While I like that picture of the otter...sleeping wolverines are so much better.
NONDESCRIPT SOLAR SYSTEM IN MILKY WAY
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE PEOPLE OF EARTH
Citizens of the planet, I come before you today to make an announcement. That announcement is: I do not give a microdamn about the things 1) Rich Rodriguez or 2) Michigan alumni such as Desmond Howard have to say about Michigan and Rich Rodriguez, respectively.
My interest levels are declining into femtodamn levels. On message boards I now flip past entire threads in which the same tired debates are brought forth with the speed and determination I ignore threads about politics on the internet. Let that sink in. Yeah. That's right. I have as much interest in this topic as I do Herman Cain.
So I don't want to dedicate yet more time to a guy who was fired a year ago except to talk about the things that made his offense very effective and his defense very ineffective. Those things affect Michigan's fortunes on the field and are interesting examples of the ever-evolving college football metagame. Also interesting, if slightly depressing, is the pickle Rodriguez's last couple recruiting classes have left Michigan in, especially on both lines.
Talking about other aspects of Rich Rodriguez's tenure makes me want to claw at my face. But I will do this for you, like I will eat a lemon if Yuri Wright picks Colorado over Michigan. So here is a handy chart for you to follow.
1. Is it about Michigan? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 3.
2. Is it really about Michigan or is it a paranoid delusion? If paranoid delusion, go to 3. If still about Michigan, go to 4.
3. Don't care.
4. Still don't care. However, this incident is further evidence that Rodriguez is deservedly bitter about his three year tenure at Michigan and impolitic about discussing it.
Yes, it is further evidence that Rodriguez's maturity level and ability to play "the game" are low. Yes, it reminds me how nice it is to have a guy like Brady Hoke, who says all the correct things in all the generic ways possible. Yes—
What? Where am I? Why am I upside down in some sort of river valley? Why is there a bridge above/below me?
I was probably bungee jumping at the time in an effort to prevent the inevitable—this is the level of my dedication to you, reader—but this topic was still massively boring enough to result in nappy times. I apologize. I'm so, so happy to be talking about this, no, serious—
1. Is it about Rich Rodriguez? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 3.
2. Is it really about Rich Rodriguez or is it more of a rapturous thing about Brady Hoke that sets the lack of support given during the Rodriguez tenure in stark relief? If rapturous thing, go to 3. If actually about Rodriguez, go to 4.
3. Yes, that is annoying but let's just suck it up because it's in the best interests of the program.
4. Yes, it is extremely disappointing that certain program alumni appear to be jerks. What can you do, though?
To take one example, when you're so dim and callous as to deride Rodriguez as "Cherry Coke"—probably meant "New Coke"—in front of 60-70 players who were recruited by Rodriguez, are the living embodiment of that change, and went 10-2 and reached the Sugar Bowl, well… that's hopeless. Anyone who would trash-talk Denard, even indirectly, is never going to Get It.
It's further evidence that several recent program alums' maturity levels are low. It reminds me of how nice it was to have Bo around. There's nothing to do about it but wait. Eventually the Rodriguez recruits will be out of the program and the Rodriguez years far enough in the—
Right, this again. Upside down in a river valley.
If I can remain conscious long enough to respond to these things in the future, all future events will be filed "3" or "4". This, people of Earth, is my sacrifice for your well-being. Let it not be in vain. File these things 3 or 4 and live your lives without Rodriguez-Michigan-induced narcolepsy. You, too, can live—
An upside-down Brian Cook who would greatly appreciate being reeled in now
PS. Many of you have passed out in front of your computers and are in danger of entering an infinite loop wherein you wake up, forget what you were reading, begin reading again, and fall asleep. In an effort to prevent the thousands of deaths that may result, here is an animated GIF of some levitating cats.
Hopefully this will catch the newly-awakened reader's eye sufficiently to prevent them from entering a fatal boredom loop.
While I like that picture of the otter...sleeping wolverines are so much better.
they wait. chuck norris got the idea from them
only because Wolverines sort of like him!
If everyone on both sides stuck to these guidelines, I think we'd avoid a ton of useless back and forth arguments. Of course this is the internet so this won't happen, but still it'd be nice.
Thank you for this.
People are still arguing about the Civil War, but they're generally regarded as cranks, nuts, and loons.
I believe you mean the War of Northern Victory.
Oh wait, I just proved your point didn't I?
All that said we need some exception to the RR rule regarding the Graham/ASU and RR/UA thing. Graham was loaded up with RR assistants who went home to RR at UA. Graham then goes to their arch rival. That's something we'd comment on even if RR had never coached a down at Michigan. That's just crazy college football coaching moves at their finest.
You mean the War of Northern AGGRESSION...
I heard it was a war about high tariffs
the War of Southern Aggression.
It was the South Carolina militia that initiated the conflict at Fort Sumter...
the War of Southern Stupidity.
Lets not get personal. This Yankee remembers his roots but he also enjoys the warm waters of the Atlantic and sandy beaches along the coast of South Carolina. Talk like that is not going to win me over any friends in a state that proudly flies the Dixie flag. I've got to be able to visit the Piggly Wiggly and stock up for summer vacation without getting shot at by one of the many SC residents that have gun racks in their trucks!
saying the war was stupid. For the record I currenly live in the South, Houston specifcally. Galveston last navy stronghold!
