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Unverified Voracity Thtabs Baby With Pen

By Brian — June 5th, 2009 at 1:01 PM — 51 comments
Filed under:
  • kelvin grady
  • lolmsm
  • lou holth
  • minnesota
  • notre dame
  • scheduling
  • unverified voracity

Caption this baby. Caption contests are sometimes compulsory. This is one of those times.

holtz-baby

Have at it. Side note: could those two guys look more like Notre Dame graduates? I submit they could not.

Walking on? I had been under the assumption that Kelvin Grady was going to be on scholarship with the football team, but this AA News article suggests otherwise:

Grady met recently with Michigan football coach Rich Rodriguez and received permission to try and walk on with the Wolverines, a university spokesman said Wednesday.

So… Grady might not occupy a scholarship slot. This isn't relevant this year—when he's likely to pick a scholarship up anyway because of low numbers—but provides some additional flexibility in future years. I would assume if Grady becomes a contributor he'll get a scholarship.

How likely is that? Well, his high school coach thinks it's a possibility:

“He’s been training at a very high level in basketball,” Stuursma said. “He has the ability to catch a ball, and learning to run routes comes in a very short time. He is a student of the game and has a very high level of intelligence.” …

“Kelvin on the football field is one of those guys where you kind of hold your breath,” said Stuursma, who also watched Grady change games with explosive kick returns. “He has the opportunity to take it to the house at any time. He’s electrifying and can take over the game with one play, a natural ability you can’t coach.”

Michigan's offense is well suited for zippy small guys, and with Terrance Robinson having some issues catching the ball there's an opportunity for playing time there. His hands must be good, right? And when he fumbles kickoffs he'll be really good at fielding them on the bounce.

Wait… what? After a brief period of about three posts where Adam Rittenberg, ESPN's Big Ten quasi-blogger, linked out to non-mainstream content, he settled down into a familiar pattern: newspaper person links only to newspaper stuff. I don't really blame him, what with corporate monolith considerations and all that. That's just life. But why has he broken this policy to link to an inane list of the "most overrated coaches" at Heisman Pundit?

That content has literally zero value. It could have been farted out by a monkey. Sample insight on Tressel, citing his conservative offensive tendencies: "It's almost as if he is satisfied to lose, as long as it is his way." Did I merely imagine Troy Smith throwing 30 touchdowns and winning the Heisman in 2006? Because if I did, that would be awesome. I pray someone is about to smack me into consciousness on the morning of the 2006 Ohio State game with Tressel poised to run 70% of the time.

There's a ton of funny or interesting content that actually takes time and research being published in the blogosphere.  Here's some great stuff on underdog strategies from Smart Football. Here's an in-depth look at Rodriguez offenses past and what makes them good from When Carcajous Attack(!). Here's MVictors talking with Minnesota's AD about whether a 2010 Michigan-Minnesota nonconference game was actually a possibility. All contain far more value than yet another offseason list put together by some guy BRINGING IT STRONG.

And yet.

There's a disconnect here, isn't there? I actually feel bad for Rittenberg, who has to put out a mountain of ephemeral content like "Top 30 Players In The Big Ten" that serves no other purpose than to generate a tiny burst of link traffic instead of getting to concentrate on pieces with lasting value. But he shouldn't mistake the insistent demands of the page view god for quality content elsewhere.

Speaking of all those posts. Yes, MVictors got the scoop on this weird possibility of a Michigan-Minnesota nonconference game. It won't happen, but it was discussed:

MVictors: Were you interested?
Maturi: There are different kinds of scheduling. When you’re Minnesota and you’re trying to improve your program and to be successful, I’m really thankful to coach Brewster for his willingness to play a tougher schedule.  Saying that, we had already scheduled Southern Cal for next year [2010].  I’m not a real brilliant guy, but I’m not so sure it’s in the best interest of Minnesota football to play Southern Cal and Michigan in back-to-back weeks.   Non-conference, so-to-speak.   As a result, if we had not scheduled Southern Cal I would have been very interested.

That's sort of encouraging, I guess, for folks who would like to see another interesting 2010 nonconference game—ie, everyone—but discouraging if an oddity like that is Michigan's best hope. More over there, including Bill Martin writing a check to Minnesota for a new stadium in a huff.

Meanwhile, this When Carcajous Attack(!) post is extensive and hard to really blockquote from, so let's just hit the outline:

Under what circumstances does Rodriguez’s spread-option offense really start hitting on all cylinders?

