Dear Diary is Closed Captioned Comment Count

Seth

The name of the year bracket is out and I just don't know you guys, there are so many good ones. We've known for 17 years that Charity Sunshine Tilleman-Dick would be a top contender in this year's draft, but not that Littice Bacon-Blood, Dr. Wallop Promthong, Mussolino Africano, Manmeet Colon, Flavious Coffee, Understanding Bush, Reverent Pierrebatista Pizzaballa, Infinite Grover, Amanda Miranda Panda, and Cherries Waffles Tennis would all be coming out this year. Charity is just a 13-seed. The MSU guard they call "Tum Tum" is a 15-seed and entered by his given name, Lourawls Nairn Jr.; apparently someone agrees with me that a nickname like "Tum Tum" need not be wasted on a guy already named Lourawls. I vote we make them give it to Trice. Tum Tum Trice. All in favor?

Sadly Michigan is again unrepresented, the once-mighty program with the all-Ron Swanson-approved front seven reduced to a spattering of boring last-names-that-coud-be-first-names.* However after last night we may ourselves have a write-in candidate:

saucecastillo

It's Canadian for extremely sharp triple-dip salsa.

Meet Sauce Castillo, the accidental nickname for Nick Stauskas. I am old enough to remember a time when hilarious captioning mistakes were merely legends you prayed someone else at school saw the next day, not immediately screencapped, spread to every person who might be interested, meme'd,

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and slapped on a t-shirt you could order immediately:

2KPoQX9LdTlRQp4lBJwyUAlfi7jqdOYDR65eQi9TeJg_1024x1024

Since the internet, Mr. Castillo. I remember the days before it, and those days were less fun than these days.

Side Note: Never, and I repeat: NEVER say "Nik Stauskas" into Siri. She will translate it as "skip chapter" and not only jump you to the next one on your audiobook, but you can never go back! It is skipped forever!

* [So many first name last names: Brady Hoke, Dave Brandon, Desmond Morgan, Drake Harris, Shane Morris, James Ross, Jarrod Wilson, Jeremy Clark, Ty Isaac, Mason Cole, Willie Henry, Kenny Allen, Zak Irvin, Cutler Martin, Alex Kile, Evan Allen, Megan Betsa,…can you think of more?]

[After the jump, the other two in the 2015 Big Two Little Twelve is a team from Michigan (NTTFM)]

Helpful to me, Big Daddy to you. So we're writing HTTV stuff right now and I drew the MSU preview, a job that got considerably easier when Diary All Star alumn96 decided he would do my job for me! A quick positional breakdown:

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Unless Ohio State names a starter before then, this guy is going first overall in the next Draftageddon. [Upchurch]
  • QB: They're fine.
  • RB: Once they dismiss/forget about some gun charges they have a guy
  • FB/TE: Deep
  • WR: Same group of questionable suspects; surest thing has same except amplified legal issues as Glasgow, however Dantonio is on the low end of disciplinary coaches so expect Kings back long before Michigan.
  • OL: Best in State memory
  • DE: Calhoun back, but easier to attack the other edge with Rush graduated
  • DT: Big Heath and two five-stars (one of whom is living up to expectations) and loaded RS freshman group.
  • LB: I didn't get enough credit for drafting Ed Davis last year. Next Bullough up
  • S: Would be worse if Michigan had offered Montae. It's him and either a transfer or the guy they benched last year.
  • CB: Waynes is gone and remember Lippett was starting here. They need to find two guys, and probably will
  • ST: Not covered but weird Geiger regression last year.

MSU is a top ten team next year, and perhaps the only one other than Ohio State I'd include in a preseason top 25 (holding off on Wisconsin until they have a quarterback). It's big two little twelve out there until/if the Harbaugh and Franklin projects yield.

To be dumped in the next gargantuan minor violations report. Every year Ohio State sends the NCAA a list of secondary violations that could easily be mistaken for the federal budget, and since these violations are all rather silly to begin with a few people have a tizzy and some Bucks get overly defensive, and it blows over. Here's one that will probably make Subsection B of Article 74 in Book 18 of Vol. 9 as recorded in Liber 117 of Plats, Page 30,412 of the Ohio State Secondary Violations Report of 2015:

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That's Braxton Miller with Brandon Oshodin, owner of a Columbus-based downline distributor arm for a pyramind schemey nutrition supplements company (a name-sponsor for one of the sillier bowl games), which Miller is apparently working for.

