I also suck at bowling, so I've been hiking Jirisan.
11/23/2013 – Michigan 21, Iowa 24 – 7-4, 3-4 Big Ten
Ypsi-Arbor Bowl was demolished in early October.
MUSIC POST! HIT PLAY OR I KILL YOU!
I am one of those irritating people who believes the Big Lebowski is deep, man. I think this because of everything about it but mostly because of one particular scene. If you have not seen the Big Lebowski, you are about to be spoiled. Also, screw you you're a bad person and you deserve to be spoiled. What is wrong with you? You are bad and should feel bad.
Sorry. I am taking things out on people. I hip-checked an old lady into the frozen pizzas on Saturday because her earrings annoyed me*. That was wrong. I know that now. I will stop doing this posthaste.
The scene is the funeral. Because of miserable copyright bastards you have your choice of an official thing that cuts off before the crucial line or one with the volume turned way down. Here's the latter, turn up for hearings:
It is just so Dave Brandon that the Official Movieclips.com version manages to cut itself off before "Come on, dude… fuck it, man. Let's go bowling." Anyway.
At this point I simultaneously feel that I have to explain and that I have to explain that there's no point in trying. But fuck it, I'm talking to the guys who had the world's saddest tailgate before the season opener and came up to me at our event before the Notre Dame—another world—and were just so excited to be the world's saddest tailgate. They told me about their jury-rigged pancake plans for Notre Dame. They were engineers. That part is probably obvious. I loved them, and I feel badly for them. They're all 18 and probably don't know a damn thing about a movie that came out when they were three and Michigan was national champions.
I don't know anything about Buddhism but the Big Lebowski feels pretty Buddhist. The Dude comes into his apartment to a guy peeing on his rug and from that point on he's propelled through this rollercoaster over which he has zero agency. Literally everything he does in the movie is at the behest of someone else, and what little gestures towards doing something himself are quickly co-opted by the people he's doing them with. He picks up Walter to make the drop; Walter presses his underwear upon the dude and shoots up his car with an uzi. He has sex with Maude; Maude reveals that he acting as a living sperm bank. Etc.
The movie is a series of unfortunate events culminating in the death of Donny thanks to the bullheaded stupidity of Walter, who doesn't want to give up his fifteen dollars to some nihilists. That Donny dies as an indirect effect of that decision is the capper: your desires and actions are futile; you are subject to the random capricious whim of a universe that doesn't care about anything and if it was going to care about something it absolutely wouldn't be you. I don't have to spell the rest out for you. Sports! Fuck sports.
The thing about the funeral scene that kills me every time is the shoving rant from the Dude and Walter's scalded-dog reaction hug in the midst.
what THE FUCK does anything have to do with Vietnam?!?!
This is the guy with the Uzi who pulls a gun on the pacifist, and that is pious. It's a prayer for forgiveness. That kills me every time. And then the song. I mean.
I've probably mentioned this before, but in the aftermath of The Horror the one thing I wanted and needed to do more than anything else in the world was watch The Big Lebowski. I don't think I knew why at the time; it was my favorite movie but if you asked me why I wouldn't have been able to come up with much in particular. As I was watching it the whole Lebowski-Sports thing dawned, the lack of agency over your emotional state, the attempt to come to terms with arbitrary bullshit wreaking havoc on your emotional state, the lumbering oaf you've chosen to have far too much influence on your emotional state. I revert to it still, because at the end the Dude reaches out and clasps Walter to him, and fuck it, let's go bowling.
I have to tell you that I am at a low ebb right now.
3-9 was awful but had an element of fun in it in the same way Naked and Afraid does: holding my frozen hands to the pretzel machine and feeling guilty when I returned to the stands to find that I'd tried to heat myself so long I'd missed Michigan's first three-and-out of the second half. This is worse, six years on. It's lost its novelty, and now staring at the Armageddon that is the last week of the season is just Promethean fate. I can't imagine accidentally missing any part of this football season and thinking anything other than "stroke of luck, that." I don't see a way in which Michigan gets on Ohio State's level in the near future, and even plotting out Michigan State's level is pretty murky.
