Perhaps it is just the stress of the season or the inevitable pushback from some of the older guard against the influx of new members, but MGoBlog has become a noticeably snarkier and more irritable place the past few weeks. There have been heated arguments about Denard and his health, about Tate and whether or not he was "in for Michigan" and if he should transfer, how bad the defense is and how GERG needs to go, concerns about the future of the program with regards to recruiting, position battles and alignments, and the list just goes on and on. New posters have been criticized for providing nothing more than opinions and non-sequiters on the Board instead of useful insights, while established members have been framed as cranky old blue hairs who need to chill out a bit with the "new kids."
Now, this is no way for the best Michigan site (and arguably the best college sports site) on the Internet to function, especially during what should be the triumphant return of UM back to at least respectability, if not national prominence. So, in the immortal conflict-resolution style of Michael Scott, I bring you my MGoRoast for 2010.
- Brand New Posters, thanks for telling us that the defense sucks - that 20-point barrier must have been a hurdle for you...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Older Posters, way to realize you are obsessive about a sport you'll never ever play again before everyone else...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- People who rail against the Freep, how's the weather back in 2009...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- iPhone posters, thanks for letting us know you posted your comment while pooping...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Conflict mediators, nobody likes Switzerland...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- People who embed videos, youtube is awesome, especially when it takes up the whole screen...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Grammar sticklers, your rediculous and need too chill out even when their are obvious mistakes...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Point counters, I'll +1 once you stop posting crap...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- MS Paint knockoffs, shouldn't you be posting or 4chan with the rest of the meme-makers...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- People with misleading titles, they do have vowels and prepositions where you come from...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Recruiting posters, how about you put down the Mike's Hard Lemonade and take a seat next to Pedobear ...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
And since I'm on fire like Eddie Murphy, I'm going to roast the team:
- Denard, your dreadlocks make you look like a hippie and use some of that dilithium to run out of bounds faster...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Tate, you are 5'2", weigh 95 pounds, and you look like a young Ron Howard...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Mike Martin, you might be strong, but Kelsey Grammer is far more believable as the Beast...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Death Roh, nice nickname, but shave those eyebrows before you suffocate a QB...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Taylor Lewan, everyone calls you Donkey, but with that finger mustache you sure look like an a$$...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Obi, I'd ask you to pick up lunch for me one day, but you'd stand in front of the counter for 10 minutes without ordering until a bus boy bumped into you...BOOM, MGoRasted!
- Jonas Mouton, my son would have hit the UMass QB harder, and he's not even conceived yet...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- FG kickers, you've missed so many FGs that you've created a whole new offensive philosophy designed to keep you off the field...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Hagerup, The Space Emperor's farts could move the ball farther than your punts...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Big Will, I couldn't decide between a fat joke and a semi-aquatic fish eating mammal joke...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Prison abs, how about less sit-ups and more playing on the two-deep...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Kouvacs, start eating more of the Grit everyone keeps throwing at you or else you're going to stay a Homunculus for the rest of your life...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Stonum, are they casting Stefan Urquelle in the movie version of Family Matters...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Cam Gordon, you must have been asleep when the coaches told everyone to keep TEs in front of you...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Fred Jackson, you probably think this roast is as good as any from Jeff Ross, only 1,000,000 better...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- GERG, how about a little less "Touch of Gray" and a little more "Touch of Play Action defense"...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- Calvin Magee, you crush your wife when you have sex...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- RR, I do believe that Rome was built in less time than it took for you to turn UM's offense around...BOOM, MGoRoasted!
- People who don't post anything substantive but complain about content, stop copying bronxblue's style...BOOM, MGoRoasted!