Ask Rutgers Athletic Director Julie Herrmann
![Julie_Hermann[1]](https://mgoblog.com/sites/mgoblog.com/files/images/d25a7d27a113_A061/Julie_Hermann1.jpg "Julie_Hermann[1]")
Ask Rutgers Athletic Director Julie Herrmann is a syndicated column found in newspapers across the country. Universal Syndication, Inc., is not responsible for the content, opinions, punctuation, or ethics espoused in this column. Ask Rutgers Athletic Director Julie Herrmann should not be relied upon for advice. She threw volleyballs at us until we let her do this. Please, someone stop her. We need… a hero.
Dear Rutgers Athletic Director Julie Herrmann,
Hi! I'm a journalism student. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I'm ready to take on the world. Where do you think I should apply for a job?
-Go-Getter
GG, I hope you die. I hope you die in a tower of fire a thousand feet tall, writhing in agony as I watch. I'll throw volleyballs at you even though I know they'll be incinerated by the tower of flame before they reach you because I just love throwing volleyballs at people, cackling madly as your body burns to a cinder. You'll smell of crisp pork; I will start salivating involuntarily; after you have vaporized I will go get barbecue.
Good luck in your search.
Dear Rutgers Athletic Director Julie Herrmann,
I seem to be having trouble making my offensive line do anything at all. They just sit there, wondering what to do, and I fear that if they do not improve I will be fired. What's the best way to motivate your charges?
-BH
BH, I've always found that aggressive leadership paves the way to success. If they do not respond to simple commands, taunting people about their probably-very-real learning disabilities inspires action. Nobody wants to be the team Lenny. I assume the pillar of flame is out since you need these people to save your ass, so if that doesn't work try calling them alcoholics and whores. (Note: "whores" is mostly effective against women, so you may want to change it up for men. Try "sea buffalo crack baby," "the Antichrist except stupid," or "Charlie Weis.")
If these motivational tactics don't work, wholesale purges are necessary. My "lawyers" have forced me to cut this paragraph down from 15000 words of detailed instruction, so in lieu of the master plan please just google "Joseph Stalin wiki."
Dear Rutgers Athletic Director Julie Herrmann,
We have experienced a tragedy in our family that has left one of our sons disabled but defiant. An inspiration to all who meet him, we were looking for the best way to publicize his story, so he can live his life as he might have if his legs had not been so cruelly taken from him. Advice?
-Persisting Through Pain, The Parent
PTPTP, I have a terrific idea. As athletic director of Rutgers University I have some not-insignificant pull around here. Why doesn't your son come in and give a commencement speech to our graduates? Great! We are all agreed. Let's just get this contract signed and then…
/yoink
…oh, sorry about that, must have been a gust of wind. Let's just get this contract signed and then…
/yoink
…getting a little impatient here, PTPTP, we're going to have to get this done pretty soon…
/yoink
…HAHAHA he's sooooo slow it's like he doesn't even have a spiiiiine
…
Hey, do you guys want to donate?
Dear Rutgers Athletic Director Julie Herrmann,
I crave your very presence. I need you in my life, Rutgers Athletic Director Julie Herrmann. I need your great giant… demographics. I think about tenderly stroking your skyscrapers. No, Julie, no. Don't tell me about Rutgers. Tell me about the world.
-Certainly Not Jim Delany
I may have some sort of disease that makes me incapable of perceiving the appropriate thing to say in any social situation, CNJD, but even I know enough to not talk about the various accomplishments of Rutgers athletics to someone interested in having Rutgers athletics in their conference.
Dear Rutgers Athletic Director Julie Herrmann,
For years I have been plagued with voices that I know are not real but tell me to do and say unspeakable things to the people around me. I worry that one day I will no longer be able to distinguish reality from fiction and do something terrible, but I also fear that revealing my disease will get me fired from my job and accelerate my downward spiral. What should I do?
-Hearing Voices
HV, I have it on good authority that Rutgers will be looking for a new athletic director soon and you sound like the perfect candidate.
Too soon?
to make Stalinist purge jokes?
Real Tackles Wear 77's dad was Leon Trotsky, okay? It's a sore subject.
I think every day that went by before this post was made it became less and less funny. This was perfectly timed, imo.
Charlie . you think Carmen `s postlng is impossible... on sunday I bought Aston Martin DB5 since getting a cheque for $9629 this past five weeks and-a little over, 10-k this past-month . it's definitly the best job I've had . I began this nine months/ago and pretty much immediately began to bring home over $87, p/h . read review ...................... www.works7.com
I'm so glad we have DB...!
