Michigan 28, Maryland 0
[Patrick Barron]
Maryland thought they were getting a primetime showdown on national TV; what they got instead was a lesson in what being a member of the Big Ten is really about. Michigan is going to walk into your building, change the start time to just after breakfast, eat you for lunch, and be home in time for supper.
Facing a slate sky whipped up by the tendrils of Hurricane Joaquin, the Harbaugh 1.4 Wolverines left De’Veon Smith warm in his Ann Arbor stable, content to use the same strategy that got the Harbaugh 1.2s past UNLV: probe the inside, pop a thing or two when it’s time to get some points, and wait for your defense to throttle the will to football out of a vastly inferior opponent.
Growing up we called this a “Schembechler win,” and we got one, but not before a first half and change that conjured memories of a far more recent former Michigan coaching tenure. From Maryland receiving the kickoff, the drives went punt, punt, interception, fumble, punt, fumble, interception, missed FG, punt, field goal, punt, punt, punt, field goal, punt, kneel out half, interception, punt, punt, interception.
At this point I asked Twitter if they preferred a recap of these proceedings or a 10-minute pasta recipe. Votes for the game did outscore Maryland, but only barely:
Retweet if you want the game recap to be about this game. Fav if you want it to be about this gnocchi in creamy tomato sauce I just made.
— Seth M. Fisher (@Misopogon) October 3, 2015
How to Make Seth’s Creamy Gnocchi
Start by pre-heating the oven to 400 and shove the meatballs in (if you want to hurry this up just nuke ‘em for 4 minutes), then put the water on to boil. In another pan I pour some olive oil, balsamic vinegar, sriracha, and—here’s the trick—a tablespoon of peanut butter. You melt down the peanut butter on medium until you have a nice brownish sauce. Add garlic too if you’re into that. When the water boils put the gnocchi in and turn down the heat.
They’ll cook pretty fast then pop to the surface, whence you’ll remove them with a slotted spoon to your saucepan. Once all the gnocchi is moved over, pour in a half a cup of 2% milk and your tomato sauce, turn the heat up to medium-plus, and cook it down until it’s getting thick-ish. Turn off the heat and let it cool until your meatballs are ready. Plop those on top, followed by your preferred level of parmesan, and you’re in business.
At this point you may relocate back to the living room to find that Michigan has scored on a screen to Drake Johnson and a jet sweep to Jehu Chesson, Maryland’s starting quarterback is on the bench, and Willie Henry is getting free hits on Daxx Garmin. Salt away with Drake Johnson runs and serve cold.
The one really bad thing for Michigan is Mario Ojemudia left the game with an apparent Achilles injury. I thought he had his best day as a Wolverine today; if it was indeed his last that is a huge loss.
The rest of your takeaways: Maryland is bad at football and should feel bad. Michigan is excellent at defense and should feel excellent. Rudock is turning out to be fine in a Krenzel sort of way. De’Veon Smith probably really is Michigan’s best back. And while there’s still plenty of 2014 left to Harbaugh out of this team, you can start believing that both Mr. Smith and MICHIGAN will be back for Homecoming.
Great coaches instill an unequivocal belief in their team that they can & will no matter the circumstance! These boys believe! #GoBlue
— Devin Gardner (@devingardnerXCI) October 3, 2015
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:55 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:09 PM ^
A week ago, we were up 31-0 at home whereas this week we were up 6-0 on the road...
Clearly, Harbaugh has tapped into another gear...although the defense plays in one gear fr 60 minutes.
October 3rd, 2015 at 7:51 PM ^
Are you implying that this was a bad game? The way that you talk about it, it's like Michigan barely escaped Maryland. That's not the game that I watched.
Maryland is a terrible team. Beating a terrible team by 28 points on the road is entirely acceptable, for anyone.
