are we sure he is a future MLB? looks more like a WILL
Unfrozen Caveman Linebacker Recruiting
With apologies to Black Heart Gold Pants. And all of you.
This space has remarked on how deeply uncomfortable linebackers coach Mark Smith appears in all photos before. In this he is the opposite of Tim Hardaway's photogenic appeal.
This here is a Mark Smith keeper from Michigan's latest trip to Colerain:
Unfrozen Caveman Position Coach is confused and frightened by this camera business
Colerain is LB commit Joe Bolden's school, FWIW. I like to think his recruitment went like this:
Ladies and gentlemen of the Bolden family, I'm just a caveman. I don't know much about this modern world of yours, but I do know how to hunt and eat wild game. As your position coach I will teach you to hunt and eat the king of game: man. Did you know man is the sweetest of all mea—
Well… what Mark's trying to say is that Michigan's unmatched tradition and the superior technique coaching you will receive make Ann Arbor the best place for you. He is not talking about killing and eating your opposition, except—and I want to make this explicitly clear—in a metaphorical sense.
I am 100% sincere about eating the still-beating hearts of opposing running backs.
[two hours later, just outside of Dayton.]
You have to put the two of them together. One is Joe, the other is Bolden. Together...? They're unstoppable.
The Hoke double point never fails to deliver.
of fast LBs that attack the line with reckless abandon and arrive with a bad attitude and utter disregard for their bodies. The only ones better are those who like to hunt and eat their kill, metaphorically speaking, and before the whistle, of course. I also prefer them dressed in Maize and Blue.
(Unlike 2 out of 3 Hokies...)
I'd pay to see that.
Nice break in the middle of a work day to happen upon this. Very funny.
I couldn't stop laughing "The sweetest of all meats. …"
Hahaha well done, unlike Mark Smith's preferred style of running back heart. Also, Ferrigno isn't exactly the worlds most camera-friendly human, either:
I know this will add zero to the discussion, but the amount of amusement I got from this small skit compelled me to comment and give it 2 thumbs up. Well done, and when I need another laugh, I will read it again. It has to be good for several or 6 readings.
In the most literal sense!
and to the poster who talked about the photogenic nature of another position coach I say...do we have any that look good in front of a camera? I guess Brady when he is pointing. Maybe Montgomery and Mallory, but that would be about it. The rest seem to be of the aged and balding variety...NTTAWWT.
We don't need no stinkin' prettyboys. We're MEN.
Dirty, ugly, sweaty, smelly, (bald), MEN.
The last thing we need is a photogenic staff. GERG probably wasted countless hours per year doing his hair. Mattison just puts on his cap and is ready to go. Baldness = efficiency.
First the message board posts about 'A Modest Proposal' this morning and now a post with undertones of 'The Most Dangerous Game'... I feel like I'm back in 11th grade English and I LOVE IT.
He had never slept in a more comfortable bed, Joe Bolden decided.
That was TREMENDOUS.
Though at least one of those "weellllll"'s should be an "I don't know....". We know it wasn't a real transcript, because there wasn't one "tremendous."
I love how Hoke's sentences all start with "Well,". It's a running joke in our house. Watch any interview with Hoke and count how many times he starts off with "well".
You are not alone.
LOVED the Tremendous thrown in the middle there.
Well, that was tremendous.
The best part is where Bolden says he's "in" with eating the still beating hearts of opposing RBs. I mean other than the Epic Hoke Double Point of Victory.
This makes me miss the fake chat room diaries we had at one point. I don't remember who wrote them but they were always fantastic.
R.I.P. Phil Hartman
Your 3-3-5 defense scares and confuses me...
Did not see that quip coming. Top notch!
I swear for years any time I brought up the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer skit from SNL i was looked at like I was an alien. Thanks for being That Guy (not the Gruden variety) with me.
My close friends from home and I will toss out a "I'm just a caveman," every once in a while, but it doesn't get you anywhere with a general audience.
great job! a nice way to brighten this gloomy weathered day in northern Illinois. Thanks. Metaphorically speaking of course.
...I was starting to feel Mark Smith out there in the recruiting process with Joe Bolden, and what I mean by that is he's a football coach. He's unorthodox sometimes but he's a tremendous football coach and an example of him being a football coach is when he knifed in and tackled Joe's desire for raw meat. That's a football coach aggressively displaying his cannibalism and being physical at the point of attack....
"Variations on a Theme by BHGP, by Brian Cook"