Home
i'm an actor, not a reactor

Primary links

  • About
    • $upport (lol)
    • Ethics
    • FAQ
    • Glossary
    • Privacy Policy
  • Contact
  • MGoStore
    • Hail to Old Blue
  • MGoBoard
    • MGoBoard FAQ
    • Michigan bar locator
    • Moderator Action Sticky
  • Useful Stuff
    • Depth Chart By Class
    • Hoops Depth Chart by Class
    • 2017 Recruiting Board
    • Unofficial Two Deep
    • MGoFlickr
    • Diaries, Windows Live Writer, And You
    • User-Curated HOF
    • Where To Eat In Ann Arbor
  • Schedule/Tix
    • Future Schedules (wiki)
    • Ticket spreadsheet
Home

Navigation

  • Forums
  • Recent posts

User login

  • Create new account
  • Request new password

MGoElsewhere

  • @MGoBlog (Brian)
  • @aceanbender
  • @Misopogon (Seth)
  • @Aeschnepp (Adam)
  • @BISB
  • @EUpchurchPhoto
  • @FullOfTwitt (Fuller)
  • Hail to the Victors 2016
  • MGoFacebook
  • MGoPodcast
  • WTKA
  • Instagram

Michigan Blogs

  • Big House Blog
  • Burgeoning Wolverine Star
  • Genuinely Sarcastic
  • Go Blue Michigan Wolverine
  • Holdin' The Rope
  • MVictors
  • Maize 'n' Blue Nation
  • Maize 'n' Brew
  • Maize And Go Blue
  • Michigan Hockey Net
  • MMMGoBlueBBQ
  • The Blog That Yost Built
  • The Hoover Street Rag
  • The M Zone
  • Touch The Banner
  • UMGoBlog
  • UMHoops
  • UMTailgate
  • Wolverine Liberation Army

M On The Net

  • mgovideo
  • MGoBlue.com
  • Mike DeSimone
  • Recruiting Planet
  • The Wolverine
  • Go Blue Wolverine
  • Winged Helmet
  • UMGoBlue.com
  • MaizeRage.org
  • Puckhead
  • The M Den
  • True Blue Fan Forum

Big Ten Blogs

  • Illinois
    • Illinois Loyalty
    • Illinois Baseball Report
  • Indiana
    • Inside The Hall
    • The Crimson Quarry
  • Iowa
    • Black Heart, Gold Pants
    • Fight For Iowa
  • Michigan State
    • The Only Colors
  • Minnesota
    • GopherHole.com
    • The Daily Gopher
  • Nebraska
    • Corn Nation
    • Husker Max
    • Husker Mike's Blasphemy
    • Husker Gameday
  • Northwestern
    • Sippin' On Purple
    • Lake The Posts
  • Notre Dame
    • The House Rock Built
    • One Foot Down
  • Ohio State
    • Eleven Warriors
    • Buckeye Commentary
    • Men of the Scarlet and Gray
    • Our Honor Defend
    • The Buckeye Nine
  • Penn State
    • Slow States
    • Black Shoe Diaries
    • Happy Valley Hardball
    • Penn State Clips
    • Linebacker U
    • Nittany White Out
  • Purdue
    • Boiled Sports
    • Hammer and Rails
  • Wisconsin
    • Bruce Ciskie

Links of Note

  • Baseball
    • College Baseball Today
    • The College Baseball Blog
  • Basketball
    • Ken Pomeroy
    • Hoop Math
    • John Gasaway
    • Luke Winn/Sports Illustrated
  • College Hockey
    • Chris Heisenberg (Class of 2016)
    • College Hockey Stats
    • Michigan College Hockey
    • Hockey's Future
    • Sioux Sports
    • USCHO
  • Football
    • Smart Football
    • Every Day Should Be Saturday
    • Matt Hinton/Grantland
    • Football Study Hall
    • Football Outsiders
    • Harold Stassen
    • NCAA D-I Stats Page
    • The Wizard Of Odds
    • CFB Stats
  • General
    • Sports Central
  • Local Interest
    • The Ann Arbor Chronicle
    • Arborwiki
    • Arbor Update
    • Ann Arbor Observer
    • Teeter Talk
    • Vacuum
  • Teams Of The D
    • Lions
      • Pride of Detroit
    • Pistons
      • Detroit Bad Boys
      • Need4Sheed
    • Tigers
      • Roar Of The Tigers
      • Bless You Boys
      • The Daily Fungo
      • The Detroit Tigers Weblog
    • Red Wings
      • Winging It In Motown
      • On The Wings
    • Michigan Sports Forum

