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frank clark

Sympathy For The Devil Comment Count

Brian

Indoor soccer leagues are not particularly good about keeping things balanced. We were getting the shit kicked out of us because we were all 30 and out of shape and these kids were in high school. Since they were in high school, they were dicks. I'd just about gotten fed up when their goalie started making forays up the field in an attempt to score. Repeatedly. Just rubbing it in.

I started tracking him the next time he did it, with every intention of cleaning him out. As I reached him, he passed the ball. My fate was sealed anyway.

Without any semi-legal means of letting this guy have it, I punched him in the face. 30 seconds of rolling around later, my glasses were in tatters and I'd gotten a healthy suspension from an amateur indoor soccer league I didn't care very much about.

This is not at all what Frank Clark did. I am not drawing any sort of equivalence between the two events.

But I have been there, in the place where part of your brain that says "maybe we should think about this" is overwhelmed by a need for violence. I understand that many—too many—people come at this from the perspective of someone who has experienced or knows someone who has experienced the other end. That is valid. Of course it is. I come at it from the other end. I am a relatively normal person with a nice life, and there but for the grace of God and wife go I.

I struggle to say the appropriate things here because I think the idea of "thoughts" going out to the victims of such things is condescending at best. If you're ever in a position to help a person in that situation do it and if you're not then don't puff yourself up about how roundly you condemn such behavior. I don't see a whole lot of difference between people with the gall to blame the victim and those loudly proclaiming Clark a miserable waste of atoms.

This gets on my nerves because it's a quick leap from pointless moralizing to dismissing a guy forever as only that one thing in that one moment. I saw this picture and it took the wind out of me.

Screen_Shot_2014-11-16_at_9.54.45_PM[1][2]

"Clark refused to look at the camera at the Perkins police station"

What did I do?

"Look at the camera."

That's not who I am.

"Look at the camera."

I thought I had left this behind.

Click.

Maybe Frank Clark's a bad guy. Or maybe one of the assholes waving him goodbye in the comments to make themselves feel better about themselves would have made the same screwup in the same situation, bottle-deep in a miserable football season after literally living a feral existence on the streets of Los Angeles for most of his youth.

It's not acceptable; Michigan had to make the decision it made. For once the program managed to handle something right. There have to be severe societal punishments for these things, and Clark's going through that.

He's got a choice now. He can be a guy that this happened to once, and he put it all away and forced all of that down as best he could and it never happened again. Or he can let it recur, and be the guy the internet says he is now. It's up to him. I don't know which way it will go, and that photo suggests he doesn't either.

I hope he makes it, and feel badly for him. Yes, as the perpetrator of a terrible thing. Yes. It is possible to be a bad person in a moment because you are wired to be angry, a wiring that comes easily when you've experienced way too much fear growing up. How many people are shitty all the time without tripping a line like Clark did?

It is heartbreaking for Frank Clark to almost make it. You should feel that part of this too.

Comments

Everyone Murders

November 18th, 2014 at 8:42 AM ^

Click on the hyperlink if you want to figure it out.  That's why I included it in my comment.  Also, look at the police report. 

The idea that it (i.e., rape being an impulsive action vs. decisive action) is a distinction without a difference is a position that the anti-rape movement has been fighting for a long time.  It just doesn't fit in the date-rape picture, or in the laying-in-wait rape picture.

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Everyone Murders

November 18th, 2014 at 10:12 AM ^

You state that it's about power, and I agree.  I said as much above.

But there's a reason that domestic violence perpetrators get sentences including mandatory anger-management counseling.  It's to teach them new strategies to avoid impulsive behavior.  You don't typically see anger-management counseling sentence elements for rapists. 

I'm not defending either, of course.  It's just that rape is a different type of evil than domestic physical abuse.  Not unrelated (both, as you say, involve the need for the perpetrator to assert power over the victim, and there are typically huge elements of narcissism in both crimes) - but not the same, either. 

It's great, btw, that we can have a serious dialogue on these issues in a football forum.

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MGoViso

November 17th, 2014 at 5:54 PM ^

Disclaimer: this is such a sensitive topic that it may not be at all appropriate for any message board, and maybe not MGoBlog in particular. IDK. Deletion, negs, whatever, I accept it.