When certain key ingredients were present and well-mixed into the offensive game plan, Rodriguez showed a tremendous yield of both offensive firepower (yards gained, points scored) and victories. All of Rich Rodriguez’s most powerful offensive units featured three key components.

I.) Quarterbacks With Wheels

II.) Tailback Tandems from Hell

III.) Slot Machines (and Quarterbacks That Crank The Handle)

There are many examples of Rodriguez's past combined with Michigan's; take a gander.

(Sidenote II: hey, kids and doctors! I see you taking your tables and posting them in image format, which is subpar because 1) the google can't see you, 2) the page loads slower, and 3) no one can C&P your work easily and build on it. Instead of screen-grabbing your spreadsheet program, try Tableizer.)

Grinding. Varsity Blue takes a look at Michigan's offensive line vector and strikes on one major reason for hope going into 2009:

Save the MSU game, the Wolverines beat the opponent’s average in each game over the second half of the season.

It's true: Michigan was an outstanding rush offense in three games, average in two others, and poor against MSU. That replicated over the course of the season would shoot Michigan into territory not quite as lofty as that experienced by Rodriguez at West Virginia, but close. And if you remember Michigan State's snap-jumping excess in last year's game…

As we now know, there weren't really variable pauses between the hand clap and the snap, which allowed Michigan State to jump the snap count time and again to mostly good effect. They picked up a few offsides calls, but they also got incompletions, stuffed runs, and sacks because their guys were moving before Michigan's OL could even get out of their stances.

…you know that there was a significant mitigating factor in Michigan's single subpar rushing effort in the season's second half, one that's unlikely to be repeated with a more experienced center and line.

And what's more, Michigan returns literally everyone relevant to that performance with another year of experience and Barwis under their belts. This is your major reason for hope in 2009.

Loeffler Jr.? Loeffler on his younger doppelganger:

Q:Was it exciting to see Nick Sheridan get playing time last fall?

A:Nick Sheridan, I love like a son. He loves Michigan and is going to do everything that's asked of his coaches and is an impeccable young man, and one day he'll be one heck of a football coach.

That's all.

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:12 PM | [Babby thoughts]: That guy (Score:1)
ShockFX
ShockFX's picture
Joined: 07/16/2008
MGoPoints: 3958

[Babby thoughts]: That guy spits and talks worse than I do.

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:31 PM | tee hee. (Score:1)
the_white_tiger
the_white_tiger's picture
Joined: 02/07/2009
MGoPoints: 5227

tee hee.

Maize n Brew

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:12 PM | Caption: Coach Holtz asking (Score:1)
Anonymosity
Anonymosity's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 2057

Caption: Coach Holtz asking where he should sign this football.

Ann Arbor: now the permanent home of the Little Brown Jug

67-22-3 all-time

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:20 PM | Caption (Score:1)
Laser Wolf
Joined: 07/09/2008
MGoPoints: 1692

Perhaps "Best Wishes" wasn't the best choice.

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:20 PM | Ricky Bobby (Score:1)
Braylon Edwards
Braylon Edwards's picture
Joined: 02/11/2009
MGoPoints: 94

LH: "Of course dude I loved to sign your baby."
RWG: "Thanks Coach Holtz!"
LH: "Your not going to want to wash that baby for a while."

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:22 PM | Am I Missing Something? (Score:1)
goblueLA
goblueLA's picture
Joined: 01/19/2009
MGoPoints: 50

How the F can you play a team from your conference and call it a non-conference game? Is this an oxymoron or am I missing something?

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:24 PM | If it doesn't count in the (Score:1)
GCS
GCS's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 777

If it doesn't count in the conference standings, it's a non-conference game.

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:49 PM | didn't we do this in basketball? (Score:1)
matty blue
matty blue's picture
Joined: 08/01/2008
MGoPoints: 377

maybe 7-8 years back? had a "nonconference" game vs. sparty, as i recall.

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June 5th, 2009 at 2:20 PM | This happens in hockey every (Score:1)
WolvinLA
WolvinLA's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 869

This happens in hockey every year. If, for example, we play MSU or another CCHA team in the GLI or other tourney, it's not a CCHA game and therefore does not count in the standings.

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:28 PM | Caption.. (Score:1)
GeoTracker
GeoTracker's picture
Joined: 09/14/2008
MGoPoints: 475

LH: Do you have an extra diaper for me to borrow?

