastic, wit-flinging pedants, in which case you are most welcome here too but I don't understand you at all.
Dude, satire is so swishy. Let's get more posts about BRADY HOKE MANBALL TOUGHNESS POINTING DOWNHILL RUNNING TOUGHNESS MICHIGAN MAN WERE GONNA GET AFTER IT WITH TOUGHNESS AND DOWNHILL RUNNING.
I've been here for the unique take on Michigan sports, which mirrors my own (a little too closely as to make me question my sanity). But that's the joy. I can get information anywhere, but this is the only place to get this kind of community. People who not only don't get/find this funny but take the time to negbomb it completely baffle me.
This former "troll" turned "yooper" (or "currently living in yooper territory", depending on how ticky-tacky the yooper you're talking to is) SteelCityMafia is reporting LIVE from Marquette with more on the story.
The peninnsula itself is torn on which state to cling to: the eastern half clearly wants to stay with Michigan, citing a bright future, rich history and great coaches, errr, leaders, while the western half wants to blow up the bridge and cut all ties with America's High-Five and join Wisconsin. Enticed by the prospect of having a winning NFL team to root for, many in the U.P. are stunned when they are told they actually do currently root for the Packers, after which they proceeded to throw their camo-covered arms into the air and cheer.
The celebration was short-lived, however, when they were informed they couldn't root for the rest of the Detroit sports teams, such as the Tigers, Pistons, and most notably the Red Wings, nor could they root for any of the Michigan collegiate teams. Oddly, most yoopers do exactly that, claiming "I root for Green Bay because it's closer [to where I live]", then using the exact same excuse when asked why they root for the Wings, Pistons, or Tigers.
Ironically, because of the names of the universities contain the word "Michigan", those in favor of uniting with Wisconsin wouldn't be able to root for or attend any Michigan Tech (no one cares about them, anyway) or Northern Michigan University sporting events, functions, or even the schools themselves.
When asked for comment, St. Ignace born but current Marquette resident and NMU student Jew Per said "I don't really know which to pick, man. Michigan is broke right now, but dey have Michigan football, Michigan State basketball, and obviously da Wings and Tigers. But Wisconsin's got da Packers, eh? and dey just won the Super Bowl! Also, dey got money the state is fightin' over, like da people in da NFL are doin' now, dontcha know?"
When asked what he would choose, Jew Per pondered the question for a second before responding.
"Well I'd make us our own state, dat way we can root for whoever we want 'cause we don't have any sports teams, and den we can charge people money to come here and hunt."
When asked how that would be economically feasible, Jew Per said "I dunno but we'd make it work. We got plentya water and deer for food, and we can export stuff like trees and snow, so we'd make money, eh?"
This has been SteelCityMafia reporting LIVE from the hotbed for all "current" issues from ten years ago, the U.P., Michigan.
I always get a kick out of the Yoopers who are die-hard Packer fans and use the distance thing as an excuse. I then ask them which basketball, baseball, and hockey teams they root for. Most of the time it's the Pistons, Tigers, and Wings which the distance argument would logically make them Bucks, Brewers, and Blackhawks or Wild fans.
/my rant on Pack fans in the UP
2 of my really good friends are from Brevort (just outside of St. Ignace) and are fans of the Packers and then all the Michigan teams, including U of M. Both use the "distance" excuse and it's absurd.
As a Steeler fan the Super Bowl was hell...I'll leave it at that.
This needs to be bumped to diary status right away
It hurt my brain to read!!
do you think they all went to the UP ?
Well played sir. Hilarious.
Awesome. You hit one out of the park.