I agree to an extent, though still not happy with DB.
It's complicated.... No?..
Taste that Midwestern Tradition - now in NYC and DC!
Rutgers Athletics - Because even Penn State alumni need somebody to make fun of.
Did you only obtain your position because of your demographics, as opposed to your credentials?
Actually, don't answer that.
How Julie Hermann runs her athletic department:
Aside from the original pain of having to go to Rutgers, the school has been nothing but national news punchline for probably 2+ years now.
That basketball coach scandal plus every dumb thing that's happened since Herrmann got hired. If this was happening at Michigan I'd be embarassed
how she continues to draw a paycheck is beyond me. she must have the goods on someone.
Big Ten?
At least BTN is still on the top tier for Cablevision and we get to play Rutgers and Maryland for the foreseeable future.
I actually didn't know about the latest when I read this. My thought process was roughly:
"Wow, must be a slow day, but its always funny to pick on Rutgers. I mean, it’s not like they screwed up again! Wait . . . what is that on the MGo Board?" Then I clicked and read.
It seems that our new friends in Jersey goofed up and offered two people the chance to speak after Rice pulled out. That is a total cluster, but let us just go ahead and forgive them for panicking and making multiple offers.
That said, how in the hell can you pull the offer from LeGrand? He got paralyzed playing football for you, Rutgers. I get that Kean is a polotico, but he hasn't been the Governor since 1990 - ie. before most of your graduating seniors where born. Still, I get that you are in a bind. So here's an idea I made up all by myself after 2 minutes of thinking about it - Ask them both to speak! What, is a politician not going to want to share a stage with LeGrand? LeGrand probably won't mind going first and givng Kean the spotlight if you gave an honest explanation of what happened and allowed him to speak too. I mean, this is sooooo fucking easy (even after you forgive the initial mistake.)
By the way Rutgers, Delaney has some news. It seems that he also put a call into Syracuse and the B1G is going another direction for poltical reasons. Sorry, its not you, it's us. No, actually, it's you.
Who knew vampires could appear in photos?
"......It holds my hate mail. Don't send me hate mail. It makes me angry."
I really don't understand what it takes to get fired at Rutgers.
That will get you fired.
6 months after the tape surfaces, finally gets seen by everyone on ESPN, the university president admits to not having watched the tape and then everyone's like is this OK? No? Ok, we'll fire that guy.
Was admitting Rutgers into the Big Ten the worst power conference move in the history of NCAA power conferences? What a f'ing joke. I'm embarassed to be associated with that s***hole of an administration in any capacity.
it's still a million times better than Penn State's.
Penn State made one giant awful mistake. Rutgers has been a perpetual circus for a few years now. Penn State will recover. Rutgers will Rutgers.
Erecting a statue of your curent coach is a mistake. Letting him bully the administration for years is a bigger mistake. Having an atmosphere where employees fear for their jobs if they report seeing a coach molesting kids is more than a mistake. Doing nothing for more than a decade while knowing that coach is almost certainly molesting more children is not a mistake. Forgive me, they did eventually bar him from bringing children to Larch Hall. I guess it was easier to sleep at night knowing those rapes would occur off campus. This was not a single mistake. It was a long term decision that protecting the football program was their highest priority.
Of course Penn State will recover and their teams will generally be better than Rutgers. But what Rutgers has done is make a few embarrassing mistakes. When Penn State did was evil and was sustained for a long period of time.
I don't think the question is "which has had worse issues, Rutgers or Penn State?" but, rather, which was the worse mistake from an intivting-them-into-the-conference perspective. The BIG (hopefully) knew nothing of the then far in the future PSU issues when they joined the conference, but it did know -- or should have known -- that Rutgers was largely a bad idea invitation from day one.
Rutgers. Because the "U" wasn't available.
Delany has seen the future and in the future the only thing that matters is basic cable packages in the biggest possible media markets. So the next phase of expansion is Miami (the U!) and Georgia Tech. Then the B1G will become the B16 because it's easy enough to convert a G into a 6.
Isn't Rutgers and Rutgers Athletic Director Julie Herrmann too easy of a target? They give us so much ammo my 9 year old cracked a Rutgers joke the other day.
Can't we just leave the poor woman alone.
Gosh, it was really unfair when at her first press conference as Rutgers AD she was asked if she told her assistant not to get pregnant at the assistant's wedding. Totally denying ever making those comments only worked until the wedding video (and audio) was released the next day with those exact threats being saved for all time.
Oops. Love ya Julie.
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