rundown of Michigan's riser
Unverified Voracity Tents Fingers
Filed under:
Is there a space ray of some variety that explains this? Mark my words: sometime in the next couple years Jim Tressel will be revealed as a Bond villain whose nefarious plot was to create and deploy some sort of negative PR black hole in Ann Arbor.
Unlike all other Bond villains, his plan has been wildly successful. It took freshly minted Michigan athletic director Dave Brandon two days to land a tiny cameo on the Colbert Report in the midst of a segment on Domino's ballsy decision to admit that their core product is terrible:
Getting hired as Michigan AD opens the floodgates. By this time next week Brandon will see a real estate deal go sour, various critical members of the athletic department leave for Arkansas, and a pack of velociraptors with digital recorders tear his tasty flesh into long, delicious strips.
Mmmm. Athletic director velociraptor horror bacon.
At least Brandon is well versed in admitting that the core product is a shambolic mess and taking steps towards actual pizza, be it in food or bowl game varieties.
It begins. Black Heart Gold Pants promises "more on this later," which causes a slight tingle in my tingly bits. This is for real, people. It's for real.
Yes. This is happening.
Time to call Charles Atlas. Yesterday on the Sporting Blog I pointed out that the Big Ten's bowl performance was somewhere between good and outstanding, depending on whether you want to take peripherals like yards into account, and asked anyone else who writes about college football to notice. Whether they will is yet to be seen.
In the course of it I linked to Rutgers blog Bleed Scarlet's sarcastic reaction to the Big Ten expansion hoopla in an effort to prove just how much crap the Big Ten has been fielding since Ohio State faceplanted against Florida three years ago. When a team whose main accomplishment in the 141 years since it played in the first college football game has been not ceasing to exist is talking smack, you have an image problem that goes beyond rational discussion.
And indeed, Bleed Scarlet notes the post and responds with one of its own that ends like so:
Even if Michigan ever does improve to the point that Big Ten football isn’t a national punchline, the conference as a whole can never fairly receive enough ridicule and disrespect.
What the hell? BS's main complaint appears to be that more people watch Big Ten football even if it's Illinois-Purdue (which was on ESPN) instead of USF-Pitt (which was exiled to Somalia), as if this was a choice ESPN had instead of a long-term contract the Big Ten earned by virtue of having teams people like to watch on television. I mean:
That’s why it’s so maddening that even today, Brian celebrates that the Big Ten is on equal financial footing with the SEC – how is that warranted at all on the merits?
What merits? The Big Ten earns a lot of money because they have a ton of alumni, a culture in which football is important, and a history of success that doesn't evaporate because the conference has struggled through some tough years. Nobody votes except with their dollars and eyes. This isn't a democracy. We're not having a recount. Whine about a lack of Big East respect all you want when it comes to automatic BCS bids—not that the Big Ten has ever spit out the dreck the Big East has with its automatic qualifier—but complaining that it's not fair when it comes to money makes you sound like a fake nihilist with a nine-toed woman.
The Big Ten's recent poor run in the bowls have to do with six letters: USC, which the Big Ten has had to play just about every year since the Trojans can't be bothered against one Pac-10 opponent per season, and BCS, which has dragged more Big Ten runners-up into the big time than any other conference and set up unfavorable matchups down the chain. A few years ago 9-3 Texas played a 6-6 Iowa outfit that had gone 2-6 in conference. Texas won by 3, and somehow the Big Ten's reputation took a hit.
A name to ignore. Probably. I don't think this qualifies as actual information about the mysterious assistant coach opening for reasons that will be bolded. It's an article about Marshall's open defensive coordinator spot:
Is it Chuck Heater?
The University of Florida defensive coach seems like a longshot. Yes, he is the father-in-law of new Marshall defensive line coach Rich Cronin, but this is business.
That's why Heater reportedly is interested in Michigan's vacant defensive coordinator job. ... and vice-versa. Besides that, there still are rumbles about the possibility of Heater staying with the Gators as co-defensive coordinator.
