Brian, sometimes you ask too much of your fellow humans. How can we not make inappropriate comments when you mention Melanie Collins and the next item is a guy holding his finger to his nose?
Unverified Voracity Hires Train Monkey
Brabbs reminder. Chicagoans: Phil Brabbs is having a fundraiser this weekend for the Indiana game, which Michigan will DOMINATE. Offer still stands on the Brabbs shirts, BTW: buy one, get five bucks off a second shirt in the (now severely reduced) MGoStore.
Insane rootability UPDATE! This is quality except for hated non-journalist Melanie Collins(!) introing it:
(Note: last time Melanie Collins was referenced on the blog the comments got very sad; just don't, hokay?)
Also: you've already seen Stonum kick the glasses up a notch this week, but what about Taylor Lewan's insane mustache tattoo?
The purpose of this:
"I mean it's the best icebreaker in the world. You go up to them," Lewan said, putting his finger in place to reveal the mustache, "'Miss, let's be serious, I just want to dance.'"
You will not be surprised to learn the idea originated in third grade. I mean:
"My friend thought it would be a cool idea to draw a mustache on (his finger)," Lewan said. " I was like 'this is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. I have to do this for real.'"
I love this team.
Kicking paint. Via a reader:
Injury watch. Another pair of big injuries hit the Big Ten this weekend, with Purdue QB Robert Marve and Penn State RT Lou Eliades tearing ACLs and getting knocked out for the year. Marve's replacement is a redshirt freshman who will further condemn Purdue to a terrible season; they're now down their top QB, RB, and WR and just lost to Toledo by 11. The Rockets were dead last in total offense going into the Purdue game; they put up 31 points and exceeded their season yardage average by 100. Purdue is bad. Someone should Yakety Sax the upcoming Purdue-Minnesota game.
Penn State winnability watch. Eliades's loss sends Penn State into a further bout of scrambling on the OL. They were already starting two(!) guys who played guard in 2009 at tackle. Now they're going with this guy:
Filling Eliades will be redshirt junior Chima Okoli, who is an offensive lineman for the first time in his career. Okoli was a full-time defensive lineman in high school and at Penn State until spring drills, when he reluctantly shifted to offense.
Penn State's starting tackles are now 6'3" and 6'4", and the position switch starter klaxons are blaring. Linebacker U on the situation:
The offensive line was already having issues before this tragedy. I lost count just how many times I pounded my fist on the bar table today when PSU only had to pick up a yard or two in third down situations and got manhandled by Temple's defensive line. … I am now taking bets on just how many of our linemen are going to join ex-punter Jeremy Boone in getting swallowed by Iowa's Adrian Clayborn next week.
Normally level-headed official-journalist-type-guy Bill Kline also sounds the alarm, albeit about a different position:
Penn State's safeties are just too slow. Drew Astorino and Nick Sukay both got burned on runs, and more than once. Andrew Dailey also was beaten. Terrelle Pryor is gonna eat them up, let alone Denard Robinson of Michigan. Can you imagine those safeties trying to even touch D-Rob? He could outrun those guys wearing a NASA spacesuit.
Yeesh. He also has some critical words for Bolden ("overthrows open receivers, holds onto the ball too long, rifles it in there harder than a sledgehammer") and actually says the PSU coaches should have inserted Kevin "Michigan Fans Are Just Bitter" Newsome at some point against the Owls.
All that sounds like overreaction to me. Even so, the Penn State game has moved into the coinflip-ish band with MSU and Iowa, even at night on the road. I remain terrified of Wisconsin even if Vegas hates them.
The Freude. TWIS is up and has the usual bout of Notre Dame self-loathing. Get your laughs in now since ND's next five games should all be easy wins—Boston College is the toughest opponent in that stretch and they also feature in TWIS because they have a 70-year-old OC named "Tranquill," which is just too easy.
Also featured is TRAIN MONKEY:
Train monkey could have called a better four down set
TRAIN MONKEY FOR WVU OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR.
