Punt-Counterpunt: The Game 2014
PUNT
By Heiko "4 AD" Yang
FIVE BOLD PREDICTIONS FOR THINGS THAT WILL HAPPEN BETWEEN NOON AND 3:30 TODAY:
1. Michigan has a negative play that results in positive yardage. Sometimes you have to go back in order to actually move forw–
/punches own dong.
Ow. Ohio State has this guy named Joey Bosa. He’s really good, we all know this. Probably at some point in the game he’s going to blow by Michigan’s freshman left tackle and cause someone in the Michigan backfield to explode into a million pieces. The play will be flagged for unnecessary roughness, and Michigan will gain 15 yards on the penalty and double their total offensive output for the half. It will be a pyrrhic victory.
2. Urban Meyer outsmarts himself. Calls time-out during Michigan’s two-minute drill; instructs punt returners to signal fair catch; double-covers Funchess in the red zone; huddles.
3. Ohio State’s efforts to enhance their CoFoPoff considerations are in vain. There are no style points to be gained when you end your regular season against a team that got blanked by the team that lost at home in overtime to the team that got torched 48-7 by the team that lost to the team that gave up 581 rush yards to the team that lost to the team that lost the M00N game. I have no idea where I ended up going with this. Did Michigan and Northwestern each appear in this twice? Yes. Yes they did.
/sobs
4. One unsportsmanlike penalty is awarded. Mike Slive, for taunting.
5. Brady Hoke wears a headset. It’s plugged into his phone, and it’s playing Hall and Oates.
- “Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid” – While releasing depth chart.
- “I Can’t Go For that” – 4th-and-1 on the OSU 30.
- “Did It In A Minute” – Getting the offense to the line of scrimmage.
- “Possession Obsession” – See previous.
- “Maneater” – Joey Bosa sack/TFL.
- “So Close” – 21-point deficit.
- “I’ll Be Around” – December.
Michigan 13 Ohio State 21
COUNTERPUNT
by Nick RoUMel
One competitor comes into this contest with a 5-6 record, especially struggling as the season has worn on. The other, after a rocky start, has turned it up a notch – really getting into the groove in the last month.
On paper it seems no contest. But as the cliché goes, where there is a fierce rivalry, anything can happen.
We are not talking about Michigan-Ohio State. This is about Punt-Counterpunt.
The heart of this column, in the decades it has run, has been about the accuracy of prediction. Whether Dave “Original Punt” DeVarti, Jeff “Original Counterpunt” Gourdji, Ken “Sky/Punt Classic” Walker, Heiko “4 AD/New Punt,” or yours truly, we do strive to nail the outcome and final score.
For 2014, the upstart at the top of this column has failed miserably. After cruising through the early season with four straight outcome predictions, Heiko barely managed to call the winner of the Indiana game correctly. Perhaps it was the concussion he suffered playing softball that affected him, but despite his incredible brains, winning personality, and medical school success, Heiko would be lucky to pick the winner in a game of solitaire.
Enter Counterpunt, the reincarnation of Nostradamus. Yes, I started 2-3; and both of us failed to see the cluster**** that was Minnesota. But where Heiko has since reeled, I have picked four straight, almost nailing each score. Season records:
Game | Actual | Heiko | Nick | Notes |
---|---|---|---|---|
App. St. | 52-14 | 42-6 | 28-30 | |
Notre Dame | 0-31 | 16-21 | 28-14 | |
Miami OH | 34-10 | 52-10 | 27-19 | |
Utah | 10-26 | 21-35 | 21-24 | |
Minnesota | 14-30 | 5-4 | 24-10 | |
Rutgers | 24-26 | 34-10 | *no prediction | *Brandon protest |
Penn State | 18-13 | 13-14 | 16-13 | |
MSU | 11-35 | 21-17 | *17-31 | *Punt Classic’s guest column; Heiko smoking crack |
Indiana | 16-9 | 24-13 | 7-0 | |
N’Western | 10-9 | 6-9 | 12-10 | |
Maryland | 16-23 | 23-22 | 16-20 | |
RECORD | 5-6 | 5-6 | *6-3 | *C-Punt not taking credit for guest column |
On one point both Punt and I will agree: this has been a very difficult season to entertain our readers. A perfect storm of calamities has made this perhaps the most awful season in Michigan football history –not necessarily by record, but for reasons well known to our readers that need not be recounted. Suffice to say it’s hard to be funny when your loved one is lying in a hospital bed, in critical condition, writhing in painful agony, with only the faint hope of a miracle cure.
