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Unverified Voracity Blames It On The Autotune

By Brian — July 29th, 2009 at 4:02 PM — 76 comments
Filed under:
  • 100% pure colombian awesome
  • family values
  • lolmsm
  • money money money
  • sec

This is what genius looks like. Prompted by Rich Rodriguez's tete-a-tete with Jamie Foxx, Orson gets parodic and LSUFreek drops this mindblowing gif:

Blame_it_on_the_Henne

It will take some time to load. You should wait. It references this. You should read the original post.

While we're making it rain. Michigan checks in #4 in overall athletic department lucre. The top ten:

Rank School Total Revenue Conference
1st Texas $120,288,370 Big 12
2nd Ohio State $117,953,712 Big Ten
3rd Florida $106,030,895 Southeastern Conference
4th Michigan $99,027,105 Big Ten
5th Wisconsin $93,452,334 Big Ten
6th Penn State $91,570,233 Big Ten
7th Auburn $89,305,326 Southeastern Conference
8th Alabama $88,869,810 Southeastern Conference
9th Tennessee $88,719,798 Southeastern Conference
10th Oklahoma State $88,554,438 Big 12

Texas and Ohio State continue their runaway status as 1-2. Texas's spot at the top of the list is pretty obvious since, IIRC, the Big 12's television revenue is extremely unbalanced and Texas, as the flagship school not located in a tiny state where the only thing to buy is John Deere equipment, is the major beneficiary of the current system.

But I've always been curious where the Ohio State revenue gap comes from. The Big Ten splits all TV and bowl revenue right down the middle, so the only differences can come in stadium gates and sheer sport quantity. (For instance: I'm guessing the Michigan hockey team rakes in most of the difference between Michigan and Penn State by itself.) Ohio State does support a huge number of sports, but I don't think the crew teams or whatever at the tail end of OSU's athletic department bring in a million between them, let alone 18. And Ohio State's stadium is considerably smaller than Michigan Stadium.

OSU's visual cacophony of in-stadium advertising is no doubt part of the gap. The rest of it is probably luxury boxes and primo seating; I'll be interested to see what the numbers look like in two years when Michigan's suite spigot is turned on.

If you're curious as to the per-school average for BCS conferences:

  1. Big Ten: $76.4 million
  2. SEC: $71.1 million
  3. Big 12: $66.5 million
  4. Pac-10: $58.7 million
  5. ACC: $54.1 million
  6. Big East (football schools only): $45.5 million

Someone hide this from Clay Travis*: even when the SEC nuclear bomb contract goes into effect—which adds 60 million-ish per year—the Big Ten teams will still be ahead on total revenue. Not that this will stop the avalanche of OMG SEC FINANCIAL DOMINATION stories.

*(Who has a wikipedia page? WTF?)

Fire this woman immediately. Here's Pat Forde on something called "First Take." As it is on ESPN, it contains no information, but holy hotpants you might want to watch through the Michigan segment, which is right after the ND opener:

I quote this woman now.  I quote her:

"They want to get the 'woof, woof' back at the Dawg Pound, back at the Wolverine house, the Big House."

LADY DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A DOG TO YOU?

wolverine

SERIOUSLY. ARE YOU UNDER THE IMPRESSION THIS IS A DOG?

Hey, guess what sort of values we're talking about. Got it in zero. Good job. Mark Ortmann on the offensive line departures:

"They're leaving for all the wrong reasons," Ortmann said of the Wolverine quitters from the interior line. "They're making false accusations. I got along with Boren, (Grand Haven's Dann) O'Neill and Kurt. But I don't understand where they're coming from.

"The family values at Michigan are there. That's not a question in anyone's mind. So for them to come out and make those accusations is not fair to anyone."

I don't think did O'Neill said anything other than "I'm a better fit at Western," but take that you other guys. Take that.

Etc.: Kirk Ferentz likes the idea of playing 13 games. What about the children, Kirk? Maize 'n' Brew hit up Big Ten Media Days, too. Talkin' with Ortmann and Brown.

