This is going to be short and a bit low on jokes and links.  I was at a wedding this weekend so had to watch the game on DVR late Sunday, but "this sucked to watch and I have better things to do than feel like crap for free" is also high on the list of reasons.

Worst:  Everything

Oh, you want more?  Fine.

Worst:  Everything, but in a video

Best (Kinda):  The First Half

I know you're sitting there saying, "BronxBlue, you picked a bad week to start crystal meth" if you think being down 21-0 constitutes a "good" half.  But honestly, UM didn't play THAT badly, at least offensively.  It became apparent pretty quickly that the offensive line's (relative) domination displayed against App. St. wasn't going to be reproduced against a more stout defense, but Gardner and co. seemed to compensate reasonably well.  They only had one 3-and-out among 4 meaningful first-half drives, and two of those drives ended in long-but-makable FGs (it looked like the second miss was due in large part to Wile's plant foot sliding out on the turf).  The other drive stalled when Gardner tried to pull back his throw as Miller was being driven back into him by Sheldon Day, resulting in a 17-yard "fumble" recovery that pinned UM deep in their own territory.  UM led ND at the half in rushing, and while the pocket wasn't great, it held up enough that Gardner wasn't running for his life and was accurate and on-point with his throws and decision-making.  It wasn't pretty, but it felt like an offense that was making some progress despite glaring issues up front.

As for the defense, feelingsball kicked in for me that first half.  Objectively, giving up 21 points without a truly short field is pretty bad, and at times it felt like there were breakdowns at every level.  At the same time, they were down Morgan before the game started, Taylor and Peppers after the opening drive, and still had question marks like Ryan out there.  On ND's first TD drive, Lewis was called for two PIs that kept the drive alive, and while there was clearly contact and he could have turned his head a bit quicker, it's also the type of aggressive behavior that teams tend to get away with when not in South Bend.  I mean, MSU was PI'ed to death last year when they played the Irish, and Notre Dame was equally as handsy on defense without incurring the wrath of the referees.  Later on, ND nearly bumbled away a punt return deep in their own territory when the ND returner tried to, I don't know, catch the ball between his legs, only to be saved by Michigan trotting out the "old school" punt formation that leads to 1 gunner trying to beat two blockers AND tackle a returner who probably has 5 yards to get going.  The last TD drive of the half had a questionable (at least in my eyes) catch for a first, and Golson made a couple of nice throws under pressure (including escaping the grasp of Clark).

My point isn't to paper over a issues in that first half, but if you had told me one team would have burned thru 2 timeouts on their opening drive, rushed for under 50 yards, and generally looked out-of-sorts to start the game, I wouldn't have expected that team to be ahead by three scores.

Worst:  Stop Burning Downs

I picked up Madden 2015 for the Xbox One when it came out, and one of the elements that has been talked about is the "balance" you should expect to see running and passing the ball.  In theory, that means EA has continued its improvements on run blocking, always the Achilles heel of the football world.  Far too often in previous editions you would try to run inside only to have guards completely flub a block, or rush outside and find 2-3 players ready to swarm at the line of scrimmage.   It's early, but it does feel like the offensive line is more cohesive, and backs are able to shed tackles and work through holes the way you'd expect them to in real life.  It isn't perfect, but at a moderate difficult I've been able to reproduce believable stats for guys like Reggie Bush and Marshawn Lynch against competent defenses.

But the other part of the offensive balance has turned out to be a regression for the passing attack, or at least a dulling of the differences between offensive and defensive players in that part of the game.  Whereas before elite receivers could catch most balls thrown their way, now I see far to many "50/50" balls between Calvin Johnson and assorted DBs going the defense's way, and beaten corners somehow discovering the rare 86th gear to catch up to my sprinting WR before he breaks free.  For the sake of appearances, it feels like the game has tried to turn the clock back to the 1980s and make the running game as essential to success as the passing attack, which flies in the fact of today's modern game.  Yes, a team needs to be able to move the ball on the ground at times, but most elite teams succeed by either throwing the ball efficiently (see the Broncos) or severely mucking up the aerial assault (see the Seahawks).