No miracles today, I’m afraid. But we’ll see you next year, with sharpened pencils and renewed optimism. May the best prognosticator win, and one more thing:
Forever and always, Go Blue.
Ohio State 35, Michigan 6
November 29th, 2014 at 11:38 AM ^
both guys predicting a M loss in The Game. Has that ever happened before?
November 29th, 2014 at 11:53 AM ^
Best thing is that you guys will be back in the fall!
We wait all year to see our team play live... and to read Punt/Counterpunt!
November 29th, 2014 at 12:06 PM ^
I couldn't agree more. No matter the state of the program, how can anyone not watch The Game today?!? I've seen many comments on other posts saying they won't "waste their time" watching today.
If you do not want to invest yourself emotionally - just to avoid feeling bad/sad/depressed after a probable loss - then what is the point of being a fan? My understanding is, the word “fan” comes from the word “fanatical” meaning: "filled with excessive and single-minded zeal, obsessively concerned with something".
Love, hate, joy, and heartbreak is all part of the experience. You can’t have one without the other.
Think about it: would you give up on your immediate family? I venture to guess most would answer no. No matter how bad a situation my be. Is Michigan not the equivalent of a very large extended family? I venture to guess most would answer yes.
Now, do I expect a win today? No. I have not expected to win any game since the blowout to ND. But this does not prevent me from turning on the TV and getting excited for every yard we gain. I can’t help it. It’s unexplainable and, in my opinion, rightfully so.
GO BLUE!
November 29th, 2014 at 2:13 PM ^
Absolutely. Beautifully said.
I gotta say, last year I was all -- everyone underestimates this team, and the rivalry itself: believe in them! I still maintain that we showed the world that a 24-streak unbeaten team could be Beat. We broke their back; MSU jus' came in & finished the job.
This year, I have to admit, I was more thinking "I hope we just show up fully & make the score respectable". And: a true fan supports & plugs for their team through thick and thin.
So I was super surprised and pleased when I tuned in to find us *in the lead* and, what's more -- playing well!...
... which was nice, for a time.
Still rooting. Much love for Gardner, Ryan, Miller, and everyone who perserveres and keeps showing up.
Never, ever give up.
GO BLUE!
~ forever & always ~
November 29th, 2014 at 12:33 PM ^
I have no idea how many points Ohio State will score, but I can't see Michigan breaking the goose egg. They've checked out already and they just weren't ever anywhere near good enough to begin with. Ohio's athletic department takes the sport (and The Game) seriously...we hand out participation trophies.
November 29th, 2014 at 12:37 PM ^
...and I take my crow deep-fried.
November 29th, 2014 at 12:53 PM ^
that Michigan plays up to their talent level? They look like a team playing with nothing to lose. GO BLUE!!!
November 29th, 2014 at 1:50 PM ^
I wasn't going to watch the game (so much for good/bad intentions), but no matter what, I'd definitely planned to read your columns.
As most comedians will admit, comedy comes from pain. And it has a way of easing the pain for others. You have a lot to do with the smile on my face, since there's still another half to go.
So thanks, guys, for keeping up the good work.
November 29th, 2014 at 2:49 PM ^
The refs literally just GAVE OHIO POINTS by calling that BULLSHIT pass interference on Bolden. This game is rigged. The NCAA wants Ohio State in the playoff.
Fuck YOU!
November 29th, 2014 at 3:21 PM ^
but fitting end for Hoke and "I can't hang onto the football" Gardner.
November 29th, 2014 at 4:09 PM ^
anybody saying hoke should be back for another season anymore. I think that's been put to rest.
November 29th, 2014 at 6:56 PM ^
November 30th, 2014 at 8:10 PM ^
Way to go Brady, nice to see you've moved on.
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