Cube: Fear, Paranoia, Suspicion, Desperation in Michigan Football

Submitted by Blazefire on

A heads up: Don't ask what depths of my mind made this connection, because I don't know. But something did. Also, if you've never seen the movie Cube, SPOILERS!

September, 2008 -

Michigan fan nation awakens in an unfamiliar place. The last they remember, Lloyd Carr was being carried off the field by Jake Long, Chad Henne, Mike Hart and co as victors of the 2008 Capital One Bowl vs. Florida. Suddenly, nothing is the same.

Michigan fan nation stumbles around, looking in every room for some sign of famliarity. All the coaches are different. All the players are different. Wait... what's this? A red room? That's Utah! The start of the 2008 season! I think I know what's going on!

MIchigan fan nation was totally unprepared for what was presented. Fortunately, a few in the group soon get their bearings, and realize that if you're careful and simply look at what's in front of you, you might just survive this ... place. This Coaching change.

"Listen, we can't just go wandering around here. I looked in on the Miami-OH game down there and nearly got my head cut off."

But it turns out, even the experienced among the fanbase can't predict all the traps that will befall them.

"I wasn't expecting that face melting experience at the Toledo game."

Then, when all seems lost, a breakthrough! Perhaps we've discovered the way out of here! Perhaps we can be safe! Prime numbers, I can't believe I didn't see it before!

But... no. Hopes are dashed utterly.

Nothing makes any sense at all! The numbers on the field don't add up to any sensible answers! Somebody must be sabotaging the team. The coaches! Fire them! Get them! Kill them!

"That's right. We know this coach's type. No respect for the kids. No wins to boost you. Not a Michigan man. So we'll put a hit piece on you, stick our nose in your business."

But all is not lost! Michigan fans are still Michigan fans!

"How dare you say that about him? You don't know anything about him! Fielding Yost couldn't have led us out of here with these numbers!"

And so, we rested through a horrible, infitnite, terrifying offseason as we awaited what 2010 was to bring.

And when the season drew near, still... we had no answers. We could see what the solution was, but our players simply weren't up to it.

"It's not primes, it's factors of primes. Maybe if I had 2006's defense. I can't do it. Nobody can do it! It's astronomical!"

"Two."

Yes, our savior had arrived just in time for the 2010 season. The afterthought. The one that was nothing. The third wheel in the quarterback race... he could do the impossible. He could do the astronomical. And he can lead us from the deadly maze.

Unfortunately, that means that, as Wisconsin proved, we still have to get stabbed through the chest with a bar by Quentin, but... he has led us to the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Football
Cube Movie IS Michigan football

Comments

Vasav

November 22nd, 2010 at 8:16 PM ^

But I want to now. Does it end with Hart, Henne, Long and co. carrying Lloyd on their shoulders after a Rose Bowl victory? Because I love a happy ending.

Joined: 12/13/2009

MGoPoints: 19203

Wolfman

November 22nd, 2010 at 11:51 PM ^

This guy gets it. Thanks for the post.

Even your reference to Lloyd had to be included in that post because it's important. I'll tell you why in a bit.  The past couple of days I've been worried we might lose RR, and I thought how disastrous that would be for Michigan fans in the future as we witnessed him turning another program into a top-notch team and then began second guessing ourselves and asking, "Why didn't we wait just a bit longer."

My reading of history of RR and his coaching career tells me he's had success at every stop, although almost never immediately. I then thought of his playing on a bigger stage, many of his decisions, but always in the back of my mind was the thought of this year's offense, running behind a first year qb yet again. I thought of Dee Hart and Justice Hayes and of the receivers already on board, those rsed and those coming.  I concluded, Oh hell no. Brandon isn't going to let this guy go. He might have faced a bigger task against stronger competition than he had previously faced, but even though I was tempted to lean the other way, I thought of Oregon and finally decided  yeah he has to boost the performance on the other side of the ball, smooth out the offense a couple of degrees, but No,he's not going anywhere.  

I thought of Belotti who ran a pro-set, but prior to his retiring and taking over the job of AD, had seen the future and decided it was RR's offense, which he implemented his last two seasons, gave us Dennis Dixon, an ass-kicking in front of the home fans in AA and the hiring of a bright young coach with full understanding of the team and a roster already seet in place for success.

Hell, I even wondered about Greg. We know he can produce with talent, but this isn't the NFL. We don't have a draft. Can we attract defenders like we are offensive players? That, ultimately, will be the determining factor.

I mentioned I'd get back to Lloyd. As I said, I'm so happy you mentioned him and the players who carried him off the field. I still wonder if he was tossing RR a welcome to AA party, showing what the spread could do, albeit in this case, a passing spread with a helathy dose of AA running behind Jake Long and Mike Hart. We couldn't run the read-option, but we didn't need to. We still had our AA QB, RB and receievers. Where would you like to try and stop us Urban? Typically he would, and he opted to stop our running. He, and the young defenders were lost when we ran the spread and shred through the air. I want to think LC saw the future also and was reaching out to Rich. Afterall, he had always proven to be a kind man.

Does RR have some things to learn? Answer: A coach, like anyone else never quits learning. Is he closer today than he was in '07? Only about 90% closer. 

Not too much longer friends; not much longer at all.  

Joined: 07/23/2008

MGoPoints: 8259

maineandblue

November 23rd, 2010 at 9:23 AM ^

Blaze, I gotta say you did a bang-up job with this. Cube is one of the better "mind-f@ck/edge-of-your-seat" movies I've ever seen, and is especially impressive for being so low budget. I thought Cube 2 (hypercube, or whatever) was terrible, but for fans of Cube I highly recommend Cube Zero (the prequel). None of these films, however, are for people who need answers and endings in which loose ends are tied.

Thanks for the entertaining read!

Joined: 06/30/2008

MGoPoints: 3085