"Next game: vs. Poverty. "
That made me snort into my coffe cup and I now have a stain on my shirt. Thanks.
(Fear scale: 1 = UMass. 10 = Alabama)
14 - I’m totally over it!, 41 - Haha over *twitch* what?
I do not remember this happening.
Michael Ciaglo, Colarado Springs Gazette
Last game: Idaho State 21, Air Force 49 (W)
Recap: Let’s be honest: I didn’t watch this game. Nobody did. Not even Ace. Poor guy, though. Had to go down to Dallas and sit through the worst three hours of Michigan football since the Gator Bowl, and then had to break down film from a Notre Dame game. You know, my heart really goes out to him. He has a Facebook page. 1,000 likes and I’ll donate him half of my liver; 10,000 and I’ll throw in a kidney, too.
So word on the street is that Air Force bulldozed Idaho State for half a kilometer on the ground. This is completely unsurprising. Triple option teams are designed to put up 300 yards rushing on opponents like Alabama despite having far less talent in the traditional sense. 49-21 is therefore what happens when such a team plays someone that has even less talent than they do -- Idaho State is FCS.
News item: Air Force’s center Michael Husar, Jr. (Dad was a tackle for Michigan from ‘85-‘88) went down with an ACL/MCL tear. He was reputedly their best lineman, so look for their offense to be somewhat less impressive against Michigan. Get well soon, Michael.
This team is as frightening as: A fleet of MiG-15’s; Michigan is a squadron of B-52’s. Michigan will be fine as long as they get to their base before the other guys ever get off the ground. I realize that sounds a little strange, and I’m trying really hard not to say “bomb,” but the analogy works because the MiGs are smaller and have less firepower than the B-52’s, and during the Korean War … you know what screw it. Go read a book. Maybe you’ll learn something. Fear level = 3.
Michigan should worry about: Defense vs. triple option stuff. Close your eyes, cross your arms, and yell “LALALALALALA” if Kenny Demens never takes a step toward the line of scrimmage and as a result gets plowed by their backup center every other play.
Michigan can sleep soundly about: All their linemen are undersized because they’re the Air Force and the Air Force doesn’t make cockpits for fatties.
When they play Michigan: I will be sober. I promise.
Next game: In the Big House.
Not Mike Cox. / Stephen Dunn, Hartford Courant
Last game: UMass 0, UConn 37, (L)
Recap: In case you missed it, UMass joined the MAC and became an FBS (D-I) school this year. Unfortunately for them, that didn’t translate into being any better at football. Against UConn they amassed 3 first downs and 59 yards. UConn is not good.
This team is as frightening as: Mike Cox (5 carries, -4 yards) going the wrong direction, which, if you think about it deeply enough, is terrifying. Fear level = 1.
Michigan should worry about: Nothing. This would be a great opportunity to give Dennis Norfleet some reps on offense.
Michigan can sleep soundly about: Having a real defense, unlike last time.
When they play Michigan: We will have a real good time.
Next game: vs. Indiana.
Just a dude in the end zone.
Last game: Navy 10, Notre Dame 50 (W)
Recap: Everett Golson (12/18, 144 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT) ended up getting the start against Navy, which was sort of surprising to me because I thought Andrew Hendrix would have the edge after a pretty okay performance against Stanford at the end of last season. I guess a lot can happen in nine months.
Anyway, Notre Dame blew out the Midshipmen in Ireland in front of what was reportedly 99% American tourists and expats. For “Wow experience,” ND athletic director Jack Swarbrick gets a shiny Notre Dame helmet-colored star. The game increased Notre Dame fan awareness of what real Guinness tastes like, which means now they’ll have something additional to be insufferable about.
This team is as frightening as: Their alternate uniforms. Fear level = 8.
Michigan should worry about: Could they actually be good this year?
Michigan can sleep soundly about: Rainbows appearing over Notre Dame stadium.
