Rutgers

Way back when during the coaching search, a man came along. His name was SwayzeHowellSheen, and he was the unquestioned leader of the Schiano mafia. The mafia was disbanded when Schiano turned Michigan down, but SwayzeHowellSheen's legacy lives on in all its Haloscan glory. For those of you who remember this fine tribute to all that is Schiano, here are the highlights from that one fine Schiano-filled evening:

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1. Wolverines!
SwayzeHowellSheen

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2.
Isn't it ironic that a movie about Wolverines is entitled "Red Dawn"?
One wonders.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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3.
SCHIANO is coming (not official yet, but soon). This guy is Bo incarnate. New
blood. Toughness. He is everything we want. Don't be taken in by Brian's post
- recall the "Bo Who?" headlines of years past. This guy is the real deal. Get
ready for a new era of Michigan Football. Or rather, a return to the
past. Defense wins championships. Ask Tressel. Schiano knows defense. Ask his
opponents.

Wolverines!
SwayzeHowellSheen

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4.
SCHIANO is a better coach than Miles. Ask any coach in the league. Schiano has
done a lot with a little. We have hugely better players, but he has a hugely
better defense. Tressel just called me and told me he was worried. He was
leaning towards Miles. Tressel is not even talking to Herby any more for
f---ing that up. Now he's really pissed, because people won't remember he was
6-1 against Lloyd when Schiano comes knocking.

Dialogue:
"KNOCK, KNOCK." says Schiano.
"Who's There?" says Tressel.
"SCHIANO." says Schiano.
"Oh shit." says Tressel.
"I'm going to kick your ass." says Schiano.

WOLVERINES!
SwayzeHowellSheen

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5.
I just talked to Schiano. He said he could kick Brian Kelly's ass.
I believe him.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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6.
Would someone please rent Red Dawn again? I am afraid the newer generation
has missed out on my stunning epic about wolverines who defeat the Reds.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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7.
@ hat
you are a f---ing Michigan man. Awesome!
p.s. Greg Schiano might be willing to hire you as an assistant.
Assistant what? you might ask. Assistant ass kicker.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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8.
That only applies in a sense if he cleans house. Do you think Martin will get
him to keep the current staff or will he allow him to bring in new?
00goblue00

- - - - -

@ 00goblue00
Schiano just told me: no one tells Schiano whom to bring in. If Schiano wants
two siamese cats as his coordinators, that's who Schiano will bring in.

Tressel just tendered his resignation. He offered three reasons:
Greg. F---ing. Schiano.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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9.
@SwayzeHowellSheen: Wouldn't you be a Miles supporter being from Howell, MI in
all? Just kidding. Hopefully you want nothing to do with that association or
your name is Howell or something.
Brian Kelly is not a thug

- - - - -

@ BK is not a thug
Stars of Red Dawn, the movie about Wolverines who defeat the evil Reds:
Patrick Swayze
C. Thomas Howell
Charlie Sheen
Those dudes died for their country. So I honor them with this name.

Schiano just hollered "Yes, I will take the F---ing job, Martin" from NJ, and
I heard him. He is that loud.

Tressel heard him too, and went out to his barn and hung himself.

Wolverines!
SwayzeHowellSheen

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10.
Schiano, out of the kindness of Schiano's heart, has agreed to take on Charlie
Weiss as his OC. When UM rolls to three national titles, this will show that
the Schiano can do anything, including turning CW into a winner.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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11.
Early predictions for next year under Schiano:

One loss when rolling into OSU (who will be undefeated at the time).
UM crushes the Luckeyes 27-9, goes to title game against SC.
Loses heartbreaker 9-6 because Schiano has a heart attack
right before the game.

You heard it here first. Other guesses?
SwayzeHowellSheen

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12.
> "KNOCK, KNOCK." says Schiano.
> "Who's There?" says Tressel.
> "SCHIANO." says Schiano.
> "Oh shit." says Tressel.
> "I'm going to kick your ass." says Schiano.

Yeah, right. Not in this universe.

I think Wolverine nation is receiving the Karmac curse for:

#1 - Disrespecting Jim Tressel.

#2 - Defending Mike "I'm a blowhard who can't back it up while providing
bulletin board material for the Buckeyes" Hart.

It's coming in waves losers.
Earl J. Hickey

- - - - -

Schiano just added "Earl J. Hickey" to his list. Names on the list so far:
1. Tressel
2. Sparty coach: what's his name
3. Earl J. Hickey

Plan:
1. Kick ass of each name on list
2. Sit back and enjoy
SwayzeHowellSheen

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13.
And now watch all of us start the "Schiano for God!!! OMGZZZ!" talk.
Way to let your hearts get broken.
Ryan | 12.07.07 - 12:38 am | #

- - - - -

Schiano doesn't break hearts - he eats them. First on the menu:
One juicy red heart, wrapped in a sweatervest, dripping Buckeye blood.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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14.
Tony,

We know this is coming from his camp. This would make a perfect ploy for him.
Ryan

- - - - -

Schiano doesn't do ploys. He just does ass kicking. If offered, this will
happen, probably by Monday.