BONUS! This just came down the NDN crazy pipe:
My mom says it's ok we lost because Stanford is a good team
by KLav18 (2010-09-27 16:03:17)
I want to punch her in the face and tell her that is the whole problem. We can't beat anyone good because we suck.
Is there anything more entertaining than ND Nation after a loss? Yes: Denard Robinson. But that's it.
I admire your enthusiasm. One Indiana fan's opinion of this weekend's game:
Michigan has no chance next week....
their defense doesnt exist. They barely beat an ND that IU could easily handle (ND couldnt dominate PU, which got killed by Toledo. You think Toledo would beat IU??). They barely beat UMass (FCS team?) at home.
They are not going to get 400 yards on IU.... let alone 700 yards.
Michigan are getting full of themselves, again. The BTN is helping.
Chappel will destroy them. Robinson will get some of his yards, but no one else will. And if they are sandbagging his injury, Tate Forcier's parents will have to take down his website after the game.
This is just one guy, obviously. Most other IU fans are hopeful but reasonable, or seem reasonable next to this guy, who also suggests that if the "referines" give Michigan the game again, IU should join the Big 12.
Etc.: Oregon blog Off The Pond finds AP voter John Wilner's secret ballot notes. Wilner is one of two voters to exclude Michigan, and the rest of his ballot does not make the guy out to be a genius. (The other guy not to vote for Michigan is creepy/sad cheerleader groupie Scott Wolf.) Nobody goes to Florida State games. Just 61k showed up for the Wake Forest game; they haven't topped 70k for the last five games. TV Guide droids are changing the storyline.
Wisconsin doesn't terrify me, not after that ASU game.
I still hope they stomp Sparty this weekend.
It sounds like you do care what happens. You want Wisky to physically pound Sparty into the ground.
who also suggests that if the "referines" give Michigan the game again IU should join the Big 12.
Careful what you wish for there buddy. If they want to give up their seat for ND or Texas, I'd gladly let them leave.
and no one is there to hear it...
...does it make a noise?
And does anyone care?
but if Scott Wolf wasn't a "sports journalist" those hotties wouldn't let him get within twenty yards of them, especially from behind.
Holy shit - I figured there might be one or two pictures of him with cheerleaders. Nope - he apparently tried to hang out with every singe cheerleading squad he sees.
Reminds me of the athletic director at my high school who flirted with the pom team all the time. Mothers, keep your daughters away from Scott Wolf (when there isn't camera equipment, crowds, and adequate lighting around. )
The tag: "Taylor Lewan is the Continental". +1.
Michigan effectively = ND
ND effectively = Purdue
Purdue < Toledo
Toledo < IU
And, in the theoretical realm:
IU > ND
IU > Michigan
have a cyclotron, and I understand that Lynch is looking to borrow it for practice this week. Apparently he needs something to approximate the speed of Denard.
Whatever that Indiana guy says after Denard Robinson dismantles their defense.
This guy reminds me of Damefan1 with his ND-UM prediction on YouTube.
It has only taken two weeks for Taylor Lewan to rocket to the top of my likability rankings. I suspect the TAYLOR LEWAN HATES DONKEYS MGoMeme has something to do with this.
Could anyone have imagined before the season started or last year for that matter, a statement like this during the season?
Terrelle Pryor is gonna eat them up, let alone Denard Robinson of Michigan.
We are Michigan. We have the most exciting player in the Big Ten. And he's just getting started.
We have the most exciting player in the Big Ten.
Not only in the B10, but in the whole freakin' country.
That's just sad. A few down years and their attendance levels plummet 20%??? In 2008 (3-9), we still averaged 108,571 per game. In 2009, we averaged 108,983. We set a record of over 113k this season after the worst 2 year stretch since 1962-63. Fair-weather fans down there in Tallahassee, to be sure.