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:11 PM | You just beat me to the (Score:1)
jrt336
jrt336's picture
Joined: 01/16/2009
MGoPoints: 4470

You just beat me to the video. What a retard. The Dawg Pound is in Cleveland.

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:17 PM | Ugh (Score:1)
Erik_in_Dayton
Erik_in_Dayton's picture
Joined: 12/03/2008
MGoPoints: 4590

That's even worse than when U of M occasionally gets called "the wolves." At least that is an understandable, if inaccurate and annoying, short hand...I can only assume that she later said that OSU is counting on having a big advantage at home in The Jungle this year.

It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future. -- Yogi Berra

                         

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:22 PM | Yeah, uh, 1. Not a fucking (Score:1)
Big Boutros
Big Boutros's picture
Joined: 07/08/2008
MGoPoints: 8004

Yeah, uh, 1. Not a fucking dog and 2. Fix your syntax you mouth-breather. You are paid to speak on television. "They, uh, want, uh, to get the woof woof back at the, uh, Dawg Pound, back at the, uh, Wolverine House, uh, Big House." Just spit it out no matter how fucking stupid it is.

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:21 PM | Awesome (Score:1)
Elno Lewis
Elno Lewis's picture
Joined: 12/05/2008
MGoPoints: 1143

pic of the wolverine, Brian!

Get some Viton and glue that to the front page.

Oh yeah, the article was great, too.

Time wounds all heels. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwGXMryTbwE

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:36 PM | Elno (Score:1)
jamiemac
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 7520

Its not Glue. Its Caulk!

Help My Friend Allison Fight ALS 

CFB, Week 1 Lines at the

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:22 PM | That woman is totally, (Score:1)
Blazefire
Blazefire's picture
Joined: 04/17/2009
MGoPoints: 14096

That woman is totally, totally x-treme. To the max.

"This is the EMU game, not the emo game."
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July 29th, 2009 at 4:31 PM | "And Ohio State's stadium is (Score:1)
Bryan
Bryan's picture
Joined: 07/10/2009
MGoPoints: 7754

"And Ohio State's stadium is considerably smaller than Michigan Stadium."

+1

I have a Fandom Endurance III merit badge

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July 30th, 2009 at 7:26 AM | In other news, water is wet. (Score:1)
Blazefire
Blazefire's picture
Joined: 04/17/2009
MGoPoints: 14096

In other news, water is wet.

"This is the EMU game, not the emo game."
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July 30th, 2009 at 8:18 AM | Revenue Gap (Score:1)
teldar
teldar's picture
Joined: 07/14/2009
MGoPoints: 1172

They make up for the smaller stadium by charging almost $10 more per ticket.
Tickets for M games are about $50, yes? OSU tickets are $60. So they're pulling in over $6M gross per home game on ticket revenues while M is only pulling in $5.5M. Approximately. And that doesn't include luxury suites.

SO....
If M were a bunch of even more greedy bastards (like osu), they could pull in closer to $7M per home game.

Wasting away in Ohio, a Wolverine in a sea of red and grey

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July 30th, 2009 at 11:53 AM | Contracts (Score:1)
casmooth
casmooth's picture
Joined: 11/21/2008
MGoPoints: 160

OSU also recently signed a larger deal than UofM did with IMG, which handles a lot of the corporate sponsoring. OSU also advertises inside their stadium with IMG, so that is another area they are banking.

HAIL.

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:34 PM | Nice job, lsufreek, like his (Score:1)
the_white_tiger
the_white_tiger's picture
Joined: 02/07/2009
MGoPoints: 5227

Nice job, lsufreek, like his stuff.

Maize n Brew

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:34 PM | wow. that would explain my (Score:1)
ronmexico
ronmexico's picture
Joined: 11/19/2008
MGoPoints: 452

wow. that would explain my "dog" attacking small children and other dogs at the park.