It will be questioned for months.

It will be widely celebrated as genius after 10 years, 2 national
championships, and a 7-3 record against Tressel (and successor).
SwayzeHowellSheen

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15.
SwayzeHowellSheen: I want to believe in you but realize you have "Swayze" and
"Sheen" in your name. Not exactly helping your credibility. Please adjust
accordingly.
Brian Kelly is not a thug

- - - -

@ BK
Credibility of Swayze, Sheen: Pretty much zero.
But don't forget C. Thomas Howell.

I am on fire, because Schiano told me to be. He is a man. Bo would be
proud, bless his soul.

Alternate thought: Schiano is Bo. Has anyone ever seen the two of them
together? Hmm....
SwayzeHowellSheen

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16.
Last question: why am I reading these comments at this hour? I should be
working. Schiano just told me why: because talking about Schiano is
working. That's how awesome Schiano is.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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17.
@SwayzeHowellSheen: Just curious, have you been taking any drugs this evening?
I don't mean that in a bad way at all.
Brian Kelly is not a thug

- - - -

@ BK is a thug
LOL. No drugs, just goofy on getting a whiff of Schiano. Also, if I was really
high, I would be doing something more fun than writing these inane comments.

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18.
SHS,

You are confusing Schiano with Chuck Norris. Chuck told me this makes him
angry.

Adjust accordingly.
Earl J. Hickey

- - - -

@ Earl J. Hickey
Schiano just called me. He told me Chuck Norris is dead, and his beating heart
is in Schiano's hand. Schiano threw the heart towards Ohio, and it landed in
Tressel's backyard. It is still there, thumping, counting down to the
game. Thump, thump; thump, thump.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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19.
Just out of curiosity, does it seem like Brady Hoke is trying to inject
himself into the conversation to up his market value? He keeps telling
newspapers that everyone is calling him. The big boys deny until it's too
late.

Maybe I'm crazy.
Zone Left

- - - -

Brady Hoke just called Schiano. Schiano killed him with his words. May God
rest Hoke's soul. Then Schiano revived him by punching in a special phone
code. What did Schiano type into the phone to revive Hoke? Easy:
724-4266. That's SCH-IANO. Hoke won't be telling anyone anything about the UM
job anymore.

p.s. still no drugs, though I am looking.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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20.
Chuck Norris tore down the Horseshoe brick by brick with his bare hands. Greg
Schiano erased it from human memory by blinking.
Zone Left

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21.
SHS:

I was about two hours behind, all the Schiano shit broke while I was not
reading the blog, and I came back to your Schiano analysis. If he becomes our
coach, I swear to god, that I'll always see him and remember him in the way
you're caricaturing him right now. Best shit all day for sure...wait...what's
that? You're not embellishing? That's really what Schiano's like?
R-Lew

- - - -

@ R-Lew

Schiano doesn't do caricature. Caricature is for losers, and
sweatervests. Schiano just is, and just does.

Oh, Schiano just called again and said to me: stop telling everyone what
Schiano is like. That is for Schiano to do. Schiano doesn't let others speak
for him.

Schiano also told BM: Schiano doesn't need a contract. Just spit and shake
hands. The only thing holding up the deal: Martin has a dry mouth.
Schiano's hand is spit-ful and ready to go.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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22.
Can we hire SwayzeHowellSheen... he amuses me almost as much as Les Miles :D
nuck

- - - -

While Schiano is for hire, SHS is (alas) already employed. And even at work
this very moment! But Schiano also told me: never pass up a better
opportunity. Schiano is following his own advice; he is coming to
Michigan. All hail Schiano.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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23.
Schiano to Les Miles: You say your team is "damn strong". Mine is "damn
stronger", no need to say it.

Also, Schiano tells me he once wrestled Les Miles, Tressel, and a live gator
all at once. Only the gator survived. The gator's name? You guessed it: Tebow.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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24.
I want to kill Les Miles....son of a bitch.....if we play him in the national
championship anytime soon, im supplying our team with guns and knives.

fucking fuck
MichiganStudent

- - - -

@ MichiganStudent

No need to kill Miles once Schiano is in town. Schiano does his own dirty
work.

Schiano may also kill, in no particular order:
- J. Tressel
- Earl J. Hickey
- K. Herbstreit
- Anyone who sails at odd times
- Anyone who looks at Schiano funny
SwayzeHowellSheen

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25.
It's impossible to outfox the vest. Yesterday morning on the radio show here
in Alabama they were quoting Tressel's comments about his BCS vote, his praise
for the SEC, etc. One of the hosts of the show was talking about what an
impeccable guy Tressel was etc. Even when he loses he's unflappable. He gives
Buckeye fans a warm feeling because he makes them feel cerebral and ethical.
marvin

- - - -

@ marvin

You are wrong. Schiano just outfoxed the Vest twice. Once by buying the deed
to his home; now the Vest has to move out. Another by taking the Michigan job;
now the Vest has to get pummeled every November.