We struggle to find any sympathy with Gibbons because sex is so glorified in our culture. Especially with scientific advancements (technology, chemistry, surgery) that seek to ensure no consequences may come of sex, we are on a push to make sex a casual part of daily life, akin to buying a Coke. But we refuse to acknowledge that context as one that may disturb Gibbons so deeply (or for that matter millions of frat boys) as to put forth motivation to something terrible because it says something about us - our own attitudes toward sex. We prefer that he just figure out how to live in a society that says "now" and "no consequences" to sex while not harboring deeper, disturbed impulses, because otherwise, we would need to change our attitudes toward sex.

[I don't recall the details of the Gibbons incident and whether it was certain he was guilty or not. I don't think that massively alters my point.]

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PrincetonBlue

November 17th, 2014 at 9:13 PM ^

I think it's opposite to what you are saying.  Sex is seen as a vice in society.  Violence, on the other hand, is what is glorified.  Sex scenes, if they are ever shown, are always heavily censored.  Fight scenes are in basically every movie ever made; there's even entire genres dedicated to just fights, like kung-fu movies. 

As a result, any thought about sex will have revulsion accompanying it, whether it is large or barely noticable.  When we think of a rapist, these feelings of revulsion grow, causing us to loathe rapists.  In contrast, we are largely desensitized to violence/domestic abuse, and don't emotionally feel the seriousness of the crime.  These differences in our feelings lead to our differing reactions to Clark's situation and Gibbons's situation.

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Red is Blue

November 17th, 2014 at 9:58 PM ^

"never ending cycle of domestic violence...and yet I feel more sympathy toward Frank Clark. (I think most of the board does as well) Why?" I think you answer your own question in its preface. Domestic violence is never ending, in other words, it can be a repetition of previously seen actions of others. Thus, it is more plausible that Clark was exposed to domestic violence in his youth and is modeling than it is that Gibbons was exposed to, and modeled, actions to which he had been exposed. (Note I said plausible, not certain.). Thus, it is easier to feel sorry for Clark because his background more plausibly contributed to his actions.

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jmdblue

November 17th, 2014 at 5:28 PM ^

(I don't know if the worst happened or not or what knowledge Hoke may or may not have had or anything like that......).  I think we can feel a little more sympathy for Clark.  I posted earlier there have been 2 times in my life I was seriously mad at a woman (different women).  I didn't hit or threaten in any way, but if I were dealing with a guy(s) I certainly would have (hell...Brian apparently had a row with a HS kid who was being a dick).  Frank lost control and deserves (another) chance at redemption.  If Gibbons molests women at parties and then threatens them afterwards, well, whatever redemption is offered for that comes from somewhere beyond me.

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GoWings2008

November 17th, 2014 at 4:53 PM ^

was one of complete neutrality, even before the dismissal.  I knew he'd done something that needed to be punished, most likely through dismissal, then it came and my feelings maintained that even keel.  Sorry, Frank.  Gotta go.  Because its the thing that had to happen in this instance.  Punish, then support.  I hope he gets the help he needs to see his way through the dark times his life will experience in the immediate future.

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TIMMMAAY

November 17th, 2014 at 5:43 PM ^

I agree that the only decision to be made here, was made. He had to go. That doesn't mean you can't feel a smidge of empathy for him, while still sympathizing with the victim. I feel more sad than anything else, especially after all of the details (not all, but what we did get)came out. 

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LSA Superstar

November 17th, 2014 at 4:54 PM ^

We've all had this conversation before.

"[PERSON X] did something horrible?"
"Yes, but [CIRCUMSTANCES]."
"[indignant moralizing] And that JUSTIFIES it?"

I love this post because it makes it clear that explanations aren't excuses.  An explanation seeks to EXPLAIN why something did or did not happen, or why it happened in the way it did.  An excuse seeks to morally or legally immunize conduct.

After this terrible thing happened, I am searching frantically for explanations.  Why would Frank have done what they said he did?  What went wrong?  What can we do better next time?

Asking those questions doesn't constitute an attempt to excuse him.  And I'm tired of people acting like it does.

Thank you for writing this, Brian.

