Fuck yes, Brian. It's time to play some football.
a vitally important recap of all the dumb tweets sent during the Harbaugh coaching search
About a month ago the series of posts about the last decade of Michigan football struck upon the worst 11 plays the program suffered through since everyone started wearing those sunglasses with zeroes in them on New Year's Eve. The commenters were united in their opinion of these posts:
I was with them. But it seemed not only wrong but impossible to evaluate the last decade of Michigan football without enumerating the many offenses we have suffered. The story of the aughts was Roman decline. Skipping straight to Mario Manningham with one second on the clock would have been fiddling in the ruins.
It's about seven AM on the first game week of the 2010 season. Since I am a blogger and was an engineer before that, the last time I was up this early I was 19, in the second and last of the nepotistic internships I spent the first couple summers in college fiddling away at. My mom did the driving, so she set the schedule, and I spent a couple summers groggily pawing for an alarm clock with an "6" in the hour column and sulkily resenting how useless caffeine was for me. Mornings make me stabby.
But I'm up and the feed reader's here. This is what it provides around 7 AM on August 30th, 2010:
It's been a ragged, weary summer, one that followed a frustrating collapse and a false but panicky NCAA apocalypse and the crater of '08 and I feel like I've been talking about how tired and frustrated and burned out I am for years now—the first sentence of last year's Story was "I'm tired"—which only makes the conversing about how it's tough out there for a Michigan fan more tedious and wearying and makes you want to go idle your time away on anything other than, say, the Ohio State UFR, missing for the second consecutive year. What felt like diagnosis and honesty last year now just feels like whining.
A brief survey of themes from last year's game columns:
I've got no real analysis of either team other than they're both worse than I thought. I'm burning out after two years of almost unrelenting misery, and looking forward to football season being over for the third straight year. I mean, when Michigan was down to Purdue in the second half, some fan ten or twenty rows behind me kept shouting "they've got no heart" over and over again as the guy in the row in front of me called for Rodriguez's firing. Having a conversation about Michigan football right now is trying to remember that episode of GI Joe where Destro finds a secret ninja manual in a volcano*** that allows him to kill people with precisely-applied touches: if you can just remember where the red dots are you can spare everyone a lot of pain.
EMO WHINING WITH MORRISSEY TITLE
A serious thematic analysis of the Wisconsin game is pointless. Michigan's defense is exactly as horrifying as it's been all year. Everyone wants to fight each other in the liveblog. When the MGoPosse assembled to record this week's podcast, Paul said "at least we didn't muff a punt" and I responded "they didn't punt." (It turns out they did punt once in the first half, and Junior Hemingway misjudged a short one, almost fumbling it.)
EMO WHINING CONSISTING ENTIRELY OF MORRISSEY LYRICS
Is a time
Which I must
Put out of my mind
Oh, one fine day
Let it be soon
She won't be rich or beautiful
But she'll be walking your streets
In the clothes that she went out
And chose for herself
THE GENESIS OF THE OVERUSE OF "DONG" ON THE MESSAGE BOARD WITH MORRISSEY REFERENCE… AND WHINING!
To paint with broad strokes, I probably don't have much in common with 6'3", 290 pound black guys from Miami who think it's a good idea to play for Ron Zook. Our worlds are unlikely to intersect at a Lil Wayne show or the Ann Arbor Film Festival. Cory Liuget has probably never thought to himself "that reminds me of a Morrissey song." Of late, I think that all the time.
But at around 6:30 on October 31st, 2009, we both felt like we had been punched in the dong. In Liuget's case, this is because he had been punched in the dong:
In my case, and probably in yours, you had not actually been punched in the dong unless you had decided at some point that going outside with your buddies and punching each other in the dongs was preferable to watching the metaphorical dong-punching that started when Roy Roundtree's knee hit the ground at the one yard line and has not, to my knowledge, stopped. If you managed to miss this play and its aftermath because you were outside getting punched in the dong, congratulations: this is the one and only time when your decision-making skills will ever be regarded above average. Punch yourself in the dong in celebration.