I also don't see a FIRE THIS TURDFACE solution. This is the culmination of a dozen different things, all richly deserved by everyone except the fanbase, and my belief is that the best course of action is to persist with this low-attrition, good-dude, quality-talent recruiting and hope that the blithering recedes as things go along. I hate this, because I know that any realignment towards an offense that I actually like will be met with a reaction equivalent to George Wallace hearing that they're integrating the schools, and that the burden of Michigan's past hangs over them in a way that Ohio State was perfectly happy to throw over before Urban Meyer even showed up. I also feel that Michigan will insist that it's anyone's fault but their own, and that the best we can hope for is 1997: an outlier.
This is massively enervating. We're staring down a 20-year period in which Michigan beats Ohio State like 4 or 5 times. Memories of when Michigan could claim equality are as fresh as Jim Delany's letter about how the SEC was a bunch of stupid poopy pants, and as relevant. This feels like a new order, right now. Inescapable.
Fuck it, dude. I'm going bowling. At 5 PM after Michigan gets its anatomy explored on Saturday, I'm going to Colonial Lanes on Industrial, which still exists, and I'm going to throw some balls in the general direction of some pins.
I can't stand bowling. I suck at it and there is nothing more frustrating than sucking at throwing a ball straight at things that aren't defended or even moving. Any time you fail to bowl you have failed to be a vaguely functional person. I hate bowling. So it is obviously perfect for Saturday.
If you promise not to talk about this year's football team, I would love for you to join me. I will tell you it is not your fault. You will tell me it is only about 5% my fault. It will not be a great time but I'm sick of staring at a computer screen trying not to check twitter. By God if I am going to be enervated it is going to be by not being able to throw a ball straight for a moderate distance. I'm done being enervated by sports, if only for just this moment.
In the moment where I take the ball down from its perch between my hand and my clavicle there will be a moment of beautiful, stupid hope that will persist past the results. And that moment will be enough to mitigate what follows.
Therefore I will bowl.
*[For the people who run the Children of Yost account: that's a joke, and your hat is unflattering.]
There is no other stuff, except the elsewhere section because by God ST3 and bronxblue persist. Goddamn if bronxblue doesn't nail it:
And yet, I still can’t find it in myself to turn off these games. I know why, of course: there are only 13-14 games a year, and when times are good or at least exciting there is nothing better to watch. And when the team isn’t that good (which, let’s be honest, started well before RR’s tenure made it official), the calcified memories of former greatness and the diminishing hope of a return keep me coming back. And despite the losses and the continuing sense that UM is still on the wrong side of history, I’ll keep watching and coming back to watch, even games like this when you could feel the loss coming after Iowa’s first drive of the 2nd half. And in all likelihood, my kids will love watching UM football as much as me, even when they realize that patch of missing hair isn’t because Dad was pranked. But this simply cannot end soon enough for me, and next week’s OSU game will likely get the background treatment as I shop online, listen to music, and otherwise tool around the apartment.
And ST3 goes with the Smiths, because yeah:
Stop me, oh, stop me...
Akron, yes Akron, records 8 TFLs
Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before
UConn, still winless as I write this, records 10 TFLs.
You are both champions, gentlemen. Thank you for your posts.
Also, if you want a graphical representation of the way Michigan's offense is going, dnak438 has your evidence. It is grim.
Not that I needed to tell you that.
I also suck at bowling, so I've been hiking Jirisan.
It's awesome in late spring and early fall. Last Saturday in November = I'm (not) trying to watch the game on my phone in an icy death tent.
5:06 A.M. I like it.
I really hope Michigan has a "moment of clarity" this Saturday...
I'm emotionally flatlined over Michigan football, a feeling I never had before. I'm not buying tickets next year, and this is from someone who hasn't missed more than a handful of games in the last 15 years or so and has been an avid fan since the '60's, when I went to Ann Arbor to attend Michigan. Same old same old for too long.
What is happening with the lack interest in the student section could quickly spread to the rest of the fan base, Brandon might find, just like at Tennessee and at many programs in the B1G and the rest o the country, that once you lose the fans, it is very difficult to bring them back. People find other things to do with their Saturday afternoons, and that is a crying shame.
You and me both. Except it's 25 years here of support that's ending.
I never thought this was possible. I never thought I'd reach a point where I wouldnt want to go to games anymore. I still very much want Michgian to win (sorry Brown Bear - you couldnt be more wrong about me there) but my interest level in attending the games has hit zero.
