The Music Of The Slightly Damned Comment Count

Brian

11/13/2010 – Michigan 27, Purdue 16 – 7-3, 3-3 Big Ten

cam-gordon-fumble-td

Detnews/mgoblue.com

I lasted a quarter and a half before giving in to my inner old man and muting the television. Chris Martin had not just said that the receiver Roy Roundtree reminded him of was Braylon Edwards, but that's all I remember from the first hour. I love the Big Ten Network's picture quality and was pleasantly surprised when Saturday's director consistently cut away from highlight packages to show the game. Not so much the people paid to talk.

I was home alone since the last time I tried to watch a game in the company of people it was the Penn State game. I went home at halftime after demonstrating my severe case of sports Tourrette's. I didn't trust the team enough to expose the world to me for those three hours on Saturday, and that turned out to be a good call. Slop happened, swears were deployed, and sometime in the third quarter Sean Robinson threw a ball directly at James Rogers for the ninth turnover of the day.

It was a this point that Yakety Sax spontaneously started playing in my otherwise silent apartment.

Possibilities washed over me. One: I have been driven insane by last four years of Michigan football. Two: I am now dangerously, thrillingly super-sane and will walk-around hearing situationally appropriate music everywhere I go. I will hear "Yes We Have No Bananas" and know I don't need to bother with the produce section. People will have to tell me what Mark Dantonio says as "Breakin' The Law" thunders in my skill. I will stop complaining about Special K because instead of "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor," I will hear the marching band.

I ONLY EAT BANANAS AND HEAR YAKETY SAX SPONTANTEOUSLY WOOOOOOO—damn. It turns out that I still had a liveblog window open and when you post a video it auto-plays because it loves breaking the cardinal rule of the internet. Elaborate sigh, dreams deferred.

I'd forgotten because I don't participate in the liveblogs mostly because I'm at the games. Even when I'm not I avoid them—I don't like my own furious overreactions, let alone the furious overreactions of hundreds of other people.

-------------------------------------------------------------

What have we learned in week ten? Eh… I'm not sure you can take much out of this game except a growing concern for Denard Robinson's turnover issues and healthy fear of Ryan Kerrigan. Football played between good teams gets ugly when the rain is constant and the field starts coming up in big sliding chunks; football between bad teams causes spontaneous yakety sax. I don't think we're under the illusion that Michigan is a good team.

The footing issues were most apparent with the tailbacks but applied to everyone, so I'm not sure how much the offensive line getting owned was the conditions and how much was Kerrigan being Brandon Graham 2010 and how much was just the offensive line getting owned. The rest of the problems extended from that—Denard got the first serious, consistent pressure of his career and responded like most quarterbacks dealing with their first case of happy feet do. The running game was a slog. This week's epidemic of dropped passes has a good reason.

Unfortunately, the same logic applies to the other side of the ball, where Michigan took on Gritty Eckstein at tailback and went to work against a team that got the ball down 11 with no timeouts and a minute and a half left and decided this was the best course of action:

  1. Throw in the flat from one freshman quarterback to the other freshman quarterback, who had lined up at wide receiver.
  2. Tunnel screen.
  3. Five yard hitch.

The scariest thing Purdue's offense did all day was start Justin Siller. We have finally found the team whose offensive incompetency outstrips Michigan's defensive incompetency.

There is no data here not obviously affected by the opponent and the weather. Next week when the footing is solid and the opponent has a quarterback whose default option is not a dumpoff to the other quarterback everything will be completely different. Since it was a win—one that was in retrospect not in much danger after Michigan scored to go up 20-13—this game will be relegated to the scrap heap of mud-ugly games past and forgotten.

Now if I can just figure out where "Livin' on a Prayer" is coming from, we are in business.

Non-Bullets Der Wet Catten

This did not happen. Remember that these things can be much, much worse. The saddest picture in the history of Michigan football came from the 2008 Fandom Endurance III game:

darryl-stonum-nw-sad

Lon Horwedel/AnnArbor.com

The Orin Incandenza Award. The play of the game is Will Hagerup's 72-yard bomb early in the fourth quarter that put Purdue on their own three. Courtney Avery would biff a long handoff on the next play but give the ball back on a fumble. Michigan punt, Purdue punt, Michigan excellent field position for clinching touchdown. Watching this game was a blast from the past; feeling my decision matrix switch from GO FOR IT GO FOR IT GO FOR IT to "it's third and seven, we should run it and then punt" was like being possessed by the ghost of Lloyd Carr*.

