that this is exactly how it happened.
Now it is confirmed.
Obviously two things:
INT. CLANDESTINE NORTH CAMPUS GENETICS LAB—MEETING ROOM. 1992
A conference table is surrounded by hooded figures. One throws back the hood, revealing himself to be STEPHEN ROSS, super rich guy. Also seated are JAMES EARL JONES, sith lord, and DOOMED J. SCIENTIST, a scientist.
Yes, yes, disturbing. For the record, I do too. You have created a mindless abomination that can accelerate to full speed in half a second, stop on a dime, and juke like there's no tomorrow. Shoot it in he head.
INT. CLANDESTINE NORTH CAMPUS GENETICS LAB—SUB-BASEMENT B1. 1992.
INT. CLANDESTINE URBANA GENETICS LAB—SUB-BASEMENT B1. 1999.
Another meeting room. BOB ZOOK, Ron Zook's evil but lazy twin, and a DUCK discuss dark matters.
You had better hope this plot works better than your last dozen, Zook. My patience runs thin. My pit of ravenous piranhas grows hungry. We must repay our arch-rivals for the generations who have endured nothing but humiliation!
[Tom Brady tries to remember all of the teams in the Big Ten. Meanwhile, GHOSTLY APPARITIONS of James Earl Jones and LAWRENCE KASDAN materialize nearby…]
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO DESMOND HOWARD'S DISEMBODIED LEGS? WILL BOB ZOOK FACE HIS COMEUPPANCE? WILL TOM BRADY'S BEAUTIFUL FACE BE MANGLED? WILL BLACK HEART GOLD PANTS ORGANIZE A DENIAL OF SERVICE ATTACK ON MGOBLOG? STAY TUNED FOR PART 2: THE INTEGRATION AND INFILTRATION. TOMORROW!
that this is exactly how it happened.
Now it is confirmed.
I'm on the edge of my seat!
That was hilarious. Also, I couldn't not read the all cap text at the bottom in the announcer voice the Colbert Report uses for the Tek Jansen segments. (Do they still do those?)
I'm gonna go out on a ledge and guess that Desmond's legs and Brady's arms are fused, but the creation gets stuck in a tanning bed until its melanin counts are pushed through the roof, while leaving a perfect smile intact.
One wonders where the duck comes into the equation.
I'm pretty sure this is all going to become Juice Williams. Runs fast, kind of a QB, throws ducks.
I remember at the end of the Orange Bowl in the '99 highlight video, an out of breath (from, you know, dominating) David Terrell proclaimed that "Tom Brady has the heart of a lion!" I can only hope that Denard gained his superpowers- lionheart pride, iced veins, and the hypnotic leadership ray.
>still speechless from Saturday
That's not Touchdown Jesus....
...it's flash dilithium.
i remember when i smoked weed
you didn't smoke enough.
What happens to the duck?
Yeah.........what he just said.
save this tripe for the off season plz.
I hate cliffhangers!
Which reminds me. Sylvester Stallone needs to be included somehow, too.
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You weren't to reveal the dark doings until Nebraska was actually in our divisional clutches! All we have from them is a damned RSVP! This is a piece of paper! This is worthless!
I'm calling John Cooper this instant and telling him Plan C must be revised. Foolish, impatient Michigan!
not sure what I just read, but it took 7 minutes out of my work day, so it's wasn't bad!!
Normally I'd say I was shocked to find an evil duck running a major college football program. But if it was going to be any program, it was going to be the Illini.
I didn't expect you to be this drunk during the week....
Besides, how do you tell evil Zook from regular Zook? Lazy? I don't think so. Must just be the goatee.
And I'm sure everyone heard Gilbert Gottfried when the duck was talking...
And it's obviously fiction. No one could capture Tom Brady.
Brian is taking a creative writing class, and had nothing on the day of this assignment and was forced to get silly creative rather than take the zero. Been there.
What has The Denarding done to our fearless leader?
I like it. A lot.
This is all some ridiculously long lead-up to some scenario where you get to be the Emperor and twiddle your fingers in front of the 1st quarter of the UConn Denardening while saying "everything that has transpired has done so according to my design," isn't it?
I'm onto you, Cook!
Just get the quotes right this time, kay?
multiple organisms. Hopefully cheerleaders were involved!
If you needed someone to play Ron Zook's evil twin, you could've at least given me a call.
I think I finally know how Ron English must have felt.
I dunno...it really wasn't very funny. Not MgoBlog worthy, imho. And, the length destroyed the front page of the blog.
he's spending time preparing this thing instead of the UFR. priorities, man. priorities.
Agree with the sentiments of liking happy Brian. Would like to see the whole story in one post.
We're cool. We're cool.
I couldn't understand any of it.
Next time just nuke your computer!!
Sheesh!!! WTF was that?
. . . it's kind of like when you listen to the Jim Rome show for the first time; the in-joke density is so high you don't even understand what's being discussed, let alone find it funny. I'll chalk it up to it being a me problem.
So people who don't feel like coping with it can more easily move on to earlier stuff.
This made perfect sense to me. I know exactly where you're coming from. In fact I was just there myself on Friday evening.
Let the Hyde out, B. Let him out. Let him squint at the brightness of the sun. Let him stretch his back after being confined for so long. Let him bronze his flesh in the suculent warmth. Do not fear him, he is our strength. Let him out.
[Mwa. Mwahaha. Mwahahahahahahahahaha....]
MCalibur absconds with a crazed look in his eye.
Just Awful...Please do not ever do this again. I love this blog but tha just took it to a new low. I am going to forget this happened...I hope.
I liked parts of it, but shame on you for using Adrian Clayborn instead of our own Brandon Graham. We all know that Clayborn wears Brandon Graham jammies.
"Brian, I should have expected to find you holding James leash. I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board."
That was pure comedy gold to me. Its nice not having to read about doom and gloom all the time.
I about fell out of my chair at Tom not recognizing Illinois as a "rival".