Unheralded genius. If there's one thing I learned from weather-apocolypse movies, it's to never underestimate North Korea's nuclear warhead experiments on the earth's core making pteradactyls lighter than hummingbirds and more explosive than "meteors".
This Week in the Twitterverse
For the sake of helping to bring all the good stuff to the fore, we're going to start using the hashtag #MGoTWIT. If you see anything particularly noteworthy (or, more realistically, scornworthy), tag it with that hashtag and the internet hamsters will stop by to collect it. As always, feel free to send any TWIT-worthy content to @Bry_Mac.
Hoosier (Can No Longer Become a) Daddy
On Tuesday night, Michigan State faced off with Indiana in East Lansing. It was a matchup of Top 5 teams with serious implications for the Big Ten regular season title, as well as NCAA seeding and the overall future of mankind. Blah blah blah LET'S TALK ABOUT THE GROIN-PUNCH. Late in the 4th quarter, Cody Zeller threw an elbow to the nether-region of Derrick Nix en route to the bucket. Nix was displeased because, and I quote, "mmmmmnnnnnggggguuuuurrggggggghhhh [/labored breathing]." So shortly thereafter when Nix was defending Zeller in the post, this happened:
Congratulations Cody Zeller, you have joined the same exclusive club as Brian Cook's soul, Corey Liuget, and 80% of America's Funniest Home Videos participants. The video evidence is pretty damning, so let's consider how Sparty might respond:
DOOR NUMBER ONE: Blame the victim
Some believe that Zeller did this to himself; he pulled Nix's hand into his own manflesh in an attempt to draw a foul. [ED-S: Must include gif:
This is an interesting take on the classic "quit hitting yourself" employed by older brothers everywhere, but I'm not sure I buy it. For one thing, that's not a very effective way to draw a flagrant call; it's just too difficult to expect a ref to see that. Moreover, can anyone point to any time ever that someone hit himself in the dangly bits? Have you ever encountered a moment in your life when you thought to yourself, "if I can just rack myself in the huevos right now, everything will work out." The theory doesn't pass the smell test, and I think this is one of those situations where slow motion muddies the water a bit; remember when Michigan fans were all saying that Watford shoved GRIII's arm when GRIII decked Hulls, but a better angle showed that to be inaccurate? I think this is that. But I suppose the video COULD (through bleary, homer-tastic eyes) support that theory. So let's look at...
[After the thing where you do the JUMPING]
DOOR NUMBER TWO: It wasn't THAT bad
The theory is, "sure, he MAY have been popped in the potatoes, but it wasn't that bad; Zeller just flopped on contact." And I can see this argument coming from the women out there who are unfamiliar with this particular field, but speaking on behalf of the men (and statistically speaking, if you are reading this article you are male) this is a tough sell. Remember that time your 4-year-old niece cracked you in the jingle bells? Do you remember how you reacted? Now imagine your 4-year-old niece is Derrick Nix (I believe this to the be the first time that sentence has ever existed). Besides, any guy will tell you that for initial reaction purposes it doesn't matter how hard you get hit. Your first reaction is pure instinct; stick butt out, make the face from Munch's "The Scream," grab self with both hands, fall over. Hans Moleman demonstrates the proper form here.
DOOR NUMBER THREE: You're goddamn right I ordered the Code Red.
A small but bold group picture Nix as Col. Nathan R. Jessup:
Son we live in a world that has centers and those centers have to be guarded by guys with giant posteriors. Who's gonna do it, you? You, Jordan Hulls? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Zeller and you curse the nut-tap. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that while Zeller's reaux chambeaux, while tragic, probably saved buckets. And my post presence, while lumbering and violative of the man-code to you, saves buckets. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about on message boards, you WANT me on those balls. You NEED me on those balls.
So let's see where Sparty goes with this. Will it be Door #1, Door #2, or... oh, damnit, you're going with the Mystery Box aren't you.
(h/t Charlie Murphy)
Sure it cost them three couches and a dumpster, but can you blame them? After all, who could resist the call of the Mystery Box?
Yo, David, Can I Borrow Your Panic Button?
I think I’ve figured out how Brady Hoke and Co. are recruiting so well. I imagine a number of conversations going something like this:
Son, what if I told you you could make hundreds… nay, thousands… of grown men flip sh*t at your whim? Sounds like fun, right? Well, commit to play for us, and I will give you this magic wand that will allow you to cause a freak-out whenever you feel like it. Heck, there's even a competition every year to see who can cause the biggest kerfluffle with the least effort. Last year's winner was David Dawson, who sent MGoBlog into a tizzy for three days by tweeting a frowny face.