That thing flipped the field position in a game where field position is a tug of war instead of a minor inconvenience en route to the endzone. It soared. The returner is a lithe whippet of a man somewhere around 20 years old and he didn't bother to run since it was too long. Ain't running that far. That's going to China, yo.

*(The author is aware that Carr does not actually have a ghost.)

Growing concern for turnover issues. The interceptions were bad but maybe that just happens because of the weather and the pressure which may have been caused by the weather, etc., but the fumble was the continuation of a bad habit we've seen all year: when Denard gets outside he does not switch the ball to the outside arm. On Saturday that allowed some guy to come from the inside and strip the ball as he spun Denard to the ground. That's a basic coaching point and I'm not sure why a guy who runs as much as Denard hasn't had it hammered into his skull.

Quarterback rotation. I thought putting in Forcier here and there was the right move even if it didn't result in any of those yard things (Forcier was one for four and his one completion was blown up by a Molk hold, leading to another pooch punt) since the offense wasn't going anywhere and the two quarterbacks are different enough that it's plausible Forcier could do something Denard couldn't, especially after the two INTs.

I also liked Rodriguez's response to some question about "benching Denard." To paraphrase: benching is a strong word. If he's a tailback or wide receiver he's getting a rest. We put him back in. You are making 1000 times less than me for a reason.

Last part probably another hallucination.

Might as well try it.

ryan-van-bergen-xp

AnnArbor.com

Right, I mean? Right? I think the headphones are key.

Grim weather past. All games played in driving rain on shoddy turf kind of melt into each other, a never-ending parade of fumbles, third and eight runs, five yard throws that hit spectators in the face, and either shots of people looking wet and cranky in ponchos or looking grim and cranky in a poncho yourself.

But in one specific way, this game reminded me of a previous slopfest around 2002 or so when a to-that-point disappointing Justin Fargas had the first and only 100 yard game of his Michigan career in a mud pit against Northwestern. Fargas was much better than Michigan's other backs because he was small* and could change direction without engaging pratfall warp drive. I thought of him as Vincent Smith changed direction relatively quickly and came up a yard short of the first 100 yard game of his career not played against baby seals.

I also was like "aaargh why aren't you a step faster" several times. Smith's had a good couple games but unless he's not really 100% after the knee injury it seems like it's cost him some of his giddyup.

*(He would get Brian Cushing roid huge at USC—at Michigan he was diminutive.)

A moment of pure terror. Was anyone else about to have a conniption fit after Avery let that WR zip by him with nothing but Ray Vinopal between that guy and the endzone? Rogers was pursuing to the backside so if Vinopal missed he just had to slow the guy or make him cut back, but watching a true freshman two star scurry down his angle as the last thing between Purdue and a 97-yard wide receiver screen touchdown is a whiskey-inducing experience.

Vinopal made a fine tackle and Purdue had the decency to fumble on the next play, so the moment passed successful. But jeez.

I-form: die. Die die die. Die die die die die.

Die.

Oddities. One: Gallon was clearly not making a fair catch signal and shouldn't have been flagged. Two: Purdue kicked off from the 35 once. WTF?

Elsewhere

No Video of All Varieties yesterday because the pickings were understandably slim, but here's a bird talking about the game. Stay tuned for the twist ending:

I wish this would happen to certain WTKA callers. There is also a Wolverine Historian clipreel:

The official site has a briefer version and the defense every snap video is already up. Also SD torrent.

Purdue bloggers say their defensive back who scored "displayed shades of Deion Sanders" by having a ball thrown directly at him whilst  being five yards from the nearest receiver. They do post video of girls fighting. The guy who guaranteed a win declares the game the "ugliest football game" he's ever attended, which yeah pretty much. The comments are weirdly negative. If mean, if anyone deserves a pass it's Purdue and their new mascot:

 perrycolor

On to Michigan blogs: the Hoover Street Rag drops a Warren G. Harding reference that I misread as a "Warren G" reference when they tweeted it out. Alas, these guys are still bandos and history teachers (I'm guessing, anyway) and we don't get to find out what bandos/teachers would say in re: Warren G and Michigan football. The Harding bit:

Harding was widely reviled for his incompetence, his willingness to let his friends do as they pleased, the general sense of fail that emanated White House followed him until his death in 1923. Except, when historians look back, they see that things were not as bad as they once thought. Harding was blamed when things went wrong, but got little to no credit for the things that went right. People saw what they wanted to see and argued their points as they chose a new path to their future. Then again, Harding never got America bowl eligible, so we'll see.