Michigan, obviously, does not have a vacant defensive coordinator job. And since Heater is the "assistant defensive coordinator" on a staff that just lost its defensive coordinator, chances are he's in line for a promotion at a school that isn't Marshall or a poor season or two away from a coaching change. Heater has no history with Rodriguez or Greg Robinson—he's bounced around a lot but never to a spot where either happened to be—and wouldn't be getting a promotion at Michigan. At best he could be the assistant defensive coordinator. The only way this happens is if Meyer brings in a new DC who sweeps out some or all of the existing folk in favor of his own guys.
Harumph. This was covered somewhat in the recruiting post yesterday but a follow-up from me: six players, all on offense, enrolled early but safety Marvin Robinson and quarterback Devin Gardner did not. That's unfortunate because if you asked me to pick the two guys I wanted in early most, I would have picked Robinson and Gardner. I'm still hoping that Gardner can find a way to redshirt this fall—this news definitely increases the chances of that—but if Forcier gets injured, having a slightly more experienced Gardner could be the difference between Rich Rodriguez taking root and getting swept out the door.
That's still less likely to have an impact than Robinson's absence. Robinson is either a safety or an OLB (or "spinner"; from now on I'm just calling the two non-spinners MLBs and the spinner and OLB) and would obviously have been in contention for a starting job somewhere if he enrolled.
Still, it is good to have both Stephen Hopkins and Austin White in early; with the seniors out the door and presumed starter Vincent Smith laid up with an ACL tear that may last into the fall, those two, Mike Shaw, Mike Cox, and Fitzgerald Toussaint will go to war to be 1B to Smith's probable 1A.
Boo, but in a yay way. Hockey picked up a big commit for 2012 in forward Cristoval "Boo" Nieves, who the Hockey News interviewed about a month ago. He was the top player at the USA Select 15s and, FWIW, a guy on Hockey's Future relays that one of the OHL draft scouting services ranks him in the top ten. Apparently he has no interest in that route. That can change, obviously. Please allow me to go weep about Jack Campbell over here.
Etc.: Jim Delany likes it, he really likes it. Billy Taylor on Brandon's hiring. UMHoops revisits the Big Ten freshman class.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:16 PM | 
Re: Bleed Scarlet
Re: Bleed Scarlet
January 7th, 2010 at 2:19 PM |
I am amazed at Rutgers's
I am amazed at Rutgers's
I am amazed at Rutgers's reaction. Are you kidding me?
January 7th, 2010 at 2:29 PM |
"Boo, but in a yay way."
This
"Boo, but in a yay way."
This
"Boo, but in a yay way."
This made me chuckle.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:30 PM |
Marshall v. Michigan
Marshall v. Michigan
I am going to guess that the "vacant Michigan Defensive Coordinator job," quote was a misprint or mistake. I am willing to bet that author, Chuck Landon, had meant to say Marshall.
"Don't touch that please, your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and things with... molecular structures."
January 7th, 2010 at 2:31 PM |
So let me see if I understand this...
So let me see if I understand this...
(Realizing that Rutgers is the "birthplace of college football")
The complaint is that a conference founded, in the football sense in a sort of Commonwealth of Independent States fashion, in 1991, that lost two of its marquee drawing cards to the ACC in the middle of the previous decade, and that has population of schools that are largely described as "urban commuter" universities is angry that their conference does not get the perceived prestige that America's oldest Division I-A College athletic conference, one which has won a number of national titles, built around major state universities with massive alumni bases?
Wow. Chutzpah.
Craig Barker || The Hoover Street Rag || Twitter
"The Michigan fanbase: a cynical, Eeyorish bunch even in the best of times."
January 7th, 2010 at 5:29 PM |
Not to mention
Not to mention
that it didn't even play football for its first 12 years, and its expansion process since then seemed to be based on two principles, "new TV markets" and "moremoremore". (Anyone see a problem with a 16-team, 1-division conference?)
Expanding into new TV markets might be reasonable, but the problem is that sometimes those markets are not hot college football markets, and sometimes those markets already have teams they'd like to see, thankyouverymuch.
And then there's the whole thing with Notre Dame. Not awkward at all, no.
Then again, this is a single blog with a single opinion, right? It's not like he's speaking for the entire Big East. Perhaps others are saying things like "this TV deal we have really sucks" and "maybe it's a big disadvantage to have an associate member with a completely separate TV deal."