Case in point: last week Michael Ferns tweeted that he had a little surprise:
…which of course prompted not one but two 175+ comment threads on this here weblog and countless tweets. People both here and on Twitter came up with pretty much every guess possible, including a new commit, new facilities, new jerseys, a new commit, a night game, a new non-conference opponent, a new conference member, a new commit, Devin Gardner’s redshirt, a new commit, or a new commit. All of these made perfect sense, of course, because if Georgia Tech was joining the Big Ten, the guy to announce it would be a high school junior.
By now everyone knows about Ferns’ #Project135… but maybe his surprise is that he’s making T-shirts AND THERE IS A NEW COMMIT???
Northwestern Does Technology Things
Wednesday was Social Media Day for Northwestern basketball as they took on Wisconsin. Northwestern had a bunch of social media-related tie-ins, such as encouraging people to follow the basketball team's Twitter account (@NUMensBball), encouraging people to visit their Facebook page, and encouraging people to use their hashtag and to mention them on Instagram. Now, you might be thinking to yourself, "gee, this sounds a lot like every event held by every team, corporation, organization, and girl scout troop everywhere since like 2008." And you'd be right, but there were two things that made this night totally different and social media-y. The first is that Northwestern placed a hashtag on the ball:
Northwestern is full of some pretty bright people, but it seems that no one though to himself, "gee, I wonder if anyone will even be able to see this tiny little hashtag on the fastest moving and most rapidly rotating thing in the entire sport." That's kinda like selling ad space on the side walls of a NASCAR tire, though they didn't have a lot of other options because the NCAA frowns on jersey hashtags and only a monster would mess with the resplendent Grimace portrait that is the floor of Welsh-Ryan Arena.
It's the other special tie-in, though, that makes Peggy sad. Billed as a Networking Night, Northwestern held an event featuring "ESPN Sports Business Reporter and Northwestern alum" Darren Rovell's presentation entitled "Standing Out in the Digital Crowd." And if nothing else, Darren Rovell does know how to stand out in the digital crowd by finding the quantifiable financial angle in all things (or, as one recent article put it, by "commodify the human experience"), usually in a manner that fails to recognize the concept of a "bigger picture." To wit:
Yup, Darren, that was the takeaway from that event. Did you ever wonder why you don't hear reporters at murder trials calling out to the defendant, "WHO ARE YOU WEARING? YOU LOOK FABULOUS!!!" Rovell has been following the plight of Pistorus’ sponsors closely in the past week, which is important because like most people I am gravely concerned about the effect of this young woman’s death on Nike.
Deep Thoughts with Jose Canseco
Not to be a downer, but I need to take a moment and address two serious issues. The first is meteors, or at least what so-called 'scientists' want you to believe about meteors (reminder: tweets appear in reverse-chronological order, so read from the bottom for full wisdom):
The second, of course, is the truth about gravity.
Everyone laughed when Canseco was all "everyone is on steroids." But who's laughing now? Not the dinosaurs, that's for damn sure.
for the first time in probably a month just to upvote. You should get a bonus for frist, too.
Jose Canseco is an absolute genius.
With Canseco apparently being an expert in physics, I'd like to see him describe magnets to ICP.
I want to hear about the creation of matter necessary for all this new gravity we have nowadays. C'mon Jose. Enquiring minds wanna know!
In Conseco's defense, we wouldn't need to have more matter (but I think you meant mass) to have higher gravity if the size of Earth was smaller, which he discusses in one of his tweets where he says the surface is closer to the core than it was before.
I'm not saying I agree with him, but if the mass of Earth remained the same but it just became more dense over time (meaning the distance from the core to the surface was significantly less) than our gravity would have increased.
But we're talking TINY orders of magnitude. Besides, there is no reason that the density of the Earth after 4.5 billion years would be any different than the density after an additional .065 billion years.
I think Canseco meant since most of the surface land was on one side of the earth, that the core was farther towards the other surface to keep a balanced rotation, causing the core to be farther from the surface, thus less gravity felt. But I think he's forgetting that there is still land beneath the water, and the difference in land mass throughout earth's surface wouldn't be enough to cause the core to move away from the center.
I'm not saying it's likely, I was simply refuting the above poster's implication that the Earth needed to gain matter to increase surface level gravity, and that's not true.
Where is Jose Canseco when you need him.
Can I be Jose Canseco?
Yes, if the earth became smaller, surficial gravity felt would increase, but not by very damned much. Certainly not enough to change how well those giant leather birds fly. I'm fairly sure that Jose meant that ....never mind...can't get into his head.
and yes, I thought about using "mass", as in "conservation of", but didn't in order to avoid controversy. See how well it worked out.
.... I can easily picture Rick Mahorn pulling some guy's arm into his privates to draw a foul. And if Mahorn could do it so could Zeller.
Even though I read "Mahorn" my brain said "Moranis" and made this comment hilarious.
Jose Canseco + steriods = genius
Do the math!