Chances Sarah Palin adopts "get America bowl eligible" as a campaign slogan: 50-50. The Big House Blog has a very silly picture of a dog in a poncho and The Wolverine Blog grabs a shot of Lewan rumbling with the ball.

Comments

GunnersApe

November 15th, 2010 at 1:34 PM ^

I cannot watch with anyone else who's not in the "know". My friends understand because they/we have the same rituals and UM passion. I'm not a highly emotional person except for 13 Saturday's a year were my kids think Dad is mad at them when he screaming obscenities at the TV which will cause them to share my obsession or despise UM for making Daddy angry.

 As to watching the games I am the same, I cannot watch with people (except friends), so alone or at the game.  

JeepinBen

November 15th, 2010 at 1:36 PM ^

but the GF was trying to study while I was watching the game, and she's a pretty big fan, knew when to look up based on how excited I got... but at some point near the end of the game I damn near killed both her and the dog by jumping  up and screaming "PICK!!!!" when we picked off Purdue near the end. 

The dog had taken to going under the kitchen table when I watch sports... Don't think the GF will fit there, but I dont know that she'll study next to me on the couch any time soon

JMK

November 15th, 2010 at 2:03 PM ^

My son is 4 and has been able to sing the Victors (literally) since he has been able to talk.  He loves watching M football with me, though he doesn't quite get what's going on.  Watching it with him has actually been good for me.  I am forced to not swear and not go crazy every time something bad happens.  As I'm sure my wife would be all to happy to tell you, I'm not always successful, but, overall, it's had a positive effect on me, and I think I might now be 50% less likely to die of a heart attack during an M game.  And, here's the best part:  when something good happens, there's nothing as great as sharing it with mini-me.  Point: have the kids and watch Michigan football with them.

myrtlebeachmai…

November 15th, 2010 at 3:14 PM ^

When you have things like (I think it was an UM-MSU hockey game last year?? - something along the lines of "Yeah, that's what your girlfriend said last night too") players getting to close to TV mics, sometimes you just turn, look at them, and say "Mommy doesn't need to have that repeated to her...";    yet if they do, at least I'm not to blame.   

CompleteLunacy

November 15th, 2010 at 2:15 PM ^

made me laugh out loud. Because I too feel like a crazy person watching UM football. Heck, I scared my dog after the Illinois win, and whilst my fiance sat on the ground giggling like a school girl, I got up and screamed and cussed my guts out...but in a good way. I'm not sure I could have shared that reaction with anyone else...in fact, I'm not even sure my fiance or dog really should have seen it either.

For the game, all I could muster was shaking my head pretty much the whole time and thinking to myself "this game hurts my eyes". Also, Chris Martin hurts my ears, but he did make me laugh when he said "it's been a very entertaining game so far" sometime in the 3rd or 4th quarter. I've come to expect that the exact opposite of whatever he says is the truth.

It's amazing what 2 losing seasons will do to you. 

J. Lichty

November 15th, 2010 at 2:28 PM ^

when Thomas fumbled away the victory.  After that day, I have toned it down when everyone else was around.  It has been good for my anger management.

I have managed to either keep it together, or be alone until the Penn State game this year, when for the first time since my kids have been born, they saw daddy curse at the tv.

Yostal

November 15th, 2010 at 2:56 PM ^

Like so many other college football fans, I have found the Kübler-Ross model instructive for dealing with one's fandom:

Denial - THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!

Anger – The entire coaching staff must be fired.

Bargaining – OK, if we score here, it's a two score game if the defense can hold.

Depression – No, I'm, er, uh, too angry to sing.

Acceptance – Well, there's always next year.

Sparkle Motion

November 15th, 2010 at 6:55 PM ^

who are at an age where they can understand the things Daddy is yelling but are still naive and believe everything Daddy says.  

So I have told them (and their friends who might be over) that the other team (each and every week!) has a great receiver named Tucker.  So... if they hear Daddy yelling, it might sound like something else, but what I am yelling is "Cover Tucker! Cover Tucker! Cover Tucker!"

Just a tip for one possible future...

Its All About …

November 15th, 2010 at 1:26 PM ^

Once upon a time, I didn't think Chris Martin was a bad announcer.  Such naivete.  That was some horrible announcing.

 

also

I don't like my own furious overreactions, let alone the furious overreactions of hundreds of other people.

I'm exactly the same way, was watching with some coworkers, one of whom asked "do we usually beat Purdue?" which, timeframe-dependant ennui

The Actual El Guapo

November 15th, 2010 at 1:26 PM ^

in which the Horror earns the much coveted Bosch Award and the '87 Indiana game earns the Brueghel the Younger Statuette, I hereby award this Saturday's game the Worker and Parasite Plaque.  Well earned, gentlemen.

mi93

November 15th, 2010 at 1:44 PM ^

No, that wasn't pretty, and there are quite a few folks talking about how all Ws are not created equal.

