Nobody fucks with the Iona Knipl.
Unverified Voracity's Girlfriend Is A Cake
Norm. Points for AJ Daulerio for locating Norm MacDonald's 1998 ESPY monologue, posting it, and making it un-destroyable. It's worth watching just for Ken Griffey Jr.'s reaction, but there is Michigan relevance here: Norm's closer is, as Daulerio says, an epically ruthless joke directed at Heisman winner Charles Woodson.
Personal anecdote: back around this time, Norm put on a show at Hill. At this show, 1) my friends and I started giggling as he walked out on stage, before he had even said a word, 2) he was obviously drunk, 3) at some point he said the words "see this cake here? Yeah, it's my girlfriend. I f---ed it last night." At some point early someone heckled him about his drunkenness and was ruthlessly dispatched of; at some point late he complained he wasn't feeling very good and someone, possibly the same person, shouted out "sobering up?" Norm, busted, had no reply.
For a certain type of person, Norm MacDonald is an American hero*, and I am one of those people. I even watched his sitcom.
*(even though he's Canadian.)
Porch couches shiver in the twilight, alone and flammable. We've established that I don't care whether or not you root for Michigan State tonight. For the record: I'm in the North Carolina camp, but I can understand people who want to see Digger Phelps eat his liver or for some good news in the midst of stories about the implosion of the auto companies and so forth and so on.
Pro- or con-, we can all look forward to the post game. This website will be relevant tonight:
I'm actually betting there's been enough shame beaten into the area that there won't be a riot, thus ending one of Michigan's most well-loved external traditions. But hope yet remains. Come on, Western students. It's not your town, and you don't care. Flip some cars.
Our only hope. Some more detail on what, exactly, Tate Forcier brings to the table:
[QB coach Rod] Smith likes his polished throwing mechanics -- "He's got a tight delivery, quick release, everything is nice and compact, it's out in a hurry and the kid's very accurate" -- and his willingness to study tape and prepare for practices. …
"He just seems to find people," Smith said. "Sometimes, you can't teach that. ... He understands when to step up, understands how to feel pressure, his eyes are always working forward even when he takes off. He's got a good feel, he really does, and that's important for that position."
Sounds like Michigan is going to incorporate a heavy dose of the rollout passes that were so infuriating for the defense a year ago; may they work as well.
Erm… come again? I don't want to alarm anyone, but Mark Snyder, or rather the guy who writes the headlines at the Free Press, has no such compunctions. Sims and Harris were supposed to be holy locks to stay. This is titled "Beilein not definite about Harris, Sims returning"…
Michigan coach John Beilein, interviewed Thursday on WTKA (1050-AM), was asked directly if Harris and Sims are coming back next year, bypassing interest in the NBA.
Beilein's answer was not definitive.
"There's a certain protocol you have to go through to end up doing that," Beilein said. "I can't answer that question just yet. I think it would be premature to answer that question. There are certain things we have to do to understand what happens with this whole thing. So we'll probably be able to give you more news on that in the weeks ahead. That doesn't mean people should start worrying out there, it just means I'm not going to talk about it."
The rest of it is basically Beilein being careful and is nothing to get alarmed about. Don't panic. The deadline to put your name in is April 26th, in case you're concerned.
Ohio, you disappoint but do not surprise. Barkevious Mingo is up for Name of the Year, of course. The site had a poll asking which member of the Mingo's pod would make the sweet 16 and their software has a cool state-by-state breakdown. Mingo was up against a plebian dick joke in the first round that Michigan rejected wholly but Ohio State ate up, as it were:
You can see in the results an obvious bias towards Mingo on the college football-obsessed sections of the country: outside of Louisiana, which is obviously in the tank, Mingo's biggest results are in Oklahoma, Mississippi, Alabama, West Virginia, Georgia, and Michigan. (Montana and South Dakota both went 100% for Mingo but that probably represents one vote each.) Michigan has a sparkling 73% pro-Mingo number, of which we can all be proud.
I will be refreshing the riot tracker throughout the evening. Should be a good way to enjoy some basketball while still annoying my Spartan friends.
April 26th is my birthday. Here's to hoping that I get good birthday news about Harris and Sims staying on that day.
When Norm came to my undergraduate school, he spent about 5 or 10 minutes talking about gay sex. It was hilarious, like the rest of his bits that night, but there were definitely people that walked out.
People swore he was drunk and or high, but we asked them "It's Norm -- could you really tell a difference whether he is or not?"
I'll have you assholes know that Montanan's will come out in droves to support CFB even if it's on this new-fangled "interweb" thing. I know of at least 5 Montanan's with the interwebs and I would bet dollars to donuts that they and all their friends voted for Mingo. Don't ever, ever sully the great state of Montana....ever.
"Come on, Western students. It's not your town, and you don't care. Flip some cars."
I am a western student, thank you for making my day. I literally laughed out loud.
Given that Utah picked "Chew Kok", it probably relates to this, http://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thread_id=389274
Notice the searches from Palin's town. Babby. Lolz
I also remember him being really drunk and ragging on some drunk frat boys.
My favorite Norm moment was from Conan when he ripped into some poor woman who co-starred with Carrot Top in a movie.
"If Carrot Top is in it, why not go with 'Box Office Poision'?"
There are so many epic Norm on talk show youtube clips that this could go on forever.
called "Chairman of the Board"? Norm was then quick to pun "Chairman of the Bored" and Conan lost it (in a good way)
Have you seen the hype video for season tickets put out by the athletic department? It says "Four returning starters" and shows DeShawn and Manny.
Brian, I was at the show as well. I can easily say that performance made me laugh harder and longer than any other event in my entire laugh. God bless Norm MacDonald, unheralded comic genius.
I saw the show as well. I believe it was '98. There was one bit where he made fun of homeless people. It was hilarious. I remember a bunch of people found it offensive and left. I laughed even harder. He went to Touchdown's after the show and my buddy had a beer with him.
Norm's best appearances are on Howard Stern. Find them on youtube or elsewhere on the internets if you can. They're really worth watching.
And I think Norm would have voted for Chew Kok.