It is evidently my opinion that Morrissey sums up Michigan football of late better than anything else, and, well, yeah. Fey, petulant, wildly schizophrenic, once part of something great and now stuck in a self-loathing rut, extremely likely to fumble anything it's carrying if hit by a 250-pound linebacker, Michigan is Southpaw Grammar/Malajusted-era Morrissey to atomic precision.
But then there are the Mealers, who don't so much put the above rending of fishnet shirts in perspective as obliterate the petty concerns of everyone who pays into the fandom industry just so their boring lives can sometimes feel titanic. Elliott's mother from that AP article above:
"I questioned why I missed my opportunity to go to heaven," Shelly Mealer said Sunday night in a telephone interview as her voice cracked with emotion. "Still, I have my moments wondering if I can do this. But I know I'm here to take care of the boys because my husband always was the one who led us in his positive and optimistic way."
Elliott Mealer still feels a sense of regret and guilt for offering his girlfriend the outside seat in the back the car because she was feeling ill.
"It could've been prevented, I guess, and it could've been me," he said softly. "It's kind of a difficult thing to think about."
Elliott's brother Brock was told he'd never walk again and the "best he could hope for" was for the pain to go away in time.
Right now it's easy to be the world's most cynical man ("I don't always drink beer, but when I do I make sure to remind everyone it's made from rice and by Belgians"). This site's already thrown up Henri the Otter of Ennui and packed it in with the site slogan, until recently "nevermind, PANIC aaaaeeieieie," and every hot seat list has Rich Rodriguez foremost on the chopping block. The secondary preview begins with "what's the point of anything?" Penn State fans with short memories are making each other's dangly bits tingle by speculating about whether Michigan will ever come back. I just told that New York audience that I don't think Rodriguez is going to make it.
Brock Mealer's going to walk, though. On Saturday he's going to get up and walk under the MGoBlue banner in an act of defiance aimed at no one in particular. From the outside, what happened to Elliott Mealer and his family looks like an event that would physically and emotionally cripple anyone it happened to. It's orders of magnitude beyond any of the things I—we—have felt sorry for ourselves about over the past couple years. Something in them was resilient, though, and with the aid of this staff they'll reclaim a small part something they thought lost on Saturday.
They can—probably already have—transfer this to the people around them. As I said about Manningham :01:
In the end, the game served as a reminder that bitterness is no fun, faith is rewarded, the kids on the field are more resilient than we are, and sometimes they can let us borrow some of that.
For both us and the team it's time to put away the eyeliner and walk.
Fuck yes, Brian. It's time to play some football.
Well done sir, you always continue to impress me. Well done!
It has begun. It has beguuuun!
I think we can all agree that despair and melancholy have gotten us nowhere. Let's pick ourselves off the floor and WIN SOME FREAKIN' GAMES THIS FALL. I'm hopeful, excited, and can't wait for Saturday. If the Bad News Bears can do it, so the heck can we.
For $100 I'll make you one that goes to 12.
Someone here is a smart engineer.
Brian, you've done it again. Wonderfully written and oh so true. The story about the Mealers is what it is all about and the support the U-M program/community has shown the whole family is a big reason I am proud to say I am a Michigan Man.
There is a quote by William Ward that I absolutely love - "Adversity causes some men to break, others to break records." Records don't have to be statistical, but just doing what others think cannot be accomplished. Here is to Brock breaking some records this Saturday.
I think Brock's truimph will overshadow any outcome from this game. His is a victory that should inspire soo much more then any fourth quarter come back. I'll train even harder just knowing I'm lucky for being abe too.
"I just told that New York audience that I don't think Rodriguez is going to make it."
Man, I hope you are wrong. That means 2-3 more years of dispair (RR will not be fired after this year).
needed some more info on that comment myself.
I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT! GOOD SHIT, BRIAN...WELL DONE.
As RichRod would say, "Let's stop all the drama." We have something like 18 starters back from last year. Vegas has UM as a 3 point favorite over UConn. That means people who get paid to make predictions think we should beat one of the best teams in the Big East. Go Blue!
Michigan fans will bet on us in any case.
But I like your point on drama.
Walk away from the keyboard...take a deep breath. Blogging shouldn't be a suicide watch. (Though listening to that much Morrissey, who could blame you).
