And this is why I don't have a twitter account.
Last Wednesday was National Signing Day, which is a big day for unbalanced Twitter users everywhere. I had originally planned to dedicate this week’s entire TWIT to the scores of unstable fans who didn’t get what they wanted from Recruiting Claus. But after sifting through the charred remnants of the interweb, I opted to just share with you a small share of this Cornucopia of Derp. I’d like to leave you with at least SOME hope that the world is a fine place and worth fighting for.
Exhibit A: Vonn Bell
Bell was a five-star safety who had narrowed down his choices to Ohio State and Tennessee. Reports started filtering out on Wednesday morning that Bell would be attending Tennessee, which made it even more awkward for Vols fans when Bell subsequently chose the Buckeyes. Hilarity did NOT ensue in Knoxville.
Exhibit B: Robert Nkemdiche
Nkemdiche’s recruitment was both wild and well documented. However, by signing day most observers expected him to choose Ole Miss. So you’d think that when he DID choose Ole Miss, people would take it in stride, right? Please? Just this once?
Yeah, that wasn’t a high-probability event.
Seriously though… who are these sick people? Someone actually typed the words “Nkemdiche moms a fat walrus,” without a) noticing the glaring grammatical errors, and b) thinking “I am terrible at not being a terrible person.” We’ve all run across some players we’ve disliked on an unreasonably personal level, but for most of us spines and knees are off-limits even in the deepest recesses of our collective lizard brains. SEC, SEC, SEC.
We're only about six weeks into 2013, but the Creepy Tweet of the Year competition may be over before it really even began.
If you don't recognize the recipient, good for you (having a mental list of recruits' Twitter handles is one of the signs that you have a problem). It's Malik McDowell, all-everything DE from Detroit, who is rumored to be favoring Michigan and Notre Dame. The sender is a Notre Dame blogger. Remember a few months ago when Brian was complaining that there really aren't any good Notre Dame blogs? Yeah, this. It's this guy and Damefan1.
Dealer's choice as to where to focus your horrified bemusement: a blogger actively courting a recruit for a school, someone trying to get a minor to attend a certain school by promising him sex, or the rather obvious (given the language and the overwhelming whiteness of the ND student body) racial implications. I mean, I suppose there is a chance that this guy is telling McDowell that Notre Dame needs a saxophone player to back up Randy Watson. After all, what was the name of the fast-food joint in Coming to America? That's right. McDowell's:
Their buns have sesame seeds. My buns have no seeds.
Whew. Glad there's a reasonable and NOT COMPLETELY DEPLORABLE explanation for this message.
Michigan played some basketball this week. It did not go well. PROOF:
This was just a small sampling of the responses to the Wisconsin and MSU games. Among the ideas that I saw floated were:
There were more, but these were the most reasonable.
This was a big week for former Michigan athletes in social media. Desmond Howard (@DesmondHoward) kicked things off with a spat with Chadd Scott (@ChaddScott), a radio host from Jacksonville. The website Awful Announcing put together a comprehensive recap of the confrontation, but it boiled down to this:
Mr. Scott is arguing that Desmond got his spot on Gameday because of his Heisman, which is probably partly true. But was that really the "easy path"? Winning a Heisman is only an easier path when the other options are “Earn Congressional Medal of Honor,” “Win Nobel Prize,” and “defeat Contra after 11 beers.” But beyond that, how many Heisman winners have been able to parlay their win into a successful announcing career? Doug Flutie and Eddie George do some college football analysis, and Tim Brown pops up here and there, but that's about it. Besides, it’s tough to argue that ESPN doles out Gameday jobs based solely on previous success in athletics; Lee Corso was 41–68–2 as a coach at Indiana, and Kirk Herbstreit wasn’t exactly a beacon of glory at OSU.
Speaking of untenable arguments, O HAI THERE Braylon Edwards:
Braylon’s brother, Berkley Edwards, is a speedy little running back who could be described as a poor man’s Dennis Norfleet. But Michigan just moved their ACTUAL Dennis Norfleet to cornerback [/pours a little out for Brian]. So being all “OMG Michigan needed this guy” is a tough sell. Besides, Minnesota was (probably) Edwards’ only committable BCS offer. He had an offer from Iowa pulled, and his Cal offer was on hiatus because of a coaching change. So it wasn’t as if Michigan was the only guy not courting this kid. We’ll always have Michigan State ‘04, Braylon. Now please sit down.
