I Only Post About Coaches Who Coach For Michigan
EARTH
THIRD PLANET
NONDESCRIPT SOLAR SYSTEM IN MILKY WAY
48009
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE PEOPLE OF EARTH
Citizens of the planet, I come before you today to make an announcement. That announcement is: I do not give a microdamn about the things 1) Rich Rodriguez or 2) Michigan alumni such as Desmond Howard have to say about Michigan and Rich Rodriguez, respectively.
My interest levels are declining into femtodamn levels. On message boards I now flip past entire threads in which the same tired debates are brought forth with the speed and determination I ignore threads about politics on the internet. Let that sink in. Yeah. That's right. I have as much interest in this topic as I do Herman Cain.
So I don't want to dedicate yet more time to a guy who was fired a year ago except to talk about the things that made his offense very effective and his defense very ineffective. Those things affect Michigan's fortunes on the field and are interesting examples of the ever-evolving college football metagame. Also interesting, if slightly depressing, is the pickle Rodriguez's last couple recruiting classes have left Michigan in, especially on both lines.
Talking about other aspects of Rich Rodriguez's tenure makes me want to claw at my face. But I will do this for you, like I will eat a lemon if Yuri Wright picks Colorado over Michigan. So here is a handy chart for you to follow.
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EVENT: Rich Rodriguez has said something.
1. Is it about Michigan? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 3.
2. Is it really about Michigan or is it a paranoid delusion? If paranoid delusion, go to 3. If still about Michigan, go to 4.
3. Don't care.
4. Still don't care. However, this incident is further evidence that Rodriguez is deservedly bitter about his three year tenure at Michigan and impolitic about discussing it.
Yes, it is further evidence that Rodriguez's maturity level and ability to play "the game" are low. Yes, it reminds me how nice it is to have a guy like Brady Hoke, who says all the correct things in all the generic ways possible. Yes—
What? Where am I? Why am I upside down in some sort of river valley? Why is there a bridge above/below me?
Hmmm.
I was probably bungee jumping at the time in an effort to prevent the inevitable—this is the level of my dedication to you, reader—but this topic was still massively boring enough to result in nappy times. I apologize. I'm so, so happy to be talking about this, no, serious—
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EVENT: A program alum or Lloyd Carr has said something.
1. Is it about Rich Rodriguez? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 3.
2. Is it really about Rich Rodriguez or is it more of a rapturous thing about Brady Hoke that sets the lack of support given during the Rodriguez tenure in stark relief? If rapturous thing, go to 3. If actually about Rodriguez, go to 4.
3. Yes, that is annoying but let's just suck it up because it's in the best interests of the program.
4. Yes, it is extremely disappointing that certain program alumni appear to be jerks. What can you do, though?
To take one example, when you're so dim and callous as to deride Rodriguez as "Cherry Coke"—probably meant "New Coke"—in front of 60-70 players who were recruited by Rodriguez, are the living embodiment of that change, and went 10-2 and reached the Sugar Bowl, well… that's hopeless. Anyone who would trash-talk Denard, even indirectly, is never going to Get It.
It's further evidence that several recent program alums' maturity levels are low. It reminds me of how nice it was to have Bo around. There's nothing to do about it but wait. Eventually the Rodriguez recruits will be out of the program and the Rodriguez years far enough in the—
Right, this again. Upside down in a river valley.
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If I can remain conscious long enough to respond to these things in the future, all future events will be filed "3" or "4". This, people of Earth, is my sacrifice for your well-being. Let it not be in vain. File these things 3 or 4 and live your lives without Rodriguez-Michigan-induced narcolepsy. You, too, can live—
Sincerely,
An upside-down Brian Cook who would greatly appreciate being reeled in now
PS. Many of you have passed out in front of your computers and are in danger of entering an infinite loop wherein you wake up, forget what you were reading, begin reading again, and fall asleep. In an effort to prevent the thousands of deaths that may result, here is an animated GIF of some levitating cats.
![attention-people-of-earth-we-will-expurrminate-you[1]](https://mgoblog.com/sites/mgoblog.com/files/attention-people-of-earth-we-will-expurrminate-you1.gif "attention-people-of-earth-we-will-expurrminate-you[1]")
Hopefully this will catch the newly-awakened reader's eye sufficiently to prevent them from entering a fatal boredom loop.
December 14th, 2011 at 2:18 PM ^
Domino's Pizza is also terrible, though. Obviously the two are related.
December 14th, 2011 at 2:09 PM ^
FIRE DICK FRAUD
December 14th, 2011 at 2:10 PM ^
Does this mean you won't be hosting a Q&A with Bacon, about his book, which is 100% about Rich Rodriguez?
