A Different Kind Of Football Armageddon Comment Count

Brian

I have terrible news: David Brandon's pimp hand has badly malfunctioned and is now marching, Godzilla-style, on the greatest rivalry ever in the history of ever. This morning he showed up on WTKA to discuss Big Ten divisons and said this:

SAM WEBB: If you are making the decision, are Michigan and Ohio State in the same division?

[pregnant pause in which Brandon struggles valiantly against the malfunctioning pimp hand's electrosteam power source. "NO," he stammers. "MUST… NOT… SUBMIT." He feels like he's trapped in an episode of Star Trek, playing Kirk in any one of the dozens of episodes in which something in his brain compels him to evil. Sweat breaks out on his brow; he begins to tremble. The shaking increases in intensity, threatening to break out into violent convulsions! At any moment David Brandon's existential dilemma will come to a head! Things are afoot

A twitch. Two twitches. Now a facial tic. All is silent. An unnatural calm descends.]

DAVID BRANDON: …No.

[Deep in a bunker underneath a Kenosha corn field, Barry Alvarez allows himself the deep rumbling bass laugh only the blackest hearts can muster. Yes. All according to plan.]

SAM WEBB: And why? [Ed: …GOD WHY?]

THE UNSPEAKABLE THING THAT POSSESSES THE BODY OF DAVID BRANDON: Because we're in a situation where one of the best things that could happen … would be the opportunity to play Ohio State twice.

As highlighted by Doctor Saturday, Ohio State seems awfully wishy-washy about the whole thing, too:

He said he has received only a couple of e-mails from people worried about the possibility of moving the Michigan game to earlier in the season. Whether those – and other critical opinions expressed on the Internet – are reflective of the broad fan base is impossible to know, Smith said.

"I know one thing for sure - that we're going to play (Michigan) every year," Smith said. "We may end up playing the last game of the year, or not. I just don't know that yet."

The "not" scenario will only come to pass if the two teams can play again and the Big Ten is trying to avoid the farce of a best-last-one-out-of-two scenario. And with both ADs at Michigan and Ohio State trying to prepare the fans for a soft landing, it's clear which way this is going: the stupidest possible way.

ONE: It is extremely unlikely that Michigan and Ohio State would ever actually score a championship game rematch. Splitting the two teams is a pointless exercise in hoping that once every ten years you get another one. This is no longer the 1970s.

TWO: Michigan's year-end opponent: Michigan State? Boy, that will fire up everyone on Rivalry Week: "It's Michigan! It's some team that's been within a game of .500 every year since SEC schools started recruiting black kids! On ABC!"

THREE: Whatever damage the rivalry sustains because of the split is going to vastly outweigh the piddling slice of extra revenue Michigan and Ohio State will get from a 1/12th split of the incremental bump the Big Ten Championship Game gets because maybe once every ten years they'll get to pit Michigan against Ohio State.

FOUR: Dennis Dodd thinks this is the way to go. QED.

Not that this matters. Apparently it's done. Get ready for Michigan-Ohio State sometime in October, not even playing for a division or anything, because the "TV people" really want it. Do I need to remind you about Mark Shapiro?

Comments

turd ferguson

August 20th, 2010 at 12:18 PM ^

It feels like there's more to this story. If I had to guess, it's that Brandon is reading the writing on the wall (that this will happen), and he wants to avoid looking powerless by seeing the game moved despite his public arguments against it.

Personally, I don't even care about the divisions thing or the possibility of a rematch in the conference championship game. (It'd be so rare that it might be fun.) I just want the damn thing played on the last week of the regular season. And honestly, why not?

Seriously

August 20th, 2010 at 12:44 PM ^

Personally, I don't even care about the divisions thing or the possibility of a rematch in the conference championship game. (It'd be so rare that it might be fun.) I just want the damn thing played on the last week of the regular season. And honestly, why not?

I agree with every word, but most Ohio State and Michigan fans seem to think we're nuts.  Moving the rivalry game would be like rescheduling Christmas in July.  Only a filthy infidel would suggest this.

And a rare conference championship rematch would not "render the first game pointless." "Pointless" = the Big Ten organized so that Ohio State and Michigan can never play for the championship.

Seriously

August 21st, 2010 at 1:13 AM ^

Sorry for being unclear.  Mr. ferguson says his top priority is finishing the regular season with the UM/OSU game, and that it's fine if the two schools play in separate divisions and possibly have a rematch in the conference title game.  I agree with all of that.

