I sent the Princeton Review suff from below to my 17 yo niece. She sent this back.
Dear Admissions Person,
I am adding this little letter to my application to help you approve my admittance to your outstanding academic institution located in
1. Last year your football team was 7-5, or 58.3% wins, and your football coach kept his job. I am much better than 58.3%. If you can keep the coach, my admission should be a no-brainer.
2. I will be a graduate of xxxxxxxx High School in xxxxxxx, Michigan, a school where no student is below average and I am above average. This fact alone makes me a far above average applicant.
3. I am a good kid. If you don't believe me, ask my parents.
4. Jesus loves me.
5. My mother is Asian; by stereotype I am smart.
6. The only reason this application is late is because I had more important things to do this summer. This demonstration of prioritization and time management is impressive to me.
7. I can bag groceries without dropping the cans of soup on top of the bread.
8. I am adventuresome and have traveled widely: twice in the last year I have been on the south side of 8 Mile, although I must admit it was during the day and I ran back as soon as the light changed.
9. Now, about my essays. Both you and I know they suck. It is not my fault; they were written by my uncle and he thinks it is 1989, not 2009. However, this is a good example of my big heart and how I cherish family values. I submitted his POS stuff because it was one of those times when it was necessary to take one for the family. My mother asked him to help me and, because I honor my parents so much, I was unwilling to reject his attempts to be seventeen, again. I am sure you have been understanding.
10. I can hardly wait to enroll at your fine academic institution and I am sure that there are many students there who can hardly wait for me, either.