When they play Michigan: The last minute is all you will need to watch.
Next game: vs. Purdue.
Brent Drinkut, AP
Last game: Eastern Kentucky 6, Purdue 48 (W)
Recap: Robert Marve (30/38, 295 yards, 3 TD, 1 INT) got the start at quarterback because Caleb TerBush was suspended for a team rules violation. Marve did good. He helped Purdue flatten archrival Eastern Kentucky in the game people will come to know years later as the Greatest Game of Ever Played on a Sept. 1, 2012 in Ross Ade Stadium.
Personnel note: Akeem Shavers (11 carries, 74 yards, 1 TD) is the starting tailback. Ralph Bolden is presumably still recovering from ACL injury and in the doghouse for an off-season public intoxication arrest.
This team is as frightening as: A Goosebumps novel, depending on how old you are. Fear level = ?.
Michigan should worry about: What if Boilermakers are actually legit?
Michigan can sleep soundly about: They’re probably not.
When they play Michigan: Last chance for a Russell Bellomy TD pass to Roy Roundtree. That would be so snakeoilicious.
Next game: @ Notre Dame
Oh wow, we didn't lose! / Gregory Shamu, Getty
Last game: Boise State 13, Michigan State 17 (W)
Recap: This was kind of like watching a three-year-old bang a Barbie doll on the ground for three hours until the head pops off. Superlatives go to Andrew Maxwell (22/38, 248 yards, 3 INT) for Most “Not My Fault” Interceptions, Will Gholston for Lowest Impact to Hype ratio, and Le’Veon Bell (44 carries, 210 yards, 2 TD) for Most Expensive Insurance Policy on Knees. Honorable mention goes to Boise State Joe Southwick for Worst Impression of a Horse -- at Boise, the expectation is for the position.
This team is as frightening as: One of those annoying RPG bosses that has only one move but also a bazillion hit points so that you lose only because your attention lapses after a while and you succumb to its wow this just got really nerdy. Fear level = 8.
Michigan should worry about: Getting bludgeoned to death by Bell, who is 6-2, 244 pounds.
Michigan can sleep soundly about: He’ll be 5-8, 180 pounds by October.
When they play Michigan: I don’t want to think about it.
Next game: @ Central Michigan.
Last game: Western Michigan 7, Illinois 24 (W)
Recap: The Illini return some talent and finally got themselves a real coach -- hey, this could work! QB Nathan Scheelhaase was 11/18 for 126 yards, 1 TD, and 1 INT through the third quarter and was poised to blow the doors off the Western Michigan defense when he went down with an ankle injury. The offense sort of sputtered after that, allowing the Broncos an opportunity to mount a comeback, but the Illini defense held fast. LB Ashante Williams had a critical pick-six to seal the win.
As for Scheelhaase, reports are that he has returned to practice and will be fine.
This team is as frightening as: A rock, repurposed.
Fear level = ??
Michigan should worry about: Scheelhaase could actually be kind of good! Brian, your fantasy team might not suck after all.
Michigan can sleep soundly about: He was effective against Western Michigan, which is kind of like saying a BB gun is effective against squirrels, which is animal cruelty, which is just horrible.
When they play Michigan: 900th win?
Next game: @ Arizona State.
I don't believe. / Dave Weaver, AP
Last game: Southern Miss 20, Nebraska 49 (W)
Recap: Against Southern Miss, the team that went 12-2 last year and prevented Case Keenum and No. 19 Houston from being BCS bowl-eligible, Nebraska QB Taylor Martinez went 26/34, 354 YARDS, 5 TD, 0 INT HOLY SH--
This team is as frightening as: I don't know, but I need a night light. Is this an overreaction? Sure. Fear level = 8.
Michigan should worry about: Taylor Martinez’s arm is for real.
Michigan can sleep soundly about: Of course it can’t be real. They’re cheating.
When they play Michigan: All of a sudden the Countess injury seems a lot worse.
