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This is the final installment of the Kevin Grady story, and also the final time this feature will be posted in the MGoBlog diary section - beginning with the next edition you will be able to find this (with pretty pictures and more profanity!) at http://wolverineliberationarmy.blogspot.com, the vanguard of the Rodriguez Revolution.

***Schembechler Hall***

MyFairGrady: coach, what do I have to do to get back on the team?

WizardOfRod: I just don't know Kevin. If I let you back, and believe me, I want to, then I'll be ravaged by the press!

MyFairGrady: thats bullshit coach mcguff threw up on me

WizardofRod: I'm not sure I can take that type of chance. I'm new!

MyFairGrady: a chance?

***The Michigan Dance Team has entered the room***

MyFairGrady: if u change ur mind

im the first in line

im still free

DanceTeam: take a chance take a chance

MyFairGrady: if you need me, let me know

If you got no place to go when you're feeling down

If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown

Honey I'm still free

Take a chance on me

Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie

If you put me to the test, if you let me try

WizardofRod: I do enjoy musicals.

MyFairGrady: fuck yea u do

WizardofRod: Well Kevin, this is a tough decision

WizardofRod: I’ve been cheated by you since I don’t know when

So I made up my mind, it must come to an end

Look at me now, will I ever learn?

I don’t know how but I suddenly lose control

There’s a fire within my soul

Just one look and I can hear a bell ring

One more look and I forget everything, o-o-o-oh
Mamma mia, here I go again

My my, how can I resist you?

Mamma mia, does it show again?

My my, just how much I’ve missed you

Yes, I’ve been brokenhearted

Blue since the day we parted

Why, why did I ever let you go?

Mamma mia, now I really know,

My my, I could never let you go.

***TheBarwisAidMan has broken through the office wall***

TheBarwisAidMan: WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THIS PUSSY SHIT

MyFairGrady: hey coach whats up

/puts down feather boa

TheBarwisAidMan: WHATINTHEFUCKWHATINTHEFUCK – PUNCH EACH OTHER IN THE BALLS RIGHT NOW

***MyFairGrady has punched WizardofRodin the nuts***

***WizardofRod has punched MyFairGrady in the nuts***

TheBarwisAidMan: THERENOWTHATSHOWYOUBEAMAN

TheBarwisAidMan: GRADY, YOU GO DEADLIFT THE CRANE THAT FELL OVER IN THE STADIUM PARKING LOT WHEN I PUNCHED IT AND KEEP DOING IT TILL I SAY STOP

TheBarwisAidMan: RODRIGUEZ, GET YOUR JIGGLY ASS DOWN TO THE WEIGHT ROOM AND GIVE ME 100 BURPEES TILL THE GAY IS OUT OF YOU

***TheBarwisAidMan is staring wistfully out the hole in the wall to the lonely Ann Arbor sky***

THERE WAS SOMETHING IN THE AIR THAT NIGHT

THE STARS WERE BRIGHT FERNANDO

THEY WERE SHINING THERE FOR YOU AND ME

FOR LIBERTY

FERNANDO

Very shortly, these will be moving to Wolverine Liberation Army (http://wolverineliberationarmy.blogspot.com) exclusively - but since Kevin Grady's story started here I will finish it here.

***Kent County Jail, Michigan***

 
MyFairGrady: well aint this just a bitch

MOboozeMOproblems: tell me about

MyFairGrady: coach mo?

MOboozeMOproblems: I know what you are going through, Kevin. 

MyFairGrady: man whatever happened to you after pimpslapping that waitress or whatever

MOboozeMOproblems: Well son, you don't get many chances to be a Michigan Man, fair or not. After I blew mine, I coached the worst franchise in the NFL to the cusp of the playoffs, got fired by a guy who can't be bothered to live near the team he runs, replaced by a doofus who couldn't coach a JV powderpuff team, and have spent the last half decade smoking cigarette butts collected from the trash outside Meijer and stealing half finished drinks from people in the bar. 

MyFairGrady: is that my future dawg?

MOboozeMOproblems: Hopefully not Kevin, hopefully not. Just pray you get another shot and don't mess it up. That is what separates the wheat from the chaff at this level. We all mess up, it's in how we respond.

MyFairGrady: so what ur sayin is i should break mcguffs spine

MOboozeMOproblems: Well, that might make you feel better in the short term - like downing a bottle of floor varnish because you ran out of gin. But in the long term, you should work hard - go to your friends houses to "visit", collect the change from underneath the cushions, and save up for a new bottle of gin. It might take a while, but you'll be much happier and spend far less time in the hospital.

