about Urban is that he is complaining about the level of recruiting from other BIg Ten teams and simultaneously poaching committed recruits from them. I don't really have a problem, honestly, with going after committed recruits in conference (we do plenty of it) but preaching about other teams stepping up their game is pure hypocrisy.
Hokepoints: The Big Ten Has a Problem
It is a day after National Signing Day and the Big Ten has inked yet another lackluster group of mostly 3-star recruits. Fearing a further drift toward mediocrity, representatives from each relevant school have secretly gathered together. Their goal: rescuing the competitive future of their once mighty conference!
A prayer is offered to AIRBHG and thanks given unto BHGP for allowing me to rip off their format.
Scene: A little-used back room of the Palmer House in Chicago, its walls lined with trophies honoring the conference's academic achievements, and tasteful sweaters. A group of men and a duck mill about, most huddled around a smartphone showing walrus porn. One is eyeing the gilded stand lamps, apparently wondering if they're bolted down. They are watched by a shadowy figure in a ski mask. JIM DELANEY enters…
: It's the…no, Brady we're not doing the thing.
[More. Oh so much more, after the JUMP!]
: And sanction-wracked Penn State had the next-best class in our conference. Which reminds me, Bill, the NCAA says if you're to participate here you need to have a least one of your appendages immersed in lava the entire time. See to it.
: He's right guys. I've got my people out there buying Nissans and tricked-out apartments, all to keep these kids in the Midwest, and suddenly I hear y'all just—AHEM—you all just let a five-star receiver walk right out the back door.
: Sadly, I think Urban speaks the truth. Just the other month I had one of my kids come up to me—real hard-nosed kid, a guy I was sure was solid to Wisconsin since he coached us to three Rose Bowls—and told me he was transferring to Arkansas because they were going to offer him money for his services. Kid even had the gall to ask if I'd match! I was like 'You coach at WISCONSIN and that's not good enough for you?!'
<writes "THINGS TO OFFER RECRUITS" on blackboard>
: I was just thinking if the SEC is stockpiling top recruits and summarily cutting the ones that aren't going to play, then maybe we could offer kids the opportunity to, you know, actually play college football.
: Right right. So how many carries are we talkin' about for next year 'cause I was thinking like 35 a game or so…we don't want to wear him out tho. Maybe he could play quarterback half the time or somethin.
: C'mon people don't we have ANYTHING in this conference that really sums up to recruits that we've got all of this great tradition, opportunity, location, national relevance, defense, stadium draws, Rose Bowls, rivalry games, and academic excellence? Yes, Brady.
Meanwhile, in the actual Big Ten headquarters, another meeting is underway
: And so, since there are no objections, I officially welcome UConn, the Nova Scotia School for Mimes, and Mrs. Ruiz's Third Grade Class to the newly christened Fight Win Inspiration Leadership Mustache Conference, and submit that the divisions be aligned so that the Oaken Bucket is the only rivalry.
Most of the B1G has been pathetic recruiting wise. Some of that is demographics and out of their control but just look at what the Hoops programs have been able to do. The difference is that the Hoops programs have hired top notch coaches almost across the board while football hiring has been a joke outside the top 4.
p.s. good job on the bit Seth. Pretty funny
I am touched by his caring nature.
It's why I can't stand him. He complains about EVERYTHING. You know who Urban Meyer is? He's the guy who walks into a five-star steakhouse, constantly changes the order, terrorizes the wait staff, eats half the meal then complains until the manager comps him. He complains until he gets his way. And he knows he can get away with it. And this is what exasperates me the most:
He knows it's legal.
Anyone waiting for Urban Meyer to get his comeuppance is going to be waiting a long time. He is very, very good at what he does. I just hate what that is -- abusing America's "squeaky wheel gets the grease" culture ad infinitum. In other cultures he'd be ostracized, but in America this epic whiner is worshipped. He's never going to get caught because it's not against the rules to be annoying, but as a humanist I find his methods socially toxic. There's a huge cost to enabling people like Urban Meyer; whenever he gets his way it basically rewards his behavior and encourages everyone else to turn into jackasses.
That. Was. Beautiful!
It is. Sometime last year I was driving near Carver and there were tons of people walking up. I couldn't believe people were actually going to a basketball game, when usually they have to give out the tickets free to students. When I got home I checked and it turned out it was a wrestling meet.
I think Volleyball is like this at Nebraska.
The Rutgers guy.. oh man.. hilarious stuff.
"I don't know, it sounded good"
Classic, man. Absolutely classic.
"Well we did this 'Circle of Trust' thing at Florida, where if you're a top recruit you can smoke pot and stuff without getting in trouble."
Oh man, the timing of that one made me spray Diet Dr. Pepper.
I sprayed coffee instead of Dr. Pepper, but I'm sensing a trend here.
My favorite part was Braylon's messages to Jerry Kill. And Rutgers guy.
More evidence of MGOprescriptiondruguse.
Excellent work Seth. I think masked Dantonio should have a gimp-like ball chained into his mouth.
By the way, I kind of like Dantonio better with the mask on.
Only time I have ever wanted more Rutgers....
... with no mention of the Big Ten Network as a recruiting tool.
Delaney must be grinding his teeth.
Where is FreeAgentCone?
I don't think "tremendous" does this post justice, fergodsakes. And that'd be true even w/o Braylon.
Brilliant on Urban's part. Have the other B1G schools spend the resources to scout and spot the talent and then poach the goodies.
I LOL'd at Dantonio's initial appearance. Damn funny stuff.
So much better than the draft of snark.
As cool as he is, Rutgersman would be even better if he was sporting the awesome Rutgers football helmet, because well, just about everything looks better in that chrome-tastic helmet (except, of course, a Michigan football player).
You're off by one thread.
Also Heiko and I are not amused by your handle.
Is some of the funniest shit I have ever read. I'm in tears!
I have always wondered what Brady says that is so effective with recruits, and now that mystery is solved.
I would play for him.