so I haven't rinsed my body, then get shampoo running down to re-rinse.
Very OT: Showering
I would think that this is the most obvious way to do it. I can't think of a reason to do it the other way. You don't want all of that dirt on your head ruining what you already cleaned.
Just how dirty does your hair get?
you're letting the dirt and soiled materials from your hair now contaminate your already clean body. I doubt its anything serious and you may never notice, but what if you did? Generally I shampoo first then wash up.
Doesn't soap residue stick in your hair then?
how do you mean?
If you wash your hair first (w/ shampoo I hope), then wash your face/neck etc.. (w/ soap I hope), it seems the soap wouldn't rinse completely from your hair.
Holy shit is this ever off-topic, I had to preview to realize. Wow. Oh well, my comment stands.
doesn't that make further sense to then shampoo first? More time to rinse out that shampoo/soap residue?
That is incorrect. Once you have suspended the dirt and particles in the shampoo, the surface tension will keep them suspended until it dries, so they don't redeposit.
start at the top and work down
What are you some kind of freak or something?
I keed, I keed
trending that im 100% wrong
i blame my mother
I live behind a Meijer, so I use their restroom to clean up. A splash to the face and the pits and I'm good to go searching for more meth.
YOU CAN'T SEE ME LIKE THIS
That makes me think of the episode of the simpsons where Marge sees her dad as a flight attendent. Whether or not that's what you're referencing, +1.
Holy Crap that's the best thing I've seen all day!
I think you are serious.
I was waiting on "that guy" who says "I don't shower" so I could down vote him. This was just too perfect though.
This is creepy.
I only wash my naughty bits.
bird bath FTW
I believe the scientific term is "no-no zone"
but as a sufferer of alopecia universalis I wash my body first and then send my hair, eyebrows and pubes back to the shop for a shampoo.
In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.
My actual routine at school was actually pretty similar.
First, I would begin by cleansing my body with Dove moisturizing body wash for sensitive skin, starting from the neck and working my way down. Then I use a Biore micro beaded facial wash with Salicylic acid on the face. Then I apple TRESemme Deep Cleansing shampoo and follow that with complimentary TRESemme Conditioner. At this point my skin is moist enough so that I can use a pumice stone to soften my calluses. When I'm finished with the shower, I apply a mixture of Johnson's concentrated Baby oil enhanced with Aloe Vera and Vitamin E with Lubriderm Lotion for sensitive skin and apply it liberally across my body.
Huey Lewis and the News?
Just... Heuy's too black sounding for me.
Yes; I believe they hit their peak with Sports.
edit. nm. I get it.
That I believe you're serious, or that you wrote it at all. You had better really be a chic.
Edit: n/m I see what you did there.
oh snap well played sir. you beat me to the Bateman, I was just about to utilize that beautiful movie.
but I find that hilarious. I'm assuming you are a dude, but I'm hoping you aren't. I have to assume that you are serious based on the ammount of detail you went into, but I can't be sure.
You're my new Jesus.
There is an idea of a Technoviking; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable...I simply am not there.
Shampoo first, always. That way, my hair has had more time to dry out and requires less effort to towel-dry. That gives me more time to towel-whip everybody else in the shower.
It seems we have all unwittingly entered the "which mgoblogger can start the most off topic post" based on this examination of shower strategy and the post about Obama asking moms to return to school.
There's been worse.
I'm more perplexed by who wipes standing up after a taking a dookie. That doesn't make any sense. Don't you want to be attacking the largest surface area possible? That would mean unclenched butt-cheeks.
This is probably a new MGoLowPointOfTheOffseason.
There is an in-between where you raise your ass from the toilet seat while still bending over a bit. This allows you free access to the area while still avoiding clenched buttcheeks. I don't think anyone stands up straight while whiping. I prefer this half-standing method because if I remain seated, I feel like I'm dipping my hand into the toilet to wipe myself.
this is very OT.
Just to help you out, I wash my head before I was my boys (speaking in Seinfeldese).
Shampoo first! And I'll tell you why. Years ago in English 125 during my frosh year, we read a sample essay by a previous student. The essay topic was something like, "what is a seemingly irrational habit of yours, and why do you do it?" So this chick wrote this essay about how she puts a lot of care into washing her hair (rhymin'!). One thing I still remember is that she said you should shampoo first because all of the dirt and bacteria and shit that gets washed out of your hair goes all over your body. If you soap first, then your efforts will be in vain when the crap that you wash out of your hair contaminates your body.
Then again, the girl who wrote that essay was a coke addict.
FACT: coke is sterile.
but i did look at the list of you who did respond (and respond quickly i might add) - out of curiosity. damn we must be f'ing bored. please start this season. even magnus responded to this crap.
I'm bald so I guess this blows your classmate's theory all to hell.
Your domus chromalis still gets shit stuck to it during the day. Washing it first still applies to you.
i lather my body in soap while standing outside the spray ... then put on the shampoo ... but then i enter the water hair first and work my way down the body ... so i guess my awnser is both?