January 7th, 2010 at 2:32 PM |
I've always wondered how
I've always wondered how
I've always wondered how national pizza chains stay in business when each of them, to a one, is universally considered to be shit. The vocal disgust Colbert's audience displays when takes a bite of the pizza does not compute with their billions of dollars in revenue or their shops on almost every continent.
In short, I think everyone is full of shit.
When your team is winning, be ready to be tough, because winning can make you soft. On the other hand, when your team is losing, stick by them. Keep believing. -- Bo Schembechler
January 7th, 2010 at 2:52 PM |
That doesn't really work if
That doesn't really work if
That doesn't really work if you don't live near AA.
Are you a park ranger at Yellowstone? Say hi to Yogi Bear for me. - the_big_house 500th
I may not be a 70 year old man. - Herm
January 7th, 2010 at 2:38 PM |
Never ever underestimate the
Never ever underestimate the
Never ever underestimate the ability of lazy people to desire crappy food delivered to their door over decent food they may have to leave the house for, or make themselves. Also, advertising helps. Also, technically, isn't Dominos (and der Kliene Kaiser for that matter) a local chain?
Also, New York does have a lot of pizza snobs.
Also, on a total side note, nice to see that you have the Matthew Campbell print of Marty Turco as your avatar. It hangs proudly in my classroom next to my Al Montoya print. For those of you who have not checked out Mr. Campbell's work on eBay, I highly recommend it, his love of Michigan players (and resultant sales) make for very awesome art for one's man cave were one so inclined.
Craig Barker || The Hoover Street Rag || Twitter
"The Michigan fanbase: a cynical, Eeyorish bunch even in the best of times."
January 7th, 2010 at 2:54 PM |
Domino's is local only if
Domino's is local only if
Domino's is local only if locally means globally. They operate in 60 countries globally, and I'm pretty sure they have stores in every state in the US.
January 7th, 2010 at 3:20 PM |
Oh, I just meant the fact
Oh, I just meant the fact
Oh, I just meant the fact that Dominos started out as a local metro Detroit chain. My bad.
Craig Barker || The Hoover Street Rag || Twitter
"The Michigan fanbase: a cynical, Eeyorish bunch even in the best of times."
January 7th, 2010 at 3:47 PM |
I think Domino's divided
I think Domino's divided
I think Domino's divided their global operations into three distinct companies, actually. Domino's Pizza Enterprises is based in Australia and owns the Domino's franchises for a whole shitload of countries but is owned by Jack Cowin. Then Domino's Pizza UK and IRL is still owned by the American company, I believe.
When your team is winning, be ready to be tough, because winning can make you soft. On the other hand, when your team is losing, stick by them. Keep believing. -- Bo Schembechler
January 7th, 2010 at 2:33 PM |
Brian, I think you're right:
Brian, I think you're right:
January 7th, 2010 at 5:12 PM |
Unlike all other Bond villains, his plan has been wildly success
Unlike all other Bond villains, his plan has been wildly success
I was going to say unlike the Bond villains, the problem is he didn't reveal his whole plan to Michigan before he enacted it.
But with the basketball halftime speech, he kinda did...
"I love him, he's a great coach, he's a great mentor, he's a great friend. He's every single thing you want a college coach to be, and he does it flawlessly." -David Molk
January 7th, 2010 at 2:37 PM |
Does the lead blogger at
Does the lead blogger at
Does the lead blogger at Bleed Scarlet even know the history of RU football? Is he really getting pissed off because people are saying the Big Ten had a good bowl season? What a prick.
Congratulations on the crappy bowl games your team has won the past few seasons (you know, the only ones in school history). May your victories over powerhouse teams from the MAC and C-USA keep you warm at nite during these harsh winter months.
"The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman."
- Jack Handey
January 7th, 2010 at 2:34 PM |
"Apparently he has no interest in that route."
"Apparently he has no interest in that route."
Riiiiiight, sure he doesn't. Here's how it goes:
1. Highly-rated UM hockey recruit professes no interest in the pros.
2. Highly-rated UM hockey recruit signs with Michigan, reiterates lack of interest in the pros, stating his goal is Michigan degree and NCAA championship.
3. Highly-rated UM hockey recruit has tremendous freshman season, reiterates lack of interest in the pros during post-season play, stating his goal is Michigan degree and NCAA championship.
