"When I call somebody a midget, clearly I'm not trying to insult f---ing midgets. I'm just using basketball terminology."
GopherQuest: The Garbage Times Are Killing Us
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![tumblr_lo6xnhblho1qcbwq3o1_500[1]](http://mgoblog.com/sites/mgoblog.com/files/tumblr_lo6xnhblho1qcbwq3o1_5001.jpg "tumblr_lo6xnhblho1qcbwq3o1_500[1]")
LAST TIME ON GOPHERQUEST: We laid out the somewhat silly ground rules for Worst Big Ten Team ever, which are:
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Lose all your conference games
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Score the lowest percentage of points in your conference games
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Have existed after 1930
A quick recap of history indicated the Gophers were off to a stirring start. Two games in they were the worst Big Ten team in 50 years.
THIS WEEK ON THE QUEST
![pelini[1]](http://mgoblog.com/sites/mgoblog.com/files/pelini1.jpg "pelini[1]")
The Gophers played Nebraska, one-time annihilator of the Big 12, and lost 41-14. The noon window on Saturday was so bad that I watched the last ten minutes of this game, screaming at Nebraska's second-string defense not to allow second garbage-time touchdown. They did.
Our status:
POINTS ALLOWED: 144
POINTS SCORED: 31
SCORING PERCENTAGE: 17.7%
WORST SINCE…
1981
The '81 Northwestern Wildcats had scoring percentage of 15%.
At the end of the season I think we're going to look at these two weeks as a massive missed opportunity. Nebraska was up 34-0 at the half. Braves and Birds on what Nebraska does to teams they are up 34-0 against:
Bo Pelini, the vintage Nebraska teams would not have allowed a 34-0 halftime lead over an overmatched opponent turn into a 41-14 final. Tom Osborne would have beaten Minnesota by at least 65-3.
Alas, they don't make blowouts like they used to.
If Gray doesn't punch one in with two minutes left against Nebraska and Purdue doesn't give up a kick return touchdown, Minnesota's hovering around 10%, well within shouting distance of Harry Kipke's worst-ever 1934 Wolverines.
QUESTCAST
The Gophers had their bye week before Nebraska and face this season-closing gauntlet: Iowa, @ Michigan State, Wisconsin, @ Northwestern, Illinois. Purdue easily beating Illinois gives Minnesota some hope that they might be vaguely competitive—like into the second quarter—against the kind of teams that lose to Purdue, but Iowa's defense can hold Minnesota's best hope may be the Northwestern secondary.
Quest fans, meanwhile, are eyeing that Wisconsin game as an opportunity for the 83-0 drubbing it's going to take to push the Gophers into all-time territory.
Sagarin predicts the following:
- Iowa: 12-point loss
- @ Michigan State: 32-point loss
- Wisconsin: 31-point loss
- @ Northwestern: 13 point loss
- Illinois: 16 point loss
That's not going to get it done, but I don't think Sagarin's computer is able to process how extreme of an outlier this Gopher team is.
MOMENT OF GOPHER ZEN
![bennett[1][4]](http://mgoblog.com/sites/mgoblog.com/files/bennett14.gif "bennett[1][4]")
[protip: hit escape to stop gif animation]
October 24th, 2011 at 12:03 PM | 
[protip: hit escape to
[protip: hit escape to
October 24th, 2011 at 2:32 PM |
Well I guess the Gopher fans
Well I guess the Gopher fans
Well I guess the Gopher fans don't want to watch it over and over again....oh who am I kidding. The Gophers don't have any fans
If you're doing nothing, how do you know when you're finished?
October 24th, 2011 at 10:09 PM |
Seriously, I literally have
Seriously, I literally have
Seriously, I literally have tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard at that epic gif. Has any single play ever encapsulated a team's entire season like the one displayed in that gif?
We ARE Michigan....COME GET SOME!!!
October 24th, 2011 at 12:06 PM |
I watched the first quarter or so of that game
I watched the first quarter or so of that game
The final score ended up being a great example of why beating some poor group of souls 70-10 is overrated (looking at you, Wisconsin). There was no doubt after a short time that Nebraska was the superior team by a huge margin. I applaud them for not running up the score.