October 3rd, 2015 at 8:17 PM ^
iMO that was the least (if such a thing exists) impressive road shutout win I've ever seen. It was ugly, there were three well executed plays total, and take away the long run we struggled to open holes against Maryland, who everyone has run against. I'm not backing away from my prediction pre-season of 9-3 and we could be 10-2, nothing about this game changes the promise of this season, but there was no way anyone could watch the first three quarters of that game and be impressed with our offense.
October 3rd, 2015 at 11:07 PM ^
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October 4th, 2015 at 2:00 AM ^
October 4th, 2015 at 8:53 AM ^
LOL, if your rage boner has lasted since 1855, call your veterinary technicion
October 4th, 2015 at 11:45 AM ^
October 5th, 2015 at 3:16 PM ^
Our defense was kicking their ass, our offense, against their godawful defense, was equally godawful which does not bode well for the future.
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:38 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:39 PM ^
I have a toddler. I use what I've got on hand.
October 3rd, 2015 at 7:16 PM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 4:45 PM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 4:54 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 7:17 PM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 4:55 PM ^
Interesting recipe ... the peanut butter and sriracha almost puts this into Thai-like territory. I wonder if coconut milk with this would move the needle even more in that direction?
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:04 PM ^
Our defense is an anaconda that strangles the life out of offenses.
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:04 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 7:17 PM ^
3 things concerned me. 1. The OL had a hard time opening holes, in the 1st half especially. 2. Rudock's continued inability to hit the deep ball. 3. And Maryland WR's were getting open more than i thought they would; good thing they couldn't hang onto a catch. Yes, we are a work in progress but I can't help but want them to progress faster.
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:08 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:53 PM ^
Pretty sure he had it 29-0.
October 3rd, 2015 at 8:40 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 9:05 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 9:52 PM ^
October 4th, 2015 at 3:44 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:15 PM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 5:32 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 8:11 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:35 PM ^
I'll go with Drake Johnson as best back. He averaged over 5 yards per carry today with 2 TDs. Not bad. In the first half he was asked to run into walls, and did a fine job of that.
October 3rd, 2015 at 6:16 PM ^
today.
He couldn't even make it past the line of scrimmage in the first half.
He seems to be most effective when out in space.
October 3rd, 2015 at 6:25 PM ^
Johnson was a lot better than Smith last year too. Something like double the yards per carry.
October 3rd, 2015 at 8:17 PM ^
Chesson averaged 67 YPC. He should obviously start at RB.
October 4th, 2015 at 1:08 AM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 5:32 PM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 5:39 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:47 PM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 5:47 PM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 6:23 PM ^
As someone who grew up in Ann Arbor during the Bo era it does feel like something in the world is back in balance seeing Michigan solidly on track to playing Bo-quality football.
Given that Michigan got what they came for today I hope it won't be considered trolling to post an image of Jim and Kermit outside Stamp Union, near Byrd Stadium. Michigan obviously has a long list of prominent alumni. Jim Henson is probably Maryland's most beloved alum.
October 3rd, 2015 at 10:11 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:37 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:38 PM ^
Devin Gardner with 4 years of Harbaugh coaching. Alas, what might've been.
October 3rd, 2015 at 6:18 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 6:27 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 6:31 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 6:50 PM ^
I trust Harbaugh would've found the right system for Devin at QB. Kaepernick is a solid example.
I think his move to WR would've been based on Harbaugh finding another QB who was simply better and Devin having to move to get the best players on the field. But if Harbaugh didn't find that other QB...Devin, IMO, would've had a much better career at QB than he did.
October 3rd, 2015 at 7:05 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 9:49 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 7:10 PM ^
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October 4th, 2015 at 11:56 AM ^
Before the MSU game that lead to Gardners PTSD he could do it all. Tall, fast, with strong accurate arm. Poor OL coaching did as much damage to Gardner as anything else...
I do agree that he also could have been an All American WR. I'm just not sure Harbaugh would have moved a 5 star QB to WR the moement he got on campus. He likes QBs that can run...
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