The Woolfolk Hangover, or: Bohemian Crapsody
SO DID EVERYONE HAVE FUN LAST NIGHT CAN I GET A HELL YEA
YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH GIVE ME A FUCKIN' OTTER
GET PUMPED IT'S AUGUST AND HENRI'S ALREADY OUT IT'S GOING TO BE A HELL OF A FALLLLLLLLLL
THE DEPTH CHART AT CORNER
1. DONOVAN WARREN
2. TROY WOOLFOLK
3. TLOY WOORFORK
4. JUSTIN TURNER
5. DEMAR DORSEY
6. BOUBACAR CISSOKO
7. THIS GUY FRUITLESSLY CHASING A 235 POUND INDIANA FRESHMAN (NOT THE WHITE ONE)
8. THIS GUY WHO TILTS HIS HEAD IN A NON-CONFIDENCE INSPIRING WAY
9. RICHARD NIXON
10. SOME OTHER FRESHMEN, THIS ONE A QUARTERBACK
11. AND THIS ONE SPORTING A NAME CONFUSINGLY SIMILAR TO THAT OF HIS BROTHER, WHO IS 249 POUNDS AND WILL PROBABLY BE PLAYING THE SAME POSITION THIS FALL
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHICH HATS ARE UGLY YET
12. NIXON AGAIN
13. JAMES ROGERS
…WAIT, SERIOUSLY, SAMMY DAVIS JUNIOR?
August 18th, 2010 at 1:17 PM ^
While I understand your concerns, it wasn't like good passing attacks weren't going to dice this secondary up anyway. Listen, I like TWolf as much as anyone, but he wasn't going to be the next Marlin Jackson, Leon Hall, or even Donovan Warren - he was probably our best DB, but not the type of shut-down corner that can take away part of the field. f this defense improves this season, it will be because of improved tackling by the LBs, continued DL development, and consistency at the DC position.
And let's not get carried away about UConn (they might have a veteran QB but throwing the ball has never been UConn's strength) ND (new QB, new offense, early season game), Iowa (Stanzi was average last year and they lost some offensive weapons including the TE), and Purdue (sounds like Marve is struggling).
August 18th, 2010 at 1:23 PM ^
It may be like last year, but it won't be last year. Warren and Cissoko are gone.
It's tough for Woolfolk -- if it's not career-ending he'll be back next year, and if it is, I hope he's a graduate assistant next year, and follows Rich as head coach in 2033.
Three of the replacements are unknowns. I see that as a good thing. You never know. At least they aren't Turner, who the coaches presumably found wanting last year. To repeat -- this year isn't last year.
August 18th, 2010 at 1:27 PM ^
you gotta help the party get back to its groovy roots!
August 18th, 2010 at 1:29 PM ^
Seriously, the negativity is annoying and not funny. Yes, corner is screwed. It was screwed last year and we were still less than 10 points from a bowl game so excuse me if I'd like a little positivity with my doom.
August 18th, 2010 at 1:29 PM ^
Who is number 3 on this list?
August 18th, 2010 at 1:32 PM ^
Losing Woolfolk definitely hurts here, because he was a decent tackler, quick and good on runs support.
I think was under no illusion that Michigan's secondary would be bad this fall. They would get torched this fall on a regular basis against the pass. So what I've been most worried about is Michigan's inability the last 3 years to stop anyone on the ground for 4 quarters. UConn, Notre Dame, Indiana, MSU and Iowa will be great early tests for Michigan's run defense this fall. Forcing opponents to throw might yield unhappy results (50+ yrd TD bombs) at times, but a defense unable to stop the run (and the clock) is much worse IMO.
But the Michigan pass defense? We sort of knew that was gonna suck this year, didn't we?
August 18th, 2010 at 3:53 PM ^
We knew it was going to be bad, but we were guardedly hoping that it might be better than last year, that more experiance across the board would make up for the loss of Warren. Now it's looking increasingly like it's going to be even worse than last year. And last year's secondary was easily the difference between a winning season + bowl game and what we ended up with.
August 18th, 2010 at 1:34 PM ^
in the face of this absurdity. That was a classic summary of the CB depth chart.
August 18th, 2010 at 1:35 PM ^
Yikes.
August 18th, 2010 at 1:38 PM ^
Can we get Brown and Hollowell up here now please? /s
August 18th, 2010 at 1:46 PM ^
It doesn't look good. But that's why they play the game. The time for crying will come in February ... ok, or in January, or in December, or in November. BUT no earlier than November 1st, at least, please.
August 18th, 2010 at 1:47 PM ^
I was just cleaning our back room and accidently knocked my banjo over which fell into a heavy full length mirror leaning against the wall which prompted the mirror to crash down on me breaking all over the floor and badly scratching the entirity of my torso.