So why bring this up in the context of Michigan?  Well, in the second half I counted 15 first down plays before the final drive; UM ran 10 of those times, and it was 8 of 10 at one point.  On those runs, UM averaged a shade over a 1 yard per carry.  Mind you, at all points UM was down AT LEAST 21 points, and even when they were down 28 they just kept burning downs with meaningless runs because they didn't want to become one-dimensional or had to give sacrifice to the great football gods in the sky that feast upon inefficient offensive philosophies.

People have joked about 14-year-olds who play Madden all day being as viable offensive coordinators as the guys currently on teams, but at some point teams need to stop trying to "keep the defense honest" with plays and start keeping them honest by moving the ball successfully.  I get you want to keep Gardner healthy and not open him up to hits, but that offensive line wasn't holding up very well as the game progressed, and 2nd-and-9 or 3rd-and-7 isn't helping the offense either.  I had much preferred UM just air it out that second half, perhaps getting back on the scoreboard and forcing the defense to hold back a bit because otherwise they'd had Norfleet or Funchess running free for a touchdown.

We are now entering the rapid-fire portion of the post

Worst:  Just Pick Somebody 

I know last week I trumpeted the two-headed monster at RB, but that was contingent on, you know, both of them being good at the position.  After this game where neither Smith nor Green provided much on the ground, I think Hoke and co. should pick a back and give him the bulk of the carries to see how that shakes out.  As it is, pulling them on and off the field every series (or even between downs) doesn't do much to forge cohesion or a rhythm for the offense.  Plus, both players are similar enough to each other that you aren't getting the "lightning and thunder" element you'd see with, say, Ron Dayne and Tiki Barber back in the day for the Giants.  It's just two rumbling clouds out there, and I'd rather see one of them get a shot to run the ball 15-20 times than split carries like they have been.  Personally I think Smith is the better back right now because he seems able to consistently fall forward and get a couple of yards every down, but that's more based on a preference for shifty guys than some tangible performance.  And if one can't perform, at least you've seen a whole game of it and can either go with the other option or return to the split carries.  I'd hope with Miami coming to town and there being issues with Gardner and Funchess you'd see them try with a single-back attack, but I'm guessing we're going to see both guys splitting carries with meh results again.

Best:  Keep Throwing to Norfleet

Yes, Notre Dame starting sniffing out those WR screens and keeping an eye on Norfleet in the slot, but he brings an elusiveness to this offense that UM needs to keep teams from absolutely loading up on Funchess.  Chesson and Darboh are fine receivers, but Norfleet can pull LBs and safeties from the middle of the field when he gets the ball in space, and until Butt comes back I'd prefer him out there than an ineffective blocking TE.  He has a ceiling that will probably preclude him from being a top option in the passing game this year, but he's a true junior so you might as well roll with him while you still can.

Meh:  Pressure?

Honestly, I'm not sure what happened out there in terms of pressure from the defensive line.  You look at the box score and see some TFLs, 1 sack and a couple of QB hits and it looks like another disappointing outing for a unit that just can't seem to get to the QB against quality offensive lines.  And yet, ND was held to around 2.5 yards a carry on 28 non-QB runs, and Golson was definitely getting the ball out quickly to slow down the rush.  It still seems like it's a line of good players without a true playmaker, and in this scheme you need a line that can create havoc so that your corners and LBs are being forced to keep up with receivers for extended periods of time.  I know people want to treat this as another sign of hype being exposed, but I'm just not sure yet.

Worst:  Quarterback Controversy

Argh.  I get that people are troubled by Gardner's second-half struggles, especially two bad INTs, but this was a holistic struggle by the offense, and there is nobody on the roster at the QB position who could do any better.  Morris has an arm but he wouldn't have had time to unleash it with ND's pressure and a lacking running game.  Now, depending on Gardner's status following that late hit to end the game (why him and Funchess were still in the game is beyond me), I presume Morris will see some time, and he'll probably play fine against a bad MAC outfit.  But Gardner should be starter as long as he is able to play, not only because he's the best option today but also because it might save the next QB from getting hurt.