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:31 PM | that ESPN dude (Score:1)
sharkhunter
Joined: 01/29/2009
MGoPoints: 2247

Adam Rittenberger deserves a little props for allowing them to put up that pic of his

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:33 PM | caption (Score:1)
dex
dex's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1883

Babby: I thought only the Priest could touch me there?

great and omniscient Grand Poobah of the WLA

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:34 PM | Caption (Score:1)
His Dudeness
His Dudeness's picture
Joined: 11/24/2008
MGoPoints: 13558

Holtz: Thhshhwbbtbppptbb Thsshhsbbbbbbtttpppb.

Baby: Thhshhwbbtbppptbb Thsshhsbbbbbbtttpppb.

ND Fans: Ha ha ha ha ha haaa.

or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:40 PM | The "Top Ten Underrated Coaches" list... (Score:1)
Rush N Attack
Rush N Attack's picture
Joined: 07/07/2008
MGoPoints: 526

that that monkey farted out, doesn't look much better: http://heismanpundit.com/archives/2167.

(I'll save you the suspense: Art Briles).

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June 5th, 2009 at 1:42 PM | Holphz (Score:1)
Other Andrew
Other Andrew's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 204

He's got a freaking ball point pen, right? Who signs a baby with a ball point pen?!? Whatever it is, it ain't right. And yes, those two dudes are the most quintessential Notre Dame grads ever - right down to the Sam Adams.

Road Games is another blog

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June 5th, 2009 at 2:00 PM | RE: blog coverage from the WWL (Score:1)
panthera leo fututio
panthera leo fututio's picture
Joined: 09/15/2008
MGoPoints: 887

Brian, do you have any theories about why it is that ESPN's blog coverage for all other sports is so much inferior to the coverage it provides for the NBA? I think Henry at Truehoop does an excellent job providing links to and some original content on the analysis of the strategies, techniques, and culture of the game that goes well beyond standard quotes, injury reports, and throw-away lists. ESPN's blog coverage for other sports: not so much.

Why isn't ESPN's blog coverage of cfb nearly as strong? Is it that the acquisition of Truehoop was just some freak occurance? Or maybe the various people in charge of content for the different sports have different conceptions of content value? Or could there be something inherent to the different sports that makes them more or less amenable to really good, centralized blog content? E.g college football fans might be more team-specific in their interests, and so links to excellent, more-or-less team specific sites (like MGoBlog) stand to hurt ESPN page views more than they help.

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June 5th, 2009 at 2:20 PM | True Hoop was a freak (Score:1)
Brian
Brian's picture
Joined: 05/26/2008
MGoPoints: 63001

True Hoop was a freak occurrence: the guy understands the internet but was, IIRC, a connected newspaper-type guy, and what he posted was always good... and always measured. He was a blogger they acquired. The rest of their bloggers are basically beat reporters tasked with blogging. Big difference.

MGoBlog | email 

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June 5th, 2009 at 2:44 PM | Thanks. It just seems really (Score:1)
panthera leo fututio
panthera leo fututio's picture
Joined: 09/15/2008
MGoPoints: 887

Thanks. It just seems really weird to me that an organization with so many resources would do something (blogging in all sports other than professional basketball) so poorly. I guess I'm trying to figure out whether this is due to incompetence, indifference, or a more deliberate content decision.

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June 5th, 2009 at 2:01 PM | not surprising, really... (Score:1)
matty blue
matty blue's picture
Joined: 08/01/2008
MGoPoints: 377

...heismanpundit is pretty much MADE of monkey farts, just a complete and utter tinfoil-hat nitwit.

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June 5th, 2009 at 2:04 PM | Caption (Score:1)
Tim Waymen
Tim Waymen's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1334

Maybe this is really obvious, but the first thing that came to mind was the quick scene in Talladega Nights (overrated movie) when Ricky Bobby tells a fan, "I'd love to sign your baby!"

Ann Arbor is a classy broad.

"Get off my plane!" - Ricky Stanzi, Air Force One 2

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June 5th, 2009 at 2:05 PM | Thanks for the link Brian! (Score:1)
markusr2007
markusr2007's picture
Joined: 10/21/2008
MGoPoints: 3419

I need to work on my tableizer...among many other things.

Thanks for the tip!

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June 5th, 2009 at 2:05 PM | "Slot Machines (and Quarterbacks That Crank The Handle)" (Score:1)
Tim Waymen
Tim Waymen's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1334

Isn't that the sign of a successful Earle Bruce offense?

I kid, I kid.