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Sopwith

November 17th, 2014 at 5:30 PM ^

I used to do cancer research. If someone asks me to explain why a certain cancer happens, I can sit there and explain how the normal process of cell division went awry, how the normal checks in the cell cycle were subverted by an mutation in a tumor suppressor or how an oncogene gets turned on, etc.  So there is some explanation for how such a thing happens.

No one ever replies to this by saying "So you're JUSTIFYING my mother dying of cancer??"

Huh? An explanation is over in that corner. A justification is over in that other corner. I never get why people have trouble telling the difference between the two.

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GoBLUinTX

November 17th, 2014 at 5:29 PM ^

projected our "dickish" behavior into physically harming others for no greater crime than being alive.  The author identifies with Frank Clark because he too has lost control of his emotions and physically lashed out at others, and I suppose that's understandable.  But make no mistake, it isn't all of us that are unable to control our emotions and it isn't all of us that lash out and perpetuate crimes upon innocent people. If it were normal and we all did it, it wouldn't be a crime, it would just be a normal regular part of life.

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charblue.

November 17th, 2014 at 4:57 PM ^

has been like, how it has shaped his emotions and what kind of tension he's lived through trying to make it at Michigan. The truth is, we can't know and appreciate because our experience is our own and we see things through its prism even if wetry just think about headbutting asshole high schoolers who think schooling their elders is cool because they can. 

In these situations, our experience to these kind of news developments is based on how it impacts us and our interests. As fans, it means one of Michigan's best defensive players is removed from the scene, permanently. Whether this is a fair reaction, it is what it is. I don't know Frank Clark. But as a Michigan athlete, I always think the best and expect that as one he will reflect that behavior. Still, we are all flawed and subject to mistakes and poor judgment.

He does have the kind of incredible background that no Michigan fan or student could even imagine. But we are all citizens of the world we live in, whether it's on campus, or free on a Saturday night in Erie, Ohio. Clark was a week away from the celebration of Senior Day, the culmination of a college experience far less traveled and worth chronicling as a Journey. 

And now that journey has taken a different turn, a brutal one. That cuts off all that good stuff that came from achieving under hardship, learning while scacrificing, playing it straight while under probation for stealing. 

Yeah, that is a bittersweet image of Frank in police custody. It's the picture of a man at odds with himself. And for that man to succeed going foward, he has to accept the terms on which he can make amends and find himself. Because recovery is about being faithful to yourself and the people you love, and finding the strength to earning their trust again. 

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GoWings2008

November 17th, 2014 at 5:03 PM ^

reminded me of this quote from Wall Street, which in context is not necessarily a good comparison, but the message of the quote hits home with this situation:   "Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss."

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SituationSoap

November 17th, 2014 at 5:00 PM ^

What is perhaps most interesting about this issue is just how significantly the reaction to Clark's actions were as compared to Ray Rice's just a few months ago. My perception is that we've made progress, and that makes me happy.

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glewe

November 17th, 2014 at 5:05 PM ^

There are two things going on here, and you're right on one count: Perpetrators of terrible crimes do not and should not be equated with their terrible crimes.

That said, it is not "pointless moralizing" to focus on the victim and/or survivor. It is, instead, recognizing that Clark plays a role in a narrative where a man whose aggression is celebrated on a field brings that aggression home and uses it against someone who is physically defenseless.

It is possible, and indeed it would seem best, therefore, to focus on the victim when expressing regret about the situation. It takes our societal focus from, "Put that worthless animal behind bars!" to "Act in service of the woman who did not deserve it."

My heart aches for Frank; I was a member of PCAP for a year, and I recognize the harsh reality about what he is going to soon experience. But it aches further for a woman who was worth way more than she was treated by a man she trusted. This is not pointless moralizing; it is known as empathy.

I am empathetic to both, but I elect to think about the existing cycle of domestic violence by which women are disproportionately burdened, and I know what must happen to Frank. Unfortunately, I know too that he has fought hard and grown and come so far as a man that it shakes me to my core to know that this has happened in his life, that he has done this.

Pray, think, do something--I don't care. But first push back against the narrative of domestic violence. Then push back against the narrative that a man is equal to his crime.

