Michigan Basketball: So how's the tourney, man?

NCAA Tourney: You don't know? Of course, you don't know anything. There's a 65th team.

MBB: A 65th team?

Tourney: Yeah, there was this new conference that got an autobid and no one wanted to take an at-large away… they play in Dayton. It's ugly. It's usually some .500 team that won its conference tourney against the third-place SWAC team.

MBB: How's Billy Packer? He ever get over that midmajor thing?

Tourney: Packer?!

MBB: That ever work out?

Tourney: Come on, man, Packer's heart is a lump of carbon. They fired that guy. Last I heard he was working at Pizza Hut.

MBB: So let's not go there.

Tourney: No.

MBB: So… you look good.

Tourney: Thank you, you may have, uh—

TEN YEARS, MAN! TEN! Where have you been for ten years?

MBB: I freaked out… hired Brian Ellerbe. Recruited Avery Queen and Kevin Gaines and Maurice Searight. Got put on probation for kids taking money from a Detroit gambling kingpin. Fired Ellerbe and hired a guy who took a Sweet 16 team that returned virtually everyone and added an NBA lottery pick to the NIT: Tommy Amaker. Recruited Anthony Wright and Kendrick Price and Reed Baker. Turned the ball over on every other offensive possession for six years. The one year I was going to be back everyone got injured and the starting point guard got suspended for some sort of domestic violence thing. Walk-ons started at point guard. Then I hired John Beilein. We have basically one guy taller than 6'5", we still have walk-ons at point guard, and we're here.

Tourney: Oh, sure. And Indiana hired Kelvin Sampson, too, and that's why they're mysteriously absent.

MBB: I think they did, actually.

Tourney: That's good… wow, yeah…

TEN YEARS, MAN— TEN— TEN YEARS! TEN! TEN YEAAAARS!

MBB: I freaked out, hired Brian Ellerbe, Recruited Avery Queen and Kevin Gaines and Maurice Seawright, got put on probation for kids taking money from a Detroit gambling kingpin, fired Ellerbe and hired a guy who took a Sweet 16 team that returned virtually everyone and added an NBA lottery pick to the NIT: Tommy Amaker. Recruited Anthony Wright and Kendrick Price and Reed Baker, turned the ball over on every other offensive possession for six years, the one year I was going to be back everyone got injured and the starting point guard got suspended for some sort of domestic violence thing, walk-ons started at point guard, then I hired John Beilein, we have basically one guy taller than 6'5", we still have walk-ons at point guard, and we're here.

THAT'S WHAT I DID.

Tourney: Can I join up?

MBB: YES.

Tourney: Come on, man… how's your mom?