Let's not forget, however, the number of times we've been the favorite and the weather helped conspire to force an upset.  The offense made their now standard 3 TOs and the weather threw in a couple extra, but outside of the long hand-off, the D did not give up any of its now standard ridiculously long TDs.

I'm not claiming all is right in Mudville, but this band of youngsters put the game away late, in the muck, on the road, and nearly covered.  Past experiences have suggested anything is possible and these guys pulled out a win without their 'A' game.  Let's relax a little bit.

And let's go into the next 2 weeks with rational expectations (though my dream of two 56-0 wins is probably not that).

zlionsfan

November 15th, 2010 at 1:56 PM ^

Yes, one would think the MUST TEAR ACL hobgoblin (obviously that word predates D&D) would mitigate anguish from this season, but keep the context in mind:

1. Last year, Purdue was 5-7, with 5 of the losses by seven points or fewer; 6 of the 7 losses came to bowl-bound teams (Notre Dame was the seventh, HA HA), and among the losses was a two-point loss at Autzen to Oregon that came about primarily because the defense was unsure whether or not it was legal for the QB to run. There was also that win over Ohio State (HA HA again) ... so this season was supposed to build on that. This is kind of important when your ceiling is a New Year's Day bowl rather than 13-0/14-0.

2. Suspect recruiting at the end of Tiller's tenure and throughout Hope's tenure has led to a lack of depth that has been exposed by injuries ... add to that a defense that is pretty much terrible once you get past the DL (and if it weren't for Kerrigan and Short, it would probably be the worst defense in I-A by far), and the best thing about each game after the Minnesota win is the final whistle.

3. Normally, this time of year provides something to take away the pain of the usual November losses, except someone told the Purdue Angry ACL-Hating God that there are other sports to ruin, and so Purdue fans got another dose of FUUUUU ... except this one came in the sport that is the primary focus on campus.

So yeah, reactions are more negative than you might otherwise expect. There are additional concerns, such as whether or not Hope is even capable of running a respectable I-A program given his lack of experience, but it's mostly from the ARRRRGH above.

Kolesar40

November 15th, 2010 at 2:07 PM ^

Continue to be a serious issue. Master of the obvious here, but Penn State is the only Big Ten game where turnovers were not a major factor. I dont care how good the offense is, it won't be able to overcome turnovers to win games. I hope we can chalk it up to youth, and only youth.

As for Denard, the interceptions have been due to inaccuracy, misreads, and bad decisions. So it is difficult to point to one thing. If the options are not there, tuck it and run. Both he and Tate seem to be averse to throwing it away and living to fight another day. It is a tough thing to teach young qbs, but hopefully they will learn. Brian is too nice about the fumbles. Junior high kids know to put the ball in their outside hand. That is textbook.

MGoShoe

November 15th, 2010 at 2:10 PM ^

...SRBM punt, I think this analogy by Maize n Brew Dave is pretty apt:

What it all means is that when next season starts, the sports casters and talking head will begin with "Michigan finished ___ and ___ and went to the ____ Bowl" instead of talking about NCAA infractions and consecutive losing seasons. Much like Will Hagerup's booming 72 yard punt in the fourth quarter, Michigan has flipped the conversation. This is no longer a conversation about all the failings of this coaching staff and their inability to do anything right. It is a conversation about a program on the upswing, a bowl birth, and a dynamic offense and progressing defense that combined promises to scare the ever living ---t out of everyone next season.

cjpops

November 15th, 2010 at 4:29 PM ^

Very optimistic quote.  Makes for good reading, but, it's not realistic.  Most likely, Michigan has won it's last regular season game this year.  In addition, they've beaten only the bottom feeders of the Big Ten with regularity and done so in very close games.  Sure they'll be (at least) 7-5 at the end of the regular season, but, not a very impressive 7-5.  More like an MSU 7-5.

If UM's defense is average next year, that's a bonus.  Once Michigan beats one of the good Big Ten teams, then it's time for others to get the 'ever living ---t' scared.

The good news is: UM likely won't be starting over at HC again next year.  *knocks on wood*

markusr2007

November 15th, 2010 at 2:34 PM ^

Coach Parcels says "You are what your record says you are".

Congratulations Bill. You're a Fields medal winner.

Yes, Michigan is 7-3 (Yay!) and about to careen it's team into an Asplundh woodchipper (Wisconsin) (Awwww!). Twice (at Ohio State).  Gee Margie!

