WELP. When you're a four point dog to Rutgers it's time to start keeping an eye on potential new head coaches.

Pipedreams

Jim Harbaugh, John Harbaugh, Kevin Sumlin, and various others are not discussed because you know who those people are and it's unlikely Michigan secures them. They're passed over primarily because they're obviously desirable. You don't need to be told Jim Harbaugh seems like a good idea.

Too old

It's not worth the risk to hire anyone approaching retirement except in very specific circumstances like "this is the only head coach we've ever been any good under"—looking at you, Kansas State. So out go David Cutcliffe (60), Mike Riley (61), Gary Pinkel (62), and, uh, Kirk Ferentz (59), because it would be ULTIMATE MICHIGAN to go after Kirk Ferentz. I'd take Art Briles in a hot second even though he's 58, but he's also lumped in here or pipedreams since he seems impossible to pry out of Waco. 61-year-old Les Miles is also in this group. If he had a time, it was 2007. I'm not saying there's no chance… but there isn't much of one. And you already know all about him anyway.

Gentlemen of note, then.

Power 5 Head Coaches

Look before we name a name you're going to be all like "oh what if Michigan is a poor cultural fit with the spread shouldn't we go get a pro-style guy or something"… there just aren't many to consider. I included the obvious guy.

DAN MULLEN, MISSISSIPPI STATE

BASICS: 40-28 in his sixth season in Starkville. SEC record 17-24, which is actually rather good for a Bulldogs head coach. Was Urban Meyer's OC before that, and his QB coach at BGSU and Utah. 42.

PROS: Turned previously inept MSU into decent program. Young. High level experience in recruiting wars and as national-championship-level OC.

CONS: Has acquired a great deal of his wins against tomato-can laden nonconference schedule and still struggles to win half his SEC games. Reaction to recent suspension of starting OL for multiple in-game stomping incidents was from the Dave Brandon school of PR.

OVERALL: Desirability on a knife edge right now. If he follows up LSU win with season that sees Mississippi State end up a solid top 25 program he will be a hot name. Slip down to the 7/8 win level he's been at and it's questionable.

MIKE GUNDY, OKLAHOMA STATE

BASICS: Is a man. Is 47. In his tenth season at Okie State, 80-39 record with one Big Twelve championship and Fiesta Bowl win; two other ten-win seasons. Before that was Les Miles's OC.

PROS: Good coach who can insert any sentient being at quarterback and see that guy/spaceplant pass for 300 yards. Young for a guy with a decade as a head coach. Knows what he wants his program to be.

CONS: Availability questionable. Is currently at alma mater and has T. Boone backing him. Last time Michigan pried a dude away from his alma mater things went poorly, partially because of the reputation a man acquires when he leaves his home base. May not have left Oklahoma except for road games in 30 years.

OVERALL: If you can get him, hell yes. Probably can't get him.

[After THE JUMP: the last manball unicorn]

TODD GRAHAM, ARIZONA STATE

BASICS: Been a head coach since 2006 at four different stops including one-year stints at Rice and Pitt. Had three ten-win seasons with Tulsa, guided ASU to a 10-4 season with an 8-1 Pac 12 record last year. 21-10 so far in his career. Before that was the DC at Tulsa. 49.

PROS: Successful everywhere he's been that he was at for more than a year. Despite defensive orientation, runs effective, high tempo offenses.

CONS: Wears Britney Spears mic on sidelines. Inveterate job-hopper. Bad haircut.

OVERALL: Bo would die again if Michigan had a guy with that mic.

DAVID SHAW, STANFORD

BASICS: 37-8 in three years as Stanford's head coach with three BCS appearances. was Harbaugh's OC for four years prior to that and his WR/QB coach at San Diego. Before that was an NFL assistant with the Raiders and Ravens. 42. Seems poachable what with Stanford's attendance struggles and his relatively modest salary.

PROS: The last manball unicorn. Literally the only successful pro-style college head coach who might be available. Great record, has plenty of experience coping with spread offenses, and in year four concerns that he's just riding Harbaugh's coattails are minimal. Operates in high academic environment; already proficient at selling the kind of guys who want to go to Michigan.

CONS: Punted from his own 29 in the midst of dominating USC and still losing to them, a Lloyd Carr callback I would prefer not to relive. Stanford alum experiencing great success at his alma mater, remember last time we poached guy from alma mater, etc.

OVERALL: Despite the punting thing and the boggling USC loss would be a hire that checks every last box. I'd live with the offense, assuming he could in fact implement it.

BUTCH JONES, TENNESSEE

BASICS: Took over for Brian Kelly when he left CMU for Cincinnati, then took over for Brian Kelly when he left Cincinnati for Notre Dame. Improved both of those programs, with CMU having an undefeated MAC season en route to a 11-2 record and taking Cincinnati to two Big East Championships. 5-7 in his first year at Tennessee, currently 2-2. 46.

PROS: Age. Michigan native. Good amount of experience at places that are not naturally successful. Seems to have made Tennessee a lot better this year—they just about beat Georgia.

CONS: RR/Kelly associations may poison well both ways. Leaving Tennessee after two years would be a hard sell. Vols could match any offer.

OVERALL: If he is amenable to courting, I would court. Relying on M's historical place in the firmament over Tennessee's somewhat more dubious place in the cutthroat SEC to do so.

KEVIN WILSON, INDIANA

BASICS: Longtime OC at Miami (Not That Miami), Northwestern, and Oklahoma got the Indiana job in 2011. After 1-11 opener has turned IU into a chaos team that can win or lose any game with their lightning speed offense and horrendous defense. 52.

PROS: Indiana's offense.

CONS: Indiana's defense.

OVERALL: I'm not seeing it. Offense is pretty gimmicky, hasn't actually gotten to a bowl game. While I'm usually skeptical of arguments that the things that happen when your defense is off the field have a major impact on it, the extreme tempo that Indiana uses to be competitive is an exception.

OTHERS

NW's Pat Fitzgerald seemed more attractive four years ago. So did TCU's Gary Patterson. If Paul Chryst could actually put together a nice season for Pitt he'd be a guy to look at, but he hasn't so far. Randy Edsall might not be the worst idea in the world and how depressing is that? Al Golden might get sick of Miami, but his tenure so far isn't amazing. If Gary Andersen's amenable I'm interested; don't think that's likely. Oregon's Mark Helfrich is only paid 1.8 million dollars so Michigan could sniff around to secure him a nice raise. Bret Bielema… nevermind.

*shudders*