So, I remember getting a couple of years ago and don't have any idea how much it got spread around.
Subject: Diary of Tim Tebow.
7:02 AM: Awoken at Ole Miss Tri-Delt house by phone call from Florida Athletic Director Jeremy Foley. Foley reminds Tebow there's a game this afternoon. Tebow calls Foley a pickle smoker and tells him to send the plane.
7:05: Drops and does 40 naked push ups in front of a mirror.
7:07: Packs a duffel bag with tank top, pair of tight jeans, and no underwear. Announces "Tebow's going commando" to no one in particular.
7:08: Kills it.
7:09: Kills it again.
7:10: Calls Chris Leak, tells him "Tebow's rushing for two hundy today!" Leak says he can't talk right now, needs to take one final look at the playbook. Tebow calls him a pu$$y.
7:15: Takes cologne shower. Uses Stetson.
7:21: Drives to the Oxford airport. Uses the shoulder to bypass traffic.
7:38: Leaves car in front of corporate hangar. Flips keys to airport police officer. Gives him a pat on the a$$.
7:40: Passes through airport security. Refuses to remove 4" belt buckle for metal detector. Offers to show TSA his security wand.
7:42: Gets three orders of chicken parm at Sbarro.
7:43: Finishes chicken parm. Belches.
7:44: Calls Leak. Tells him his mom left her panties in Tebow's hot tub. Hangs up.
7:55: Boards UST's G5. Asks stewardess where the fuking cheerleaders are. Orders vodka rocks, a pack of Marlboro Reds, and a meatball sub.
8:10: Plane takes off.
8:11: Tebow dials Urban Meyer on cell phone. Screams "Tebow's throwing for three hundy today!" Meyer shrieks, puts on a visor.
8:12: Stewardess asks Tebow to turn off his cell phone. Tebow asks stewardess to turn off her high beams.
8:19: Pilot turns off Fasten Seatbelts sign.
8:19:05: Tebow enters bathroom. Kills it.
8:24: Reads back issues of Guns & Ammo magazine.
8:53: Calls Leak. Tells Leak he shaved his mom's pubes into the shape of a T.
8:55: Calls Joakim Noah. Tells him he's partying with Tebow tonight, even though he's fuking French. Instructs Noah on the types of chicks he'll want lined-up for the night. Tebow wants an international theme.
9:03: Flight lands in Gainesville. Tebow commandeers cart for
transporting disabled, drives through concourse at 25 mph. Stops at Sbarro, picks up 2 orders of chicken parm, stops at Borders, picks up Penthouse Letters.
9:12: Tebow steps into Spurrier's old Town Car. License plate GATOR1. Florida State Troopers arrive to provide escort to stadium.
9:14: Tebow tells driver "Forget about pre-game drills. Take me to the Tri-Delt house."
9:25: Tebow tells driver to first drop by College GameDay's on-location studio. Tells Herbstreit he's a pickle smoker.
9:37: Stops off at gas station. Buys a case of Bud and 4 Slim Jims. Pays with Chris Leak's AmEx card.
10:01: Tebow arrives at Tri-Delt house. Announces he's ready to begin his "pre-game stretching routine."
10:02: Sorority president arrives with four pledges. Tebow says, "Which one of you is Leak's sister?" Tebow is joking. Tebow laughs.
10:40: Tebow takes a nap.
11:00: Tebow wakes up from a nap and lets fly with a 10-second parm fart. He gets Penthouse Letters from his bag and heads to the bathroom, grabbing a beer on the way. Tebow has no use for courtesy flushes.
11:20: Tebow looks at his 2006 Florida Gators wallet-sized schedule. Looks like they're playing Auburn today. Wonders where the fuk this small Midwestern college is anyway.
11:30: Kills it.
11:40: Opens the bathroom door and demands high-quality toilet paper.
11:45: Lights a match.
11:46: Fire alarm goes off. Tebow is nonplussed.
11:55: Alarm disabled. Fire Marshal runs upstairs and yells "Who the hell is responsible for this?!?!" Fire Marshal sees it's Tim Tebow and retreats back down the stairs.
11:56: Uses cell phone to call Meyer and confirm he's starting this afternoon. Meyer shrieks.
12:00: Tebow exits Tri-Delt house. Tells driver "It's time."
12:09: Tebow arrives at the stadium. Sees Leak, gives him a wedgie.
12:11: Walks into locker room. Announces, "Three touchdowns for Tebow today!" Urban Meyer gasps, locks office door.
12:15: Changes for the game. Does not wear a cup. You don't need a cup with balls of steel.