Would have loved to hear your New York talk, but there's a difference between being pessimistic and fatalistic.it feels a lot longer than 9 months (which ideally should be 8), but we're here, and there's way over a hundred years of happiness to offset a few bad ones.
But the Horsemen were hilarious. Now I gave to go look up which rode which horse, to see who is who.
I was actually inspired to pick up a Morrissey CD.
Or at least the Smiths (Strangeways, Here We Come)
We come to it, at last. The great Michigan football season of our time
UP and spread this post. It seems the future of RR at Michigan is in some sort of trouble. Time to get the info out there. Show your support or otherwise. This season could very well decide whether we end up with a power spread offense and a disruptive dynamic defense or begin searching for another hire. Your thoughts on the matter DO matter. There is collective thought and it does change outcomes. If you don't believe me do some research on it. A collective group working towards a goal is significantly more successful than individuals. The last few seasons have been tough to watch as a fan, especially when you are used to winning at least 8 games a season. I have met some of the staff from the team, In my opinion they are some of the hardest working and dedicated coaches I have ever seen. They are making this team an icon of college football again. Like I said just my opinion though.
Let's go Men! You're either with us or against us and to hell with the rest!
Nah dude it's a pad. Pads have wings.
so are you saying Tate was a tampon but now is a pad?
Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss
When he writes shit like this:
"Right now it's easy to be the world's most cynical man ("I don't always drink beer, but when I do I make sure to remind everyone it's made from rice and by Belgians"). This site's already thrown up Henri the Otter of Ennui and packed it in with the site slogan, until recently "nevermind, PANIC aaaaeeieieie," and every hot seat list has Rich Rodriguez foremost on the chopping block. The secondary preview begins with "what's the point of anything?" Penn State fans with short memories are making each other's dangly bits tingle by speculating about whether Michigan will ever come back. I just told that New York audience that I don't think Rodriguez is going to make it."
Way to give up on the season before it even starts. If the Mealer's have shown us anything it's that "impossible is nothing"
...you weren't coming back till Saturday?
This is the main page. And that paragraph pissed me off so much that I had to say something.
But whatever neg away.
It's a reasonable opinion. You disagree. I actually disagree, too. How hard is it to leave it at that?
To hope. To irrationally have love for our team and to love every minute of it.
To believe that RR will not make it is completely against everything that it is to be a fan of this team. To believe is to be a fan.
I just hope that BC is there at the games helping this team win instead of pouting on the sidelines like a school girl.
You're embarrassing yourself more than usual. That's saying something.
Yeah but it's entertaining for the rest of us.
In fact, I think he's absolutely correct in his view of fandom. Being a fan is SO much easier and more fun if you're 100% behind the coach, and optimistic. Rich Rod still hasn't done anything to piss me off or lose faith in him, and until he does (sincerely hope he doesn't) he'll have my full support.
I think (hope) Brian's just playing around - last year or two he's been optimistic in NY, and look what happened.
With zero legitimacy or maturity.
Is, in my opinoin, about supporting and rooting for your team. There is no belief necessary. Being realistic and trying to make accurate predictions help us judge success. If we lose to a team that is better but play well, I won't be that disappointed because you can only do so much with what we have. There is no contradiction between predicting demise and hoping for success, at least from a fans perspective.
You might have a point if Brian was a coach or a player. Then you have to believe you will succeed or it becomes a self fulfilling profecy. But when it comes to being a fan, all you owe is your loyalty and a loud voice.
Brian has season tickets and was the one who threw the empty water bottle at the guy booing our team.
You don't have to worry about him "helping this team win".
He also is not just a homer either (wow, that is horrible grammer).
I just think it's funny bouje, you've been on this site for a long time. How can you really question Brian's fandom? He has proven to be a devoted RR supporter and believer in THIS team. My take on that paragraph is his, maybe not so clear, attempt at showing different adversity in the media, national opinion, etc.
I know that he bleeds maize and blue.
What I'm saying is that right now in this article (particularly in that paragraph) he is writing off this season before it even starts and is therefore being a shitty fan.
No, he's not.