Finally, Wednesday brought us a less-than-civil war between Anthony Wright (@ItsAntWright) and ESPN commentator and professional quasi-troll Dan Dakich (@DanDakich). Wright started things, sort of, by tweeting “Shut up Dakich” during the Game That Never Happened But Nevertheless Pains My Soul. The next day, Dakich unleashed the fury:
There are a couple of things to notice here. First, Wright didn’t use Dakich’s Twitter handle in his tweet, and Dakich doesn’t follow Wright. So to see that tweet, Dakich had to search for his own name, which is indicative of a combination of narcissism and confrontationalism (IT’S A WORD). Second, and more interestingly, is how quickly and personally Dakich struck back. Calling someone “the biggest underachiever n the history of Michigan hoops” who “dog[ged] it thru games” is pretty harsh. But then, after some back and forth, things got downright bitchy.
Yeppers, that’s an ESPN analyst calling a former player and current high school coach fat, lazy, and illiterate. Dakich is usually pretty curt on Twitter (he tends to call people dumb), but this is a different level even for him. He’s one step away going full-on Dean Wormer. I personally think that Dakich is among the better pure analysts in college basketball 85% of the time, but he spends 10% of his time trolling as hard as one can troll. The other 5% is largely unintelligible, but seems to be about a lighthouse.
And this is why I don't have a twitter account.
And this is why I have a twitter account.
After reading these, I almost think everyone on this blog should get a twitter account so that we can self-police any stupid comments from our fan base and call them out as they arise.
Twitter, while amusing at times - is the devil. I seriously want to punch every owner of those Michigan "fan" tweets square in the face. I was to inflict harm to my hand on those individuals skulls. It would take me away from MGoBlog for a month or so, but it would be worth it.
And those fans that linked our players. They get a foot to the chest "THIS. IS. SPARTA!" style.
I hate these types of people. GTFO - forever.
I think Herm will agree with me when I say that the days before social media were much less annoying. It was enjoyable not knowing was A--hole Johnson in Effyou, Idaho thought about anything, let alone college sports. Giving 99% of the population a national voice was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea.
And what's just as frustrating to me is that there is no turning back. It's not going to fade or become outdated.
Oh well. #getoffhislawn
I am all for this. I wonder if there is a way to check to see if those idiot Michigan twitter "fans" are on this blog
as a really healthy thing. It suggests that in general we as a community have some standards, and that we're willing to push back against some of the stupid.
I wonder if we couldn't set up a page here where we document the Dakich and other stupidy--create a little bit of a court of sane public opinion. Did the guy ever apologize to GRIII?
I realize that twitter sometimes brings news and interesting observations from interesting people. The problem with it for me it the narcissism at the very heart of it--the notion that other people will be interested in your every burp, fart, and trip to buy new underwear. No--this is why we once had editors, and sober meditation before we said things.
...I had to delete my twitter account because of the high volume of meaningless confrontation. It would suck me in and I'd look just as stupid..
Did anyone else catch Dakich wandering off on some comment about the Minnesota Vikings near the end of the first half of the game that never happened but nevertheless pains your soul (and mine)? It was almost painfully obvious that he was reading twitter or something on his phone DURING A PLAY in a game he was a live commentator for (!!!). Tirico tried hard to cover for him, but even Tirico was stumped on that one (he redirected half-heartedly about Matthew Stafford being in attendance). And then a few plays later he turns around with some really salient analysis of how MSU is playing defense. If you're ESPN, how do you fire this guy? And yet, how do you not fire this guy?
It was because Dakich presumably saw an ad for the History channel show "Vikings." For whatever reason he started talking about the Minnesota Vikings and the NFC North. So while not on his phone, he was making himself sound pretty dumb.
I wish some of those people tweeting those terrible things to high schoolers could direct there tweets towards Dan Dakich.
Chadd Scott should learn how to spell his own name before he attacks anyone else. He sounds like he should be a character on Sanford and Son.
...myopic contributors on mgoblog like those Michigan "fans" on twitter. :)
Ben Byerly and Edward L. Smith will not be receiving Festivus cards from me next year.
Something must have gone terribly wrong with the tweets you selected because I actually understand them.