MyFairGrady: i aint sure thats applicable 

MOboozeMOproblems: Sure it is Kevin. Think of every extra wind sprint, every extra squat, every extra fight with Coach Barwis and his polar bear, as another nickel on your way to that sweet, sweet bottle of gin.

MyFairGrady: he killed the polar bear cuz it was eating high fructose corn syrup

MOboozeMOproblems:  Now that's a man.

MyFairGrady: so you think ill get another shot coach?

MOboozeMOproblems: You never know. Coach Rodriguez seems like a decent man. But if you don't, you can always come play for me. I've got an offer to coach the expansion Battle Creek Potawotami in AFL3.

MyFairGrady: ill keep that in mind coach mo

MOboozeMOproblems: That's good, son. Work hard. Don't be a loser like so many others.  

DoYouSmellWhatBarakaIsCooking: yo bitches

DoYouSmellWhatBarakaIsCooking: ne1 got a light for this jay

Part III will continue later this week... 

Today is Part I of the Kevin Grady saga. Part II will most likely arrive on Monday, due to the holiday and all. Assuming I don't pull a Grady and end up in jail myself, that is. Enjoy.

MyFairGrady: barkeep get me anotha one of those dranks

Barkeep: You mean another water, sir?

MyFairGrady: yea bitch gotta keep hydrated for that crazy bitch barwis

MyFairGrady: you hear about yesterday man he broke tim jamisons back cuz he was eating an ice cream store clerk

Barkeep: Sounds stressful. Perhaps a drink to unwind?

MyFairGrady: fuck you i got my h20

Barkeep: Very well sir – can I ask who your friend here is? He looks underage

McGuffTheTDDawg: yo yo yo check it

McGuffTheTDDawg: you aint know me?

Faaaareal?

Yo check it 1 2

my name is sam

i'm slippery like a pan covered in pam

cooking oil that is what im sayin

burnin fools like canola in the toaster

MyFairGrady: man what in the fuck

dont worry about him hes with me imma watchin out for his ass

McGuffTheTDDawg: yo

i run for miles

like i'm boobie miles

cept he was black and kind of whack

im texas bred and destined for a plaque

MyFairGrady: dont get down on boobie man he tore an acl just like me, you aint know shit bout comin back from that

McGuffTheTDDawg: im drizzzunk in this bitch and that chick looks like a witch

MyFairGrady: imma buy her a drank

get some of those panty drop shots or whatevr you fucks call it

Barkeep: Very well sir

***Barkeep has handed MyFairGrady a strawberry daiquiri***

***MyFairGrady has fumbled the drink into his lap***

McGuffTheTDDawg: fumbles over here cant get his game on

cuz he cant keep the drink off his shirt

MyFairGrady: that dont even come close to rhyming you stupid motherfucka

get me anotha one of them things

***MyFairGrady has spilled the drink on his shirt***

MyFairGrady: mothafuck i am outta here get yo shit togetha drunkie mcguffie we going home u gonna meet my folks so they can tell u what a dumb mothafuck u are

***MyFairGrady and McGuffTheTDDawg are driving***

McGuffTheTDDawg: yo check it

mcguff aint feelin right tonite

like he swallowed a tin o vegemite

think he gonna have gastrocardiac episode

all in your pontiac

***McGuffTheTDDawg has vomited on MyFairGrady***

***MyFairGrady has vomit in his eyes and swerves the car across the center line***

LadyCop: Excuse me, sir, I noticed you were driving erratically back there.

MyFairGrady: come on miss this dipshit in the seat next to me puked on me

LadyCop: That's Sam McGuffie, All-American recruit from Texas. He wouldn't do that. Who are you?

MyFairGrady: u kidding me lady im kevin grady, all-universe recruit from this fuckin town

LadyCop: Whoa there, Mr. Grady. Maybe you should step out of the vehicle.

***MyFairGrady has exited the vehicle***

LadyCop: Now, if you are Mr. Grady and you are sober, then you should have no problem taking this handoff from me.

/pulls out football

***MyFairGrady has fumbled the handoff***

MyFairGrady: mothafuck

I am once again shamelessly ripping off The Dugout. If these ever become any type of popular, I'll probably quit hogging MGoBlog megabits and move them to my own site, the always entertaining Wolverine Liberation Army, at http://wolverineliberationarmy.blogspot.com. Cheap plugs! 

Safety_Cone: hii Justin i wuz wonderin if u want play some video game with me

Feaginator: I would love to David, what do we have? I’ll have you know though, I am a competitor. I will beat you mercilessly. I love competition.

Safety_Cone: my mom bought me dis game its called ncaa

Feaginator: Why are you wearing a helmet?