Well, first of all, I don't shower as it is customary amongst greasy Mediterraneans to avoid water unless it is in some sort of aerosol can with which we might style our hair into a blowout. I simply let my filth coagulate and form a thick protective coating over my leathery skin.
But as for wiping, what the hell? Not only do I wipe standing up, I have difficulty envisioning how anyone could wipe whilst seated on a toilet. Where do you put your junk? Does it simply rest on the underside of your active forearm or do you hold it with your inactive hand? And do you wipe up or down?
I just flip the junk over the side of my leg.
No idea how to respond to your second paragraph.
I have a rather hairy crease, and when I stand up after the business, it leaves a god-awful mess. Trying to wipe after standing causes the paper to shred and creates embedded kling-ons.
For such reasons, I once tried the seated-swipe approach. While doing so, my knuckles were greeted by an unwelcome splash of cool water. There is not enough clearance. Never again. That which has been touched can never be untouched.
To help fix the problem, I use an electric hair trimmer once a month. It is somewhat of a hassle, but every wipe (even standing) is silky smooth.
TMI BUDDY! And now, your avatar scares me a little more.
agreed, the explicit hair imagery was...gross
look who's talking.
Due to some good fortune in my genetics, I don't grow facial hair, but I still have an electric razor. Shaving the banana, kiwis, and starfish makes exponentially increases comfort and decreases smell.
Scientific fact: Trimming also makes you appear to be larger.
Where do you put your junk? Does it simply rest on the underside of your active forearm...
Whoa whoa whoa...you wipe from the front?! Am I reading this right, Boutros?
No, I wipe standing up. What I'm wondering is how do you wipe sitting down unless you go between your legs? And if you go between your legs, where do you put your cock and balls?
From behind, man, from behind. Lean slightly forward and to the side. I guess your body type and the type of bowl make a difference, I could picture your avatar having a tough time wiping whilst sitting.
Oh, OK, that makes perfect sense. So you're not so much wiping sitting down as you are wiping whilst squatted over the bowl.
But you still maintain contact w/ the seat (for me on the left side) otherwise that'd be a tough position to hold. This is a weird convo.
Wait, you guys take showers?
I'm curious about one thing, though: When does the jerking off come into play?
Otherwise I would have missed out.
I'm just astounded that half of people stand up to wipe. Doesn't seem very efficient.
i shampoo, then wash my face while the shampoo does its thing, then i use some conditioner (my hair is amazing), then the last thing i do i wash myself.
as for whiping, how can you whipe sitting down? i stand up!
Actually I vary my routine standing up, sitting down... it's all a matter of what kind of poo.
...I find that my bidet has insufficient water pressure for me to wipe standing up. Also, I just googled "shower". Who knew?
Edit: So I get docked a point for kidding the French, in a thread where we're talking about ass wiping and junk placement? If it had been a Romanian joke I'd understand.
Soap, then shampoo. I avoid getting the shampoo on my body using a revolutionary tactic called "leaning my head forward." (It's hard to explain it here.)
#1 clippers to your head, then soap-up head to toe all at the same time. Saves enuf $ during the year to buy a season-ticket package and the chickitas love running their hands over your head after u bang 'em.
Am I the only one that takes a proper 3 point stance when wiping?
um...i can't believe you guys....
Shampoo, put conditioner in, wash your body, then rinse out the conditioner.
Obviously the correct and most efficient way.
Sometimes I stand up to wipe, sometimes I don't.
It all depends on the type of toilet I'm using. If I have the luxury of sitting on an elongated bowl, I will stay seated for my wipe.
I am not a big guy at all, I'm about 6'2" and 160 pounds, but the toilet at my parent's house was this cheapest model Kohler they could get, and aside from the fact that it gets clogged by even the most modest turds, it is a round bowl with and uncomfortably small diameter. I have to sit so far back that I am dangerously close to discharging feces onto the seat, and even then I only have just enough room to have my weiner hang in the bowl, and unfortunately it sometimes gets wet. Ugh. Obviously, I have to stand up to wipe in this scenario.
Elongated toilets are where its at. Small diameter bowls are just such a pain to use.
for the Home Alone quote, you filthy animal.
i believe this will answer all your questions http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUoyb1bgSAo
I cry in the shower. That's about all I have to add.
wash your balls and GTFO
always flush before your sitdown, it's important to begin with a fresh bowl. . . . . .
I don't want anyones urine splashing up and hitting me in the ass when I am laying the smack down. That's just gross!
For my part I always wash the hair first then the body and always sit when I wipe, though after hearing about some of the more creative stances people use I may just turn to the three point stance as the lama said......that mights just work!
Also, I have never given more +'s in one thread ever. This may be way OT but it is some of the funniest shit I have ever read on here. Seriously, people keep walking past my office and looking in to see why I am laughing so hard.....Well done guys, I needed this!
I'm so pissed I didn't get to this thread until today.