Next game: @ UCLA.
Pretty much how this game went. / Steve Marcus
Last game: Minnesota 30, UNLV 27, OT (W)
Recap: Well this was horrible. A lot of people probably watched this game because they were hankering for college football and the South Carolina-Vandy game that was on TV earlier was really unsatisfying. Those of you who did should ask for four hours of your life back.
This team is as frightening as: Cirque du Soleil after massive budget cuts and with all the regular performers on strike.
Michigan should worry about: Winning by three touchdowns and having that look bad in comparison to last year.
Michigan can sleep soundly about: Winning. Probably.
When they play Michigan: Please don’t lose this game, Michigan.
Next game: vs. New Hampshire.
If you squint hard enough, that's Michael Buchanan, and this was almost a redux of last year's NW-Illinois game.
Last game: Northwestern 42, Syracuse 41 (W)
Recap: There is a sizeable market for anxiolytics, and it’s composed primarily of Northwestern fans. Led by starting QB Kain Colter, the Wildcats jumped out to an early 3 TD lead over Syracuse. Then Colter got hurt, and the Northwestern defense reverted to its usual form -- giving up 596 yards of total offense on the day -- and allowed Syracuse to take a late lead. Backup Wildcats QB Trevor Siemian entered the game in Colter’s stead and performed well on the game-clinching drive. He showed remarkable poise for a backup, and he’ll be a player to keep an eye on for future reference. Another player of note: RB Venric Mark. The tiny slot bug rushed 14 times for 84 yards and had another handful of receiving and return yards.
A note on outcome of the game: It was was kind of decided by a questionable late-hit penalty on a Syracuse linebacker who tapped Siemian while he was diving out of bounds. Had that not happened, Northwestern would have faced a 4th and long down six points with less than two minutes left. Just saying.
This team is as frightening as: Heart palpitations. Fear level = 5.
Michigan should worry about: I know the spread offense isn’t all hard-edge and manly and everything, but Michigan’s defense will need to get used to running sideways in preparation for Northwestern’s offense.
Michigan can sleep soundly about: Northwestern’s defense can be bought. Basically.
When they play Michigan: All of a sudden I sort of have a bad feeling about this. (I just read the Defense vs. Alabama UFR. Yipe.)
Next game: vs. Vanderbilt.
Brian Cassella, Tribune
Last game: Iowa 18, Northern Illinois 17 (W)
Recap: Iowa loses four tailbacks over the offseason yet still produces a 100+ yard rusher in its first game. Meanwhile Michigan suspends its starting tailback for the first game and gets 50 yards rushing TOTAL. Yeah yeah, Northern Illinois isn’t Alabama and stuff, but sigh. AIRBHG must have some sort of a foil; if you look at it at the end of the day, they end up breaking even.
James Vandenberg, though -- the Iowa starting QB’s stat line was 21/33, 129 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT. That’s 3.9 yards per attempt. The Greg Davis transition seems to be going well.
This team is as frightening as: These recurring nightmares I keep getting that involve anonymous Iowa tailbacks running through Michigan’s defense. But then I wake up and remember that AIRBHG will keep us safe. Fear level = 5.
Michigan should worry about: Stop the run. Stop the run. Stop the run.
Michigan can sleep soundly about: The Countess injury is less dire in this instance.
When they play Michigan: I look forward to the impending bubble screen.
Next game: vs. Iowa State.
Not digitally modified or enhanced at all; reality.
Last game: Evil 0, Ohio State 100 (W)
Recap: Braxton Miller won the Heisman, John Simon won the Nobel Peace Prize, and Urban Meyer was elected president, whereupon he magnanimously decreed that Vincent Smith shall henceforth be known as “Devin.”
This team is as frightening as: There is nothing frightening about justice, honor, and the people.
Michigan should worry about: Displaying penitence.
Michigan can sleep soundly about: Good has prevailed.