December 14th, 2011 at 2:51 PM ^
If Brian won't host it, I think I will.
That is, when I am not doing my pre-bowl two-a-days, working on my conditioning and my focus and my concentration because the team the team the team can't possibly do it without me and unless my focus is 110%. And I must not be distracted by anything else.
December 14th, 2011 at 3:20 PM ^
You heard the man. Ain't nobody want ot hear from you anything concerning the Freep, Rosenberg, or maltreatment of RR, keep that shit on your blog. Ya hear?
December 14th, 2011 at 3:28 PM ^
You mean you don't want to know WTF he was thinking when he hired Greg Robinson?
December 14th, 2011 at 4:18 PM ^
I think the concensus is like this: if we must have another front-page post about Bacon's book, then yeah, the "WTF?" questions should be asked. But we'd be fine if the topic just went away altogether.
December 14th, 2011 at 5:00 PM ^
Have you read the book yet, or are you going to keep up the hand-wringing routine about whether or not you will while still posting in every single thread about it?
December 14th, 2011 at 6:04 PM ^
Brian, man, you kind of sound like a drug addict here. In the original post you were all, "RR is out of my life." But now here you're jonesing again for a RR/GERG fix.
Stay strong. We don't need to rehash those three crappy years again. You've talked enough about the book.
December 15th, 2011 at 12:44 AM ^
Why he didn't put it in his book.
<br>
<br>He had the chance to tell us these things. He didn't. It may have mattered 2 months ago; 30,000 copies later and headed to the Sugar Bowl, it's not keeping me awake at night anymore.
December 15th, 2011 at 3:12 AM ^
I really dont care.
December 14th, 2011 at 4:32 PM ^
I asked the same thing, Chitown.
December 14th, 2011 at 6:31 PM ^
So I don't want to dedicate yet more time to a guy who was fired a year ago except to talk about the things that made his offense very effective and his defense very ineffective.
Given that new information obtained from the Q&A with Bacon would be very relevant to "things that made [Rodriguez's] offense very effective and [Rodriguez's] defense very ineffective," I think that answers your question. Or proves this was a poor attempt at snark, whichever is more relevant.
December 14th, 2011 at 2:11 PM ^
That horse has been beat to death. I agree that RR was shafted. I agree that Hoke is a great coach and the right fit for Michigan. I agree that my eyes glaze over with debating the relationship between the two.
I'd love to see additional topics added to this list. Possible topics to consider:
- What Music is played in the stadium.
- Mascot Discussions.
- Uniform Discussions.
- BCS Playoff Discussions.
- Past Hypotheticals.
- Past Favorites/Worsts.
Ok, I realize all these will be discussed. But at least, let the subject line be correct. I rarely go to "who was your favorite player?" or "what was your favorite team?" or "what would have happened if?" threads. When they are labeled correctly, I can just move on.
Man, being a moderator has got to be a pain in the rear sometimes. Thanks for putting an end to the RR nonsense.
p.s. I think you are too hard on DB, and aren't giving him enough credit where due. Obviously, he is relevant, so can't be on the banned discussion list, but even if he has idiot ideas, don't all of us on occasion? I certainly have posted and thought stupid things.
December 14th, 2011 at 2:22 PM ^
I think there is a slight air of hypocrisy there. To me, a 230+ comment front-page thread about a uniform with TWO FRICKING BLUE STRIPES is not much better than discussing what RR is doing at Arizona or howsome alums may have said not nice, stupid things about his time here.
See, I get it. We're afraid of how fast things are changing under DB. I understand it. It concerns me to. But it's gotten to the point where that argument gets rehashed (like all the RR stuff) when even the slightest change comes, even a change that actually is pretty cool. That's starting to get me bored into a sleep like Brian is with the RR stuff.
Just imagine the blue stripes are an "11" rotated 90 degrees, and everyone wears the same number. Wow, that is so earthshatteringly different than the other dozens of white away uni's Michigan has had over the last 50 years.
December 14th, 2011 at 3:32 PM ^
The problem, though, is that since Brian passionately opposes stuff like the new uniforms, choosing to remain silent probably seems a lot like tacitly endorsing the shit.
I totally just decribed my own rationale for posting shit that bitches about Brandon even when the stuff has been discussed before, but I think it applies to Mr. Cook, too.
December 14th, 2011 at 2:16 PM ^
OK, but if Desmond says something about RR talking about Charlie Weis, surely *that* would be thread worthy...