Most UM and OSU fans (at least here and at 11Warriors) seem to think it's nuts to place the two schools in separate divisions and to play again in the B# championship.

Virtually all "regular fans" think the UM/OSU regular season game shouldn't be moved.  I tend not to get very upset about sports, but when Dennis Dodd writes, "Yes, the Buckeyes-Wolverines regular-season game would have to be moved to earlier in the season. Get over it," it makes me sad.

CRex

August 20th, 2010 at 12:29 PM ^

The man commands one of the top two revenue earning programs in the Big10 and we have the largest alumni base in the nation.  Mich vs tOSU is simply called "The Game" and is one step behind The Granddaddy of Them All in terms of tradition.  If he lacks the ability to throw Michigan's weight around and keep The Game alive, he can get the fuck out.   

99% of the time I don't advocate using Michigan's weight to shove smaller Big10 schools around, but every so often we do need to put our foot down.

GunnersApe

August 20th, 2010 at 12:38 PM ^

Darth Tressel, COB and Not A Blue Fan (our resident OSU guys) have the same take (DO NOT WANT). I think we now have a common enemy in alignment to get the Big 2 to put there foot down and smack PSU's ass over with Nebraska.  It is the end of the world, I'm looking out my window right now for the zombies.

COB

August 20th, 2010 at 1:29 PM ^

against this.  I am OK with the addition of Nebraska and divisions as "change" but separating UM and OSU is pure terrible.  The Game as we know it is a de facto B10 Championship (regardless if that is always the case, it is in our minds).  If we were in the same division, it would essentially mean the same.  The winner of The Game in past 20 years would win the theoretical B10 CGs (I would have to imagine) more than 70% of the time.   This type of change is not only unfuckingwelcome but unnecessary.   As many things, I am squarely blaming this on Penn State.  Eastern outlier assclowns. 

CRex

August 20th, 2010 at 7:11 PM ^

As a PA native,let me assure you PSU fans ruin everything.  They're jackasses like Eagles fans, only their home base is this shithole little town up in the mountains where they worship a mountain lion and a senile old coach who hasn't done shit since the 1980s.   

They live in this weird little world where they invited into the Big10 to be the premier program.  As my neighbor put it "Michigan and Ohio State lost their luster, so the Big10 needed a new flagship program."  Mr. Premier Program now walks outside every morning to see the massive M flag I sent my parents after the SuperMario catch.   

PSU can shut the fuck up, buy a jet for travel or they maybe can go give that East Coast super conference try again.  It's been a few decades since Pitt has been able to give JoePa finger and I'm sure they'd love to.

MGoAndy

August 20th, 2010 at 12:24 PM ^

Fuck this 1000 times in the face.  Hell, maybe even 2000 times.

This will be a horrible, horrible move for both fanbases.  Ohio State being the last game of the season has always given the season something special.  Even in shitty years, if we could just beat Ohio State in that last game, the season would be salvaged.  Who the fuck wants to sandwich our biggest game of the year between Purdue and Indiana?

gnrgoblue

August 20th, 2010 at 12:24 PM ^

I don't like this but could live with it ... as long as Michigan is matched up with PSU or Nebraska at the end of the season. Ending the year with MSU or another perpetual also-ran would be pretty anticlimactic.

Bill Martin was always very responsive to polite e-mails. Anyone know the best way to express the sentiment of the fan base here? I sincerely doubt Brandon has much sway in this matter, and it's extremely likely he's fighting this as much as he can, but it's still probably a good idea to pass along our polite, considered feedback.

And to follow up on ChasingRabbits' joke about Rodriguez being blamed for this, I also want to stress that it's extraordinarily unlikely that Brandon has much say here or that he hasn't used whatever influence he does have to attempt to block this. I'm worried about "OMG BRANDON NUKED THE RIVALRY" blossoming from isolated Internet idiocy to perceived fact, and that derailing his tenure as AD. I presume this is being passed down and he has to sell it.

gnrgoblue

August 20th, 2010 at 12:40 PM ^

Whether I'm "willing" to or not doesn't matter. I have no say. If it was my decision to make, I'd explain why it's a stupid move and veto it.

All I'm doing is trying to figure out what I might look forward to in what appears to be our new reality. Looking forward to Nebraska = OK, I guess. Looking forward to MSU = not.

And, just to be clear, I'll say again that I don't like this at all, and I also think it's a bad business decision.

Sgt. Wolverine

August 20th, 2010 at 12:27 PM ^

needs to be loudly protested.  This is a very NFL-like decision.

