a vitally important recap of all the dumb tweets sent during the Harbaugh coaching search
Unverified Voracity: Nothing To Hear Here Edition
It's been found. For your listening edification: "Measly Penny." (mp3 link) I haven't listened to it, as it seems unwise to do so when my headphones are at home drinking my beer, eating my nachos, and watching the US-Poland game I forgot to tape, but the blogospheric reaction is nonplussed. Deadspin is bored; Mr. Irrelevant is offering mic-handling pointers; Dan's Take says the gangsta-meter is reading zero.
All you really need to know, via Deadspin:
The song also is tame, lyric-wise; no "multiply the bitch up then you get my dick size" here.
Our Fulmer Cup dream: denied.
Damn, it's good to be... er? So The Jerome Jackson Walkon Rap Explosion failed in its attempt to be gangsta. Never fear, for another Michigan athlete has rode to the gangsta-rescue... Graham Brown?
Seriously? Seriously. The guy voted "Most Likely to Own Pat Boone's Greatest Hits" at last year's basketball bust has also been voted the guy most likely to bust your head open in a Sports Illustrated survey of Big Ten basketball players. The Detroit News reprinted said survey for free; Big Ten Wonk located it; I quote it:
Dirtiest player: Graham Brown , Michigan, 27 percent. "He throws his elbows all over the place, and it's not funny."
I'm totally fine with this, since most of Graham Brown's dirty plays consist of cleanly screening people into early graves--most notably when his immovable object met the barely-noticeable force (video link) of Wisconsin's Guy Who Looks Like Chris Rock Guy. Also of note is Brent Petway's runaway victory in the "Best Dunker" category:
Scariest dunker: Brent Petway , Michigan, 73 percent: "It's pretty much all he does. His warm-ups are like a dunkfest."... "He's a human highlight film. I've never seen anyone like him."
I would be remiss if I didn't point out the following:
Biggest crybaby: Paul Davis , Michigan State, 27 percent. "You see that sour face when he doesn't get a call or something doesn't go the way he wants it to."... "Even when he scores, he whines."
Most overrated player : Paul Davis , Michigan State, 36 percent: "He's supposedly been heading to the NBA draft since he was a freshman (he's now a senior), but he hasn't shown me that much."
I didn't say nothin'.
Michigan Internets report! It's getting to the point where there's an entire Michigan sports blogosphere; a year ago I was all by my lonesome. Yow. There's a NKOTB: Michigan Sports Center.
Also, Yost Built follows up his "panic" post with a harsh analysis of the opportunities Michigan's blown down the stretch this year. Please, no children, pregnant women, or people with heart disease. The M-Zone touches on one of my internet pet peeves: impossible juggliness in signature pictures (ironically, this post is NSFW). Any time you let me dig out an old bitchin' post, you get a link. As I said in the long long ago:
Ever open a fifteen-post thread at work and get two different 800x600 pictures of impossibly fake boobs alternating for pages and pages? And then have your boss walk up behind you? Thanks, internet hero, for turning my idle surfing of a sports site into a firing offense! No one needs to see the same set of fake gazongas eighty times accompanied by your three words of deep insight into the team of your choice.
(Gazongas: a hilarious word. Say it to yourself. Now give the Z some extra zzzzing. Now say it in outrageous French accent. I rest my case.) I offer this piece of advice to the world as my legacy: you can turn these off in your Rivals profile. Click your user name at the tippy-top of the page; click "Message Board Options"; click the check box that says "hide all signatures." Viola.
Maize 'n' Brew rose to the bait Drew Sharp threw out yesterday. It's okay, Chicago... we all have to get it out of our system. Finally, Johnny takes on the Vince Young wonderlic thing. Irrelevant, but good.