[Patrick Barron]

PUNT

By Bryan MacKenzie

I had the flu this week. My immune system took its cues from Saturday's performance by the Michigan defense, and by Sunday morning it had begun. Aches, pains, fever, gastrointestinal challenges... the whole shebang. I did not enjoy it. My wife and daughter also had the flu. They did not enjoy it, either.

Run the dang ball

Overall, having the flu is bad. But it does have one upside: crazy fever dreams.

Science isn't really sure exactly what fever dreams are, or how they work. The vortex and the hypothalamus work in mysterious ways. But sufficed to say, when you have a reasonably high temperature, it messes with your REM cycles in a way that makes your dreams freakin' nuts. Instead of the dream where you are taking a test you haven't studied for and you can't find your pants, you get the dream where that test is "a bunch of giant spiders" and the your legs are made of melting technicolor Legos.

I dreamed some weird shit, guys. I solved some of the great scientific problems of our day. I played what I believe to have been a very successful game of cricket against the Soviet Union (I do not know the rules of cricket). I got chased by some weird creatures. Adventures, all.

Me hitting a... uh... googly wicket home run

You know what DIDN'T happen? Rutgers didn't beat Michigan.

Even in my craziest, disease-infused dreams, that wasn't happening.  My short-circuiting brain knew better. Perhaps some neuron started down that path, but the rest looked at him like, "dude, no." He briefly protested, but then realized, yeah. He was being THAT neuron. And he went back to concocting a story line involving Dave Chappelle's Lil' Jon as a Revolutionary War General.

Michigan won last year's matchup 78-0, and 127-16 since Jim Harbaugh arrived. Michigan has scored the last 92 points in the series between these two teams. Rutgers is currently averaging 4.9 yards per pass attempt against FBS competition, which is #127 in the country, ahead of powerhouses UTEP, Charlotte, and Army.

To their credit, Rutgers is on its first ever two-game Big Ten conference winning streak. But those wins were the result of getting outgained by a conglomeration of toddlers at Illinois, and getting outgained more than 2-to-1 by a resurgent-but-still-Purdue Purdue.

Rutgers' defense is no longer an abomination, and Michigan's offense isn't good enough to score 78. But last year's "zero" understated how comprehensively Michigan dominated that matchup. Expect more of the same this year.

Michigan 27, Rutgers 0

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COUNTERPUNT

By Nick RoUMel

COUNTERPUNT – RUTGERS

By Nick RoUMel

Given the acute, recent misery I’ve experienced being a Michigan fan, I set out to answer an important question: is this relationship good for my health?

Surprisingly, I found that it is.

This is despite published studies that link team losses to increased blood pressure, decreased testosterone levels, excessive drinking, poor eating habits, and heightened risk of heart attacks and car accidents.

It also flies in the face of the powerful expressions of despondency - and even anger - that die-hard Michigan fans have experienced this season. Not to mention the embarrassment that comes with social media taunting, like this vicious anti-Michigan meme:

Memes like this cause “situational depression.”

We have to remember that “fan” is short for “fanatic.” According to the book “Media Audiences, Effects, Users, Institutions, and Power, “The etymological roots of the word ‘fanatic’ particularly the connections to religious fundamentalism, fueled early negative stereotypes about fandom portraying individuals as misguided at best and delusional at worst.”

Jerry Seinfeld doesn’t get it, either. Observing that players come and go, he says the only constant is the uniform. “You’re rooting for the clothes, when you come right down to it.”

It comes down to one thing: family. Win or lose, we are all part of this crazy, dysfunctional Michigan community.

Fans who identify with a particular team have higher self-esteem and are less lonely. We have a lifelong bond, shared history and a common language. Ever feel that great sense of pride when you’re out of town and see someone wearing Michigan gear? And you give them a hearty “Go Blue!”

And sometimes they’re like, “huh? Oh, I bought this at a garage sale” (true story)

Win or lose, this is my team. As surely as “UM” is in my name, my diploma, my blood. On the whole, I think that is a very good thing.

MICHIGAN 27, RUTGERS 6