If, as Glutton noted, this is a decision pushed by the TV people, then I think the OUTRAGE should be directed as much or more at the TV people than at Brandon.  It'd be good to (calmly) let Brandon hear about it, too, but if TV executives are driving this nonsense, let's not insulate them from the heat.

03 Blue 07

August 20th, 2010 at 12:27 PM ^

This is not cool. At all. At fucking all. Good GOD. I mean, seriously. This is such whorish behavior by the Big Ten- HEY! LET'S GET 'EM TO PLAY TWICE!

No. No. Just. No. F that noise. We play once a year, the last game of the regular season, at the end of November. It's part of the beauty of it. This is making me really angry.

03 Blue 07

August 20th, 2010 at 12:29 PM ^

Here's an idea (one which I'm too lazy to lead): There needs to be a well-publicized, online petition by fans of BOTH U of M and OSU against this. Needs to be on Twitter, Facebook, etc- get the word out.  Look, politics makes for strange bedfellows- we need those crazy bastards on this one. I think both fan bases can agree that this is horseshit.  

caup

August 20th, 2010 at 12:37 PM ^

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

p.s. I hope you or someone in your lousy department is READING THIS and letting you know that you are a complete fuck up!  This will be your legacy you IDIOT.

arod

August 20th, 2010 at 12:30 PM ^

load of shit.  I don't give a fuck if Michigan plays OSU 10 times in a season, one of those games must be the last game of the regular season.

GunnersApe

August 20th, 2010 at 12:31 PM ^

http://mgoblog.com/mgoboard/brandon-prefers-um-osu-different-divisions

I posted this:

EAST: UM,OSU,PSU,MSU,IN,PUR

WEST: UNL,WIS,IOW,ILL,MINN,NW

 

UM/OSU last game followed by a bye week then Big Ten Championship game.

 

Big Ten Blue: UM,UNL,IOW,WIS,MSU,MINN

Big Ten Black: OSU,PSU,IND,PUR,NW,ILL

If there in separate division played during the season (week 4?), the following week better be the bye for both teams or a huge baby seal. Plus this is lopsided as and give OSU/PSU an easy in. I cannot imagine any other split that keep UM playing OSU & MSU every year. I hate this idea.

 

I like the East West split better due to the eventual ND/Rutgers/Syracuse/MIZZOU expansion. Put ND in the West with the MSU last game protected rivial.

 

East (2015) UM,OSU,PSU,MSU,IN,PUR,BIG EAST TEAM,BIG EAST TEAM.

West (2015) UNL,WIS,IOW,ILL,NW,ILL,ND,MIZZ.

 

These are my wishes....So I can wish in one hand and shit in the other and see what fills first.

So in summery, I'm hoping the BIG TEN adds ND to keep UM/OSU in the same division.

CRex

August 20th, 2010 at 12:33 PM ^

Can anyone point to a decent tOSU blog?  I'm curious to see if their fan base has heard this rumor and how they're reacting.  The dirty thing is if we want to save the rivalry, we need both fan bases push for it.  We might have to *shudder* cooperate with Buckeyes in the interest of saving ourselves from a year end game against Little Brother.   

stmccoy

August 20th, 2010 at 12:33 PM ^

This is outrageous.  Having the two teams in separate divisions, with the remote possibility of playing twice, takes away from the rivalry.  In my opinion, the Game is the only nationally relevant rivalry in the Big Ten.  This is going to water it down.  I can't believe Brandon would be ok with this. 

MGoAndy

August 20th, 2010 at 12:33 PM ^

From Angelique:

More Brandon from WTKA: "I'm just warning everybody, change is good and change is going to happen."

Fuck that.  I don't like his tone.  

In reply to by MGoAndy

SpartanDan

August 20th, 2010 at 8:23 PM ^

Sometimes, it sucks dead maggots through a straw. This is one of those times.

Seriously, a simple E-W split doesn't sacrifice anything for rivalries or competitive balance (in the 11-team era, there's very little difference between the 2nd and 6th teams, counting Nebraska among them, so it's more important to do a 3-3 split there than worry about which of those six go together). There is absolutely no reason to do it any other way, and frankly the fact that deciding the divisions has taken more than 15 minutes is a mark of insanity.

My name ... is Tim

August 20th, 2010 at 12:36 PM ^

[Other than, you know, ruining a perfectly good and amazing tradition is that] Now Sparty gets to pretend like they are the end all be all of rivalry games for us like they have long dreamed of. Fuck the suits involved in this decision. Fuck MSU. Fuck my life.

 

WHERE'S THE FUCKING OTTER?!