But you're giving up because they're not winning, and that's being a fairweather fan. You can cloak it in anything you like (Brandon, sensless playcalling, general direction), but that's where you're at. Not judging, and I hope you come back at some point.
The way you put it, anyone who decides to stop going to games is "fairweather". How else should someone show the powers that be that he/she thinks the program is heading in the wrong direction? This is not a democracy; we don't get a vote to elect a coach. The closest thing to a vote is not buying tickets. You could argue that a true fan, if he/she really thinks change must occur for the good of the program, is the one who gives up going to make a point. Blindly going to games because you are a "real" fan is dumb, though Brandon would be glad if you did it.
That is exactly how I see it Coach. Exactly.
Then there is no such a thing as "fairweather fan".
You can come up with any excuse you want, but going to the games when they are winning and not when they are losing is by definition fairweather fan.
but you used a false argument to make your point. He didn't say he would only return when the team starts winning again; only when they make a change and get a new coach who can seriously turn this thing around.
thus, your definition does not hold here.
it's assumed that making a change and turning things around is synonymous with winning. Or is there some definition of making a change and turning things around that would go along with going 8-4 and 7-5 seasons?
Did this coaching staff go through some dramatic changes that I am not aware of? This is the same coaching staff from last year and year before that. Did you stop coming to the game when they first came in? No?
then you are not going to the game because they are not winning. If coaching changes are made and new coaches keep on losing you are going to call for more coaching changes and stop going to the games again.
Just be honest to yourself. You are not going because they are losing. Period.
We are not talking about me, as I live far away and only make it to games occasionally regardless of the year.
We are talking about your comment that anyone who stops going when the program is tanking. You say such a person is a bad fan; that is your opinion. I say there are some circumstances where such a position makes sense; this may be one of them.
I suspect that if we were playing terrific football but losing close, hard-fought games on occasion, that nobody would mind very much. What has been happening lately gives the feeling that somebody is not doing their job, and serious change may be required. What other way do you suggest to effect such a change?
Going to the game when they are winning and not going when they are losing is by DEFINITION a fair-weather fan. Opinions, mine or yours have nothing to do with it.
We have no idea whether changes are coming or not, so to declare that no changes will happen without fans showing up is a moot point. I have yet to see a program that does not make changes when they are losing. I am not sure why you think we are so special in that regards.
Stadium sold out every single home game regardless of on field performance, do you really think the school would shell out so much money? Seriously, why bother spending huge amounts on coaching staffs, nutritionists, scholarships, etc. in an attempt to win if the program remains a cash cow with a stadium filled with "real" fans that don't care about such mundane things as winning?
In fact, he was probably worse, because he not only stopped supporting the football team and program, he undercut it.
When the product that is put out is competitive with the other football product they're competing with and a fan decides to cash out then that, in my eyes, would constitute this fairweather fan thing you like to talk about. This team is as exciting as a camera going up your ass looking for polyps. Brandon said that Hoke is a football coach but man, he sure doesn't seem like one. He is as inept on the offensive side of the ball as RR was on the defensive side. Denard made up for a lot of the inadequacies of this staff and now that he is gone they are exposed for what they are, a very good Mountain West staff. They don't have the gray matter to compete with these other coaches at this level Mattison aside.
But addressing your point: if all of the angry fans stopped going to games, all it would do is destroy the Michigan program. If the Big House is half empty next year, the result is obvious: lost recuits, national embarassment, a fundamental worsening of the problem, given what happened on the field extended to the stands.
Is that the change you seek? Because that's what you'll get. Then you'll come back if they hire a new coach, and they start winning the way you believe they're supposed to? That's a fairweather fan. You don't get to die on this hill. You're throwing down your rifle and walking away. It's not helping you win the war, it's ensuring defeat.
Not judging, but that's the choice being made. Each has to make their own.
Well, you make some points, but not really many good ones.
The last time the stadium was empty for a while, the AD had some real pressure on him, to find someone to set a new course for Michigan football. So that AD, Canham if you've heard of him, sought out and found a guy who set a light under the program. His name was Bo. How did that turn out?
Are Hoke and co. so bad as to warrant sitting out a few seasons, and sitting through the disaster that follows, all in hopes of forcing a serious new direction? That, I don't know; the evidence is a lot closer to "yes" though that I thought it would be. My point was simply this: a fan absolutely should be able to do so, if they think it is what will make the program better in the long run.
