Punt-Counterpunt: Utah 2014
expect PLANES today apparently
PUNT
By Nick RouMel
This weekend is already a success! I sold my tickets for $30 each, a significant improvement over the $20 I obtained for my Miami ducats. This does not include the cut taken by my friendly neighborhood protection racket.
Truth is, I cannot bear to be present during the Utah game. I fear a terrible result. I base this on several important factors.
One is Utah’s all time record vs. the Wolverines. It is just as good as that of several other formidable opponents, such as Alabama, Appalachian State, Auburn, Florida State, and Iowa Pre-Flight. The last time Utah played Michigan, they beat us in the Big House 25-23 en route to an undefeated 2008 season.
Reason number two is the disrespect afforded us by today’s opponent. Heed this from the Salt Lake City Tribune, contrasting the 2008 contest to this year’s game: “Back then, beating Michigan was a sign. It indicated the Utes … were ready for prime time. By contrast, this Michigan team might not be among Utah’s top five toughest.”
“Back then?” Ouch. Has it been that long since anyone considered Michigan a signature win?
Reason three is Brady Hoke’s all-time record against Utah coach Kyle Whittingham. It’s 0-2, both losses coming when Hoke coached San Diego State. This is conclusive evidence that Whittingham is in Hoke’s head, just as surely as that box of Little Debbies sits on Hoke’s desk.
Reason four is that the official attendance will be less than 100,000. In fact the stadium will be so empty that the best Carl Grapentine will be able to muster is “the largest crowd watching a football game anywhere in Washtenaw County today.” For the most part, I expect the fans who do attend to spectate with marked indifference.
And reason five, for my fear that Michigan will not prevail over Utah, is that I cannot overcome my overwhelming lack of confidence to predict a victory for this team - at least at this point in the 2014 season.
Sports fans, this may be a Punt-Counterpunt first – two picks for a home loss. Definitely not a milestone worth celebrating. Please accept the following with my apologies:
UTAH 24, MICHIGAN 21
COUNTERPUNT
By Heiko Yang
This is less Punt-Counterpunt than it is Delay of Game-Punt from the 37. What better to follow up disappointment than with more disappointment?
I agree with Mr. RouMel’s reasons for why Michigan is going to lose today, but I believe he’s thinking and feeling too hard. I prefer much simpler explanations.
1. Utah wears red. Over the last two seasons, Michigan’s record against teams wearing red is 3-6. That’s not good. It’s 4-6 if you include CMU last year because you think maroon is the same as red, in which case you probably also think corn is a vegetable.
2. I don’t know what the capital of Utah is. Does anyone? It’s probably obscure like “Cheyenne” or something. Wait, the internet says it’s Salt Lake City. That’s stupid, and I don’t believe. That’s like saying Detroit is the capital of Michigan, or New York City is the capital of New York, because having your biggest city be your capital is completely un-American. Stop being so un-American, Utah. Here in America we play with 11 players – not 12! -- and our wide receivers are not allowed to sprint toward the line of scrimmage before the snap, so don’t even think about it.
3. The entire Utah team went to see Maze Runner last night.
[Kevin Lu]
Michigan’s running backs feel like they’re in Maze Runner every other play.
4. There’s a guy on their team whose last name is Amaama, pronounced “ah-mah-ah-mah.” That reminds me pleasantly of that muppets song called “mahna mahna.” Please, Special K. Please play the muppets during the game. If you don’t, Michigan Stadium will be awash in my radiant disappointment while I will cheer loudly for Amaama if he plays, which he probably won’t, because he’s a freshman OL, and only at Michigan do we play freshman OL.
5. Today is September 20. The last time Michigan had a football game on September 20 was in 2003 when they played Oregon. And lost.
Utah 35, Michigan 21
[Editor's note: yes I know someone is supposed to predict a win against a middling Pac-12 team. Depression! Ennui!]
September 20th, 2014 at 11:41 AM ^
Fun fact: Mahna Mahna was written for the soundtrack of a Swedish softcore porn film.
September 20th, 2014 at 11:52 AM ^
I never thought the day would come we'd be terrified to see the Utah Utes come into the Big House. Fuck this shit. There is too much talent on this team to be frittered away by any coaching. Sticking with my t-shirt prediction. M 28-17, and it's only that close because of a couple turnovers. GO BLUE!!!