Yep, pretty much exactly where I'd expected they'd be.

My hope? That the Badgers continue their inexplicably dumb and embarrassing record of losing football games in Michigan Stadium.  

Yostal

November 15th, 2010 at 2:50 PM ^

Michigan Stadium has, indeed, not been kind to the Badgers.

5 total victories at Michigan Stadium in 27 attempts.  The last was 1994 and the one prior to that was 1962. 

The last time Wisconsin came in to Michigan Stadium as a top ten team, they fell victim to the largest Michigan comeback in Michigan Stadium history.

Bret Bielema has never won a game as head coach in the state of Michigan (0-5).

If nothing else, it is history that teaches us to hope.

Yard Dog

November 15th, 2010 at 2:49 PM ^

It seemed like Denard had several opportunities to take off but instead chose to chuck the ball into coverage.  I had the radio on at the same time as watching the game on TV.  It was actually informative when Brandy would say it looked like Denard had room to run instead of making an ill advised throw, and then see what Brandy was talking about on the TV. 

Someone mentioned last week that Denard too insistent on passing when that is the play call, and not just pulling the ball down and running.  I hope the coaches keep encouraging him to live for another play by pulling the ball down on occasion and making some positive yards.

msoccer10

November 15th, 2010 at 3:18 PM ^

Vinopal not only  looked better tackling this week but he is a clear upgrade in speed compared to Cam Gordon. Cam also looks like a beast of a player closer to  the line of scrimmage. So far this move has been very successful imhe. Also, we should give credit to the coaching staff for finding a guy who everyone somehow overlooked.

Seth

November 15th, 2010 at 4:49 PM ^

I think he was saying RR makes 1,000 times more than journalists, not politicians, but I see your point -- these people are giving their lives to public service and yet make less money than some SEC players. We shouldn't be making fun of them on top of it.

Ari1

November 15th, 2010 at 3:16 PM ^

I have been pleasantly surprised with Smith's improved agility the past couple of weeks and think that it is a result of additional healing time on his knee.  In the best case scenario he should be fully healed by next year and Smith will take another big leap.

Has anybody noticed that Denard ALWAYS lands on his right side when he is tackled?  I mean every single time.  I'm not sure if he was taught to do that but considering he throws with his right arm, maybe it isn't the best idea to keep smashing it into the ground.  

Flying Dutchman

November 15th, 2010 at 3:22 PM ^

I also have a severe case of sports Tourette's.   Did we just form a support group?

I haven't been able to watch a Michigan game with civilian "outsiders" for years.  My wife and unborn child clear the house currently.

M. Stansfield

November 15th, 2010 at 3:48 PM ^

Watching these games this year has taken the emotion out of me, it's more like being in a daze and staggering to the fridge for another beer during commercials. That being said, I haven't missed a second of any of the games, and I am anxiously awaiting seeing this team in person at the insight bowl. Hopefully we can upset anoer team or 2 along the way. What a strange trip it has been.

New Kid On The Blog

November 15th, 2010 at 3:25 PM ^

Does anyone else think RR should have taken the holding penalty instead of allowing Purdue to kick a field goal? I know 3rd and long as been bad for Michigan but the D had played pretty well. You've got to give them a chance to stop Purdue in that case if you ask me.

cjpops

November 15th, 2010 at 4:15 PM ^

I don't think we're under the illusion that Michigan is a good team.

Other than the lunatic fringe who predicted more than 7 wins this year and those who are predicting 10 next year, I think you're right.  Michigan is not a good team and most of the rational world gets it.  At this point they are beating the bad teams on the schedule, but, barely at that.  Progress, yes, however slow.

3 weeks ago UM basically needed to win 2 of 3 to secure RR's job and obviously a winning season.  They accomplished that by the slimmest of margins.  Look out for Wisky (clearly out with something to prove) and OSU (on the road) to bring the pain.

Also, the weather didn't seem that bad in this game.  Certainly wasn't the 1995 Purdue game where the final score was 5-0.  I personally experienced that weather at field level on that day. What's the matter with these guys...can't play in a little rain?

This game column clearly needed the 'shark derp' picture.

Rashman

November 15th, 2010 at 4:53 PM ^

I moved to Chicago after graduation (2000) and have been here since.  Chicago is located pretty nicely for Big Ten road games.  I still get back to Ann Arbor a few times a year and usually bump into Sven, Crunchy, and their ladies (my buddy has season tickets near them).

Good to hear from you, Carl.  I'll catch up w/ you off the board.