And I don't even care.
August 18th, 2010 at 2:25 PM ^
Hopefully for you and not Wolverines football. No offense to you.
August 18th, 2010 at 1:59 PM ^
That is so sad, we could've had so much talent in the secondary and yet we are where we are... oh yeah,. and Witty would also be on that list
August 18th, 2010 at 2:09 PM ^
I went from really depressed to laughing my butt off at the "official depth chart" by Brian. Great stuff!
August 18th, 2010 at 2:13 PM ^
Angry Michigan BLANK Hating God: It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told.
GunnersApe: Mister... my heart can't take anymore offseason drama. Whatever ransom you're askin' for, I'll pay it.
Angry Michigan BLANK Hating God: It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
[to his dog, Precious]
Angry Michigan BLANK Hating God: Yes, it will, Precious, won't it? It will get the hose!
GunnersApe: Okay... okay... okay. Mister, if you let me go, I won't - I won't make fun of Sparty I promise. See, my team is a real important to me... I guess you already know that.
Angry Michigan BLANK Hating God: Now it places the lotion in the basket.
GunnersApe: Please! Please I wanna a winning season! I winning season please!
Angry Michigan BLANK Hating God: It places the lotion in the basket.
GunnersApe: I wanna see my mommy! Please I wanna see my...
Angry Michigan BLANK Hating God: Put the fucking lotion in the basket!
August 18th, 2010 at 2:18 PM ^
Took me a moment, but well played. Creepy, but well played.
August 18th, 2010 at 2:22 PM ^
From the point of view of:
PESSIMIST: Half-empty
OPTIMIST: Half-full
LEAN SIX SIGMA BLACK BELT: Glass is too big
BRIAN COOK: My glass fell on the fuckin' floor and broke.
August 18th, 2010 at 3:41 PM ^
...will look at the glass and drink what it contains. Time to move on and make the best of what is offered.
August 18th, 2010 at 7:50 PM ^
Oh no! Suck it out of the shag! (If this is beer we're talking about.)
August 18th, 2010 at 2:45 PM ^
As long as Nixon stays healthy we might be ok.
August 18th, 2010 at 3:18 PM ^
Hello: Doran Grant
If this kid sees this post and Michigan has a decent season, he has to be bound for Michigan. He'll get a shitload of playing time in his frosh-season.
August 18th, 2010 at 3:25 PM ^
The goddamn plane has crashed into the mountain!
August 18th, 2010 at 4:29 PM ^
The man loved college football and had a very high college football IQ.* My one concern is that JoePa will keep calling pass plays to his side of the field to get his revenge for 1969.
*--In Horns, Hogs, and Nixon's Coming, Nixon attended the showdown between Texas and Arkansas in December 1969 and was interview at halftime by Chris Schenkel. Nixon was well known for being a football fan, but Schenkel said he was actually very surprised at how well briefed Nixon was on what he felt Arkansas and Texas would need to do in the second half to win. If we can't get Gerald Ford (out of eligibility), Nixon would be a good second choice.**
**--Yes, I have completely lost my mind and have resorted to historical bargaining.
August 18th, 2010 at 4:52 PM ^
God. Damn. It.
August 18th, 2010 at 5:13 PM ^
PS. Christian Cullen predicted he'd be starting...
"The opportunity up there's great," Christian said. "I’m going to come up there and I’m going to start. They told me I got an opportunity to come up and play, but I’m going to come up there, I'm going to start. I'm going to come up there and work hard, do whatever I got to do to get on the field and I'm going to help Michigan out." - Thanks Brian (great recruiting piece, btw...).
August 18th, 2010 at 5:32 PM ^
Season's over already. No D can survive this, let alone one that was collectively shaky at all positions to begin with.
Unfortunately, this seals the deal for RichRod's tenure at UM, which bums me out b/c he's going in the exact direction they need to go in at the pace to be expected. In other words, the transition we've dealt w/ the last two years was a foregone, sucky conclusion before it happened. But the long-term payoff would be great if allowed to bear fruit -- and better than what we've had at UM for decades.
That experiment may as well be over. if we can hook Harbaugh, then maybe we have a chance not to suck in five years.
Sorry for the pessimism. I'm as bummed as anyone about this.
August 19th, 2010 at 12:30 AM ^
Nixon for CB in '10 - Tanned, Rested, Ready!
August 19th, 2010 at 11:40 AM ^
If JT. Floyd has improved as much as the coaches said and if Cullen Christian can have a Donovan Warren like freshman year we could have average starter play. I just hope Courtney Avery and James Rogers can bring at least serviceable play in nickel and dime packages.
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