Michigan 28, Maryland 0
[Patrick Barron]
Maryland thought they were getting a primetime showdown on national TV; what they got instead was a lesson in what being a member of the Big Ten is really about. Michigan is going to walk into your building, change the start time to just after breakfast, eat you for lunch, and be home in time for supper.
Facing a slate sky whipped up by the tendrils of Hurricane Joaquin, the Harbaugh 1.4 Wolverines left De’Veon Smith warm in his Ann Arbor stable, content to use the same strategy that got the Harbaugh 1.2s past UNLV: probe the inside, pop a thing or two when it’s time to get some points, and wait for your defense to throttle the will to football out of a vastly inferior opponent.
Growing up we called this a “Schembechler win,” and we got one, but not before a first half and change that conjured memories of a far more recent former Michigan coaching tenure. From Maryland receiving the kickoff, the drives went punt, punt, interception, fumble, punt, fumble, interception, missed FG, punt, field goal, punt, punt, punt, field goal, punt, kneel out half, interception, punt, punt, interception.
At this point I asked Twitter if they preferred a recap of these proceedings or a 10-minute pasta recipe. Votes for the game did outscore Maryland, but only barely:
Retweet if you want the game recap to be about this game. Fav if you want it to be about this gnocchi in creamy tomato sauce I just made.
— Seth M. Fisher (@Misopogon) October 3, 2015
How to Make Seth’s Creamy Gnocchi
Start by pre-heating the oven to 400 and shove the meatballs in (if you want to hurry this up just nuke ‘em for 4 minutes), then put the water on to boil. In another pan I pour some olive oil, balsamic vinegar, sriracha, and—here’s the trick—a tablespoon of peanut butter. You melt down the peanut butter on medium until you have a nice brownish sauce. Add garlic too if you’re into that. When the water boils put the gnocchi in and turn down the heat.
They’ll cook pretty fast then pop to the surface, whence you’ll remove them with a slotted spoon to your saucepan. Once all the gnocchi is moved over, pour in a half a cup of 2% milk and your tomato sauce, turn the heat up to medium-plus, and cook it down until it’s getting thick-ish. Turn off the heat and let it cool until your meatballs are ready. Plop those on top, followed by your preferred level of parmesan, and you’re in business.
At this point you may relocate back to the living room to find that Michigan has scored on a screen to Drake Johnson and a jet sweep to Jehu Chesson, Maryland’s starting quarterback is on the bench, and Willie Henry is getting free hits on Daxx Garmin. Salt away with Drake Johnson runs and serve cold.
The one really bad thing for Michigan is Mario Ojemudia left the game with an apparent Achilles injury. I thought he had his best day as a Wolverine today; if it was indeed his last that is a huge loss.
The rest of your takeaways: Maryland is bad at football and should feel bad. Michigan is excellent at defense and should feel excellent. Rudock is turning out to be fine in a Krenzel sort of way. De’Veon Smith probably really is Michigan’s best back. And while there’s still plenty of 2014 left to Harbaugh out of this team, you can start believing that both Mr. Smith and MICHIGAN will be back for Homecoming.
Great coaches instill an unequivocal belief in their team that they can & will no matter the circumstance! These boys believe! #GoBlue
— Devin Gardner (@devingardnerXCI) October 3, 2015
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:17 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 9:27 PM ^
could be N00M #2
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:18 PM ^
October 4th, 2015 at 6:29 AM ^
We are the ones whom will be eating the lunches.
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:20 PM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 4:20 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 9:31 PM ^
Drake is pretty good and it's great to see him out there but the running game is clearly better when Da'veon is getting plenty of carries, he's a work horse, he brings energy and he allows us to use Drake sparingly, which improves his chances of staying healthy. I don't know what happened to Isaac today, he wasn't with it; I don't know if he had something nagging or mentally wasn't with it but he had his chance to assert himself and didn't.
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:23 PM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 5:15 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 9:43 PM ^
October 4th, 2015 at 10:28 AM ^
That happened more than once :(
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:43 PM ^
Makes me proud to be an alumnus of the same university. I'm really hoping he can find a way to make it in the nfl, because he is such an amazingly gifted athlete. But if he doesn't, he still has a lot going for him -- intelligence, character, and a Master's from Michigan; so I think he'll do alright
October 4th, 2015 at 9:37 AM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:24 PM ^
With meatballs and good marinara it is the food of the Gods.
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:26 PM ^
"Rudock is turning out to be decent..."
I don't think he is decent yet. He has issues. He stares down his receivers. He can only do about one check down. He throws that sideline pass without even looking to see if the receiver is open, which is going to result in another pick six one of these days. And, oh yeah, he is oh-for-the season on deep balls.
Otherwise, Michigan looks really. really good.
