this week in unintentionally grim-sounding recruiting headlines
I hate to be the one to break the news, but Rich Rodriguez is now the leading candidate to replace Coach Sam Winters as the coach of the ESU Timberwolves from the movie "The Program."
ESU has had a string of controversies surrounding its program following two straight sub-par seasons, injury problems, reports of recruiting violations, academic violations and steroid use. And now with Coach Winters taking the new head coaching position at USC, the football program is frantically searching for a new coach before the recruiting deadline. It looks like they have found their candidate in Michigan Head Coach Rich Rodriquez. The only hangups seem to be that it is impossible to transport a coach from the real world to fictional film world, it is impossible to trasport him back in time, that ESU isn't really a school, and RichRod is not leaving Michigan to go to ESU.
"We feel we can work these problems out," said the Athletic Director at ESU. "Sure, some might say that it is absurd to think that RichRod would leave the University of Michigan to coach at a fictional school that has broken pretty much every NCAA rule in the last year, but those people also said it was absurd to think that defensive star Alvin Mack could pass any college level courses."
The news is spreading like wildfire after breaking a few hours ago. And it looks as though the ESU players are fired up about the prospects of RichRod coming in to be the next head coach.
"Woooooooo! Yeah! Let's put the women and children to bed and go lookin' for dinner!" said starting quarterback and Heisman candidate Joe Kane.
"Let's open up a can of kick ass and kill 'em all, let the paramedics sort 'em out," added defensive star Alvin Mack.
When asked what the players' expectations are for the season if Rich Rodriguez accepts the job, the response was pretty much unanimous.
"We gonna ring that bell! We gonna ring that championship bell!" they all yelled.
"Ding motherfu**ing dong!" chimed in defensive team captain Steve Lattimer.
*The above scenario is more plausible than RichRod leaving Michigan for Tennessee right now.