Usually for me they read something like "biddlebop....##? amen bro-cow. It's all &&&&& and then !!!!! befo going all ?*%$#@!. Suzzurp dog and out."
I don't understand "twitter," either. It's a new generation of narcissism that the kids and those who think themselves important have. It used to be that if you were going to say this stuff to anyone you would go up to them and say it, and then fist fight them if they didn't like it. The internet has turned people into "macho men tough guys" even though you bet your ass I could still whoop them in a game of face punch.
Hi! Are you related to Herm, by any chance?
First of all, fantastic name, sir.
Second, I agree with everything you just said and I'm only 26. Twitter is full of clown shoes. These people that claim to be "professionals" are tweeting idiotic diatribes of 140 characters or less, ad nausem. Politicians (tweeting when they're supposed to be in session), university athletic directors (see Staee's dufus AD tweets), you name it. BAH!
There's just as many interesting people to follow who post good things. As long as you don't follow those fools you never have to hear that stuff. I was very happy that none of the people I followed mentioned the State of the Union address once.
Oh, and you're right in that Twitter allows you to follow some people you think are interesting. The problem is that those people usually just Twat about stupid things. We don't need to know that they are currently brusing their teeth or that they met a nice person in the airport security line. One of my family members twatted about how much she loves her husband. Great. Good for you. Hey, guess what? The sky is blue! Now go f-ck yourself.
It's just a broadcast platform. Quite simple really. As if giving everybody their own TV station. And you can choice who to follow. Professional writers, comedians, businesses, etc are good. Teenagers, who generally have nothing to say, not so good.
I guess it is human nature that for some reason, many people who have nothing to say are compelled to say whatever is on their mind. I can't fathom who is compelled to follow them.
Although the posted tweets above are annoying, I find it even more annoying that Mgoblog would choose to repost them here because it subverts my choice (already made) to not follow these nitwits on Twitter and exposes them to a potentially wider audience.
Really? You can't choose to not read something that has "Twitter" in the title?
Great new featuer. WIll this be weekly? (yes, I did read the title...but still)
But only if people keep saying ridiculous things on Twitter. What are the odds of that?
You're going to have to explain to Dakich what that means, Shoe.
Man, does Dakich or ESPN know anything about PR? How can a professional in such a high-profile role get away with such blatant twitter trash talk? Twitter is NO DIFFERENT than standing up and making a statement to a room full of your followers.
Talk about a failure in personal branding. Heck, I re-read each of my own tweets 2-3 times to make sure they're actually worth tweeting.
Because he works for ESPN, they're not going to call him out on SportsCenter, PTI, etc. for being an asshat. Most people don't realize how big of a douchebag he is (unless they're following him or reading stuff like this).
I may be risking twitter retribution but Dakich has moved to complete ass hat in my opinion. It's really too bad because I used to enjoy his commentary, but now I can't get his tweets out of my head while he's talking. Dude has some serious issues.
The way things are going I think Dakich might sign up for an mgoblog account just so he can troll you here.
I think that blaming Robert Griffin III for our recent slump may actually make about as much sense as blaming Burke. Gotta love Twitter.
After reading your post, I want to create a twitter account named Ironic_Outrage where I calmly and astutely state overreactions and stupidity.
My first post would read something like, “I am overly frustrated with my team because they have lost a game I wanted them to win. Even though they have already won 20 games, the coach sucks and must be replaced with
one who will win every game every year.” #Ilovethisteamsomuch
And maybe, “Our 18 year old basketball players are having a difficult time recently. They should be kicked off the team because they have disappointed me.” ##1fan
Maybe you shouldn't. Your first post is over the twitter limit...
Over/under on some blog getting a program a secondary violation?
Over/under on Chadd "I've spent a long ime paying my dues" Scott's age?
And rip them a new one (after ripping a new one on everyone here who said the same stuff), especially if you know them in real life.
Also, who/what the hell is MGoRecruiting? Fuck those guys.
As someone who pays very little attention to twitter, I'm loving this new content. it confirms all my darkest beliefs about humanity while also making me feel ethically and intellectually superior. And it's cleverly funny. It's just like firejoemorgan.com used to be!
So much fun! Thank you.