Beveled Guilt

Site Search

Diaries

  • New
  • Popular
  • Hot
  • Thirteen unlucky minutes (TL;DNR-This is a bit of rant about the refs)
    docwhoblocked - 2 weeks ago
  • Fan Satisfaction Index End of Season Bball Survey
    OneFootIn - 2 weeks ago
  • How likely are we to revert to the mean?
    Bo Glue - 2 weeks ago
  • It's time to avenge Villanova's 1985 NCAA tourney upset over Michigan
    Communist Football - 2 weeks ago
  • 14 Months Ago: The Fire Beilein Threads.
    stephenrjking - 3 weeks ago
  •  
  • 1 of 2
  • ››
more
  • This Month in MGoBlog History - March 2008: Pryor isn't coming, Boren has left, and some academic fraud allegations sprinkled in
    Maize.Blue Wagner - 215 comments
  • The Ballad of Jordan Poole
    k.o.k.Law - 176 comments
  • 14 Months Ago: The Fire Beilein Threads.
    stephenrjking - 91 comments
  • PreSpring Football updates from Sam Webb
    AZBlue - 90 comments
  • Thirteen unlucky minutes (TL;DNR-This is a bit of rant about the refs)
    docwhoblocked - 60 comments
  •  
  • 1 of 2
  • ››
more

MGoBoard

  • New
  • Recent
  • Hot
  • Auston Robertson arrested again
    12 replies
  • Michigan announces single-game ticket prices for 2018 football season
    16 replies
  • 2018-19 Michigan Basketball B1G slate announced
    38 replies
  • Final 247 Basketball rankings published
    36 replies
  • Any news on Grant Newsome?
    64 replies
  • Karsen Barnhart - did we cool on him?
    84 replies
  • HELP WANTED! I'm moving to Chicago for school and I need good haunts to watch football/basketball games. Recommendations?
    46 replies
  • Angelique on Patterson Transfer
    51 replies
  • CBS Sports: Shea Patterson details scope of Ole Miss deception in lengthy letter to Michigan
    38 replies
  • OT: NFL Schedule Release
    12 replies
  • OT: Gregg Popovich's wife Erin dead at 67
    22 replies
  • Belleville coach Jermain Crowell mad at UM again
    228 replies
  • Q&A with FB Ben VanSumeren--Video
    8 replies
  • "Being Not-Rich at UM" Guide
    165 replies
  • Apparently, the NCAA has already received a response from MSU about Nassar
    61 replies
  •  
  • 1 of 7
  • ››
  • OT: MSU digs hole deeper, Engler adviser: Nassar survivor's claims of payout 'fake news'
    106 replies
  • OT: RIP Bruno Sammartino
    16 replies
  • Michigan players on the Amazon series
    67 replies
  • NCAA changes rules to restrict James Doug Foug's super power
    106 replies
  • How Many Football Games Will Michigan Win This Year? (Poll)
    167 replies
  • Way OT: NYC poop sitting on a train in Alabama
    78 replies
  • OT: Sparty considering bringing back Reschke...
    74 replies
  • Whats the Best Way to Make Flight Arrangements?
    149 replies
  • Q&A with FB Ben VanSumeren--Video
    8 replies
  • ESPN very kind to U-M in latest bball recruiting rankings
    69 replies
  • Why should we be optimistic about 2018 M football?
    273 replies
  • BBall Recruiting - New 2019 Target/EM Top 100 Wing Jae'lyn Withers
    20 replies
  • OT - Question for mgoScientists on a quiet night
    73 replies
  • Potential basketball transfers. Out of the running for Matt Mooney, but in for Dachon Burke?
    46 replies
  • Police investigating Elysee Mbem-Bosse for death threat against Harbaugh
    224 replies
  • ‹‹
  • 2 of 7
  • ››
  • Why should we be optimistic about 2018 M football?
    273 replies
  • Belleville coach Jermain Crowell mad at UM again
    228 replies
  • Police investigating Elysee Mbem-Bosse for death threat against Harbaugh
    224 replies
  • Speight to UCLA
    172 replies
  • How Many Football Games Will Michigan Win This Year? (Poll)
    167 replies
  • "Being Not-Rich at UM" Guide
    165 replies
  • Buckle Up
    159 replies
  • Scouting the Enemy: Ohio State QBs are Good
    158 replies
  • Semi-OT: What sports would you fix?
    158 replies
  • Elysee Mbem-Bosse disturbing tweets
    157 replies
  • Whats the Best Way to Make Flight Arrangements?
    149 replies
  • Wagner to NBA
    141 replies
  • Urban Meyer throws more shade at Michigan
    141 replies
  • FB new Nutrition plan under Herbert is well received by players
    132 replies
  • Today’s MSU outrage Apparently Engler has attempted to bypass the victims attorneys
    130 replies
  •  
  • 1 of 7
  • ››