Recommended outrage: 5% bad companies selling junk products using the Amway model, 94% the NCAA won't allow players to do this sort of thing even if it's part of the side job he's working because he's not allowed to have enough cash to live like 99% of college students, and 1% that the rival is the only team on this side of the Ohio River that's apparently exempt from an unjust and stupid rule.

Etc. Softball outscored Ohio State 46-2 in two games, so there. FTR today's game against Iowa has been postponed due to weather so there'll be a doubleheader tomorrow.

Your Moment of Zen:

One more week till football-like substance.

Comments

Stay.Classy.An…

March 27th, 2015 at 10:45 AM ^

Does he know that this is the fitness equivalent of selling Mary-Kay products? I literally didn't know men actually sold this stuff. This is not going to look good for his continued street-cred....

 

BlueKoj

March 27th, 2015 at 10:59 AM ^

Re: MSU...this WR summary doesn't mention Lippet's loss. That's bigger than his loss at CB, IMO, and should be the first line of any 2015 WR Sparty preview (and was in the actual diary).

west2

March 27th, 2015 at 11:30 AM ^

bracketology to root for (only against) or frozen 4 in the game it really is the off season.  I found the comment about the big two (the two being sparty and bucky) and little 12 quite sobering and a reminder of how disappointing the past 7-8 football seasons have been.   But to that I say, it is the dawn of a new day and not a matter of if Michigan becomes one of the big two or three, but when!  

Blue_Masshole

March 27th, 2015 at 11:34 AM ^

exactly how does MSU get away with the lack of discipline? I mean the Braxton Miller thing is just weird, not even mad about it... but kids actually committing crimes, being put in jail... I don't understand how Dantonio has the power to let it slide. shouldn't someone higher up in the school or even the NCAA have the ability to say "no, that is not ok, he is going to be punished worse" ?

 

Side note, I know there is a position like this, I just wanted to act-the-fool to point out how odd it seems that no one is intervening to offset the "Ole!" / revolving door that is Mark Dantonio

JOHNNAVARREISMYHERO

March 27th, 2015 at 11:52 AM ^

The school uses its irrelevance nationally in these type of spots.    That card is played whenever its convenient.

The local media certainly won't call them out because it too is a joke.

While people continually harped on the Gibbons thing, they had their own thing (Payne and Appling - that conveniently got little coverage).    Taking no action and hiding it hides the problem.  Both guys should have been expelled from the school.  

Remember the Denard neck twist - their program and AD did nothing until the Big Ten finally stepped in and suspended the prick that did it.  

Blue_Masshole

March 27th, 2015 at 2:05 PM ^

yea I know, but I mean even people who don't care about the rivalry (see: my entire family) know that it's complete shit. I just don't get how the NCAA or big ten doesn't do something about it more often. Just baffles me that people can be so wrapped up in some minor recruiting violations or video games that things like rape, domestic abuse, and assault/battery can just be ignored. We all know MSU is lax on their standards for what makes someone a decent human being, but cmon now

Esterhaus

March 27th, 2015 at 12:09 PM ^

Pronounced "Saucy Ca'ti-yo," has inspired me to found a chain of restaurants. Currently we have no recipes but damn if the branding doesn't sizzle. Our first ten customers will receive the t-shirt free. Locations and adult menu to be announced soon.

Muttley

March 27th, 2015 at 1:04 PM ^

Unfortunately, the only clip I could find of this commercial (from ~20 years ago) says "Five Brothers...One Passion", but I remember "Five Brothers...One Sauce".

Seth

March 29th, 2015 at 12:40 AM ^

1. play video in browser

2. hit "print screen" when it gets to a part with the captioning

3. hit "paste" in image software

4. crop the rest of my screen including 90 articles I've been planning to read dating back to last fall (I PROMISE I'LL GET TO THEM EVENTUALLY GRANTLAND!)

5. Drag image file onto mgoserver in filezilla.

Son of Lloyd Brady

March 27th, 2015 at 2:46 PM ^

"Never, and I repeat: NEVER say "Nik Stauskas" into Siri."

I immediately said Nik Stauskas into Siri. She came up with "Nick Stauss Kids" and proceeded to tell me these children were in fact not in my contacts.