4. Highly-rated UM hockey recruit re-reiterates lack of interest in pros at UM hockey bust after season concludes, stating his goal is Michigan degree and NCAA championship.
5. Highly-rated UM hockey recruit signs professional contract with NHL team one week after hockey bust.
6. Repeat as necessary with future highly-rated UM hockey recruits.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:50 PM |
This is sad.
This is sad.
This is sad.
Are you a park ranger at Yellowstone? Say hi to Yogi Bear for me. - the_big_house 500th
I may not be a 70 year old man. - Herm
January 7th, 2010 at 3:01 PM |
CHL/NCAA
CHL/NCAA
I'm not going to argue that the NCAA isn't a viable option for NHL prospects, because it is, but if we even call them even (controversial I'm sure on both sides) CHL players face that competition sooner in their development. Some players are locks for the NHL they may as well go that route. Players with physical issues size whatever, can take the longer route in the NCAA. I think Campbell obviously would have been amazing in nets for M. I think its also pretty clear he hasn't made a mistake. One thing to consider is this Neives lad probably can afford to wait and go to school. Canadian kids ( maybe all) have to make a 1 semester deposit to cover the scholie, if for any reason other then injury they can't play. At Michigan, for an international student, that is a lot of money.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:37 PM |
That Rutgers blog doesn't even make me angry
That Rutgers blog doesn't even make me angry
It's funny and yet sad, in sort of a pathetic girly sort of way.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:44 PM |
Maybe the thought of Heater looking around
Maybe the thought of Heater looking around
is related to Florida potentially bringing in Corwin Brown as Co-DC and CB coach to replace Bedford
http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/sports_college_uf/2010/01/urban-meyers-...
This week, Meyer has visited the UF football offices and spent time on the company cell phone making calls to recruits and on behalf of potential coaching hires. Former Notre Dame co-defensive coordinator/defensive backs coach Corwin Brown has garnered interest from UF, but no official word about a formal interview or hire.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:44 PM |
Great Title!
Great Title!
The title alone dragged me into this article, and I wasn't disappointed.
I do admire your Don Quixote determination to speak rationally to the irrational,
"The Big Ten earns a lot of money because they have a ton of alumni, a culture in which football is important, and a history of success that doesn't evaporate because the conference has struggled through some tough years."
I'm glad everyone is jealous and hates the Big Ten, it's the clearest sign that we are the coolest clique in college sports.
Hmm, that gives me an idea for a Diary entry, equating each of the conferences to a stereo-typical high school clique.
stupid job, they give you internet access at work, but do they want you to use it for good?
of course not.
"That's all there is...there isn't anymore"
January 7th, 2010 at 2:45 PM |
Big 10
Big 10
Big 10 was 5-1-1 ATS
Not a more profitable league this postseason.
Book That, Bleed Scarlet......even if your Knights were a big winner for me against UCF
Help My Friend Allison Fight ALS
MSU/IU at the JCB
January 7th, 2010 at 2:48 PM |
Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING
Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING
Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?
Don't tell me that we're going to have hockey games where the entire crowd "Boo"'s because that's a kid's name. God I hate that.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:50 PM |
Announcer says:
Announcer says:
They're not booing. They're saying "Boo." Wait, shit.
January 7th, 2010 at 3:00 PM |
Re: Domino's
Re: Domino's
Give me Convenience or Give me Death - Jello Biafra
Nobody home...
January 7th, 2010 at 3:05 PM |
You have to appreciate
You have to appreciate
You have to appreciate this about Boo:
The center’s hands aren’t just slick with the puck, but also with a guitar and a set of drum sticks. Despite his age, he favors older rock acts such as The Who and Boston.
I'm failing to promote an atmosphere of compliance.
January 7th, 2010 at 3:14 PM |
Love the veiled Lebowski reference
Love the veiled Lebowski reference
It really tied the post together.
January 7th, 2010 at 3:33 PM |
Complaining
Complaining
about the prominence of B10 football is tantamount to complaining about the relative inequity of mgoblog and Bleed Scarlet's blog. I suspect traffic there is light in a general sense, and nearly non-existent compared the numbers this site generates. His post was yesterday and as of 2:14 eastern Thursday had generated 4 responses. Responses to this post are nearing 30, and what, the post's been up about one hour? Is this all not all market driven?