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:36 PM | not a dog. (Score:1)
matty blue
matty blue's picture
Joined: 08/01/2008
MGoPoints: 268

i had one eye on sportscenter this morning, and the "dawg" woman was doing some morning-after baseball stuff.

my 14-year-old daughter - who has no interest in sports whatsoever (to my discredit, i know) - said "that girl has no idea what she's talking about, does she dad?" no, honey. no, she doesn't.

out of the mouths of babes, etc.

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:41 PM | The Brady cameo in that thing (Score:1)
BleedingBlue
BleedingBlue's picture
Joined: 07/25/2008
MGoPoints: 1953

The Brady cameo in that thing is hysterical!

Meeechingan Football 2011:  Now featuring ManBall™

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:42 PM | I almost threw things at the TV.... (Score:1)
Tater
Tater's picture
Joined: 08/13/2008
MGoPoints: 8977

Just when I thought ESPN couldn't find anyone as vacuous as Forde, they proved me wrong. Is one of ESPN's new requirements for talking heads a vaccination with a double-shot of mercury in childhood?

First Take should really let Dana Jacobsen handle the UM stories from here on out.

http://tinfoilhatsportsblog.blogspot.com/

 

 

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July 29th, 2009 at 5:15 PM | No, they shouldn't (Score:1)
poguemahone
poguemahone's picture
Joined: 07/01/2008
MGoPoints: 360

Her chin could shatter diamonds.

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July 30th, 2009 at 10:06 AM | Yeah (Score:1)
msoccer10
Joined: 08/29/2008
MGoPoints: 1531

but at least she's an alumnus

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July 30th, 2009 at 10:11 AM | Not helping the cause (Score:1)
GCS
GCS's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 764

Unless I'm missing the joke (again):

Alumnus

Alumna

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July 30th, 2009 at 10:29 AM | http://dictionary.reference.c (Score:1)
TomW09
Joined: 12/19/2008
MGoPoints: 199

Unless I'm missing the joke.....

If you're going to correct someone's grammar, at least be correct yourself.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/alumnus?db=luna

This link gives the same definition for 'Alumnus' as 'Alumna', except that 'Alumna' is specifically a female who graduated or was once a student of a particular school.

Your first link shows "No results" because you incorrectly typed in 'Alumnus"' instead of 'Alumnus'.

It's Great to Be A Michigan Wolverine

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July 30th, 2009 at 10:35 AM | Eh, I biffed the embedding of (Score:1)
GCS
GCS's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 764

Eh, I biffed the embedding of the URL. Too late to edit now. Trying it again:

Alumnus

The usage notes mention that it specifically refers to a male graduate.

Alumna

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July 30th, 2009 at 11:50 AM | Yeah, (Score:1)
msoccer10
Joined: 08/29/2008
MGoPoints: 1531

though the first definition at Dictionary.com just says an alumnus is a graduate, you're right. I wasn't thinking about the whole masculine/feminine thing.

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:42 PM | I think one source of the $$ (Score:1)
Tim
Joined: 07/08/2008
MGoPoints: 12640

I think one source of the $$ disparity might be basketball attendance, too. A quick search didn't yield any results for basketball attendance averages, but I bet OSU gets more people at their games, and would be shocked if they didn't charge more, as well.

Yeastbound and Down

Great Lax State

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July 29th, 2009 at 11:00 PM | Probably not (Score:1)
MrVociferous
MrVociferous's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1059

Unless they are charging $5000 a ticket, that's not going to account for that large of a gap.

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July 30th, 2009 at 8:39 AM | IDK (Score:1)
teldar
teldar's picture
Joined: 07/14/2009
MGoPoints: 1172

What's the attendance at an M home game? Or what was it last year maybe. I was thinking it was getting down to 5-6k people at the end of the Amaker Disaster.
I would hope it's full again.
I'd be surprised if osu isn't charging 20-25 for a home game. And their arena holds about 20k for basketball. That's $400k per home game. That's $8M/yr for basketball (20 home games). Is M pulling in much more than half that? That could be a couple million more of the gap.
Crisler only holds 13k. It's a dump and needs to be replaced. Or expanded and improved.

