Please Do Not Be Alarmed

The persistent Ryan Mallett transfer rumors -- which, to my knowledge, have no backing and make no sense -- threaten to burst into mainstream echo-chambering with this blog post from a Texarkana radio host:

Sportsdate 4 - 23 - 2007

This much we know for sure, Ryan Mallet is back home in Texarkana. He completed his first trimester at Michigan and returned home, but which move he makes next on the dance floor has many in Texarkana wondering.

I feel comfortable in stating that Ryan was not enjoying his time in Ann Arbor. ... Many of us are curious where he will end up playing his college football.

The observant will immediately note several things that bring the validity of these assertions into serious question:

• Mallett's name ain't "Mallet."
• Michigan doesn't have trimesters.
• TheAuthorThinks... he's... Captain... JamesTKirkWithThe... whole... "Sportsdate"thingSPOCK!

I usually ignore rumors I can't comment on or believe to be false because the whole pernicious internet rumor thing people always complain about is a real phenomenon. Like many legendary monsters -- the hydra, vampires, Howard Stern -- sometimes attempting to strike down a rumor only makes it stronger. But since this one involves people from Arkansas, and if we've learned one thing in the past year it's that people in Arkansas think "reality" is a type of TV show, I figure it can't hurt.

I don't have super secret info that says he's going to stay; I do know that much of the to-do is dubiously sourced but relentlessly repeated by a couple of Arkansas message board posters. It seems to be gaining traction much like "Head On" did, but there is little substance behind them. There is much circumstantial evidence against it:

• Michigan quarterbacks play in the NFL. So do Arkansas quarterbacks... at wide receiver.
• Mallett has a one-year wait and a guaranteed three-year job at Michigan.
• Houston Nutt's job status is insecure, to put it mildly.
• I'm not exactly sure about this because of Mallett's early-enroll status, but I believe if Michigan wants to hold Mallett to his LOI (not that he actually signed one -- I sent an email to the NLI board to see if he's considered bound by it anyway) they can force him to sit out not one but two years in the event of a transfer.

(Michigan fans may remember Joe Crawford's near-transfer to MSU, which was kiboshed when Kentucky refused to let him out of his obligation to spend a full year at UK and threatened to extract the full two years of penance from him. I would expect Michigan to do the same in the unlikely event these Arkansasians have a nugget of truth in their ball of (probable) crap, since most recruits from his signing year haven't even reached campus yet.)

Is Mallett going to transfer away from a guaranteed starting job to go to a neanderthal offense run by a man under fire from a preposterous fanbase? Is he going to do that if Michigan refuses to release him? Highly doubtful.

Anyone still harboring doubt? These are Arkansas fans:

Relax.