Worst:  Hurry Up

For weeks the word coming out from the coaches was that the offense was calling plays faster and experimenting with the crazy art of "tempo" offensively.  Well, apparently that word means something else in Indiana because far too often UM was snapping with mere seconds left on the clock.  I get that the offense is young and they are probably working from a limited playbook, but this team isn't good enough to outplay a defense that has time to react and line up based on the formation in front of them.  Even if Gardner ran up to the line and said "run that last play again" a couple of times it would at least change the pace.  This molasses-like must be coming from somewhere, but whether it's Hoke, Nussmeier, or Funk being worried about the line, it needs to stop.

Best (I guess):  This Offensive Line will get better

I know it doesn't seem like it, but the offensive line is slowly getting better.  It wasn't a great performance by any stretch, but for such a young unit the line held up decently in the first half, and even with struggles in the second half never seemed overwhelmed.  It must be remembered that they are learning a new offense without anyone really "versed" on it to guide the way, and they are doing much of this education in games.  There were some big screw-ups that I'm sure Brian will highlight in the UFR (I saw a coupe of runs where at least 1 lineman either got beat almost immediately or released way too early, messing up plays before Gardner had taken more than a step back), but this remains a unit chasing the faint light of mediocrity in the distance.  Being surprised about the pain of the journey every week is already getting old, so I'm moving past bargaining and settling into acceptance of the crap and looking for whatever sliver of silver lining might exist.

Best:  In the Land of the Blind the One-eyed man gets a good laugh

The one "positive" from the weekend as it relates to the rest of the conference season is that most of the contenders looked turrible as well.  Nebraska needed a miracle catch-and-run by Abdullah to beat Steve McNair U at home, and they might as well hand out some super-rad Hypercolor shirts for the defense because those black ones are going to stay in the closet for another year.  Ohio State and (in particular) J.T. Barrett looked hapless at times against Virginia Tech, especially a Hokie defense that, while less-than-terrifying current state compared to years past, is not the type of unit a young QB with accuracy issues wants to face.  And while MSU had the most "understandable" loss going down to Oregon out in Eugene, the fact that they crumbled in the second half and the vaunted defense yielded 28 straight points without much resistance should be troubling to Spartan fans, as well as the team's continued inability to run the ball consistently with Langford.

Further down the standings, Iowa was thisclose to losing to Brady Hoke's old team, needing to score 2 TDs in the last 3 minutes to pull it out.  Illinois struggled to put away the Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky, Purdue split its epic Mitten State Directional School battle with a thumping at the hands of CMU, Maryland needed to rally to defeat USF, and poor, poor Northwestern.  And only last week Wisconsin blew the game against LSU in the conference's other marquee OOC matchup.  Even 2-0 PSU looks vulnerable, needing a last-second FG to beat UCF in Ireland last week before struggling to put away the Yodeling Bowden's of Akron.

So while Michigan looked absolutely outclassed by Notre Dame, sadly I'm not sure they are in any worse position with respect to this conference than they were before the game.  MSU remains the class along with Wisconsin, and then there's a pretty big gap until you run into teams like OSU, Nebraska, PSU, and sorta, kinda UM.  I still expect UM to finish behind a couple of teams in the conference, but nobody looks to be a high-level team save maybe MSU in the right circumstances.  Michigan still has a long way to go before they'll be considered a good program nationally, but within this crappy league they could still stand as one of the taller midgets.

It doesn't matter.

Worst:  I'm Irish; Where's my Luck?

Now, like a lot of Michiganders I have a fair bit of Irish heritage, in my case a couple grandparents who came to America directly from Éire.  I was raised an Irish Catholic, celebrated St. Patrick's Day with corn beef and cabbage, loved both Roy and Robbie Keane,  and was constantly reminded how lucky I was to not be a fine gentleman's pair of boots or a nourishing meal.  And so in addition to being the butt of jokes about crippling alcoholism and an inability to tan, I've heard about the apparent "luck" of my people and the power of a clover.  And yet, as long as I've been a Michigan fan this good luck never seems to apply when my team plays Notre Dame.  In one of those apparent contradictions, like when both teams pray to the same higher power to bring them a victory, the fact that Notre Dame decided to call themselves the somewhat-derogatory "Fighting Irish" instead of the "Slamming Shamrocks" or "Proto Bonos" apparently trumps all other talismans or heritage.