You seem to know all the answers, and are convinced that there is no way a half-full stadium could lead to a better result. But you don't know, and your guess is no better or worse than anyone else's, so stop pretending it is.
As for who is "stupid", well, keep buying tickets and watching a shitty product. I'm sure that's not stupid at all.
You called me dumb in your first post. I'm merely turning that back to you.
I stated in my post to mgrowold that I'm not judging, just recognizing the choice. If you believe being a good fan is to walk away and stop attending... I think that's a contradiction in terms.
Brandon played football at Michigan, for Bo. Brady Hoke coached here on the '97 team. They both want to win more than you, and they both know more than you. It's comical that anyone thinks they've settled on mediocrity.
Not a great analogy Bodogblog but have you ever had a close friend who was an alcoholic or had any sort of substance abuse problem? Are you being a good friend (fan) if you support their destructive choices and lend them money when they ask for it or when you deny them funds? Especially if you know that if you turn them down for a loan they will get angry at you and you willlose that life-long friendship (seats) when you do?
Which is a better friend (fan)?
I feel it, man. Saturday was just horrendous for me. I hadn't checked out. I'm the guy that hung on to RichRod until the second half of the Gator Bowl - and I attended that gd debacle. So I still had hope that we could pull it all together, play a good game, have the OL build on a decent game last week. Take a win into the Ohio game. The disaster that ensued was horrifying. And yes, I blame Borges (and Funk) and believe they have to go. AA Taylor Lewan letting simple LB blitzes run right by him uncontested lets me know several people aren't doing their job.
But walking away isn't going to help this thing that I love. We're all so gd emo it's repulsive, but I cannot help it: this team is part of me, and my family. The last several years have been trying, but I won't let go. Losing will not make me let go. I will be furious if changes aren't made, but I'll stay engaged. We're season ticket holders and our voice means something, however small.
I agree I don't think it's a great analogy, but I feel where you're at. I just don't think you realize what walking away may do, and I wanted you to see that.
When did I call you dumb? Read my posts above again.
One quote stood out from your recent missive:
"It's comical that anyone thinks they've settled on mediocrity."
This comment boggles the mind. Of course, if you ask them, they have no *desire* to be mediocre. Who does? But that doesn't mean that they aren't mediocre, and that doesn't mean they won't be mediocre next year and beyond.
There was a guy who played here under Crisler. Probably knew something about winning. Probably wanted to win more than me, or you, or many others. His name was Bump Elliot. His record as a coach was 51–42–2. Mediocrity is pretty damn possible, especially if the AD is asleep at the wheel. The only thing that is comical about this is fans like you, who think that Brandon, Hoke, and co. have everything under control.
I don't think they have it all under control. I think (hope) they're realzing that real changes are needed at season's end, preferably right after the Ohio game. Look at Brian's post-CMU write-up: he's got us killing people forever. Now he has us drowning for 20 years. It's a crazy swing.
But it's brought on by the last 10 games, and the coaches realize they're sucking more than anyone. Yes I know Hoke said he has the best OC, but they're not making a change mid-season.
But that's another thread. My point is that if people are walking away because the team is losing, that's a fairweather fan. No, I don't think loyal fans quit attending/watching to enact change. I think losing hurts, and they want to stop hurting.
Michigan has not gone undefeated for the last 25 years that Mgrowold has been following the team. If he was a fairweather fan as you suggest, he probably would have stepped away years ago. This is a lot more than a team simply losing, and he's not the only one who feels that way.
1997 ring a bell?
Brandon practiced for Bo. That narrative is a tired bit.
Not relevant. He still worked with the man for 4 years and I can guarantee Bo was and remains a huge figure in his life regardless of Brandon's physical prowess. We all say Bo was a great molder of young men. Is this only true if they played?
Les Miles played for Bo too. Seems like some people around here don't like him too much...