Wasting away in Ohio, a Wolverine in a sea of red and grey

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:42 PM | What a moron (Score:1)
the_white_tiger
the_white_tiger's picture
Joined: 02/07/2009
MGoPoints: 5227

watched the vid.

Maize n Brew

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:45 PM | Lloyd Carr tippin' back that (Score:1)
His Dudeness
His Dudeness's picture
Joined: 11/24/2008
MGoPoints: 12858

Lloyd Carr tippin' back that drank in tha club just made my day month. Thank you, LSU Freak.

or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

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July 29th, 2009 at 5:04 PM | What I want to know is (Score:1)
Other Chris
Other Chris's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1184

Where'd he find a picture of Lloyd smiling?

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July 30th, 2009 at 11:52 AM | I don't think he did (Score:1)
STW P. Brabbs
Joined: 08/27/2008
MGoPoints: 2217

It's more the Lloyd grimace/smirk that he gives when he's being a dick to a sideline reporter.

Which makes it all the funnier, IME.

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:49 PM | I think we have a new banner headline (Score:1)
J. Lichty
J. Lichty's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1112

"They want to get the 'woof, woof' back at the Dawg Pound, back at the Wolverine house, the Big House."

I think that us Big Blue, wolves fans could really take to this one.

our package is our package, and it’s pretty big. - Greg Mattison, Bowl Practice Presser Tr. 12-13-11.

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:53 PM | Yeah, or I could just use it (Score:1)
thevictor22
Joined: 01/10/2009
MGoPoints: 52

Yeah, or I could just use it as my signature!

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July 29th, 2009 at 4:59 PM | Indeed (Score:1)
Wide Open
Wide Open's picture
Joined: 07/02/2008
MGoPoints: 571

Imagine the scene at Michigan Field when the all maize-clad Wolves team join its rabid student section in a chorus of woofs after a hard-fought night game.

(Seriously, you think Erin Andrews would have said anything like that? HELL no.)

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July 29th, 2009 at 6:03 PM | And we could all wear these (Score:1)
83tilinfinity
83tilinfinity's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 12

And we could all wear these shirts!

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July 30th, 2009 at 8:10 AM | Did you read the comments for (Score:1)
TIMMMAAY
TIMMMAAY's picture
Joined: 09/08/2008
MGoPoints: 5088

Did you read the comments for that shirt? Freakin hilarious.

not just "douchey" MGoBlog user, but now TRUSTED MGoBlog user

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July 30th, 2009 at 10:45 AM | My favorite (Score:1)
QB Waggle
QB Waggle's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 141

OMG says...
This shirt cured my Aids!

Admin@everythingwolf says...
There is no way our shirt cured aids.

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July 31st, 2009 at 9:48 AM | Now that's classic (Score:1)
TIMMMAAY
TIMMMAAY's picture
Joined: 09/08/2008
MGoPoints: 5088

Now that's classic

not just "douchey" MGoBlog user, but now TRUSTED MGoBlog user

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July 29th, 2009 at 5:02 PM | Freek's Video... (Score:1)
Blue2000
Blue2000's picture
Joined: 01/06/2009
MGoPoints: 2638

...is even better if you watch it while reading the lyrics to the RichRod version of the song on EDSBS. Truly amazing stuff.

"Come on, you Wolverines!"

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July 29th, 2009 at 5:02 PM | i recommend reading the maize (Score:1)
knut
knut's picture
Joined: 06/25/2009
MGoPoints: 42

i recommend reading the maize n brew article on stevie brown. it's good stuff

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July 29th, 2009 at 5:06 PM | At least her gaff wasn't as (Score:1)
Jedelman11
Jedelman11's picture
Joined: 12/15/2008
MGoPoints: 816

At least her gaff wasn't as bad as Ron Burgundy's

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JgvSD9joKk

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July 29th, 2009 at 7:38 PM | Ron was right (Score:1)
GreyJello
Joined: 02/17/2009
MGoPoints: 525

The thing is, Burgundy was right about one thing. ESPN is a cultural disaster.