Agreed. Writing off the season before it begins is absolutely being a shitty fan. HOWEVA, I am so pumped for this season that I take BC's depressing, rekindling of shit memories in the same way that certain movies, shows, and books build momentum for a final battle by showcasing all that the characters have gone through until that point.
Does anyone see where I'm getting this? I'll try to find some clips to show what I mean if I'm being confusing.
I know you're smarter than that (or at least I think you are)
go back & read it again. Brian starts off by telling you where the last 2 years have left him, what place he's in now, how hard it is to keep believing and stay optimistic right now. But then he tells you about the Mealer family and how risilient they've been. Then he shows you a newspaper blackout poem that pretty much says instead of feeling sorry for ourselves it's time to go to work & fix things. Even his last sentence, "for both us and the team it's time to put away the eyeliner and walk," is saying that it's time to stop moping, stop feeling sorry for ourselves, and go take care of business. People aren't "fawning over Brian's writing" like you said, they're just not being as narrow-minded and stupid as you are. On September 4th, you know Brian will be there cheering for the team with everything he has, so Bouje why don't you just leave this alone. Because you're very, very wrong.
"I don't think that RR makes it".
Explain to me that whole paragraph and maybe I'll believe the ending but you just conveniently leave it out.
there's nothing to explain. In his opinion, RR isn't going to make it. In his opinion, that's a realistic prediction for the season. Part of his job is making predictions that he thinks are accurate, and so he made one. But it doesn't mean he's hoping it happens, it doesn't mean he's giving up on the season, it doesn't mean he won't be there for every home game, it doesn't mean he loves the team any less, it doesn't mean he's not gonna cheer his heart out, and it certainly doesn't mean you should just disregard the rest of what he wrote.
To believe that RR will not make it is completely against everything that it is to be a fan of this team. To believe is to be a fan.
Brian is not only a fan, he's a blogger/writer and one of the most knowledgable sources on Michigan football. If someone asked him if he thought RR would make it and he honostly answered 'no', how does that make him less of a fan? It's not like he said he wanted RR to fail.
Or more mindless, or child-like. Our job as fans is to SUPPORT the team. It is mindless groupthink and a ridiculous totalitarian mindset to say our job is to believe in them, or anything for that matter. If I think we will only win 6 games then that is what I believe, and no idiot is going to tell me I'm not a huge fan because of it. I hope and support to the end but Brian's beliefs, or anyone else's, are as legit as yours. and judging from your post, way more legit.
You should have read the rest of the post.
Just teasing, mostly. While I don't agree with the combative nature of the post, I don't disagree with the point, really. The Emo thing is a bit played. Reprising it all was a bit lazy, not inspired. The season opener last year will go down in the annals of great things ever written about Michigan Football. This...the woe is me thing is getting old. I'm not falsely optimistic, but the dark lighting and sad music motif might work in his apartment, but doesn't sound all that great on the page. It's ok. He might write something great as early as this afternoon. No worries.
Did you read the entire post? Are you joking? Can't tell.
And yes I did read the entire post.
Ya dong punches are funny. HAHA, we've all been punched in the dong from Michigan Football.
BRIAN COOK IS ALREADY WRITING OFF THE FOOTBALL SEASON. He's come and gone to NYC and told people that RR will not make it. He's put up "YOU CAN NOW PANIC". His preview of the secondary is a shame to everyone that plays in the secondary.
I'm not saying that we are going to go 13-0 or that we'll go 0-13. I'm saying that we are 0-0 and to take this season one game at a time. I understand that it's his job to preview the season but when you write that paragraph you aren't previewing the season, he's previewing RR's obituary.
I think he's summarizing the pain of the past more than anything. Where the last three years have left him.
He's not writing off the season, or Rich Rod.
As I read it (and interpret everything through my own biases), I see it as a lot of pain, and lowered expectation that anything good might happen.
But that will make all the victories (literal, metaphorical, tiny, whatever) all the sweeter.
And yes, I'm a little distraught that he doesn't think Rich Rod will make it. My feeble brain refuses to comprehend such a possibility.
Go Blue. Please win this week.
I must say that I agree that this isn't Brian's greatest post either. I still believe in Rodriguez.
Is this a nod to DRob?