Yeah, dude. How can you keep shelling out money to something that doesn't live up to its billing. There are a lot of suckers out there but they think that their loyalty makes them something special. It just makes you look silly giving money to someone who refuses to put out something worth your money. If I go and buy a pair of jeans from a particular company and they rip when I bend over to call attention to my bodacious behind for a gathering of females then why would I go and purchase from that company again? At some point the scale is tipped and you realize you're just a sucker and viewed as nothing more than a stuffed wallet. These people don't care about you so why defend them tooth and nail and keep funding their subpar product. I guess if people still believe in a magic bullet in Dallas then they'll believe anything.
but I think it's less about giving up than retreating from pain or discomfort. Like you might tire from working out in the rain without a rain coat. It is a reasonable thing to do. I don't think of myself as a fan but as a 'Michigan Man'; I am one of this nebulus collection of folks who are either alumni or students or lifetime followers or those on the path to lifetime followership. Sure I don't play ball on Saturdays but I AM a Wolverine and not being at the games isn't going to change that.
That was a great write up by Brian and I think it hits at the core of what near all of us who have followed Woverine football feel; we're just getting dragged through the muck of mediocrity and there is nothing we can do about it. There is no Joy. What had once been the way it's always been - Fall Saturdays of Michigan football that would culminate into the big rivalry game with OSU for all the marbles- is no more. And it hasn't been like that for decades. It's like a loved one has gone missing and we refuse to believe them dead despite the skeletal remains and the DNA evidence. They are gone and they are still gone and finally we have to come to grips with it: They are truly gone and not all the wanting in the world is going to make them come back.
I"m going to the game Saturday with a friend. He normally goes to this game with his dad but this week his dad backed out. Because of the same reasons and feelings just about everybody who is thinking of selling their tickets is, what's the use? Pretend to be happy? Pretend Michigan is relevant and we're going up against worthy rivals? He doesn't want to do it. Heck, I don't want to do it! I'm only going because he's my pal and I don't want to have him there alone surrounded by hordes of Buckeyes. I guess.
Very well said. FWIW - I'm only going cause my daughter who lives in NYC is coming back for Thanksgiving and has never been to an OSU game and very much wants to see one. She could care less really who wins (she's not much of a footbal fan) but I think she just wants to say she's been to an OSU game so we're going. I sort-of tried to talk her out of it but she really wants to go. So she, my wife and oldest son will be there.
In a way for me I'll be saying goodbye.
Look, you guys can pat yourself on the back with all the flowery prose on why you won't be going to the games anymore.
But the bottom line is that motives are not what distinguishes true fans from fairweather ones. It is the behavior of supporting your team through good times AND bad, that separates true fans from fairwrather ones.
And if your behavior is indistinguishable from fairweather fans, then you are one.
If you dont mind me asking - how many season tickets do you hold and how long have you held them?
Just curious—I don't have season tickets so I've got no skin in this particular game—but if the cost was at, say, 1997 levels, do you think you'd be intending on giving up your tickets?
I have the uneasy feeling that it's not just the struggles of the team that are the problem for many long-time ticket holders. It's the mind-boggling (to me, any way) cost of season tickets, especially the PSLs or whatever euphemism the Athletic Dept uses.
I think that while a lot of people have grown tired of the lackluster performance on the field for the better part of the last 6 years, the hit to the wallet which is required to see the lackluster performance in person is what has tipped the scales. And let's be honest, it's not just the cost of the ticket/PSL that has gone up - parking, concessions, etc. have all increased too.
We live in LA, and attending any game is a 2000-mile one-way trip, lodging, etc. Several thousand dollars.
I've had season tickets since just after I graduated (small gap from student ticket years), and my family has had season tickets every single year Michigan Stadium has existed - 12 total, all between the 35s, since I got my 4 in the late 1990s. This year, we cut down to 4, because the $13k or so it cost to hold them (12 x $600 PSDs plus ticket costs) was getting to the point of being untenable, given that all of my parents' adult children live in Denver or further west, making travel a major cost element.
Couple that with our recent inability to get anything back in sales of games we can't attend (could not GIVE AWAY our Illinois homecoming tickets last season), and the slew of crappy home slates coming up, and the math no longer makes sense.
Aside from the product on the field, the shit the Athletic Department stuffs in my inbox makes me ill. Shlocky punned subject lines and cheesy marketing tripe coming from an institution I grew up to revere and respect makes me feel hollow and nauseous. I literally cringe with every new marketing email from the AD. It's utterly soulless, and is eroding my relationship with the Athletic Department, 76kb at a time.
I live in Seattle, so it be difficult for me to attend every weekend...
But I spend thousands of dollars every other year to attend a single game. I was at the ND game this year. I will be there again even if they lose every game next year.