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July 29th, 2009 at 5:13 PM | The difference is that OSU (Score:1)
mghorm
mghorm's picture
Joined: 07/06/2009
MGoPoints: 169

The difference is that OSU has...wait for it... luxury boxes. Once the New stadium is done M will be right up there. I wouldn't be surprised if we take that number one spot. We get a lot of money from apparrel sales in California. i know it sounds weird but a lot of the mexican gangs use the block M as a gang sign.

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July 29th, 2009 at 5:14 PM | ESPN (Score:1)
mgovictors23
mgovictors23's picture
Joined: 05/03/2009
MGoPoints: 91

I find the commentators on ESPN incredibly annoying and stupid. I don't really even watch it anymore because of the hate towards Michigan on it.

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July 29th, 2009 at 5:37 PM | from the .gif (Score:1)
Professor Greenberg
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 397

"Lose to Notre Dame–what?
Coach that got a gunt-what?"

You should read the lyrics at the link. Awesome.

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July 29th, 2009 at 6:03 PM | ESPN's next show will feature (Score:1)
Anonymosity
Anonymosity's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 2003

ESPN's next show will feature two middle-aged men yelling "SPORTS!!" at one another for half an hour, occasionally cutting away to shots of a reasonably attractive woman holding a microphone.

Sadly, this will be more mentally stimulating programming than most of their crap.

Ann Arbor: now the permanent home of the Little Brown Jug

67-22-3 all-time

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July 29th, 2009 at 6:23 PM | AHA! This is why Michigan football has struggled of late (Score:1)
Don
Don's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 17332

All this time we'd been laboring under the mistaken impression a wolverine was an overgrown weasel, when in fact it's a canine. Whew, glad we got that cleared up. Now we can get back to the business of winning again.


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July 29th, 2009 at 6:56 PM | Michigan Attitude (Score:1)
wiscwood
wiscwood's picture
Joined: 07/24/2009
MGoPoints: 31

I grew up a UM fan. I'm an alumni of the University of Michigan. Hear me when I say, I want no mercy (football-wise) for any team we face whether it is home or away. I want a gluteus kicked as we speak. It may not sound so civilized. I don't care! NO MERCY!

I remember our streak of wins against OSU in the '90s. I felt a little sorry for them. Never, never again will that feeling occur. I live in Wisconsin now. I want them destroyed on the court/field, even game board the Wii. UM kicks the SEC's can. I want the winning to start in bushels! Let's start this new season!
.

"To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield" --Alfred Lord Tennyson/ John Sheridan B5

 

                 &n

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July 29th, 2009 at 7:48 PM | Yeah! (Score:1)
WolvinLA
WolvinLA's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 869

Yeah!

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July 29th, 2009 at 7:55 PM | I'm usually pretty reserved... (Score:1)
GreyJello
Joined: 02/17/2009
MGoPoints: 525

I'm usually pretty reserved when it comes to the idea of embarrassing opposing teams. However, after all the shit we've gone through the past year+ on the field and in the media, I am fully in favor of hanging every goddamned point possible on every opponent we play for the next decade.

Crush them all. No mercy.

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July 29th, 2009 at 11:45 PM | True, dat! I want game like (Score:1)
dakotapalm
dakotapalm's picture
Joined: 07/15/2008
MGoPoints: 1870

True, that! I want games like this:
http://images.usatoday.com/sports/scores101/101307/101307333.htm

Box Score, bitches.

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July 30th, 2009 at 7:37 AM | Damn, that's scoring a TD (Score:1)
the_white_tiger
the_white_tiger's picture
Joined: 02/07/2009
MGoPoints: 5227

Damn, that's scoring a TD almost every time. No mercy.

Maize n Brew

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July 29th, 2009 at 8:33 PM | Not sure if that video was (Score:1)
turbo cool
turbo cool's picture
Joined: 07/10/2008
MGoPoints: 944

Not sure if that video was supposed to insulting to mich? But it was awesome. +8734237 to you LSU Freak.

i only respect other superfans

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