September 20th, 2014 at 12:03 PM ^
Stiff arm to you both!
September 20th, 2014 at 12:07 PM ^
I'm throwing rotten vegetables at my monitor after reading that crap.
September 20th, 2014 at 1:29 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 1:31 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 1:27 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 1:31 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 12:08 PM ^
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September 20th, 2014 at 12:08 PM ^
The quote from the Salt Lake City Tribune “Back then, beating Michigan was a sign. It indicated the Utes … were ready for prime time. By contrast, this Michigan team might not be among Utah’s top five toughest.” By the end of the year they are going to look back on that and say "Wow wtf were we thinking? We lost to the Big Ten Champs!"
September 20th, 2014 at 12:09 PM ^
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September 20th, 2014 at 12:16 PM ^
Same here
September 20th, 2014 at 12:09 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 1:25 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 12:11 PM ^
Buncha whiners!
Michigan is going to ROLL this squad. Book it!
September 20th, 2014 at 12:13 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 12:14 PM ^
What's with all the negativity? I'm feeling a turning-point kind of big win coming.
September 20th, 2014 at 12:14 PM ^
I like this motivational tactic. Enough of that well-reasoned, on the one hand, on the other hand crap.
Game on!
September 20th, 2014 at 12:25 PM ^
Seriously, we don't even have a chance at home against a roughly 7-5 team in PAC-12?
September 20th, 2014 at 12:26 PM ^
So if Michigan wins this game like 38-10 or something, is everyone gonna be all like "yes we are good!" or will people say "well it was just Utah that doesn't mean anything."?
September 20th, 2014 at 12:34 PM ^
if a bad team beats them they are bad.
September 20th, 2014 at 12:29 PM ^
Emo
Counter Emo
September 20th, 2014 at 12:30 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 12:31 PM ^
We will lose by 14. Load the box and let our QB give them the ball. These guys defend the pass almost exclusively in practice all week. But hey, we may lay the foundation for a coaching change today!!! I hope Im wrong. Go Blue
September 20th, 2014 at 12:35 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 12:41 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 12:51 PM ^
As frustrated as we are right now, this 2014 team is way better than the 2008 team. They had no idea what they were doing on offense in that first game, and for much of that season.
I'm not too worried, but won't be surprised by a loss, which I guess speaks to how far we really have slipped.
September 20th, 2014 at 12:52 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 12:54 PM ^
I know this is generally a light-hearted article on gamedays. But jeebus. Man up.
Michigan wins 38-28.
September 20th, 2014 at 1:18 PM ^
and Utah beat Pac 12 Champion, Stanford so there's that.
Utah finished ranked higher in F+/- combined rankings. Utah finished at 31 while Michigan finished at 37. Utah was in it in most games with one bad blowout loss.
September 20th, 2014 at 12:55 PM ^
Pull it together guys. We're at home, where Hoke is 21-2, and we still don't get the benefit of the doubt?
September 20th, 2014 at 1:06 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 1:06 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 1:09 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 1:29 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 2:58 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 1:15 PM ^
I don't think you guys understand the idea of Punt-Counterpunt. The Counterpunter is supposed to disagree with the punter. Reading this was like seeing a punt returner call for a fair catch, then turn around and punt the ball again in the same direction as the original punter. This is Big Ten Country! You've got to know proper counterpunting procedure.
September 20th, 2014 at 1:38 PM ^
Death to the naysayers-Michigan 42-27 (and the only reason Utah gets to 27 is due to a couple of meaningless late TDs)
September 20th, 2014 at 1:48 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 2:28 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 2:31 PM ^
What a fucking copout.......that's a coward's way to look at this game. So, if we lose then you can say "We told you so."
September 20th, 2014 at 10:19 PM ^
Will be an issue today
U by 17. Revised to state reality.
September 21st, 2014 at 1:04 AM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 2:50 PM ^
September 20th, 2014 at 3:22 PM ^
Yellow?
September 20th, 2014 at 3:34 PM ^
But fire both of these fucking idiots for this prediction. Really? Utah????
September 20th, 2014 at 6:44 PM ^
Utah.
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