1) Does anyone here not use paper at all (there are probably more people in the world that don't)? I ask because there is a guy I work with, born and raised in Pakistan but has been living in the U.S. for at least 15 years, who still doesn't use toilet paper. His kids have never lived outside the states, yet there is no paper in their home. Just handfuls of water. He thinks toilet paper leaves you too dirty, and I have to agree.
Let's say for some reason you accidentally get shit on your hand (or foot...maybe some of you have stepped in dog shit barefooted and can relate). Would you just take a piece of paper, wipe it off and go about your business? No! You would wash that shit off. Simply wiping it off with paper would not suffice, unless you're a filthy scumbag. Why should your ass be any different?
FTR, I use flushable wipes (after I having kids, I used baby wipes on myself once and there was no turning back), and you can eat off my ass (anyone interested? Dex?).
2) Why haven't bidets caught on in America? Imagine never having to wipe again, no matter how much Taco Bell you eat. Just pat yourself dry and you're ready to go. I'm seriously considering taking out the shower in my master bath and installing a bidet. Having a bidet might be more worthwhile that having my own shower.
Do Bidet's squirt warm water? The shock of sitting on a really cold toilet seat is bad enough, I can only imagine the absolute horror of receiving a spray of ice cold water on your butthole.
I'm with ya there, still laughing.
I am all for a bidet. Toilet paper is disgusting, frankly, and when you eat as badly as I do sometimes you get those five alarm craps and then when you go to wipe you end up just mashing it into the jungle of hair instead of cleaning anything, and then I have to get in the shower for 20 minutes and do some toe touches underneath the water spray and sometimes get the adjustable shower head wayyyy too close for comfort to get rid of all the residue. That can really ruin a date.
you should def get yourself one of these. its a toilet that washes and drys your ass. it even warms the water.
Why should my ass be any different, you ask? For the simple reason that I don't use my asscrack to transport food to my mouth, nor do I walk around with my asscrack on my carpeting.
I have shown my appreciation for this thread by giving every post a +1. It's just that tremendous. I haven't laughed so damn hard at a thread in basically ever.
Sounds like some of you are living in the lap of luxury. My mother's basement has no shower.
but a thought just occurred to me.
Raise your hand if you actually had to get out of your chair (or partially get out) and pretend to wipe just to remember what you actually do.
Any of you in a cubicle and had to make sure the coast was clear?
Anybody in the living room, etc. get a comment from your wife . . . "honey, what the HELL are you doing?"
How many decided that this was a perfect time to actually go take a crap.
Come on guys, get those hands up.
I thought so.
I had to act out my routine. It's such second nature now, that I had to think about it.
Just like when you wash the car...the real question (going back to wiping) should be: fold or wad...I'm a folder, less likly to have a finger poke through if you turn your 2 ply into 10-16 ;-p
I wad, and I don't think I've ever had any problems with accidentally poking a finger through. Wadding offers more surfaces for cleaning with and saves time.
I kinda lean forward and to the side, and I generally fold; but then kind of wad the top square a bit for more surface area.
It usually only calls for your standard sit-n-wipe, but on "those days" you defenitly need to stand to properly clean up. Also, on rare occasions i've found if you put one foot on the bathroom counter while keeping on foot grounded, you can clean up quite well after a disasterous case of mud butt. As for showering, I wash my face and feet, then shampoo, then wash my body with soap and my face once more if I feel it necessary.
First, I agree with those who wipe while still seated. There is NO way to get a completely clean asshole by standing up. The seating style wipe keeps the cheeks spread for better access and more surface area to be covered by the leaves or the crumpled up magazine pages. Besides, you might be a a bar, and walk out, pull a chick, and man, you don't have time to wash before she wants to put her head in your lap (if you know what I mean) during the car ride home.
Secondly (new point): Do you courtesy flush, or sit on the #2 Stew for an hour? I was taught the courtesy flush at an early age, and can't figure out why people sit atop their shit and stink up the entire northern hemisphere before flushing. I mean, it might be funny at the factory or at the bachelor party, but really--something weird about smelling shit while you read Maxim for 45 minutes after you dump.
My frequency of flushing depends entirely on the fixture that I am sitting on. Back in South Quad, they had those industrial grade pressure assisted toilets that were damned near uncloggable. Dining Hall food created some ghastly horrors in the bathroom, but those toilets were able to handle them and half a roll of toilet paper no sweat. I would only flush these toilets at the end of my session.
Back home at the summer, we have these entry level Kohler toilets that managed to get clogged on a nugget and two sheets of paper. I have to flush these toilets anytime a non liquid object is added to the mix. Huge waste of water.
Its not hard to lean forward and squat a bit to wipe, I'm a big guy, sitting to wipe regardles the size of the bowl, is not an option. Baby wipes also give you that "extra clean" feeling.
As far as the courtesy flush, all well and good in a public toilet like wal-mart and such, or the parents house. But the town I live in is so straped for cash our water and sewer rates are way higher than most in the area and that extra flush can get a little pricey...besides, your own brand is usually not too bad, but the wife's makes me cry
not to be confused with Teen Body but i digress