Safety_Cone: momma doesn’t want me to fall and hurt myself again like the time I tried to chase the laser pointer and hit my head on the air conditioner

***Threet_Level_Midnite has entered***

Threet_Level_Midnite: Whats up dudes can I play

Safety_Cone: sure u can take my spot i don’t mind watching momma said i should share

*** Feaginator tosses controller to Threet_Level_Midnite
 

***The controller has gone over Threet_Level_Midnite and out the window

Feaginator: I threw that further than you could have. Do you want to compete? Let’s have a competition.

Threet_Level_Midnite: What are we supposed to do now?

Safety_Cone: is ok guys i have battleship, operation, and the omega virus which talks and is super neat
 

Feaginator: You are drooling on yourself

***Safety_Cone has hit Feaginator over the head with the Battleship box***

Safety_Cone: not the momma! not the momma!

Threet_Level_Midnite: Chain Gailey used to do that to me

Feaginator: This is ridiculous. I’m going to play the computer. 

*** Feaginator is down 76-3 at the half against Sam Houston St.***
 

Threet_Level_Midnite: Good work, maybe you should study the playbook

/grabs playbook from messenger bag

Feaginator: Why does your playbook say “Property of P. White” on it? And why does it have so many pages?

Threet_Level_Midnite: Most of the pages are google maps directions to Idaho St University. I think there is a message but I’m not sure what it is. What does yours look like?

*** Feaginator holds up three notecards stapled together***

Threet_Level_Midnite: First, you drew these yourself. Second, two plays are QB draws, one to the left and one to the right. Third, the last card just says “COMPETE” on it 27 times.

Feaginator: I am a competitor. I love to compete.

Safety_Cone: my playbook is on the clipboard

Threet_Level_Midnite: This sucks, I’m going to go get drunk with Carson.

Safety_Cone: want to race down the hallways

Feaginator: Yes, I would love to compete with you. I welcome the opportunity.

*** Feaginator has slipped and crashed into the fire alarm***

Safety_Cone: a winner is me!

Marquis de Slocum: i love carrot cake

Marquis de Slocum: yes i do

TugboatTerrance: dude stop eating those things u know barwis only lets us have the one box they have to last all season or im gonna be eating leftover rice from the trash in the cafe afterhours

Marquis de Slocum: i miss coach coach git

TugboatTerrance: me too man he used to collect the paper plates from outside back room and squeeze the grease into my mouth while i was sleeping

TugboatTerrance: just like momma did

***TheBarwisAidMan has broken through the wall***

TheBarwisAidMan: OHHHHHHHHH YEAH

TheBarwisAidMan: WHYAREYOUEATINGCARROTCAKEYOUKNOWITISNTGOOD

Marquis de Slocum: fuck man fuck

TheBarwisAidMan: THATSRIGHTFUCKNOWGIVEME50IROQUOISTWISTSNOWNOWNOW

TugboatTerrance: i miss my grease

TheBarwisAidMan:THESTRENGTHOFTHEWOLFISINTHEPACKANDTHE STRENGTHOFTHEPACKISINTHEWOLF

Marquis de Slocum: man dont u know any other poetry

TheBarwisAidMan: YES

TheBarwisAidMan: TOBEFATORNOTBEFATTHATISTHEQUESTION

TheBarwisAidMan: YOUWILLNOTBEFAT

Marquis de Slocum: dawg even i know that isnt how it goes

TugBoatTerrance: we dont have to wrestle that polar bear again today do we

TheBarwisAidMan: IKILLEDTHEPOLARBEARBECAUSEHETRIEDTOEATAKLONDIKEBARSONOYOUDONOT

Marquis de Slocum: i want a klondike

TheBarwisAidMan: IBEYOUDOTUBBYBUTIMUSTBEGOINGNOW

TheBarwisAidMan: MYGPSINDICATESTIMJAMISONISMARAUDINGTHROUGHSTUCCIS

TheBarwisAidMan: THEPOLICEHAVEBEENSUMMONED

***TheBarwisAidMan has broken through the opposite wall***

TugboatTerrance: if we dont win 12 games this year imma kill that muthafucka

I am concerned about the lack of offensive line commitments, also the weather.

In the Big East, Rich Rodriguez did not need offensive lineman. In the Big 10, you do. Unlike the Big East, we require offensive lineman. In the Big East, you get to use three tackling dummies and a machine gun. This is not allowed in traditional Big 10 rules. Therefore, I am concerned that DICKROD hasn't learned what conference he is going to play football in this fall. 

Also, I heard that you aren't allowed to run a "spread" offense if the temperature falls below 34 degrees - that is why WVU lost to Pittsburgh last year. Correct?