Support MGoBlog: buy stuff at Amazon

The Big Rodriguez

By Brian — November 3rd, 2008 at 4:10 PM — 26 comments
Filed under:
  • bill martin
  • joepa-style joke conversations
  • lloyd carr
  • mike gittleson
  • stolen ideas
  • the big lebowski

This post owes much to Black Heart, Gold Pants and The Big Lebowski. It also contains swears, because the Big Lebowksi does.

brian_cook

I am enjoying this beverage.

 

 

lloyd-carr

Into the limo, you sonofabitch, no arguments.

 

 

brian_cook

Hey, there's a beverage here!

 

 

INSIDE

Brian is shoved in and awkwardly takes a seat facing the rear. The door is slammed behind him.

bill-martin

Start talking and talk fast, you lousy bum!

 

 

lebowski_simour_1

We've been frantically trying to reach you, EBay.

 

 

bill-martin

  Where are my goddamn wins, you bum?

 

 

brian_cook

Well… we, I don't…

 

 

bill-martin

They did not receive the wins, you nitwit! They did not receive the goddamn wins. OUR STREAK WAS IN YOUR HANDS.

 

 

lebowski_simour_1

This is our concern, EBay.

 

 

brian_cook

No, man… nothing is fucked here, just…

 

 

bill-martin

NOTHING IS FUCKED? THE GODDAMN PLANE HAS CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAIN.

 

brian_cook

Come on, man, just give it some time. We'll get the wins, it'll just take some time.

 

bill-martin

WE?

 

 

brian_cook

I—the royal we, you know, the fan we—he'll get the wins, exactly as specified—look, I've got certain information. Certain things have come to light, and, uh, has it ever occurred to you that instead of running around blaming Rich that this whole thing might just be, not, you know just such a simple, but uh—you know?

bill-martin

What in God's holy name are you blathering about?

 

 

brian_cook

I'll tell you what I'm blathering about! I got information—new shit has come to light—and, shit, man… we started a walk-on at quarterback!

 

bill-martin

   … …

 

 

brian_cook

Well, sure, look at it! Ridiculously young offense, gives turnovers all over town, including to known Domers—and that's cool, that's cool—but I'm saying, he needs time, and of course they're going to say he doesn't need any because they gotta feed the monkey—I mean, hasn't that ever occurred to you? Sir?

bill-martin

No. No, Mr. EBays, that had not occurred to me.

 

 

brian_cook

Well, okay, you're not privy to all the new shit, so, uh, you know, that's what you read me for. Speaking of, would it be possible to get some comped Rose Bowl tickets? I'm just worried with the demand and all…

 

bill-martin

Brandt, give him the envelope.

