Don Brown And The Dude Hierarchy Comment Count

Ace


This is the look of a man seeing far too many Guys.

In college, my friends devised a system for evaluating the social contributions of the people we encountered. While based on the standard ten-point scale, it was a binary system. Greatly enjoyable people to be around were "tens"; people who actively detracted from a given situation were deemed "fours"; not everyone fit into these two categories, but they were the only two that were necessary to point out. You're a ten, you're a four, or you're just there.

Don Brown, Michigan's new defensive coordinator, tweeted yesterday for the first time since October—and, since that tweet was clearly a misfired DM, really for the first time since August. He's not a man to preoccupy himself with the frivolity of social media, not even on such momentous occasions as taking a prestigious new job that pays nearly seven figures. His handle is "@FBCoachDBrown" because he's first and foremost a football coach; his bio reads "Michigan Defensive Coordinator" because he has to put something in that field.

This is a man who generally takes a Ron Swanson approach to social media. Yesterday's tweets highlighted the lone, glaring, glorious exception.

Brown's timeline is almost exclusively dedicated to acknowledging top practice performers. They are divided into two categories: Dudes and Guys. Being a "Dude of the Day" is the highest honor one can receive in this system, which originated at Boston College:

The message boils down to three words: Be a dude.

It started with defensive coordinator Don Brown.

"That's his saying all the time, be a dude," Addazio said. "And what being a dude is is being a baller. You know? Just being a real baller. Just being a dude.

"Be great. Be a baller. Be great at what you are. Just don't be average."

Guys are players who have yet to become Dudes—note the "NOT DUDES, BUT GUYS" line in the above graphic—but are on their way. Nobody else is worth mentioning. You're a Dude, you're a Guy, or you're just there.

To me, this confims Don Brown's exceptional coaching acumen as much as anything on his resumé. He understands that a binary system is all that's needed and not everyone must fit into one of the two categories. He also understands the hierarchy of terms of address for men, which while highly context-dependent goes something like this (DON'T @ ME):

  1. Guv'nor
  2. Boss
  3. Good Sir
  4. Dude
  5. Sport
  6. Bro
  7. Buddy
  8. Guy
  9. Champ
  10. Pal
  11. Slugger
  12. Chief

Never call a stranger "chief" unless you want to be righteously punched in the nose.

In conclusion, Don Brown is better than you or me or anyone that isn't Jim Harbaugh at Twitter, and the Era of Dudes and Guys shall be a triumphant one.

Comments

Lanknows

March 8th, 2016 at 4:24 PM ^

It's one thing to have a 10-point scale for something that's (not technically) binary when you were very young and amongst friends, but upping the ante to devise a 12-point heirarchy when a "a binary system is all that's needed" and posting it for public consumption is uhhhhh...

 

 

Esterhaus

March 8th, 2016 at 4:56 PM ^

 
It has gone out of fashion? Well then
 
I'm not your friend, buddy 
I'm not your buddy, pal 
I'm not your pal, guy 
I'm not your guy, friend 
I'm not your friend, pal 
And I'm not your pal, buddy 

kehnonymous

March 8th, 2016 at 6:06 PM ^

If being called "chief" warrants getting punched in the nose, then "son" probably deserves having your junk clawed out with a dull spoon.

Just to be clear re: Don Brown-ese, though:  being "a guy" isn't a bad thing per se, it's just not as good as being "a dude", yes?

Wolfman

March 8th, 2016 at 7:54 PM ^

was out walking around, checking out the local talent, he txted me to see if i needed anything. I replied and asked, because we had done it the previous 8 and being an admitted old-timer "Do we have to drink again tonight?" He replied, "It is the right thing to do," He takes the leaders and the best as more than just words to a fight song. So obviously a little less than 100%, I hadn't really thought what this would mean, but Grumpy, although I think we might limit this to one side of the ball, definitely has.

There is no doubt, now that I think about it, the challenges and cheers we are going to lay on the defense next season every time they take the field. COME ON, BE A DUDE, BE A DUDE, BE A DUDE, DUUUUUDDDDDDDDe.  in unison, in one long drawn out cresendo. After a tremendous play, DUDE, DUDE, DUDE. Same chant, only much louder, when they are prepping for a goal line stand with occasional sprinkles of BE MORE THAN A GUY. After they are successful in these situations and after any big 3rd or 4th down stop, as they're sprinting off the field, DUDES, DUDES, DUDES at all of ten decibels., You know that will get them jacked.

I think we'll have a hell of a lot of fun with Coach Brown and All the Yound Dudes. Indeed, Big Fun at the Big House.

Wide Open

March 8th, 2016 at 11:45 PM ^

I would be happy to executive produce a musical called Guys and Dudes. It'll premiere somewhere between Mock Rock and Broadway and it's a shoo-in to win multiple Tonys or Butkuses.

Mabel Pines

March 9th, 2016 at 2:27 AM ^

To occupy himself with the frivolity of social media" yet Brady Hoke was considered a joke for not being on Twitter. Ahhh, media. Whatever fits the agenda. All weight gain is good, all weight loss is good.

Pepto Bismol

March 9th, 2016 at 7:32 AM ^

Don Brown has a twitter account. If he has no use for public tweets, that's one thing, but he can still DM recruits (which he obviously does by that inadvertant tweet Ace links). That puts him well ahead of Hoke on its own. Factor in that Brown is not a head coach, and your point is less relevant. Just an overall bad take.

King Douche Ornery

March 9th, 2016 at 9:38 AM ^

When even the writers of a once-proud campy college football blog are as bad as the denizens of the posting boards.

Wow. 

When you have something to say, or have to say something?

TESOE

March 10th, 2016 at 10:14 AM ^

I've been thinking about changing my Avatar for the Harbaugh era...this gives me tons of choice.

Edit:  Argh...someone has already taken "Chief" ... so it goes.