I didn't find Dakich very useful at all as a broadcaster. IIRC he had MSU at #5 in his B1G Rankings during the Wisconsin game (and OSU #1, not IU). Then he is moaning about how UW didn't foul in a tie game and let Hardaway take a high degree of difficulty 3, which probably only goes in 25% of the time anyway, maybe less on the road. Not to mention he was babbling about how our bigs couldn't match up against Berggren, when halfway through the first half he only had 3 points. Luckily I couldn't hear most of the Game That Never Happened due to the bar noise and just being numb.
I am very tired of Braylon Edwards' constant grandstanding and has opinion that he should be running the football program. I think it's pretty safe to say that his dad raised him to be a lot classier than that.
I actually like Dakich to be honest. He doesn't bother me at all and people seem to go out of their way to find things to hate about him.
As far was the Wright/Dakich bitchfest...all I'll say about coaching is that Linden HS in Michigan used to be a solid program and is now currently 1-15 and their league is TERRIBLE.
He is a douche.
Hilarious piece, but also disheartening at some of the stupidity.
Also, I don't understand why some of you think twitter is so bad. At first I was skeptical of it, but now I use it quite often. Most people on twitter are responsible and respectable people. If you get your only impression of people on twitter from posts like these maybe you should reconsider. I know you guys know this but these are not what the majority of people in this generation are like.
Twitter = Telephone. It's just another mode of communication.
Saying Twitter (or Facebook or even the entire Internet) is "bad" is like saying the telephone is "bad". It all depends on who you are talking to.
I'm not one to argue about the Twitter/Mass Media/FaceBook type stuff. I have Facebook and have had since '05(?) when it was for College kids. I use it sparingly, less and less as the months go by. I don't have Twitter. I may some day but not yet. That's my background.
To say it's "just another mode of communication", I think, is very much underestimating the, I dont' know, performance, these outlets are capable of. It's more than a one-to-one phone call (or even teleconference!), as you say, which a phone is capable of. You punch up to 140 characters, press Send, and BAM, the world sees your thoughts and opinions/what you're doing/where you are/etc.. There are privacy settings sure but it seems most of us are too confident we don't need to apply any and, again, if worthy enough, the world would be capable of seeing what's been put out to the interwebs. This too me is much more powerful than the old-fashioned communications of telephones/cell phones.
There are good that can comes from these outlets but there's also lots of baaaad; we see this on a daily basis. IMO, much more bad than was ever capable of via tele-/cell phones.
(Not meant to be a soapbox-ish, just my two cents on the notion that the communication outlets we are using now are just another version of tele-/cellphone communication.
I agree with most of what you say however this generation is a bit troubled IMO. Lady Gaga, Bieber, Rihanna, Ne-Yo, Maroon 5. These are the people this generation chooses to idolize? I mean, what are we doing?
Whatever happened to natural talent? Give Paul McCartney a microphone and piano, Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Teddy Pendergrass, Prince. Anyone that can afford studio time can create some contrived music that becomes popular which leads me to believe that kids are just dumb nowadays. Makes sense seeing as the less educated statistically have many more children than the educated.
Now, Get off my lawn!!
LOL - I'm guessing every "later" generation feels the same way about the new music that comes out and is popular with the next.
80's fans hating the Grunge movement
Alternative folks hating the emergence of Rap
Everyone hating the techno scene of early 2000's
It's definitely unfortunate Gaga, etc. are popular, but each generation makes their own (poor) decisions about what is good music. LOL
At first I was skeptical of it, but now I use it quite often.
How do you "use" Twitter? What functionality does Twitter provide that other communication media lacks? Like many of the old codgers around here, I only see Twitter as a tool that fufills some perverse, narcisstic impulse in people without providing any practical benefit.
I've seen people here compare Twitter to the telephone, but the telephone has a specific application that fufills a need for long distance communication. All media like Twitter and Facebook seem to do is confirm that when a person's Id is exposed for all the public to see and critique, the results are more often than not, disturbing.
Not going to lie, I like Dakich as a color-guy. He has great insight into the game. This Twitter sh*t is ridiculous though. A grown-ass man (and he ain't the only one) is stooping to Twitter fights. GET A F**KING LIFE. I've lost a bit of respect, in all honesty.
I was wondering what that whole Minnesota Vikings digression was about, it was weird..
recently beaten Contra while drinking half a fifth of scotch...without the code. I suck at video games, but I was/am the Contra master