December 14th, 2011 at 2:17 PM ^
Of course, now I'll actually have to read through entire threads instead of going through the first 10-20 posts, encountering the inevitable beating of the RR dead horse, and then moving on to a new thread. Made it a fast process to keep up to date on the blog.
December 14th, 2011 at 2:19 PM ^
I'm supposed to be working, but all I can do is stare at the levitating cats
December 14th, 2011 at 2:26 PM ^
There's something about this that's so black, it's like how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black.
December 14th, 2011 at 2:37 PM ^
YOU! FIGHT! NOW!
Michigan LB Jerry Meter (46), DT Curt Greer (95) zero in on Arizona QB Jim Krohn....
FINAL: Michigan 21, Arizona 17
December 14th, 2011 at 6:25 PM ^
This picture makes it seem that Krohn is so terrified of an early and painful demise at the hands of the Mich D that he's pitching the ball to Greer in hope that this sacrifice will somehow appease his attackers. Ah, good times.
December 14th, 2011 at 2:42 PM ^
Well if you avoided the political Craig James for senate thread then you missed out...
There is no evidence that Craig James killed 5 hookers while at SMU. Although, rumor also has it Craig James sold five whore bone wind chimes around the time of their deaths at a garage sale.
December 14th, 2011 at 2:49 PM ^
Never heard of him.
December 14th, 2011 at 2:56 PM ^
Inquiring minds want to know why we have two beloved MGOBLOG animals....
and how are they related????
December 14th, 2011 at 3:17 PM ^
My dear friend, Where are your lit analysis skills?
Henri the Otter == RR
Wolverine == Hoke
Henri the Otter is gone, vanished, no more. We need no more Henri discussions. We have returned to tradition, to the Wolverines. Hoke gets it, and he understands our history, and our history is Wolverines. Why do people keep on bringing Henri up? Can't they let it go? We wish Henri well, we hope he has great success, except when he is directly fighting Hoke the Wolverine.
Henri was cute, was different. But he was always swimming upstream, and didn't have a CHANCE against the wolverines. Heck, Henri could PRETEND to be a Wolverine, but it was a fake, it wasn't real, it wouldn't work and didn't work. Henri's DNA is different, and no matter he tried, Henri could never become a true Wolverine.
December 14th, 2011 at 5:13 PM ^
I thought Henri was the Otter of Ennui, which represented a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest (a very high level of boredom).
He predated RR, and his existance was discovered around 7:30 pm on Nov 18th, 2006 in the streets of Columbus, Ohio just outside the Snakepit.....so Henri predates the Horror, the Aftermath, and all of RR......
December 14th, 2011 at 7:41 PM ^
December 14th, 2011 at 3:57 PM ^
They are both mustelids....
December 14th, 2011 at 6:05 PM ^
The wolverine is genus Gulo, & the otter is genus Lutrinae. They are both members of the mustelid family, a group of carnivorous mammals. They are linked by virtue of them both being scientifically kick-ass.
December 14th, 2011 at 2:58 PM ^
Face clawing thoughts are reserved for chicken legs, not talking about other aspects of Rich Rodriguez's tenure:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsMCOmn11zs
Somebody please please photoshop brian's face into this with a bubble thought showing Rich Rodriguez. Where is LSU Freek when you need him/her?
December 14th, 2011 at 3:14 PM ^
December 14th, 2011 at 3:16 PM ^
Thank you Brian, for saying what I have been thinking for so long. I can't understand all of the michigan alumn who refuse to let it go, much like I can't understand the West Virginia fans who couldn't let it go while he was here. His tenure is over and has been for a year, let's all move on.
December 14th, 2011 at 3:18 PM ^
If you want us to never discuss the man again, I am fine with that. But then I don't understand why you want to keep holding Q&A sessions with Bacon about his RR-oriented book. Maybe you should let the book run its course.
December 14th, 2011 at 3:45 PM ^
Ding ding ding
December 15th, 2011 at 4:02 PM ^
you post on every single RR topic multiple times, the same things over and over again and are almost always incorrect.
The anti-RR crowd proclaims to hate him, but is the group most singularly obsessed with the guy.
December 14th, 2011 at 3:29 PM ^
If this is the last thread that ever appears where people...
1) Thank RR for all he has done
2) Wish him the best of luck wherever he goes
3) Talk about how many wins he would have
...then Christmas has come early this year (as in, the Christmas that contains no red)
December 14th, 2011 at 3:38 PM ^
Can someone explain to me a couple of these memes/ongoing discussions/imponderables since we're talking about general things here and none of these is important to post as a thread without getting negged to Bolivian?