 

 

brian_cook

Well, okay, if you've got them right here.

 

 

lebowski_simour_1

We received it this morning.

 

 

bill-martin

Since you have failed to achieve, even on the modest EBay that is your site, since you have stolen my wins, and since you have unrepentantly betrayed my trust…

 

brian_cook

 

[opens envelope, looks inside]

 

george-perles

DEAR MICHIGAN FOOTBALL PROGRAM,

It is our deepest regret to inform you that you are not qualified to take on the third-place MAC team in Detroit. We are probably going with Wofford instead.

Sincerely,

motor-city

bill-martin

…I have no choice but to tell these EBay bums that they should do whatever is necessary to recover their bowl streak from you, Brian of EBay. And with Brandt as my witness, tell you this: any further harm visited on my program will be visited tenfold upon your head.

By God, sir, I will not abide another Motor City Bowl rejection letter.

INT. COFFEE SHOP

The EBay and Michael sit at the counter, both staring off into space, both absently stirring their coffee with little clinking noises.

fbl-coach-gittleson_90

You want a bowl? I can get you a bowl. There are ways, EBay, you don't want to know about it.

 

 

brian_cook

Do they involve eating two large pizzas every night?

 

 

fbl-coach-gittleson_90

Goddamn right.

 

 

brian_cook

Goodbye, Gittleson.

  • Login or register to post comments

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:30 PM
#2
Rush N Attack
Rush N Attack's picture
Joined: 07/07/2008
MGoPoints: 556
Wow.

I believe this conversation actually took place. If you don't believe it did, I will fight you in an alley.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:31 PM
#3
Chrisgocomment
Chrisgocomment's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1143
This is great Brian, a

This is great Brian, a little humor goes a long way this year!

I especially enjoyed Martin referring to you as "EBays".

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:40 PM
#4
The Squid
The Squid's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 310
Dude. This is all sorts of

Dude. This is all sorts of awesome.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:44 PM
#5
poguemahone
poguemahone's picture
Joined: 07/01/2008
MGoPoints: 352
Ooh boy

I can't wait until e-mail, internets, rap music, and those damn kids today with their Dan Fogelberg and pac-man video games get involved.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:22 PM
#6
baleedat
baleedat's picture
Joined: 07/10/2008
MGoPoints: 272
That's Gittleson?!  Dude

That's Gittleson?!  The guy looks like he was up all night blowin lines with a $20 whore.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:53 PM
#7
tdeshetler
tdeshetler's picture
Joined: 07/23/2008
MGoPoints: 447
Mike is a long haired

Mike is a long haired hippie?  FUCK! 

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:04 PM
#8
JeremyB
JeremyB's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 827
At the conclusion of the

At the conclusion of the Toledo game, I texted my friend "the god damned plane has crashed into the mountain." Glad we're on the same page here.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:04 PM
#9
Coloblue
Joined: 11/03/2008
MGoPoints: 24
Loving Michigan

Good stuff, Brian.  The best thing about your blog is that it is sane - and pretty damned funny from time to time.

I take a back seat to no one in my love for Michigan, although I think I'm on a pretty crowded seat.  I want it to be the best in all dimensions, school by school, team by team and, for present purposes, fan by fan.

RichRod came from a place where the fans didn't and don't have the self confidence to look either forward or inward.  The ones that went public looked insane - right up to the governor.  We don't want to be like them or like their insane cousins in Columbus or any other school that can't win with at least a little dignity and lose with at least a little grace.

Coach Rich is going to coach Michigan for a long time, and he's going to win for a long time.  He's off to a shitty start.  Tough.  Look at the quality of the man (high) and the nature of the challenge (large).  We could go on losing 3-5 games a year forever, go to bowls on that basis, have a long future of "winning" seasons.  We already decided we didn't want that.  Everything had to change.  This is part of it.