I understand that homefield advantage is a real thing, especially in college football, and teams do tend to play better at home than away.  And that advantage can sometimes manifest itself in atypical ways, such as being a fraction of a second closer in coverage, downing a punt at the 1 yard line, or a rabid crowd subconsciously influencing the referees.  I don't even know where I'm going with this except to say that I'm worried the Denard used up all of our luck a couple of years ago.

Worst:  There Ain't Nobody Better

I'll be frank: I don't think Brady Hoke should be let go after this season unless it becomes clear that the team is just spiraling out of control (and looking at the schedule, that seems unlikely).  This sentiment isn't because I have some long-standing love for the guy or his performance so far at UM (I was down on his initial hire, and while he seems like a good guy and a competent coach he's not going to set the world on fire), but because I don't see anyone out there who is going to improve Michigan's situation appreciably.  UM isn't a "destination" anymore when it comes to college football, at least not in the way that elite programs are.  It has so much baggage and so many masters to please that unless you are an alum or a masochist (or in the case of Jim Harbaugh, both), it doesn't seem worth it to suffer through a bunch of 3-4 loss seasons and get pilloried by a dysfunctional media and an absent-minded athletic department.  It's a once-proud program that isn't a destination anymore, one that is going to bristle when a veteran coach tries to impose his will on the institution and severely retard the rocket attached to the back of an up-and-coming coach.

When you are the coach of the Wolverines, you have to keep the old generation happy AND compete in a college football landscape that has moved well beyond Bo's glory years and the 1997 championship team.  There is a vocal minority of this fanbase looking at this team from deep within their own colons, expecting it to be elite because of the block M and the ghosts of Yost without acknowledging that what used to work simply doesn't anymore.  They look at RR and his "gimmick" offense as a fad, not a lottery ticket that didn't hit the jackpot but should have encouraged UM to buy another ticket for the next drawing.

Brady Hoke is trying his best; he hired a good defensive coordinator, made a switch from an unpopular offensive coordinator sooner than most expected, and continues to recruit well given the team he inherited and the recent struggles.  But he's not going to drag UM back to the pinnacle of the sport, and that's okay for now.  UM isn't anywhere close to competing with the elite teams in this country consistently; they just need to start winning games and keeping pace with the other squads in the conference.  Hoke has a ceiling, and that is a team that wins 9-10 games a year and can hang with anyone in the B1G and most other non-elite teams OOC.  Once he hits that ceiling, though, it is probably time to replace him with a coach who can take that good squad and make it great.*

So replacing him now simply weakens a team with real holes, creates another coaching search that will inevitably end badly, and probably impede the one thing Hoke has consistently done, which is recruit good players to the school.  In a cold, transactional nature of internet coaching, Hoke is the guy who gets you back to the level at which you can get The Next Guy, and that's why trying to start over AGAIN with a new coach doesn't make sense.

*A good analogy is Doug Collins in basketball; he coached the Bulls when Michael Jordan was just starting to come into his own in the league, then was replaced by Phil Jackson when the Bulls were prepared to make the leap to elite

Meh:  What's Next?

Got me.  They'll probably win against Miami and Utah, and then the conference season kicks off.  OSU is a trainwreck but it's still so far in the future that they're bound to be competent by the time UM visits Columbus.  MSU looks vulnerable but not to this offense, and with injuries mounting the defense probably won't be disruptive enough to slow down MSU's attack.  PSU still has holes that good teams can exploit, and while UM still can't seem to handle tempo all that well IU's defense isn't going to be able to bottle up Funchess and co. if everyone is healthy.  It still feels like there are 2-3 losses waiting for this team, but Notre Dame is probably a bit better than everyone expected with Golson at the helm, and while it wouldn't have mattered overall UM probably left 7-10 points on the field.  I'm sticking to my 8-4 prediction, but it's not going to be a fun ride.