Ann Arbor is a classy broad.

"Get off my plane!" - Ricky Stanzi, Air Force One 2

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June 5th, 2009 at 2:26 PM | Caption (Score:1)
Erik_in_Dayton
Erik_in_Dayton's picture
Joined: 12/03/2008
MGoPoints: 6784

"Most people assume that b/c I'm not Jewish I don't know how to do this. Well, you can ask Rick Mirer about that...Anyway, I'll just make a little mark and then it's just a quick snip."

It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future. -- Yogi Berra

                         

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June 5th, 2009 at 3:30 PM | I'm sure that Fort Wayne Sport History kiosk... (Score:1)
MRG
MRG's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 176

...in the background is captivating.

Oh yeah, caption --
LH: Hey, one day he myeth grow up to be a Nothdur Dame quarterback. Heeths already got more hair than Jimmy Clawthin.

Wolverine Liberation Army

Give me piss troughs or give me death.

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June 5th, 2009 at 3:35 PM | (comment removed on grounds (Score:1)
Big Boutros
Big Boutros's picture
Joined: 07/08/2008
MGoPoints: 8004

(comment removed on grounds of not funny)

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June 5th, 2009 at 4:07 PM | WTF? (Score:1)
Elno Lewis
Elno Lewis's picture
Joined: 12/05/2008
MGoPoints: 1143

That content has literally zero value. It could have been farted out by a monkey.

Yeah, what next? So easy a caveman could do it?

Come on, Brian. We have feelings too, you know.

Time wounds all heels. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwGXMryTbwE

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June 5th, 2009 at 4:28 PM | At the risk of offending you further... (Score:1)
Erik_in_Dayton
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Joined: 12/03/2008
MGoPoints: 6784

You appear to be a chimp (and thus an ape), not a monkey.

It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future. -- Yogi Berra

                         

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June 5th, 2009 at 4:22 PM | Ironically, (Score:1)
KJ@theonlycolors
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Joined: 06/05/2009
MGoPoints: 25

Rittenberg linked to that very MVictors post this morning.

http://myespn.go.com/blogs/bigten/0-3-516/Minnesota--Michigan-discuss-no...

Surprised me since, as Brian noted, he'd avoided bloggy links since that early series of links to a number of the Big Ten football blogs.

www.theonlycolors.com

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June 6th, 2009 at 6:38 AM | Ironically part II, (Score:1)
MVictors
MVictors's picture
Joined: 02/03/2009
MGoPoints: 2146

theonlycolors still doesn't link to MVictors (frown)

-Greg

MVictors  |  HTTV '08-'12 | GoBlueWolverine Mag

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June 6th, 2009 at 9:05 AM | Chalk that up to sloth (Score:1)
KJ@theonlycolors
KJ@theonlycolors's picture
Joined: 06/05/2009
MGoPoints: 25

Will correct it now.

www.theonlycolors.com

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June 5th, 2009 at 4:23 PM | Lou Holtz (Score:1)
mgovictors23
mgovictors23's picture
Joined: 05/03/2009
MGoPoints: 91

When will he ever go away, I mean come on.

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June 5th, 2009 at 5:11 PM | Old people (Score:1)
Tim Waymen
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Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1334

I know! It's like, die already!

Ann Arbor is a classy broad.

"Get off my plane!" - Ricky Stanzi, Air Force One 2

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June 5th, 2009 at 10:01 PM | I agree with the other guy (Score:1)
befuggled
befuggled's picture
Joined: 07/01/2008
MGoPoints: 1019

While the episode when he compared Rich Rodriguez to Hitler was entertaining, I don't think he generally provides a lot of insight or value as a commentator.

Where's Charlie Bauman when you need him?

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June 5th, 2009 at 9:01 PM | Low blow, Brian. I mean, I (Score:1)
MaizeAndBlueWahoo
MaizeAndBlueWahoo's picture
Joined: 07/02/2008
MGoPoints: 11799

Low blow, Brian. I mean, I know ND grads can be woefully immature at times, but most of 'em aren't short enough to be picked up like that.

And - Tableizer! Where has this thing been all my life? I need this.

"We've beaten Michigan the last four years.  So where's the threat?"

- Mark Dantonio

Blogging the Virginia Cavaliers at http://fromoldvirginia.blogspot.com/<

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June 5th, 2009 at 11:35 PM | caption (Score:1)
brad
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 439

"Brains!!!" Notre Dame alums caught in the act of the secret ritual of offering the brain flesh of a first born child to former head football coach Lou Holtz. The University is under NCAA and FBI investigation.