I suppose Bleed Scarlet also thinks it's patently unfair that Google, and Iphones, and hot dogs are prominent.
January 7th, 2010 at 5:18 PM |
Oh, COME ON...he has like FOUR comments...
Oh, COME ON...he has like FOUR comments...
Though they all seem to be from Big Ten fans bashing him, but still...
"I love him, he's a great coach, he's a great mentor, he's a great friend. He's every single thing you want a college coach to be, and he does it flawlessly." -David Molk
January 7th, 2010 at 3:25 PM |
"R" means Rutgahs
"R" means Rutgahs
I completely understand Bleeding Scarlet.
They're obviously still chaffed from Rich Rodriguez's 627 yards total offense during the 80-7 shellacking of the Rutgers football team back in 2001 in Morgantown.
Link: http://www.usatoday.com/sports/scores101/101307/101307333.htm
8 years ago? Still not enough time.
January 7th, 2010 at 4:12 PM |
Devin Gardner and Marvin Robinson
Devin Gardner and Marvin Robinson
That's a bummer. They really would be the two best players of all the guys enrolling early. Hopefully Robinson can make up for lost time during fall practice.
January 7th, 2010 at 5:02 PM |
Once again, spot on Brian!
Once again, spot on Brian!
Not only was your characterization of Bleed Scarlett (conveniently for us we can refer to it is as BS) spot on, but the reference was delicious to boot. I assume any further arguments from Karl Hungus over there will be along the lines of: "But she cut off her toe!" Speaking of Big Lebowski, if BS is Karl Hungus/Uli Kunkel, who is Brian? The Dude? That seems to be most fitting, but raises interesting questions as what blogs could be the other characters? I would be interested to hear Brian's take on that, but would submit that WLA would be Walter. Would Dr. Saturday be the wise narrator who tells the dude to watch his language? And who would be Donny, especially as in "Shut the fuck up Donny!"?
January 7th, 2010 at 5:24 PM |
And who would be Donny,
And who would be Donny,
And who would be Donny, especially as in "Shut the fuck up Donny!"?
Doesn't that one have to be Capstone Report or Roll Bama Roll?
January 7th, 2010 at 5:13 PM |
Or "Donny, you're out of your element"
Or "Donny, you're out of your element"
and "STFU Donny".
Two fantastically universal and applicable quotes for use in every day life.
January 7th, 2010 at 5:38 PM |
I thought V. Smith's ACL tear
I thought V. Smith's ACL tear
I thought V. Smith's ACL tear would only keep him out of the spring game...?
January 7th, 2010 at 5:48 PM |
Just a guess
Just a guess
But I bet he won't be 100% come fall camp.
"The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman."
- Jack Handey
January 7th, 2010 at 7:51 PM |
Couple points
Couple points
Leave Rutgers and Michigan out of it. It's my blog, not Schiano's. I went out of my way to be as complimentary to UM as possible. Michigan's unparalleled combination of athletic prowess and strong research academics ought to be the model for any university in the country. If anyone actually is curious about the history of the Rutgers athletic department beyond stupid, incorrect cliches I'm happy to link some additional material.
I was just responding to Brian's post about the Big Ten and explaining where the anti B-10 sentiment comes from. All in the spirit of discussion of course. It was candid, but that's the way I handle a lot of things. The site is basically one non-stop outrage mill.
You probably disagree, but that's where the other side is coming from. Of course I'm jealous - that's the entire point. When we actually have a decent season we still have to go to a 4th tier bowl not just because of the big bad Big Ten, but because the Big East is run by incompetent morons. When you see Sparty and that complete imbecile Brewster going to better bowls (and subsequently losing), that's beyond frustrating.
Oh ya - my post was solely concerned with the post 2005 realignment. I don't think anyone is going to pretend that the transition year in 2004 wasn't a nightmare. Once the BE was at full capacity again, and had time to regroup and rebuild, their track record isn't bad at all. That's why I have a chip on my shoulder about the conference always taking a beating from the media.
my (middling) Rutgers blog - http://www.onthebanks.com
We haven't had a real good blog fight in a while. Maybe it's time?