Since there was the other thread about the mascots fighting and someone starts to speculate about the results. I figured that I would I would try to do it justice.
The setting: An abandoned warehouse somewhere in Detroit. The inside has been renovated so that it has a fighting pit and stands around the outside. The noise of the crowd is loud as wagers are made back and forth and a cloud of smoke lingers in the air (This is an illegal fight ring...think they care about the smoking ban?). People from all over the world have packed this warehouse/stadium to witness fights of a most bizarre nature.
A hush falls over the crowd as the announcer begins to speak. "For our next series of fights, we have arranged for the various mascots of the Big 10 or 12 or whatever the hell they call themselves these days to fight it out. This will crown the Big10 Mascot Champion." The crowed erupts into a cheer and the announcer makes a hand motion for them to settle down.
"Through a series of rankings that is no less arbitrary than the BCS, we have decided that the wolverine should be the champion. We have selected the order of the fights to be random...and our first challenger is...."
"...the Spartan. The Spartan is an ancient warrior from Greece. Their feats are legendary and have been immortalized in a few movies. Currently, the Spartan stands as the mascot for Michigan State." A few cheers come out from the crowd but those are soon drowned out by the boos from the rest of the corwd. The announcer makes the husing motion again and the crowd quiets.
"And in this corner, we introduce an animal that really needs no introduction. It is one of the most feared animals in the wild and has been known to chase bears off from kills. They have taken down moose from a dead stop. They have scaled mountains that have made mountain goats nervous. In general a bad ass...". The crowd erupts in cheers.
"...Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you...the WOLVERINE!!!!". The crowd goes wild and the wolverine enters the fighting pit, his paws outstretched in the air. He does a couple fist pumps and then makes a feint towards the Spartan and the Spartan backs down. The wolverine goes to his corner.
"Ladies and Gentlemen...Let the fight begin....."
The Spartan advances out of his corner and throws his spear towards the wolverine. The wolverine deftly moves out of the way of the spear and the crowd goes wild. Money exchanges hands quickly as the bets start to fly. The wolverine goes over to the spear and grabs it in his mouth and bites it in half. The Spartan goes wide eyed as he realizes his best weapon is now sawdust.
The wolverine lunges towards the Spartan and the Spartan raises his shield up and pushes the wolverine back harmlessly. The wolverine looks at the Spartan, this is not going to be an easy fight and he scurries back to his feet for another lunge. By this time, the Spartan has grabbed his sword and tries to parry the wolverine. The wolverine grabs the sword in his mouth and bites that in half too.
The Spartan realizing he is out of options reaches for a dagger but the wolverine grabs on to his wrist and starts to gnaw at the skin and bone. The Spartan howls out in pain and drops the dagger. The wolverine then lashes out with his paws.....the Spartan reels back. The wolverine goes for his finishing lunge, but the Spartan manages to block with his shield. The wolverine stumbles back and then regains his footing.
This time, the wolverine leaps over the shield and grabs the Spartan by the neck. A few shakes of the head and the Spartan is finished. The wolverine emerges victorious....
(not sure how to embed this; appreciate any help)
SI's list of best photos of the year list has been released and #19 is a great shot of Rufus beating the @*#! out of Brutus. In addition to being nicely framed, I like how it captures the OSU players kneeling in the background, mourning the death of their sucky mascot.
Alright, I know everybody's discussed the Rufus v. Brutus thing ad nauseum, but I just read through the Page 2 Q&A about that, and saw the link for the Oregon Duck's fight. I posted this as a comment in the mascot fight thread from today, but I thought it was just too good to leave buried down there. If this is too OT, feel free to delete, but hopefully you all can get a good laugh.
I just love how the duck taunts him as he is beating him up. And the cheerleaders don't really know what to do.