Next game: vs. Poverty.
"Next game: vs. Poverty. "
That made me snort into my coffe cup and I now have a stain on my shirt. Thanks.
Hey, we found our helmets! They were right here on our heads!
For medical jargon.
Heiko, that Denard photo was on the play that he hurt his back and came up short of the first down.
Roll back those years ...
That's 134 yards on only two returns. One was 82 yards for a touchdown, the other was 52 yards to set up a touchdown. I don't think "handful" does him justice.
I have really big hands.
MiG-15s to our F-15Es...Would be more apropos!
(I've just always been a Fighter Jet geek. Dog fighters rule, to hell with Bomber squadrons).
edit: I admit I didn't read past B-52s and didn't realize you actually had something in mind with the comparison (though I think you're off on your chronology).
I think my LOL reflex is slowly returning. Is it ok to feel again yet? It's been a long 5 days.
No way was I gonna read all the way through this, but I started and kept going and next thing I knew I was reading that Braxton Miller won the Heisman and John Simon the Nobel Peace Prize. Entertainment Factor = 10
I live for this shit. When I get close to the end I get all sad.
Does Ohio play Hell on the road this year? That could be a trip-em-up kind of game.
Every home game.
You're gonna need to mix in at least a few positive comments every now and then. You can be negative guy if you want, but you can't be always negative guy. Because then you either sound like a grouch or a troll. Or a grouchy troll. Yucky.
I read that as sarcasm, so one of our meters is busted.
"When they play Michigan: I will be sober. I promise."
Heiko, this was hilarious. Love the Urban Meyer pic!
B-52 in the Korean war? No sir
How about v. MiG-17/21 in Vietnam?
MiG-15 v. B-29 in Korea, maybe
You go read a book, Heiko!
I ... I'm illiterate. You called my bluff. Aw. =(
Its okay Heiko. Here you go:
The B-50 flew in Korea. My dad was a waist gunner in one. (note: a B-50 is essentially a B-29 with more better engines - and the last piston engined bomber built for the Air Force).
Other than the wrong logo for Ohio, easily the best read of the week...
At last, opponent watch has come back to Mgoblog.
The Red Ryder LE BB gun is great against squirrels, as well as all sorts of mutant creatures. Especially when you get good enough to shoot 'em in the eye. Boom, Fallout'd!
Sparty fear just went up. They have the guy from Dawson's Creek on their team (#41)!
For some of the fear levels Heiko put a ?, but for Minnesota he didn't put anything at all. What do we all think MN is? I'm thinking a 2, but do you think it should be a 1 or a 3 or something else altogether? And for the 2 that Heiko put a ?, IL and Purdue, where do you think it should be at? I'm thinking a 6 for IL and a 4 for Purdue. Anyone agree or disagree?
The MiG-15's name, similar to the naming convention of F-15 Eagle, is called....and I'm totally serious... the "Fagot."
So, yeah...as an AFA grad, I take exception to this label.
Something I remember reading once upon a time. Never thought that knowledge would come up on....a Football blog.
Humor me and tell me you've flown/piloted a few F-15s in your day! (Read above: On my fighther-jet infatuation I've had since childhool, F-15 being my "fav".)
I have had a familiarization flight in an F-15, but my time in the AF was spent as a C-130 pilot/instructor. The other closest I've been was in a super-sonic trainer aircraft, the T-38. But other than that, my time flying was spent flying low and slow, unarmed and unafraid.
"Air Force doesn’t make cockpits for fatties."
They kind of do...its called the C-5 Galaxy.
...Is not much improved from the team that got shredded by Denard last year
"This was kind of like watching a three-year-old bang a Barbie doll on the ground for three hours until the head pops off. "
I lost it.
The ND guy with a vagina for a head, and all this talk about Heiko's big hands, this is the dirtiest front page thread ever.
And shouldn't Illinois be before MSU?