Also, re: mustaches... is it any coincidence that I once made up a song for my 4 year old daughter called "finger beard"? The lyrics are as follows:
My finger is your mustache and your finger is mine, my hand is your beard and your hand is mine. Finger-finger-finger-finger, hand-hand-hand-hand, finger-finger-finger-finger, hand-hand-hand-hand. My finger is your mustache and your finger is mine, my hand is your beard and your hand is mine.
There are motions and everything where I put my finger under her nose and she puts her finger under my nose. Ditto with the hands-on-chins. And it's called "finger beard" because it's easier to say than "finger mustache". And it's ironic. Too much TMBG and "Here Come the ABC's"
Tallahassee is in the middle of nowhere, most of the alumni and fans live in live South Florida (Tampa, Orlando, Ft. Lauderdale etc.). A lot of your season ticket holders make 6+ hour commutes to the games. Michigan has a top ten metro area to draw from, move campus to the UP and you wouldn't have 100K for Bowling Green games.
In the words of Jeremy Gray: "No excuses, play like a champion."
It would be interesting for someone in "the know" to figure out how many people come to the Big House from out-of-state each game. I bet its higher than most people that live in Michigan think.
Not to nitpick but Detroit is actually ranked 11th.
The 2 hour metro area for Tallahassee is a lot smaller than Ann Arbor. All of the big cities (Tampa, Orlando, Atlanta) are over 4 hours away. All that being said I was shocked at how none of the games were sell outs when I was there (2007-2009). Also the student section tickets are free and you sign up on a game by game basis, that may affect attendance some because it's less commitment than Big Ten fans who pay for full season tix.
It is a nightmare to get to. No direct flights except from Charlotte and Atlanta. Tons of traffic on the interstates around there and then have to travel a long way through town to get to the stadium from the interstate.
That being said, they had no problem filling the stadium during the 80's and 90's.
Bowden's final years took a lot of starch out of that fanbase, along with UF's ascendancy during that time.
I have never seen so many cops along the road in my entire life. We saw cars pulled over at 20+ different spots along the way.I wish I were exagerrating, but I lost count after 20.
But yes, definitely a pain in the ass to get there.
Die hards, who love Michigan and support the university and program regardless of record.
It doesnt matter if Michigan is winning or losing. It matters that they are playing.
I had a blast throughout 2008 and went to every game. No regrets and those games annually are among the best days of my, and many others, years. Call us fools if you want, but our support is more true than most. You should be thanking us for not creating an awful looking stadium scene like we saw at the Doak over the weekend.
Maybe you should have stopped being a fan in 2008 then. The Michigan fanbase would apparently be better for it.
What? So what your saying is is that a fan needs to be a die hard fan to cheer on his team. If they are not die hard fans, then they are fools? Your post makes no sense. Just because we have had two bad years, then UM fans should stop going to games and supporting our team?
I'm just trying to get what you are saying. Because to me your post is confusing.
But I think the Wiggles have fucked with your brain. There's no other explanation for why you posted your finger beard song here.
Hire a babysitter for a night man. I'm worried about you.
My kid loves her some They Might Be Giants. They might not always make sense, but they might also be great. Finger Beard is my made-up-on-the-spot one lazy Sunday afternoon homage to family-friendly TMBG.
I'm just kiddin' around - from what I understand, if you don't know what The Wiggles are, you're a lucky dad.
I'm not knocking the finger beard song (though that title seems inexplicably obscene, for some reason.) I just thought that block-quoting it in its epic entirety on MGoBlog might be a sign of needing some adult time.
An excerpt From the Miller's Tale from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales ( a high school english lit reference I having been saving for just this occasion):
And through the window she put out her hole.
And Absalom no better felt nor worse,
But with his mouth he kissed her naked arse
Right greedily, before he knew of this.
Aback he leapt- it seemed somehow amiss,
For well he knew a woman has no beard;
He'd felt a thing all rough and longish haired,
And said, "Oh fie, alas! What did I do?"