Where did the Michigan State "We recruit nationally" meme originate? Was there something specific that Mark Dantonio said?
What's the deal with Rita Rodriguez's nachos/baked goods/whatever and why do people keep posting about them?
Why do some people spell Rodriguez's name Rodriquez?
Does anybody actually like Drew Sharp? Isn't he basically a professional troll? How does that even work?
Does anybody here read Every Day Should Be Saturday and feel like nearly all of the humor goes over your head? Does Every Day Should Be Saturday ever post without irony? I've seen some hilarious stuff on there (Denard Robinson twittergate had me in tears) but I feel like I don't get most of it.
What the hell happened to Maize 'n' Brew? They haven't posted any football content since the Ohio win even though it's the first win in like seven years.
Why did Bo do so poorly in bowl games?
December 14th, 2011 at 4:06 PM ^
1. When Michigan started getting all the recruits from the state of Michigan under Hoke, MSU partisans said it was because MSU recruited nationally.
2. RichRod frequently makes jokes about Rita's nacho dip and how good it is.
3. Some people cannot spell. Whether this is due to cultural illiteracy or general stupidity is anyone's guess.
4. No one likes Drew Sharp.
5. Most of what is on EDSBS makes little sense to me. I think it is because I am teh old.
6. They died celebrating.
7. Because Michigan was not forced to go outside their comfort zone to win until the Rose Bowl. Then it was too late.
December 14th, 2011 at 3:46 PM ^
I blame ohio
December 14th, 2011 at 3:52 PM ^
makes me go to sleep, can we get a break on that?
and "determination I ignore threads about politics on the internet" is a little disingenuous, given the diary bumped this morning pretty much vomited politics all over the front page. The only thing missing was calling Brandon and Brandstatter racists (because it certainly called them homophobes, based on nothing)
December 14th, 2011 at 4:01 PM ^
I saw it once Star Trek once. Really sad ending.
Kirk: "Bones!...these cats...they.... don't-have-legs!"
McCoy: "Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor not a podiatrist!...oh, and they're all dead Jim."
Spock: "Levitating cats. Fascinating".
December 14th, 2011 at 4:09 PM ^
that's no fun
December 14th, 2011 at 4:50 PM ^
Anyone ever notice the dudes standing behind Henri??
<br>
<br>(Looks like former Michigan football coaches who are boring him)
December 14th, 2011 at 4:56 PM ^
Well, after reading Desmond's comments, I have now officially lost my Michigan childhood. First Harbaugh opens his ignorant mouth and now Desmond has come down with a case of diarhhea of the mouth. What next? Our pets heads start falling off??
I'll never understand why people can't just keep their mouths shut. I'll never watch/listen to Desmond the same. Bummer.
December 14th, 2011 at 5:45 PM ^
I think a big part of the whole thing is that, as fans, we bestow onto our gridiron heroes a certain amount of class/intellect/style, and then they go and show that they aren't much different than you, me, Section 1, mgrowold, dah or Brian. They get emotional, they politick, they whine, they grouse, they name-call, they insult elements of the program, the administration. And where the JUB selection of a Fielding Yost quote as to what a Michigan Man is...well, that should be required memorization material. Right after "132 Seasons, 42 Big Ten Championships, Beat Ohio!" should be the Fielding quote.
RVB showed his Michigan Man-ness by sticking around, leading by example to the younger teammates and even calling out the churlish, childish elements of Michigan football alums who preceded Team 132.
(FTR, I as well had my "lost Michigan childhood" moment with Harbaugh's comments, and Brian's subsequent fisking of his petulant crying about his major, Stanford's course requirements for athletics, etc...)
December 14th, 2011 at 6:43 PM ^
December 14th, 2011 at 7:32 PM ^
I agree with all that you wrote as applied to every comment Desmond made EXCEPT when he referred to Brandon as "brilliant." It was at that point that I questioned Desmond's sanity and whether or not he was drunk. Brandon is a good business man (?) but he is clearly not brilliant.
December 15th, 2011 at 4:29 AM ^
I was only referencing Desmond's "Cherry Coke" comments.
I think Brandon has made some mistakes (the jerseys are killing me), but his primary goal was to right the ship by getting the head coach right. He has done that.
December 14th, 2011 at 11:06 PM ^
But as an alumni and speaker, he also has a responsibility. Before he said anything, he should have run it through a 2,500 year-old rubric:
1) Is it true? (in this case, it's his opinion, but I'll give him it);
2) Is it helpful? (in this case, definitely not); and
3) Is it the right time? (again, very much not).
Unless the answer to all 3 is yes, a mature person should just not say anything.
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