Dear Diary, They're Not Worthy!

This is the kind of post Diarist of the Week was invented for: Ladies and gentlerines, I give you MSU's latest Narduzzi defense, as broken down by colin. If you missed it on the front page yesterday and when Ace linked to it, now is your chance.

The defense he describes is a version of the thing we faced from Ohio State and Virginia Tech last year, a run-sound Cover-4 scheme that is built to beat north-south spread offenses and 4 verts, and weakest against great edge rushers and outside receivers who will always win a 1-on-1 matchup. Short version: Michigan can move the ball by running over an overhyped Gholston, optioning off Marcus Rush, getting a hat on the playside linebacker, and Denard getting by Isaiah Lewis. It's a good defense.

It's also a good institution of higher learning, with a fantastic teaching school, one of the nation's best ag schools, and a packaging program that is not the joke you think that is. In this vein of non-sarcastic appreciation for our worthy in-state rival, turd ferguson offers this panegyric to their football program's unparalleled off-the-field accomplishments since Dantonio arrived:

Spartans are known to generously extend a hand to those in need.  They’ve developed a prison-to-work program seen by many as a model for how to reduce to an absolute minimum the time between prison and work.  Their athletic director moonlights as a volunteer career counselor and their football coach as a public speaking coach, offering their time even to supposed athletic rivals.  When one of their neighbors could use help just stretching his neck, scratching his eye, massaging his arm, or bludgeoning his face, a Spartan is always there to assist.

Other things in the family: Program. Wallpaper. Question: provided we can make it happen, are you guys interested in buying these as posters from the MGoStore?

Weeklies:

Defensive Analysis. If you read just one comprehensive, detailed analysis of Michigan State's defense this week, read colin's. If you read two comprehensive, detailed analyses of Michigan State's defense this week, tune into the more personnel-oriented one by death by trident. Things you may have missed: Darqueze Dennard doesn't show on the stats but is the field and probably the better corner than Adams, and the man Ace called the "best linebacker in the conference" hasn't registered a sack, though he's done everything else. Weird he said that because Ace has Mauti and both Wisconsin guys.

Tea Leaves. Eye of the Tiger checks back in at the midline to see which Star Wars episode this season is turning out to be. So far Michigan has fought its most pivotal battle using Ewoks and a game in South Bend featuring plenty of LANDO! so we're definitely not in Eps IV or V. I submit we use the special editions to specify which games are lost:

1. Empire Strikes Back, Special Edition: 12-2, win Rose Bowl. Do you remember the part at the beginning when the Wampa ice creature that haunted your childhood nightmares turned out to be a guy in a white bear suit? No you don't. Because Han is frozen in carbonite and could be anywhere in the galaxy and Luke has begun to consider the dark side, and Threepio hasn't said more than "Help, I think I'm melting" in 15 minutes.
2. Return of the Jedi: Beat MSU and OSU, blow up Death Star, celebrate with teddy bears, then lose to Admiral Chip Kelly in a licensed fan fiction called Star Wars: The Pasadena Affair.
3. Return of the Jedi, Special Edition: Lose Big Ten Championship to Wisconsin. Would be like defeating the Empire, and then having the ghost of Hayden Christianson show up claiming to be your dad.
4. A New Hope, Special Edition: Still the epic you remember, but the beginning is now a disaster ruined by Stormtroopers riding dewbacks and a Jawa falling off a Paraceratherium, and ILM family members wandering around in Halloween costumes. Then there's Han shooting first. Along the way there's a point where Borges decides to use the "Han steps on Jabba" scene, and the result is depressingly worse than it should have been.

Advancystats: FEI says 45 points on Illinois just isn't trying hard enough. The defense had a moderate climb but Michigan dropped badly in offense and overall because those stats are now opponent-adjusted. Enjoy Life has some words for the numbers:

That said, WTF!!!

After a 45-0 drubbing of an admittedly weak Illinois team, FEI blasted the overall rating to #47 (from #24 last week) and pummeled the offense efficiency to #63 (from #40 last week). Defense efficiency improved to #27 (from #33 last week).

A Box Score's Gooey Insides: The carnage isn't as gruesome when reduced to statistics, but I still wouldn't recommend letting children under the age of 11 see the Illini's final passing totals.

Etc. Chris of Unborked Logic has brought back Moving Picture Pages. Whoever the mystery person is who gave their idea for this week's Blockhams should have had the socks turn out to be kind of sticky, and then show Denard losing his shoes right and left on TV.

[After LE JUMP, MGoHalloween costumes, free indoor club seats to two lucky readers, and tinfoil Sparty hats are for realz!]

Best of the Board

WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE ARE WE DELIVERING TO THE KIDS?

This is so snotty arrogant Michigan, why aren't the VARSITY playrs waring the GREEN AND WHITE helmets b/c MICHIGAN STATE OWNS MICHIGAN 4 MOAR YEERS!!! /sparta. It's on both sides of the ball, since that's what the different color (regular practice)jerseys mean. If it means getting the players more amped up for the game we have to win for the sake of the state from lake to shining lake, pro. If it means spitting bird poop at our backups' heads in order to recreate the gameday experience of Ohio State that may be pushing it.

BEST. NAMES. EVAH.

Jackmerius Tachteritrix, Michigan State University

Before he ended his George McFly syndrome by working for a show he's not too smart for, this one writer for Key & Peele had a blog called Alternate 1985. He didn't know an option from a field goal but all three of his fans seemed to constantly digress into the footbawl on his message board. I like to think of this video as our reward, although Southfield-born Key probably came up with it.

I mention it because it appeared in a thread about the goofiest names in college football, which I was so ready for one of these again.

THE BIG TEN(NNN!): BAD AT THE THINGS WE DON'T EVER DO

THIS GUY WANTS TO GIVE YOU FREE TICKETS TO HIS CLUB SEATS

Wot it says on the tin. Most deserving bid gets it. My plea: I blog for you like all the time, and I promise to sneak in two Mott children stacked on top of each other inside a large cloak. The one on top will have a mustache so nobody will know it's a kid. Trust me, I've seen this work.

If you don't win, we just got our new ticket affiliate program set up. Buy your tickets from this button:

…(it'll be up on the site soon enough) and the blog gets a small share. That goes for like World Series tickets too. We like these guys because they don't tack on lots of fees—you will have to pay shipping usually but otherwise the price it says is the price.

MARRY ME Dorrr..something!

Click: band guy makes big. She said yes, with the stipulation that he puts a roof over her head double-time.

MY WIFE'S FAMILY THINKS I HATE THIS HOLIDAY

Illinois 2009 and Penn State 2010 ruined my two chances to roll the Spartan Jailbird costume at the (MSU-infested) in-laws' annual party. It's MGoTradition: a thread about Michigan-themed Halloween costumes. Party this year is on Saturday night so I need ideas. And a win. Oh Bo in heaven I need a win.

FAMILY VIDEOS

In an effort to divert the board's attention back to the sibling at hand, Hurricane posted some video of Michigan-Michigan State Plays: The Wet Willie Years.

THE CASE FOR IOWA WINNING THE B1G…don't lau

BWWWWAAAHHohahahahahahahaahahahhhhahahah. Lall.

ETC. Mostly recycled Sparty MS Paints. If you'd like a bit of light reading, check out the list of all guys to transfer to Michigan since at least '96. Robert Service poetry reading. 45-0 and well over freezing does not get a badge.

Your Moment of Zen: