In Depth Michigan Preview
Quarterbacks:5/5 - The question on everyone's mind in Ann Arbor these days (aside from 'What's the best sandwich at Zangerstein's?') is, "Who in the world is playing quarterback?" Thrillhouse Productions is sticking with it's summertime prediction - Roland "Tate" Forseeair. Remember, you heard it here first!
Running Backs:5/5 -Brandon Minor looks to build on last year's success as he leads a group of talented tailbacks. Big Blue Nation hasn't been this excited about their starting RB since the days of Tyrone Willingham.
Receivers:5/5 - Rich Rodriguez likes referring to his wide receivers as the X, Y, and Z. He can call them whatever he wants just as long as they A, B, C their way to endzone!
Offensive Line:5/5 - Stuart Schiller and Co. are lean, mean, and ready to pin all comers to the ground. And this is what I learned just while hiding in the team shower!
Defensive Line:5/5 - There hasn't been as fearsome a fella in Ann Arbor as Big Willard Campbell since Anne Coulter was stalking through the quadrangle!
Linebackers:5/5 - Last year's starters have been replaced by three mysterious guys calling themselves Mike, Will, and Sam. How Madonna!
Defensive Backs:5/5 - You can hear the whispers and feel the excitement in Ann Arbor - this is finally the year Stevie Brown breaks out! Thrillhouse Productions agrees!
As the Wolverines continue to learn Rich Rodriguez's system, fans of the Big Blue Nation in Ann Arbor can expect big things this year. Last year's 3-9 record is a thing of the past. Thrillhouse productions sees the Big Blue Wolverines finishing no worse than 11-0!
Anne Coulter is enough to scare any man away from the line. Should we give her a call? She'll be like the acid indigestion medicine the Little Giants use for intimidation. Ooooo, scary.
This preview eats the pants off the one by Phillip "The Manimal" Steel! Boffo!
Who is Stuart Schiller? I hope he's good along side Stephen Schilling
I'm really having trouble figuring out if this post is supposed to be this serious sounding to make fun of the several posts that are bound not to be serious or if this is just plain serious. I'm really hoping for the latter.
Thrillhouse is presumably Jackie Harvey's sports-obsessed brother.
Obviously not a lot of faithful readers of The Onion here.
Needs more "Item!" though.
i would file it more under Red Cedar Message Board looking for something to link to as proof all UM fans are crazy
How else can we get to 11-0 with 12 games scheduled?
Delaware State. They decide they would rather play NC A&M after all.
NC A&T. "Home of the Baddest Band in the Land," led by the drum line "Blue Steel."
Funny stuff!... Good Work..I always thought Willingham was over hyped just a little.
Bringin' back the WOOF-WOOF!!!
Dog house...erg...Big House...something about a wolverine... (Damn women sportscasters).
Is this a joke? Do I no longer understand jokes?
I had no idea this mega-bitch went to Michigan Law School. She was probably the pain in the ass who sued the university for not holding class on a snow day.
You should write for ESPN. You and one Pat Forde could bounce ideas off of each other.