"Teehee!" she laughed, and clapped the, window to;
And Absalom went forth a sorry pace.
"A beard! A beard!" cried clever Nicholas,
"Now by God's corpus, this goes fair and well!"
This hapless Absalom, he heard that yell,
And on his lip, for anger, he did bite;
And to himself he said, "I will requite!"
Who vigorously rubbed and scrubbed his lips
With dust, with sand, with straw, with cloth, with chips,
But Absalom, and often cried "Alas!
The FSU attendance slide is all the worse when you consider that they've replaced us as the program with the longest streak of winning seasons. Evidently, their fans viewed them in the '90s as a fad.
Our fans can be fickle, quiet and a bunch of worrywarts, but at least they do show up.
Do you think the train monkey could play linebacker?
Can he Kick?
...Purdue's new mascot.
a train monkey can presumably tackle, so he wouldn't fit in this season.
Besides, if they were to change the mascot, obviously it has to become a shot and a beer. The possibilities would become endless.
That "referines" bit is pretty clever though. How do we get the referines to show up for every game?
Is this what they mean by RR's offense designed to get "athletes in space"?
I can understand being "cautious" about Penn St., but this is only a coin-flip game if the Michigan/Penn St. coin we are using is rigged to land on Michigan 60-70% of the time. I listened to or watched most of that TU/PSU game. Penn St.'s offense is absolutely atriocious. They could do nothing right once they got anywhere near the red zone. If Bernard Pierce did not get hurt, Temple probably would have won. Penn St.'s D has no speed and is small. Pierce was bruising through them. In fact, Temple probably should have won anyway had a few bounces gone their way and the playcalling not gone into a shell. Temple has not beaten Penn St. since 1941 so I feel like the coaches clammed up. Anyway, take it for what is worth, but Penn St. is not very good at all. They should get torched in Iowa.
Yeah, but Kevin Newsome runs hard. Gotta watch out for that. lol
I had PSU penciled in as a 'w' after their first two games, but now I'm even more certain. The only reason they have ANY chance is b/c it's a night game. Strange things can happen. Seriously though, I think we ROLL Penn State by at least three TD's.
Indiana??? Please. They're still living off one play in 2009. I bet the Ewoks still think they can take out the Death Star too. Meeeeechigan (fully-operational) wins by 21.
Nice Star Wars reference there. +1
I'm sorry Indiana fan, but of all the teams you have beaten, all haven't won a game except for Towson who beat Coastal freaking Carolina in overtime. You're half right about one thing though, Indiana should leave the big ten... for the Mac.
There should be some sort of law on the books against trash-talking with no grounds therefor. Sure, Indiana is a nice team, but reading this load of trash is worse than listening to that UMass player call the Big House the "Little House on the Prairie." At least the UMass guy was funny about it. This Indiana person is just delusional, at best. Even if Indiana wins, this guy/gal will still be an idiot.
Isn't it interesting that everybody is sympathetic to excessive and hilarious despair on blogs and chats. Doing it is even good for the soul But nobody can tolerate false boasting and even on the off-chance of being right is does no one any good at all.
IU's football history is sufficiently pathetic that I would think you could yank our chain without making stuff up. The Division I-A minimum attendance requirement during the Dinardo era was 15,000 per game. IU's worst attendance in the Dinardo era was 22,282 on October 30, 2004, against Minnesota. Don't get me wrong, that's pathetic, particularly considering that Minnesota was ranked and it was a beautiful day (I was there--IU pulled the upset, too). Still, IU was never within shouting distance of the bottom line number for even a single game, let alone for a season. If you have proof to the contrary, I would love to see it.
Train monkey. What a great bunch.
Roy's Donald Duck voice = awesomeness
Snake oil is a traditional Chinese medicine made from the Chinese Water Snake (Enhydris chinensis), which is used to treat joint pain. However, the most common usage of the phrase is as a derogatory term for quack medicine.
So it all makes sense..