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June 6th, 2009 at 1:37 AM | Caption: (Score:1)
Jomafalo
Jomafalo's picture
Joined: 04/12/2009
MGoPoints: 92

LH: "Now hold still you little whipper snapper, every good little leprechaun needs a mustache... someone get Charlie to come over here and sit on this kid!"

Jomafalo

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June 6th, 2009 at 3:14 AM | Charlie (Score:1)
MichFan1997
MichFan1997's picture
Joined: 08/04/2008
MGoPoints: 6230

would likely swallow that baby whole without even thinking about it. Also, it wouldn't be a good appetizer for him, let alone fill him up as a meal.

Follow me on Twitter @gfraley05

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June 6th, 2009 at 9:19 AM | I want my baby back, baby back, (Score:1)
goody
goody's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1532

baby back ribs.

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June 6th, 2009 at 12:14 PM | Someone could make a sick (Score:1)
TIMMMAAY
TIMMMAAY's picture
Joined: 09/08/2008
MGoPoints: 5947

Someone could make a sick captioned .gif w/ the above sequence.

not just "douchey" MGoBlog user, but now TRUSTED MGoBlog user

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June 6th, 2009 at 9:48 AM | (Guy in back) My parents (Score:1)
CB2009
Joined: 07/27/2008
MGoPoints: 173

(Guy in back)
My parents weren't too happy about my radical choice in facial hair, but there comes a time in a man's life when he needs to be able to look in the mirror and say "this goatee and sideburns combo looks bad f'in ass".

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June 6th, 2009 at 11:20 AM | "I actually feel bad for (Score:1)
Tim
Joined: 07/08/2008
MGoPoints: 12643

"I actually feel bad for Rittenberg, who has to put out a mountain of ephemeral content like "Top 30 Players In The Big Ten" that serves no other purpose than to generate a tiny burst of link traffic instead of getting to concentrate on pieces with lasting value."

Funny, the reason I feel bad for him is that his parents must have dropped him on his head as a child because he's an idiot.

Yeastbound and Down

Great Lax State

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June 6th, 2009 at 11:23 AM | Holtzsh (Score:1)
Robocoach
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 5

What a shweet baby. Where would you like to me shine?

Robocoach

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June 6th, 2009 at 12:15 PM | Thweet. Thine. (Score:1)
TIMMMAAY
TIMMMAAY's picture
Joined: 09/08/2008
MGoPoints: 5947

Thweet.
Thine.

not just "douchey" MGoBlog user, but now TRUSTED MGoBlog user

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June 6th, 2009 at 2:43 PM | Caption (Score:1)
k bizzle
k bizzle's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 30

Holtz: I hope thissss pen is water pooooooof.

GO BLUE!

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June 6th, 2009 at 11:21 PM | Holtz: (Score:1)
jeepnut
jeepnut's picture
Joined: 06/06/2009
MGoPoints: 53

"Ofth courth I'll sign your dolly little girl."

All rational Michigan fans should be applauding the implosion of the rest of the conference because [MIDDLE FINGERS IN ALL DIRECTIONS.] - EDSBS

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June 7th, 2009 at 7:15 PM | Caption (Score:1)
Chrisgocomment
Chrisgocomment's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1125

Holth: How is babby formed? How girl get pragnent?

No question, Jim.

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June 7th, 2009 at 11:23 PM | +1 (Score:1)
ShockFX
ShockFX's picture
Joined: 07/16/2008
MGoPoints: 3958

+1

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June 7th, 2009 at 8:24 PM | Hilarious (Score:1)
zoltan the destroyer
Joined: 10/28/2008
MGoPoints: 427

Rittenberg does a fine job covering the Big Ten. Sports blogs in general crank out ephemeral content like recruiting news and rumors and stories. You make a living doing mostly this- the hubris is staggering.

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June 8th, 2009 at 12:58 AM | Caption (Score:1)
pjh1243
Joined: 06/08/2009
MGoPoints: 1

caption: Holtz signs baby, thankfully not one of weis' bitch tits.

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June 8th, 2009 at 7:49 AM | Holtzed (Score:1)
Seth
Seth's picture
Joined: 10/14/2008
MGoPoints: 48268

Okay, but so we understand, if the kid ends up on academic probation, you can't blame me, deal?

(Blogger alias: "Misopogon") This team is under construction. We thank you for your patience.

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