I would pay a lot of money to watch a show where Jose Canseco develops scientific theories.
What do you think of having Gary Busey as a co-host to delve into the moral and philosophical implications of Jose's theories?
Yes. I nominate Big Katz for co-host.
The flame on that couchfire looks like it is Tebowing.
... alert the grilled-cheese-Jesus and Virgin-Mary-in-anything nutjobs!
Now I have to spend a significant portion of my day actually considering the random thoughts of Jose Canseco. Specifically, what internet blog did he find his theories on? Because there is no way he came up with that lucid a theory by himself.
Am I the only Michigan fan who sees that Zeller DID do that to himself and then overreacted since he got hit in the belly button?
I have a coworker (a reasonable guy) who doesn't any other possible explanation OTHER than Zeller doing this to himself. I remain sceptical.
And even better if you read the Door Number 2 part about the niece in Matthew McConaughey's voice...
"Now imagine if she was Nix!"
Whether he did it himself or not...I am right there with you that it seems like he didn't even get hit in the groin at all, when I heard all of the hooplah around this I was expecting something much more damning.
groin, or that he was just hit? Second, it appears to me that Zeller has ahold of Nix above the elbow, which would make it hard to direct Nix's fist, maybe his elbow, but not his fist.
Zeller looks like he was barely touched. Then he does a huge wussy flop act to try and get the foul. Furthermore, am I the only one who's noticed the "wussification" of college basketball officiating through the continued stopping of play to review video everytime someone gets even slightly dinged? C'mon! This is Big Ten mens basketball - not some sort of nursery school playtime. Shit's going to happen. Let 'em play. Now, get off my lawn!
It's the little things that make this column great
I don't know how to embed, but take a look at this larger video of the play. I think Zeller does pull Nix's arm into him. It's entirely possible that Zeller meant to pull Nix's arm into his body to cause a foul but didn't mean to hit himself in the junk in the process...Look at Nix's hand. It's limp the whole time. It would be odd to strike someone with no tension in your hand at all. Also, to me, Nix also looks down as if he's not sure what just happened. Further, the refs took a look at it and didn't think it was flagrant. That's only an appeal to authority, sure, but it shows that you don't have to be a homer to think that Nix didn't initiate the contact, as the refs surely would have called a flagrant if they thought he'd hit Zeller in the beans.
Wow. That certainly looks a lot like Zeller smacking himself in the nuts with Nix's hand. I guess it's possible that Nix took a shot at him and Zeller's hand just happened to be on his arm at the time, but I don't think so.
It does look like Zeller flexes his arm as the motion occurs, which would indicate that he initiated said motion. Still speculation, but I think it's fair to say that you can't 100% put this on Nix.
Generally, I side with the team not coached by Tom Creen.
In other news, I just wasted 2 minutes of my life.
IU's assistant coaches yell and make hand gestures when an opposing player is shooting a three near their bench. I've noticed it multiple times in multiple games.
Keeping the hand limp and using the back of it to strike is how the instructors hit people in the stomach during military resistance training. It doesn't necessarily hurt but it does get your attention, if you get hit in the privates with it, I imagine it hurts. I don;t think the foul was flagrant, but citing the hand being limp isn't that helpful of a data point.
First time I have seen that where it looked pretty clear what actually transpired. If Zeller did elbow Nix in the privates earlier, that makes it easier to believe he was hoping to get an edge with this. Really puts a whole new light on the incident.
for that. Wonder how long the dude in red writhed in agony. Was a gurney necessary?
I find that the flopping/writhing/lamenting-the-tragic-loss-of-life only adds to the sport's entertainment value. It's hilarious sometimes to hear the announcers try to stifle their laughter sometimes when they watch the replay.
But they had that spray handy, so it was fine.
If I recall correctly, #13 got red-carded, so this little charade worked. I think the league (somewhere in Central or South America) later suspended #7 for flopping.
Zeller reminds me of the gym teacher from Beavis & Butthead . . . "KICK ME IN THE JIMMY!"
Side note from the zeller clip....why do Michigan State players always feel the need to slap the floor?
If slapping the backboard after a dunk is a technical foul, should slapping the floor not be the same?
"Last year's winner was David Dawson, who sent MGoBlog into a tizzy for three days by tweeting a frowny face."
I got a pretty dirty look from the sales staff at my work for, what probably seemed to them, me laughing at their presence in the room...
Great post and excellent choice for your closer. Jose Conseco is a treasure.
I also think the debate about the Nix/Zeller nut punch is irrelevant because there is no doubt we should be enjoying the MSU reaction.
Great pull on the Few Good Men reference, well done sir, well done indeed.
Is that clear? Crystal!
You can refer to me as Judge or Your Honor. I'm quite sure that I have earned it.
As a Spartain, I wonder if Nix quoted Theron, "This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this" before the nut punch.