Again, Brian, thanks for your considerable contribution to sanity and at least a little dignity in a tough situation.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:07 PM
#10
xcommunicant
Joined: 07/10/2008
MGoPoints: 1
Dude, thanks, really needed

Dude, thanks, really needed the laugh. 

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:08 PM
#11
Jim Harbaugh Sc...
Jim Harbaugh Scramble's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 565
Awesome

.

 

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:14 PM
#12
medals
medals's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 545
Nothing is f*cked here, dude.

Come on, we're all being very un-dude.  They'll be back.

Walter Sobchak:  Great (fictional) Amercain or Greatest (fictional) American?

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:29 PM
#13
S.G. Rice
S.G. Rice's picture
Joined: 07/18/2008
MGoPoints: 1739
wat

wat

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 6:41 PM
#14
Jill
Jill's picture
Joined: 07/02/2008
MGoPoints: 181
Brilliant!

 

* * * * *  5 star performer. Thanks!

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 6:43 PM
#15
Glen Masons Hot Wife
Glen Masons Hot Wife's picture
Joined: 07/02/2008
MGoPoints: 2915
Genius.

Genius.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 6:46 PM
#16
Other Andrew
Other Andrew's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1854
Oh, please, dear?

For your information, the supreme court has roundly rejected prior restraint. This issue affects all of us, man! Well. Fine. I'm stayin'... Finishin' my pizzas.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 9:07 PM
#17
BleedingBlue
BleedingBlue's picture
Joined: 07/25/2008
MGoPoints: 2129
Love it

This is not Nam Walter. This is Football.  There are Rules.

The Rodriguez is not the issue.

Mark it zero Dude.

Bubba! You're out of your element!

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 8:52 PM
#18
harmon98
harmon98's picture
Joined: 07/24/2008
MGoPoints: 8274
bravo

Nice marmot.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 11:59 PM
#19
jeag
jeag's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 586
...Rich Roderino, if you're

...Rich Roderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing?

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 9:21 PM
#20
joedafan
Joined: 10/17/2008
MGoPoints: 169
One suggestion:

Jim Brandstetter's picture instead of PSH.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 3rd, 2008 at 11:07 PM
#21
STW P. Brabbs
Joined: 08/27/2008
MGoPoints: 3372
Say what you will of the

Say what you will of the tenets of Ron English's 3-3-5 stack - at least's it's an ethos.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 4th, 2008 at 1:08 AM
#22
Coach
Joined: 08/31/2008
MGoPoints: 78
"I am enjoying this beverage"

Made my day, man.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 4th, 2008 at 1:10 AM
#23
Md23Rewls
Md23Rewls's picture
Joined: 07/01/2008
MGoPoints: 872
I feel hopelessly lost in the

I feel hopelessly lost in the Big Lebowski quote fest. Rules and regulations and mark it zero have been taken and I can't work in a rug tying the room together joke. I really need to see a DVD version of the movie instead of the cable cut.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 4th, 2008 at 10:22 AM
(Reply to #23) #24
chitownblue (not verified)
Goddamit, SJUBlue, you're

Goddamit, SJUBlue, you're out of your fucking element.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 4th, 2008 at 8:36 AM
#25
OzWolverine
Joined: 11/04/2008
MGoPoints: 0
Thumbs Up

Michigan Football and The Big Lebowski...how to combine two of my favourite things....

 

"That Rod really tied the room together"

"The man in the red sweater vest, a worthy F'n adversary"

"My only hope is the big Rodriguez kills me before the Buckeyes cut my dick off"

 

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 4th, 2008 at 3:26 PM
(Reply to #24) #26
Chrisgocomment
Chrisgocomment's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1143
Tressel is such a nihilist.

Tressel is such a nihilist.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
November 4th, 2008 at 12:03 PM
#27
ReadYourGuard
ReadYourGuard's picture
Joined: 08/21/2008
MGoPoints: 33679
I'll have a sasparillo.

I'll have a sasparillo.

Top
  • Login or register to post comments
Powered by Drupal, an open source content management system
Theme provided by Roopletheme; sidebars adapted from Chris Murphy.