the sweet-ass post, Brian.
here's one vote for "John Beilein's head in a Futurama jar"
|WHAT||Michigan vs UMass|
|WHERE||Michigan Stadium, Ann Arbor, MI|
|WHEN||3:30 pm Eastern, September 15th2012|
|THE LINE||Michigan –45.5|
|WEATHER||mid-60s, partly cloudy, calm|
In their first two games, the Minutemen have given up 147 yards on 43 carries to UConn (which subsequently went out and put up 35 yards on NC State) and 331 yards on 53 carries to Indiana (which needs no additional wow experience appended). They are really not good at containing rushing defenses. Indiana State gave up just over half as many yards as UMass did to Indiana.
If this is not a full-on baby seal massacre, I am disappoint, Michigan rush offense. Air Force wasn't good, but UMass seems a large step down from the organized and veteran Falcons. Denard should break one or two long ones, Toussaint will crack 100 yards at a healthy YPC rate, and we'll get our first distorted looks at what Justice Hayes and Dennis Norfleet look like taking handoffs.
Key Matchup: Michigan cleat traction versus the thick layer of slippery gore laid down by the third quarter. Watch out, Dennis Norfleet! That's probably a broken bone you're cutting on!
[Hit THE JUMP for barely concealed contempt for the opponent.]
…is going to be beside the point, but I suppose it will exist. The Massies have done better here, for what that's worth. Yeah, UConn QB Chandler Whitmer completed 60% of his passes for 8.8 YPA, but he also threw two interceptions. Indiana's three QBs combined for 275 yards, but it took 40 attempts to get there.
Michigan's not going to throw it 40 times unless Russell Bellomy is doing Degeneration X crotch chops in the general direction of the press box when Borges faxes in another first and ten run that will gain eleven yards. I assume we are all hoping for this outcome.
They'll throw on occasion, probably completing a bunch of stuff and finding that tall guys like Funchess and Gardner are still a lot easier to hit downfield than guys who are not tall.
Key Matchup: Denard hitting open guys, finding open guys, etc. About the only bad thing that can come from this game (other than giving up 37 points because you have the worst defense ever, GERG) is Denard's accuracy in the first couple games disappearing in a flurry of Bauserbombs.
last call for Mike Cox jokes
yep, that one's terrible too
Oh holy jeez, UMass. Let's get with the program. The Kennedys netted three—three!—yards against UConn. Even if you put the sacks where they should go they only get up to 19 rushing yards on 22 carries. That is less than one yard per carry. Former Michigan running back Mike Cox gained –4 yards on five attempts, which made him the second least-productive tailback on the day. Their main guy eked out 17 yards on 11 carries.
yes. how do you google some yards, UMass
Do you want to know how they did against Indiana?
Comparatively awesome, useless pedant I made up in my head. Comparatively awesome. They acquired 96 yards once sacks are moved to the appropriate category. That took 33 carries, so they still averaged under 3 yards per attempt. Cox emerged into the top rusher with 36 yards on 15 carries, half of which came on a single seventeen-yard jaunt.
I'm actually still a little worried about this after Michigan got shredded in the first two weeks. Run fits are run fits and if you're not fitting your run fits, you will have fits as people run on you despite being helpless flippered things. I would like to see Michigan's DL throw people backwards some, like to see some linebackers MAKE PLAYS, like to see the corners be a little better at this edge tackling stuff.
Let us test ourselves against the standard Indiana has set for us.
Key Matchup: Demens, Morgan vs Bolden, Ross. It's on at ILB.
Not much better here. Mike Wegzyn—who grew up in Northville, raised by season-ticket holders at Michigan Stadium—acquired 56 yards and an INT against UConn. Add in those sack yards and you get UConn averaging 1.6 yards an attempt. Indiana was significantly more pliable, allowing Wegzyn to acquire 151 yards on 26 attempts. A third of these came on one 56-yard completion that led to a touch-down(?) against Indiana. UMass missed the extra point.
Michigan will blow a coverage or two with Wilson in the game and Taylor getting his first extended playing time, and they're 50-50 to give up a long one. Other than that it'll be a dumpoff fiesta.
Key Matchup: Taylor and Floyd tackling guys on short stuff. Yes, plz.
Likely irrelevant. Will be watching for more Hagerup boomers (as in, like, two), Michigan's futile attempts to cover them with their 1890s punt coverage formation, and Jeremy Gallon getting a lot of practice at being 2011 Jeremy Gallon instead of 2010 Jeremy Gallon.
Key Matchup: JEREMY GALLON YOU CATCH THE FOOTBALL AND THEN DO NOT DROP THE FOOTBALL
Double-digit spreads do not warrant cat pictures, so this certainly doesn't. Here's this instead.
I have no idea where this came from, it's just in my folder of odd things.
Cackle with knowing glee if...
