A Different Kind Of Football Armageddon
I have terrible news: David Brandon's pimp hand has badly malfunctioned and is now marching, Godzilla-style, on the greatest rivalry ever in the history of ever. This morning he showed up on WTKA to discuss Big Ten divisons and said this:
SAM WEBB: If you are making the decision, are Michigan and Ohio State in the same division?
[pregnant pause in which Brandon struggles valiantly against the malfunctioning pimp hand's electrosteam power source. "NO," he stammers. "MUST… NOT… SUBMIT." He feels like he's trapped in an episode of Star Trek, playing Kirk in any one of the dozens of episodes in which something in his brain compels him to evil. Sweat breaks out on his brow; he begins to tremble. The shaking increases in intensity, threatening to break out into violent convulsions! At any moment David Brandon's existential dilemma will come to a head! Things are afoot—
A twitch. Two twitches. Now a facial tic. All is silent. An unnatural calm descends.]
DAVID BRANDON: …No.
[Deep in a bunker underneath a Kenosha corn field, Barry Alvarez allows himself the deep rumbling bass laugh only the blackest hearts can muster. Yes. All according to plan.]
SAM WEBB: And why? [Ed: …GOD WHY?]
THE UNSPEAKABLE THING THAT POSSESSES THE BODY OF DAVID BRANDON: Because we're in a situation where one of the best things that could happen … would be the opportunity to play Ohio State twice.
As highlighted by Doctor Saturday, Ohio State seems awfully wishy-washy about the whole thing, too:
He said he has received only a couple of e-mails from people worried about the possibility of moving the Michigan game to earlier in the season. Whether those – and other critical opinions expressed on the Internet – are reflective of the broad fan base is impossible to know, Smith said.
"I know one thing for sure - that we're going to play (Michigan) every year," Smith said. "We may end up playing the last game of the year, or not. I just don't know that yet."
The "not" scenario will only come to pass if the two teams can play again and the Big Ten is trying to avoid the farce of a best-last-one-out-of-two scenario. And with both ADs at Michigan and Ohio State trying to prepare the fans for a soft landing, it's clear which way this is going: the stupidest possible way.
ONE: It is extremely unlikely that Michigan and Ohio State would ever actually score a championship game rematch. Splitting the two teams is a pointless exercise in hoping that once every ten years you get another one. This is no longer the 1970s.
TWO: Michigan's year-end opponent: Michigan State? Boy, that will fire up everyone on Rivalry Week: "It's Michigan! It's some team that's been within a game of .500 every year since SEC schools started recruiting black kids! On ABC!"
THREE: Whatever damage the rivalry sustains because of the split is going to vastly outweigh the piddling slice of extra revenue Michigan and Ohio State will get from a 1/12th split of the incremental bump the Big Ten Championship Game gets because maybe once every ten years they'll get to pit Michigan against Ohio State.
FOUR: Dennis Dodd thinks this is the way to go. QED.
Not that this matters. Apparently it's done. Get ready for Michigan-Ohio State sometime in October, not even playing for a division or anything, because the "TV people" really want it. Do I need to remind you about Mark Shapiro?
August 20th, 2010 at 7:17 PM ^
This is a perfect example of KISS - "keep it simple stupid." It's real simple. You can split the Big Ten into two divisions and still keep tradition. Put Michigan and Ohio State in the same division and keep it at the last game of the season. Simple enough?
August 20th, 2010 at 7:47 PM ^
OK, admitted Buckeye grad here...first post ever on this blog:
Same division, last game of the regular season. Has to be...
The prospect of going 11-0 and having to face your Michigan team this year makes me feel sick. This one game every year is a season upon itself. Who remembers Ann Arbor 1969? I wasn't even alive, yet I somehow remember. If this game was played in October, it would mean nothing.
The TV guys don't get that. They can't possibly get it.
That being said, keep up the great work on this site. Best blog ever.
Go Bucks!
August 21st, 2010 at 2:15 AM ^
You're getting all your OSU faithful to contract Smith done there and complain about it too. Let both ends feel the wrath, and present a united front vs. the Big Ten.
August 20th, 2010 at 11:06 PM ^
I have seen first hand many seasons where the 2 best teams in the SEC were both from the same division, which (1) devalues the Confrence Championship game, (2) can make winning your division more important that beating your biggest rival, and (3) sometimes keeps the 2nd, 3rd, or even the 4th best team in the confrence from playing for the title yet the 5th best team gets that oppurtunity!