I'm saying it was stupid becaue the South needed us to have the most incompetant set of generals just to keep them in the war for 3 years.
Also, on the War of Souther agression comment about firing first. That's really not fair, becaue Lincoln trapped the South into firing first by sending reinforcements and supplies there. The South had two options fire on the fort or let it be reinforced. Both bad options at the time. By firing first, it meant that Europe couldnt recgonize the South as a new nation.
If we fire first, Europe has the excuse of that they can recognize them because obviously a country doesnt fire upon itself.
Actually, it was option three for Lincoln.He attempted to resupply the fort, but didn't send additional troops to reinforce it.
My memory going in my old age.
I was just messing with you. Its all good.
(But does Houston really count as "the South"?)
Two criteria for any place to be considered "the South" in the U.S.:
Do they put sugar in everything (except cornbread which is supposed to have sugar)?
Do they talk "funny"?
If the answer to both questions (has to be both because they talk "funny" in Michigan, too) is "yes", then you are in "the South."
All horrible. East part of Texas, Houston and Galveston had a large impact on the Civil War. Galveston was a very important port.
Houston only 150 miles from Louisiana, plus there was a large Southern influx from Katrina.
I heard it was a war about high tariffs
the war of southern surrender.
or, "the war fought 140 years before the so-called SEC dominance to disprove the so-called SEC dominance 140 years early."
But SEC country already lost the National Championship.
Arguments regarding the Civil War are perpetuated by fans of the....well....another conference. Take that for what its worth.
But thanks to Brian for this open letter. Couldn't agree more...
When I was doing an admissions interview at Chicago, they had given me the course catalog and asked which class I was most interested in and why. I chose one about the constitutionality of the Civil War and Abraham Lincoln's actions. Didn't get in, so I never got to take the class, but it still sounded pretty cool, IMO.
I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah.
Outstanding obscure "Simpsons" reference. My friends and I, who grew up in Illinois, but near the Missouri border, use it all the time.
That is also one of my favorite Simpsons quotes. Everyone knows that Missouri was founded by people who were either too prone to cannibalism to live in Arkansas or too prone to marrying family members to live in Nebraska.
we were talking about Abe Lincoln, not Abe Simpson.
Here's the quote from the Simpsons; Lincoln said that he was against all compromises on slavery, including the Missouri Compromise, when campaigning, though what his "true" thoughts on the issue were is something far more complex to discuss (and evolved over time). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjONkJr9gEI
War Between the States*
I want to discuss levitating cats. I read somewhere how cats levitate, and feel compelled to share. First firmly afix a slice of buttered toast (butter side up) atop the cat, and then drop the cat from a moderate height. Since cats always land on their feet, and buttered toast always falls butter side down, the cats can never land.
Just remember to drop that thing with the toast perfectly parallel to the floor, otherwise levitating cats will just spin around uncontrollably.
Perpetual Motion FTW
After last year, I was kind of hoping for a season sans otter. What can you do?
Will yawning wolverine work better?
I advise you look to the Brian Cook Photobomb thread for all your yawning wolverine needs.
Leave it to a Michigan blogger to coin the term "femtodamn".
Brian, we get it, you LOVE RR and HATE HOKE. We know...
Wait, what? You're saying to don't care about RR and are happy to have Hoke? But people are always bitching about your RR love? I'm so confused...
To be fair, I don't think many people have accused Brian of being anti-Hoke for awhile now. It was more in the offseason.
He still takes a lot of baseless flak, but its from the same 2-3 posters. Over and over. One day, I will snap on them. I'm watching
when that glorious day comes. I'll be that guy who kicks the fools after you've knocked them down.
...officially. Unofficially, please give me enough notice so I can prepare the popcorn and not miss the start of the show.
Three candidates are contained here:
Extract the names and solve the puzzle! :)
Its always interesting to me when people refuse to accept a change of heart/mind. Its a perfect example of holding a grudge. What do people insist on doing so? Why can't someone be entitled to hold a position and then change his/her mind, repent, and switch sides?
Sometimes, especially when emotions are involved, it makes sense to take the "show me" approach rather than simply embrace change without question. I know that is exactly what I did when Hoke was hired and I surmise that Brian did the same. No one knew what was going to happen this season and, after the Rodriguez years, I for one did not want to feel the same crushed expectations. So someone takes the same approach, changes his/her mind, and then can never be forgiven for their initial reaction? That's just silly, in my opinion. Call it a grudge or whatever, it makes no sense to continue to hold someone to an old belief that has clearly been changed. Especially when all of us here are strident Michigan supporters and all want the same thing - to enjoy watching Michigan win football games and have fun doing it. Its time to move on. Finally.
...but then I changed my mind.
But when someone exhibits this degree of irrational hatred for David Brandon. To the point where they are pissing all over a singular event like Under the Lights. When someone is pitching a fit about bowl uniforms which are BARELY different(although objectively kind of superior) to Michigan's normal road uniforms. When someone promotes a diary to the front page that suggests, however mockingly, that David Brandon is a homophobe throwing around words like "faggy"...
One has to wonder if this hatred has occured in a vacuume. One has to wonder if said person has really forgiven and forgotten all these topics he has now sworn he doesn't care about.
Please answer honestly. Taking all of this into consideration Profit, do YOU think Brian has gotten over it?