My allegiance to Michigan does not change just on win/loss record.
As I thought. I was pretty sure you were not a season ticket holder therefore making decsions on how I should spend my money would be quite easy for you.
The good news is that I now will be exactly the same fan as YOU. No better, no worse - just like YOU. Watching the games on TV from Cleveland (not easy for me to get there easy Gameboy but i've done it for the past 25 years) and I'll probably attend the marque game (just like you) and buy my tickets when I do through stubhub (just like you).
I find it tremendously ironic that you're accusing me of being "fair weathered" when I'll I'm going to do is what you've been doing all along. Watching the games on TV from another state. So I guess you're a "fair weather fan" too.
Welcome to the club!
Would love to see a response to this. It always amazes me when someone feels like they have the ability to judge other peoples fandom.
everything around here: people's logic, assumptions, arguments, sanity, musical tastes, reading comprehension and (indirectly) penis size. Fandom is no sacred cow. On a day when a good chunk of the fan base is acting out because they're hurting, you bet I'm going to call out someone who's throwing in the towel because the "product" isn't winning enough.
I think you are being overly simplistic in attributing motivations to people (i.e. it's purely wins and losses). If this was a losing team that was showing signs of progress or even some amount of adaptation / improvement people would be more willing to endure these painful losses. The problem isnt the losses, it's the way we are losing, with a team offensively that seems to get worse every week. The fact that this regression is a actually a multi-year one and you can see why people are despondent. Add in skyrocketing prices and a horrible home schedule next year and people have just cause to decide their dollars are better spent elsewhere.
I am fully behind supporting the players and the competent coaches but to blindly say people must buy tickets and support the team no matter what is foolish. Every individual has a breaking point at which the time and money invested in michigan football is not worth the product / experience they are paying for. For instance, I am guessing that if Brandon fired Hoke and hired Ron English to be HC with DeBord as OC you wouldnt be so sanguine about showing up to every game regardless of what the product on the field was like. When an individual determines they get to be the arbiter of what appropriate levels of fandom are and calls out those who fall short of their benchmark I tend to roll my eyes, as I am guessing do many others. You are obviously entitles to your opinion so feel free to keep calling out those who dont meet your standards
May get me some seson tickets when I retire in 14 years! I don't care what their record is, sure I want them to win but I will be happy just to watch them. I live too far away to attend more than just one or two home games per year. I really enjoyed the WMU game I attended and I will be back for at least one game next season, like I have been for the past 22 years since I left the MIchigan area. Also dozens of road games I have attended at IA and IL over the years. Hell, if i did not have to work this weekend, I would drive the 1300 miles to attend THE GAME!
This is a hobby for people. Paying money into the machine that is Michigan football doesn't make you any better than the people who just watch at home without spending any money on the program. It's a hobby, not a cult. The way that you're talking about it makes it seem that way and as a general rule cults are bad, mmmmkayy. Prices go up and the product presented goes down. Coaches refuse to acknowledge a problem and I suppose you can't if you don't want to lose your team but the pressers are complete shit and as a consumer why put up with this maize and blue dick repeatedly slapping you in the face and trying to slither into your wallet for some more green? When Bo died the program died with him. It will take a truly special person who doubles as a coach to remedy this catastrophic fuck job that is Michigan football. Harbaugh most certainly could do the job but timing is everything and that will not happen. Michigan Man should not be looked at as some glorious goal reached or a special identifier anymore but as something that has taken the football program and spit out an egotistical turd sandwich.
Now, those people are fans.
and for both, the games are about so much more than wins and loses. The atmosphere matters greatly. As both costs and loses rise, however, it gets more and more difficult to justify the expense versus the entertainment return. Couple that with an increasing decline in the traditional feel that made both experiences great (i.e. piped in cheesy music vs the organ/band) and my decision to renew my tickets get tougher every year.
Questioning someone's fanhood because they decide it's no longer pertinent to throw good money after bad is self-serving evangelical crap.
Is it SO important to be a "good fan" like those poor b@st@rds who keep filling Wrigley Field year after year for a team that hasn't won a pennant since the end of World War II and hasn't won a World Series since before World War I (that's over a hundred years ago) just so you're able to say "Yeah, I'm a TRUE FAN, I'm happy to subsidize the source of my misery"?
It's not for you or anyone else to tell another person when THEY'VE had enough.