Fear/Paranoia Level: 1 (Baseline 5; –1 for Lost To Indiana By 39 Points, –1 for Lost To Indiana By 39 Points Despite Winning The Turnover Battle, –1 for Lost To UConn By 37 Points, –1 for Has Scored Six Points So Far, –1 for Michigan Seeks Revenge For Slightly Embarrassing Non-Loss, +1 for This Is Michigan So We're Always Leery Of Horror II)
Desperate need to win level: 10 (Baseline 5; +1 for Let's Not Be 40 Points Worse Than Indiana That Seems Like A Not Good Omen, +1 for Let's Not Be 45.5 Points Worse Than Vegas Expects, Also A Not Good Omen, +1 for Rodriguez-Hoke Comparison Points Currently Holding Steady At Zero, Let's Keep It That Way, +1 for Seriously, +1 for I Wish I Could Just Do A +5 Sometimes)
Loss will cause me to... NOOOOOOO NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN THEY SAID IT COULDN'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
/watches Big Lebowski on repeat for six days, posts kittens on blog, 43% chance of relocation to Himalayan Buddhist monastery
Win will cause me to... enjoy non-terrifying, non-dispiriting football game for once.
The strictures and conventions of sportswriting compel me to predict:
Finally, three opportunities for me to look stupid Sunday:
the sweet-ass post, Brian.
I'm excited for the circumstances surrounding the 2-pt conversion and/or 1 or 4 safeties. Actually, I hope its a missed PAT and a Safety. Actually no, 4 safeties.
and I don't get half the jokes. Anyone have a dictionary for all the abbreviations? I had to google AIRBHG.....
That just means you need to read more articles, diaries, and posts on MgoBlog. Stick with it.....you'll get there. Looks like you got your work cut out for you. Oh and as you learn you could type everything up and send Brian a complete MgoDictionary for further new users.
But this is at least a start-
It's frustrating at first but you'll start picking up on that stuff eventually and then you'll feel like part of the in crowd.
Someone on Reddit said the other day that internet memes are like inside jokes for people with no friends which I thought was a great description.
Welcome! I'm a friggin' moderator and I still don't know half of the references (e.g. "ManPanda"). Don't feel bad, just keep reading and posting!
Come on Bellomy - BREAK IT DOWN
But, why Nixon?
Also, noteworthy that the creators of that video only took the time to find 30 seconds worth of footage and just looped it six times.
And why did I keep watching it after I figured out it was looping? Because of the amazing music, I suppose?
Is a funny joke about the ridiculousness of a 46.5 point spread and i like it good job brian.
Had to get the last one in! /s
I'm not usually a commenter on that but geez
I think he was showing his contempt for this game by not even proof reading his post. It is laziness as satire.
Or he just screwed up and posted a draft.
uh... I just went over it again and found one typo. "I am disappoint" is a meme. What else?
I think you left out the part about how Michael Cox will be awesome. That's a serious editing mistake, not just a typo. I am disappoint.
You know, to be helpful and provide constructive criticism? Or do you prefer to just throw that out there with no supporting evidence?
that our opponents abbreviated name for their school is UMass, since it's likely that's what they'll be eating on Saturday.
If this isn't a rout, hit the panic button with all appendages.
I cannot wait for the "Loss will cause me to" section of the Appy State rematch. I think it will include living under the sea ("They're be no accusations / Just friendly crustaceans / Under the Seeeaaa!")
I am hoping for 3 quarters of Bellomy with a big lead.
a ticket for this game. If the weather weren't so good, I'd say we might slip down to the 100-105k range for attendance.
You think about the sign in Lloyd Carr's old office, the one that asked "Where Else Would You Rather Be?"
There is literally no other place in the world I'd rather be, good weather or bad.
You know, if you have to pay a school +$600,000 to come play you, odds are that the team probably isn't that good and the school they represent is hurting for money. Might as well be playing me and ten of my friends, we could use that money! I'll watch this one to see if Michigan can beat the point spread of this game, but I prefer to watch the Wolverines sink their teeth into the rest of the B1G conference.
You're right about paying opponents, especially when one in particular gets a sh-tload of money to play in the Big House and wins. Lose, lose situation.
All I know about UMass I learned from the Pixies.
Awesome slogan on that license plate: "You were. You are. UMass."
Good lord. This is going to be a bloodbath in the sunshine.
UMass normally fields some pretty good FCS teams, but this year? Yikes.
This one is gonna be a wicked pissah, dood.
"Michigan's not going to throw it 40 times unless Russell Bellomy is doing Degeneration X crotch chops in the general direction of the press box when Borges faxes in another first and ten run that will gain eleven yards. I assume we are all hoping for this outcome."
I lol'd big time at this one. Thanks, Brian
Family named after my typical scrabble rack.
Q to 12, the good guys.
Most of the starters should be sitting by the 4th QTR.
UM 52 - UM 13.
What happened to our weather girl? I haven't seen her post the game day weather this season! Looks Sunny, with a 72 degree temperature at kickoff, may be cooling into the mid 60s by the end of the game. West winds only around 5 MPH through the game!
I just sprayed coffee all over my monitor and keyboard , I'm seriously you guys.
And Borges' reaction in the booth?
The dude abides..
I literally loled at skeletoff. Well done.
I look forward to what I am going to read in the "loss will cause me to" section every week. I guess I can't shake the image of Brian in the smoking jacket had Michigan lost to Illinois last year.
"Life. Don't talk to me about Life."