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Lou MacAdoo

November 17th, 2014 at 5:08 PM ^

Bryan I sympathize with with your soccer story. I've been there in hockey. Frank Clark has put his struggles out into the public eye and you might've read them and think you understand. But unless you know how he's wired and have actually gone through what he's gone through you can't understand. He clearly messed up big time and I never promote violence, but I feel empathy for both parties. Someone that loses their cool and hits a woman clearly has some serious problems and needs some help. Unless they're a sociopath then they can just go fuck themselves.

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ATLalumni

November 17th, 2014 at 5:11 PM ^

struggling with all of these incidents that have recently come to light.  I grew up on the wrong side of Flint, had a father who's dad was an alcoholic that beat him, also growing up on the wrong side of Flint.  My father never put a hand on myself or my mom, but still had the anger/demons inside him based on his own upbringing.  Unfortunately, I saw this rage directed at people who admittedly deserved it, whether it be guy in the bar or asshole in the neighborhood.  But never at his family or those he loved.  I was given the option of getting my own scholarship if I wanted to go to college, or go to the military.  (My dad himself a Naval lifer).  I earned myself a football scholarship and away i went.  Not until after college, almost to my 30's did I come to the self realization that this anger/rage was also in me.  I was mad at the world, took it out on everyone around me.  Mad at those who were spoon fed, mad at anyone I felt had not earned what they had.  NEVER have I put my hands on the ones who I love, but this rage/anger inside was not controlled, and I believe is also what made my coaches love the way I played the game.  But it became hard being praised in some circles for my disposition, and reviled in others.  Not until my current wife suggested that I look into Anger management classes before we were married did I realize that this was a fight that I would deal with the rest of my life.

Frank, this is a battle you will fight your entire life.  You cannot undo your actions, you can only fight to overcome them.  You will have to right wrongs with many people, and receive help along the way.  I for one, am disappointed in the decisions you made, but that I am rooting for you.

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MGoCarolinaBlue

November 18th, 2014 at 1:37 AM ^

This is a very good post.

These issues are very difficult to talk about, but I'm glad that you are because there are folks out there who are dealing with the same type of stuff but haven't yet come into the same level of self-awareness that you've developed. So, thanks for putting this out there & stay vigilant. We're rooting for you.

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M-Dog

November 17th, 2014 at 5:50 PM ^

This is really weird.  I did exactly the same thing.  In indoor soccer.  Against a high school kid.  For exactly the same reason.  I was 28.  This must be a thing.

I will say though, I have never hit a woman or child in anger.  Never.

That part of your brain that says "Maybe we should think about this" is small when you are angry, but it is not missing.  It is the fuse against crossing the line.  

I don't care who you are or where you come from, that part of the brain must win the day when it comes to violence against women and children.  No excuses.

If it can't, you are a dangerous predator and need to be removed from society.  Everything else is secondary.

 

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Cranky Dave

November 17th, 2014 at 6:17 PM ^

but it appears to me that you're saying that while there are no excuses for hitting women and children it's OK to hit another man.  what if you're trained in MMA and you go after an untrained guy your size? or somebody 50lbs lighter? or if you're 28 is it ok to hit somebody 68? I would change your statement to say

"I don't care who you are or where you come from, that part of the brain must win the day when it comes to violence against another person except in self defense.  No excuses. """

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M-Dog

November 17th, 2014 at 8:05 PM ^

I did not say it was OK to hit somebody else.  It was stupid.  I lost my cool.  But it was against sombody bigger than me that I could not actually hurt.  
 
The point is that there is a difference between losing your cool and completely losing it to the point where you hurt people.  
 
That difference is that inner fuse that makes you stop, even if you are prone to losing your cool and doing stupid things.  No matter what.
 
When you are in a position to really physically hurt someone, soemthing has to kick in to make you stop.  There are no excuses for how drunk you are or how angry you are or how intense you are.

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Code-7

November 17th, 2014 at 5:21 PM ^

Pretty sure the idea wasn't to compare domestic violence to losing it on some kid in a soccer game. More to the point of very poor decision making while under the influence of anger, alcohol, humiliation, or a combination these and other factors. One instance should not define any one unless you've chosen to live in Ohio. No coming back from that one. :/

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formerlyanonymous

November 17th, 2014 at 5:22 PM ^

in the same situation, bottle-deep in a miserable football season after literally living a feral existence on the streets of Los Angeles for most of his youth.