It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future. -- Yogi Berra
October 24th, 2011 at 12:42 PM |
I remember turning on the game
I remember turning on the game
I remember turning on the Minn-NU game, watching that kick return, and then promptly turning off the TV. It was too embarassing to watch. I watched no more college football that saturday.
"Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback." -The Dude
October 24th, 2011 at 12:47 PM |
The reverse did it for me
The reverse did it for me
There was one Minnesota player on that entire half of the field.
It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future. -- Yogi Berra
October 24th, 2011 at 1:15 PM |
I support not running up the score
I support not running up the score
But the key to GopherQuest isn't so much running up the score, but rather preventing Minnesota from scoring. Consider that 35-3 (a solid blowout, but generally not considered to be particularly unsportsmanlike) is the same as 70-6 (laying it on just to be an ass) are both exactly the same in the all-important scoring percentage metric.
October 24th, 2011 at 1:22 PM |
I see
I see
In that case I resent the fact that they pulled their starters on D. Do they not understand the importance of GopherQuest?! They better start learning about these things if they want to be welcome in the Big Ten.
It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future. -- Yogi Berra
October 24th, 2011 at 12:13 PM |
That gif is so many levels of
That gif is so many levels of
That gif is so many levels of fantastic.
October 24th, 2011 at 1:03 PM |
Except there's no soundtrack.
Except there's no soundtrack.
And Yakkety Sax wouldn't really work, given the length of the thing. Nor would the Three Stooges' theme of "Three Blind Mice."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-YpzGsO0V0
So I think that a simple "D'oh!" is all that would work:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqS7yJ03NkQ
October 24th, 2011 at 1:31 PM |
Times pretty good
Times pretty good
"I love him, he's a great coach, he's a great mentor, he's a great friend. He's every single thing you want a college coach to be, and he does it flawlessly." -David Molk
October 24th, 2011 at 12:14 PM |
Ahahahaha
Ahahahaha
The Nebraska players in pursuit look baffled by this turn of events.
God bless the gophers
I poop excellence
October 24th, 2011 at 12:14 PM |
posted from iPhone
posted from iPhone
October 24th, 2011 at 12:18 PM |
I'm hoping the thread title
I'm hoping the thread title
I'm hoping the thread title was a Modest Mouse reference.
not just "douchey" MGoBlog user, but now TRUSTED MGoBlog user
October 24th, 2011 at 12:27 PM |
Underrated
Underrated
I'd like to moderate that Bo Pelini pic as Underrated. I've never seen it before and is epic.
I'm pretty sure Pelini uses that instead of a standard resume when interviewing for jobs.
Intensity is a lot of guys that run fast.
October 24th, 2011 at 12:34 PM |
Leave Minnesota...
Leave Minnesota...
ALONE! After all they've been through! Their coach has had seizures, their starting QB has been injured.. and all you guys do is poke fun at a team going through a hard time.. you.. bastards!!!!
October 24th, 2011 at 12:50 PM |
i could watch
i could watch
i could watch that animated gif for hours
I am not really Coach Schiano. -Coach Schiano on Mgoblog
October 24th, 2011 at 1:02 PM |
Lol
Lol
that gif makes it look like the Minnesota player purposely tackled his teammate. I doubt that actually was his intent, but this being Minnesota...
Follow me on Twitter @gfraley05
October 24th, 2011 at 1:32 PM |
The sad part is
The sad part is
It's probably the best tackle the Gophers will make all season.
"I love him, he's a great coach, he's a great mentor, he's a great friend. He's every single thing you want a college coach to be, and he does it flawlessly." -David Molk
October 24th, 2011 at 1:19 PM |
Between Dantonio, Pellini, and Beilema--
Between Dantonio, Pellini, and Beilema--
yikes. The B1G has some scary coaches. Oh, add Danny Hope.
October 24th, 2011 at 2:04 PM |
That gif is so funny -it
That gif is so funny -it
That gif is so funny -it almost looks like a fake.
"Wasn't that Michigan drive just great. That's like Patton riding into Berlin." ~Bob Ufer
October 24th, 2011 at 3:31 PM |
I think the Nebraska fumble
I think the Nebraska fumble
I think the Nebraska fumble return TD is even worse than that gif. Gray runs up to the DE and basically hands him the ball.
Why would anyone want to?