Fear scale: 0 = Bye week?; 1 = If Michigan loses to this team somebody’s going to get fired; 5 = 2010 Illinois; 8 = Best in conference/will play in a BCS bowl; 9 = National title contender; 10 = Hold me, Ace.

Football? Footbawww.

The Road Ahead:

Illinois (6-3, 2-3 B1G)

Previously:

• Arkansas State, 33-15 (W)
• South Dakota State, 56-3 (W)
• No. 22 Arizona State, 17-14 (W)
• Western Michigan, 23-20 (W)
• Northwestern, 38-35 (W)
• @ Indiana 41-20 (W)
• Ohio State 17-7 (L)
• @ Purdue 21-14 (L)
• @ No. 19 Penn State 10-7 (L)

Last game: Bye

Right now they are as frightening as: Michigan apparently sucks on the road, so the rock needs one last revision …

The rock isn’t coming after Michigan.

Instead, Michigan is going after the rock.

6.

Michigan should worry about: A defense that leads the Big Ten in many statistical categories.

Michigan can sleep soundly about: An offense that hasn’t cracked two touchdowns since visiting Indiana.

When Michigan plays them: I-form middle, I-form right, play-action pass, Deuce formation jet sweep fake outside toss, Denard left, I yell at the TV, floater over the middle, punt.

Next game: No. 24 Michigan

(more after the jump)

No. 10 Nebraska (7-2, 3-2 B1G)

Last game: Northwestern 28, Nebraska 25 (L)

Recap: This was a game where you kept waiting for the Huskers to clamp down on defense and then rattle off a couple touchdowns to put the Wildcats away. That’s what Nebraska’s supposed to do against middling competition, and that’s what’s supposed to happen to Northwestern always.

The first half wasn’t very exciting. Northwestern scored on a two-yard run at the end of the first quarter, and Nebraska answered a couple possessions later with field goal near the end of the half.

The second half arrived with promise of offensive fireworks. Huskers QB Taylor Martinez (28/37, 289 yards, 2 TDs) delivered, but for some reason, every time he did something to make the game manageable for his team, the Wildcats found a way to stay another score ahead. The Huskers never led in this game. They were always down at least a field goal.

After the game, Bo Pelini suggested that Northwestern kept looking to the Nebraska sideline seemingly to steal their signals and anticipate the call. That’s weak. I always tell my one housemate what play I’m going to run in NCAA Football, but it’s not like he’s able to do anything about it.

He’s also a State fan. We hate him.

Right now they are as frightening as: The Philadelphia Eagles. They look good on paper until things like this happen. 6.

Michigan should worry about: Martinez’s long shovel passes are accurate long shovel passes.

Michigan can sleep soundly about: That’s sort of a given against Northwestern’s secondary.

When Michigan plays them: First team to complete 10 passes wins.

Next game: at No. 12 Penn State awful thing

Ohio State (6-3, 3-2 B1G)

Last game: Indiana 20, Ohio State 34 (W)

Recap: Indiana was never going to win this one, but at least they kept things interesting. Ohio State’s defense struggled defending against the mighty  Hoosiers QB Tre Roberson, who led an offense that converted 10 of 17 third downs. It took three 100-yard rushing performances (Dan Herron, Carlos Hyde, and Braxton Miller) by the Buckeyes and a timely turnover in the fourth quarter to outpace the Indiana attack.

QB Braxton Miller (5/11, 55 yards, 1 INT) … didn’t exactly throw the ball, but against the Hoosiers, he didn’t really have to.

Like Michigan State, who also barely managed to stave off Minnesota at home, Ohio State can’t feel too good about this one, but a win is a win and now they’re bowl eligible.

Right now they are as frightening as: Undergrads who work in research labs. They’re most effective when told to do one thing only. Variety is overrated. 6.

Michigan should worry about: WR DeVier Posey returns for the Michigan game.

Michigan can sleep soundly about: He’ll account for 30 of the 60 total receiving yards.

Next game: at Purdue

Objects in Mirror

Western Michigan (5-5, 3-3 MAC)

Last game: Western Michigan 63, Toledo 66 (L)

Recap: And it didn’t even go to overtime!

Next game: at Miami (NTM)

Notre Dame (6-3)

Last game: Notre dame 24, Wake Forest 17 (W)

Recap: Is Notre Dame good yet?

Next game: Maryland

Eastern Michigan (5-4, 3-2 MAC)

Last game: Ball State 33, Eastern Michigan 31 (L)

Recap: Ball State kicked the winning field goal as time expired. There are three more opportunities for Eastern Michigan to gain bowl eligibility, however, one of them against a team called the “Golden Flashes.”

This just in: They need to win two more games because they played two FCS schools.

Next game: Buffalo

San Diego State (5-3, 2-2 MWC)

Last game: New Mexico 7, San Diego State 35 (W)

Recap: New Mexico is not good at football.

Next game: at Colorado State

Minnesota (2-7, 1-4 B1G)

Last game: Minnesota 24, Michigan State 31 (L)

Recap: Minnesota did better than Michigan in East Lansing and had a chance to force overtime, but the potentially game-tying drive fell short on a Marqueis Gray interception. Stupid Marqueis Gray interceptions.

Next game: No. 18 Wisconsin

Northwestern (4-5, 2-4 B1G)

Last game: Northwestern 28, Nebraska 25 (W)

Recap: See above. QB Dan Persa went out with an injury in the second half after landing on his shoulder, but Kain Colter (4/6, 115 yards, 1 TD) filled in admirably for him.

Next game: Rice

Michigan State (7-2, 4-1 B1G)

Last game: Minnesota 24, Michigan State 31 (W)

Recap: Michigan State allowed Minnesota QB Marqueis Gray to pass for 295 yards. How come every other dual-threat QB looks better than Denard these days?

Next game: at Iowa

Purdue (4-5, 2-3 B1G)

Last game: Purdue 17, Wisconsin 62 (L)

Recap: Purdue picked a really bad week to play Wisconsin, who finally learned that a 40-point lead is the the best way to defend against the Hail Mary pass.

Next game: Ohio State