There's no excuse for the violence portrayed here, there's no need for the violence in that soccer game.  Clark did a stupid thing and deserves every bit of this.

If he can pull himself out of this and be the better person in the long run, more power to him. I'll be proud of the guy.  But as for what he did, see ya and so long because that shit is unacceptable. 

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Bloodoo

November 17th, 2014 at 5:22 PM ^

Great article, but here's where you lost me:

I struggle to say the appropriate things here because I think the idea of "thoughts" going out to the victims of such things is condescending at best.


Regardless if we have sympathy for Frank Clark (we should), we should reserve a greater amount for the victim, as well as the terrified kids who had to witness the incident.

That picture of Clark was devastating. The picture taken of his girlfriend: more so.



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Surveillance Doe

November 17th, 2014 at 5:24 PM ^

A real component of coaching high-level football that sometimes gets overlooked is the need to help these kids appreciate the opportunities they are given and navigate a world very different from the places in which many of them grew up. Practices and games give coaches an opportunity to be there, guiding their guys from within arm's reach. 

I imagine bye weeks are a little terrifying for coaches for that reason and especially frustrating in the aftermath of something like this. How much has football saved Frank Clark to this point? How much is Hoke beating himself up for not giving Clark the tools to make the right choices when left to his own devices? It's all really sad to see it crumble so quickly.

I think we all have well founded doubts regarding Hoke's ability to coach at this level, but I certainly don't doubt how much he cares for his guys. I'm sure this news has been pretty devastating for Hoke, and I would be surprised if any of those feelings are derived from the impacts this might have on the remainder of the season--or in this case, on Hoke's career. I wouldn't be surprised if that thought has yet to cross Hoke's mind.

I feel for the victim first here, but I feel a lot for everyone involved in this situation. I wish Clark could have been saved from himself before making such a huge mistake.

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I Don't Read Blogs

November 17th, 2014 at 5:25 PM ^

I think you walked a fine line and wrote a great post.

Those upset by the post seem to fit into a couple categories

a) lack of some degree of nuance in reading (failed to understand the point you were making or mischaracterized it via oversimplification)

b) those wondering why you posted this at all

Many of the criticisms have political undertones. This is, after all, a political post, ripe with policy ramifications if taken seriously. I stop there. 

 

 

 

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Eye of the Tiger

November 17th, 2014 at 5:40 PM ^

It is sad for Clark. I'm sure he wishes he could have that moment back, and I agree that we should have sympathy for him given the difficult circumstances of his upbringing. But if this did indeed happen the way described in the police report, then one has to remember that there are kids who apparently thought they were witnessing him murder their mother.

Being shocked and disturbed by that, as well as the actual violence against his girlfriend, is not--as others have pointed out--"pointless moralizing." For me at least, it serves as a reminder that sympathy for the alleged perpetrator of violence has--and should have--it's limits.

(Of course I know you (Brian) weren't actually saying that expressing shock and dismay are tantamount to "pointless moralizing," but rather arguing that Clark is a victim in this too--a victim of a terrible decision, and that when considering him as a person, we shouldn't forget things like how he's overcome a very tough upbringing. Fair points).




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MGoBrewMom

November 17th, 2014 at 5:30 PM ^

This stuff is bad. Really bad. But my initial feeling was just sadness. Obviously for victims (the GF, obviously! But also those little kids who saw it all unfold.. Ugh). It's heartbreaking. But it's heartbreaking for Frank too. I just can't get my head around how a 21 year old gets so angry he snaps. But I can only guess this is something he has been around/exposed to as a young person. Kids are taught how to handle things, and punching people isn't ok, but maybe Not everyone has really been taught that. I am with you Brian. I am hoping that Frank Clark looks deep inside and takes care of this. I want this for him, and his family. I want to think he is a good dude, and I want to root for him. If he owns this, that will be a good start. We all love a comeback story, and I think with the guidance of good mentors, he can do it. It is up to him.

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