The divisions are the problem, Place everyone in the same division and let the two best teams play for the title at the end, with all of the tie breaker scenarios fair and up front. I'm sure that there is some NCAA rule that states with 12 teams there has to be a divisional format. But does it really make all that much sense?
With UM-OSU in the same division there will NEVER be the opportunity for a UM-OSU title game, NEVER!. That is just plain stupid people! They MUST be seperated just for this simple fact! Yeah some say maybe they meet in the CCG once every 10 years, maybe 3 out of 10. Well... Thats a helluva lot better that NEVER in my book!!!!!!!!! Jesus Christ!!!!!!
Keeping it as the last game of the regular season is a must.
August 21st, 2010 at 2:59 PM ^
I honestly don't care about having a UM-OSU championship game. The Game is The Game, not The Games. Having two games with OSU will take away from the value of The Game. Besides, being in the same division will even raise the stakes because when UM is back it will more than likely determine who goes to the championship game.
August 26th, 2010 at 5:00 PM ^
Even if there is a requirement for a divisional format, I doubt that it requires that the divisions be the same from year to year.
What I would like to see is the divisions be set up tournament style. Take the preseason conference rankings and use it to set the divisions for the year similar to how the basketball tournament brakets are set up. You have everyone keep their conference schedule dates open and then set the schedule over the summer based on seeding. With 8 conference games, you can make the necessary arrangements for all the rivalry games to be played.
With a scheme like that, you need not worry about having unbalanced divisions for years on end.
August 21st, 2010 at 1:03 AM ^
With all due respect..This is not Dominoes...this is the greatest fucking rivaly in sports. Brandon has a duty to fight this shit with every inch of his soul. The Game has to be the last regular season game of the year, the fact that he is just accepting it and telling us to accept it as well as if it is no big deal it putting me into a fucking rage. If Brandon let's this happen without any kind of a fight, everything he has done in the past and will do in the future won't mean a dam thing to me..he will always be the guy who let the rivalry die wthout putting up a fight.
August 21st, 2010 at 2:14 AM ^
That would be some legacy, eh?
August 21st, 2010 at 11:47 AM ^
Buckeye fan here. Duh. I didn't come here to start shit, but HAD to respond to the changing(ed) attitudes of the Michigan fanbase.
I remember well the 1990s, and remember the numerous times that so many UM fans used to remind me and other OSU fans how "Ohio State isn't our 'big rival' anymore. That distinction belongs to MSU(little brother)." I heard plenty of talk of "you wouldn't understand, because you don't have an 'in-state' rival."
It seems yous guys are singing a totally different tune now. Why the inconsistancy?(I think I know why)
As far as this division set-up: Unfortunately, OSU vs UM are going to have to play earlier in the season. I don't see how they could play The Game on the last regular season weekend, and then turn around and play The Game on a neutral field, 7 days later. THAT is NOT going to fly. It's unfortunate, but that is what we're facing. Oh well, like my ex-wife used to say, "it's JUST a game, for Pete's sake!"
And PSU in the West division is a dumb idea too, IMO.
Let the arrows fly! I'm ready!
August 21st, 2010 at 12:25 PM ^
Who the hell ever said "Little Brother" was our biggest rival? If you've got a buddy ribbing you about the Cooper era, I guess that's a paricularly stupid joke, but as far as the Michigan fan-base is concerned, at no time in the life of myself or my father has anyone but Ohio State been Michigan's biggest rival.
Your attempt at smack has utterfly failed.
August 21st, 2010 at 6:48 PM ^
some Michigan fan said to me, "MSU is our big rival." Granted, this was in the 90s, and I haven't heard that much anymore. I figured they were just saying it to piss me off, but it worked. I live down here in Toledo, and there are plenty of UM fans here. The 90s still give me nightmares.
Not attempting smack. Seriously. If I wanted to do that, I would've brought up Rich Rod and the latest story in the Freep.
August 21st, 2010 at 10:50 PM ^
Like U-M fans were saying it because they knew they could f_ck with you,and it apparently worked.
August 26th, 2010 at 4:53 PM ^
I can't say I knew from the start that's what it was going on, but it didn't take long to figure it out.
The only thing that stung about it was seeing that sentiment attributed to Gary Moeller. I'm cool with that needle to get under our skin, but it really never should have been uttered by someone who had one foot on the Big House turf and the other in the sod of the 'Shoe.
I always felt that night of drunken embarrassment was either Moeller’s conscience getting to him for breathing that blaspheme or simply Karma for the same.
August 21st, 2010 at 2:48 PM ^
Is that why she's your ex?
August 22nd, 2010 at 9:11 AM ^
No one who understands football said OSU was no longer Michigan's biggest rival.
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