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:29 PM ^
Both were dropped. His main problem is lack of field vision. I don't understand how a 5th year senior can't scan the field
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:32 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 9:37 PM ^
who knows he might be playing this year in the NFL. He still has issues but I feel he's getting better as well. He has another game under his belt, more success, and more familiarity with teh system and the players. Him being a Senior will help too, I don't think he's reached his ceiling just yet. Next week is going to be a Utah-like test for him though, Northwestern is better than most of the teams we've played.
October 4th, 2015 at 2:23 AM ^
That ball that Chesson dropped, yes Chesson should catch it, but that is NOT a "nice deep ball." Chesson is going across the field, and the throw is back behind him, forcing him to adjust over his shoulder on his direction of his route.
That's a better thrown ball than some of his other ones in that it actually hit a guy's hands, but it's still not a nice ball.
October 4th, 2015 at 6:56 PM ^
The passes he has missed down field are easy passes considering how open some of them have been. It is not the least bit an exaggeration to say that most high school QBs make those throws 9 out of 10 times.
The coaches have done a masterful job of play calling to get those wide open plays down the field, it is almost like a turnover when you don't execute on something as simple as that. It ended up biting us in the Utah game and it will end up biting us again if he can't make those throws.
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:46 PM ^
I agree. Rudock needs some significant improvements. The whole first half I kept saying, "Surely Shane isn't this bad..." (Sorry, I know he probably is.) Jake seems shell-shocked against throwing INTs (except on covered short outs) and so he hitches and misses the opportunity. He's pretty frustrating, but then in the second half Harbaugh helps him to be just good enough to win. It's not a terrible situation. But it's going to make our big games tough.
October 3rd, 2015 at 7:49 PM ^
October 4th, 2015 at 12:41 PM ^
There is a MUCH larger than remote chance you're completely delusional about Taysom Hill ever spending one minute on Michigan's sidelines in uniform.
October 5th, 2015 at 3:12 PM ^
Pretty sure you only get one medical redshirt, this was Hill's 3rd season ending injury, I believe his eligibility is out. And even if it's not, he isn't the old Taysom HIll, even before he injured himself he wasn't running and the announcers said they wont run him anymore.
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:26 PM ^
That Gardner tweet hurts....he coulda...shoulda been so much better. If only the last jackass in charge of the AD did what should have been done first and hire JH, he may still be playing on Sundays
October 3rd, 2015 at 8:25 PM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 4:26 PM ^
These terp unis are the best- way less psychotic than the King of Spades technicolor version. Sort of an Alice in Wonderland dark queen varient
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:26 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:28 PM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 4:28 PM ^
Seems to me like if Rudock did everything right, didn't have issues, always found open receivers, tossed deep balls that connected, he would be way better than decent. A quarterback that hedges a bit, doesn't always hit, but sometimes runs for the necessary first down and manages to do enough to win games, is actually decent.
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:29 PM ^
I'm sure the Gnocchi (or whatever) of Seth's is good but I can't eat anything that looks like reproductive parts
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:30 PM ^
You're missing out. Peaches are delicious.
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:32 PM ^
What about tacos?
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:29 PM ^
My heart breaks for Devin Gardner. I just...ugh.
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:33 PM ^
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October 3rd, 2015 at 6:52 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:35 PM ^
at 10:14 in the 2nd quarter, Boston College has already given up 129 yards to Duke.
BC, because of their sorry ass schedule, is #1 in defense.
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:33 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 5:34 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 9:41 PM ^
about someone on that team, the Terps have a long way to go.
October 3rd, 2015 at 6:00 PM ^
Baxter was an absolutely great hire. Our special teams play has been so much better.
Along with the improved coaching, Peppers is an upgrade over Norfleet and O'Neill is better thn Hagerup.
October 3rd, 2015 at 6:44 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 7:16 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:34 PM ^
These are the kinds of games that build great teams. You face adversity, you fight through it and find your way to victory.
Harbaugh will make any and all necessary adjustments. He'll hound this team all week about what they could have, and should have, done better.
Harbaugh accepts nothing less than perfection. We're in good hands my friends.
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October 3rd, 2015 at 4:42 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 6:41 PM ^
Neither has OSU. I feel good about our chances at home.
October 3rd, 2015 at 8:35 PM ^
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:44 PM ^
It's pretty heart-warming to see that we are consistently playing better in the 2nd half than in the first. Coaching adjustments! And on a day when Jake was not good and the line was not blowing open holes, Harbaugh and staff schemed their way to two easy touchdowns. Pretty encouraging. Especially when you have a great defense.
October 3rd, 2015 at 4:48 PM ^
LOL I could give you a pass if it were Utah, but BYU was just 7 days ago.
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