The Vest looked at Schiano and trembled, because he saw something he has never
seen before: Schiano.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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26.
I see that people think we're getting Schiano, but can't unearth where in the
comments that happened - can anyone gimme me a really brief rundown?
Chitownblue 00

- - - -

Actually, just Schiano thinks we are getting Schiano. But that is enough,
because he is Schiano.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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27.
The only problem with Sean Payton is that he was a scab during the NFL
strike. Would that be a bad or a good thing for Bill Martin?
marvin

- - - -

Schiano just killed Sean Payton. Not because SP wants the Michigan
job, no. But because SP is not Schiano.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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28.
Chitownblue: I missed it too and am just catching up. I can tell you Martin
interviewed Schiano yesterday as per multiple sources (freep, detnews, carty
via nj papers, etc.). I can also tell you it's worth your time to go back and
read SwayzeHowellSheen commentary on Schiano...
R-Lew

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29.
Does Schiano have an accent similar to JoePo's Brooklyn one? Because I'm not
sure I could watch Michigan Replay if he does.
Ryan

- - - -

@ Ryan

Schiano doesn't do accents. He just stares, and emotes. Occasionally, he
gesticulates. But speaking, not so much.

Schiano also just told me: go to bed. Even Schiano-supporters need to
sleep (but not Schiano).
SwayzeHowellSheen

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30.
My favorite:

"Last question: why am I reading these comments at this hour? I should be
working. Schiano just told me why: because talking about Schiano is
working. That's how awesome Schiano is."
Chitownblue 00

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31.
Um, needless to say that SHS is the ringleader of the Schiano Mafia?
Chitownblue 00

- - - -

Schiano doesn't do ringleaders, and doesn't do Mafias. Schiano does football.

@MichiganStudent

Schiano doesn't do short, crappy email responses either.
SwayzeHowellSheen

- - - -

Swayze= seriously what is he supposed to say to me? Nothing.....i am just a
kid compared to him and his millions
MichiganStudent

- - - -

@ MS

Schiano doesn't think you are 'just a kid'. He thinks you are a
Michigan Man. And he responds accordingly. Probably with a
punch in the gut. But accordingly.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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32.
R-Lew,

The great part is that SHS's depiction of Schiano dovetails with that story:

"Schiano doesn't need anyone's permission to talk.
Schiano talks to whoever he wants."
Chitownblue 00

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33.
Chicagoblue--- I think SHS is the godfather of the Schiano mafia... but
something tells me Schiano doesn't need a mafia.
ThWard

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34.
An article just appeared on Mlive. Schiano is a hard worker, says Carty --
sometimes 20 plus hours in a day.
marvin

- - - -

Schiano told me Carty is full of s--t. Schiano works 24 hours a day, sometimes
25. Schiano doesn't sleep, Schiano doesn't eat, Schiano just does one thing:
be Schiano.

Right now, being Schiano means one thing: trying on a Michigan cap. It is a
used one. It has a name scrawled on the inside. That name: Bo. A small note
from Bo on the inside too. It says: "This hat is for Schiano."
SwayzeHowellSheen

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35.
Have you had a chance to run back through the SHS comments? He's got a lot of
reaction from Schiano.
R-Lew

- - - -

R-Lew: I did. They paint a damn strong picture. And are pretty hilarious.
ThWard

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36.
Sad story - I actually had a day where I really did work 25 hours. It was an
all-nighter for work and then I hopped on a plane to get to the west coast and
worked throughout the flight. I wouldn't recommend it.
TX Wolverine

- - - -

@ TX Wolverine

That is not a sad story. That is a Schiano story. And no Schiano story is
sad. Why? you ask. Because it is about Schiano.
SwayzeHowellSheen

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37.

@SHS
You're the best thing to happen to these comments thread since flight
tracking. Of course Schiano doesn't need to track flights, he knows exactly
where every plane is at all times.
TX Wolverine

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38.
My favorite from SHS so far:

"Schiano told me Carty is full of s--t. Schiano works 24 hours a day,
sometimes 25. Schiano doesn't sleep, Schiano doesn't eat, Schiano just does
one thing: be Schiano.

Right now, being Schiano means one thing: trying on a Michigan cap. It is a
used one. It has a name scrawled on the inside. That name: Bo. A small note
from Bo on the inside too. It says: "This hat is for Schiano.""
R-Lew

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39.
Schiano isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Schiano...
samsoccer7

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40.
I'd take Schiano just to get SHS back. His loss was the most devastating
development of the entire search.
R-Lew

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41.
The worst part of Schiano turning us down is that we lose out on
SwayzeHowellSheen. That guy had the best posts I've seen here in years. We
could have had him locked up for the next 20 years. But, alas, it was not
meant to be.
TX Wolverine

In case anyone is interested - Marcus Witherspoon landed at Rutgers. Some good news for the Scarlet Knights in a season full of some disappointments.

 

I wish him the best of luck.

I come in peace, this diary is merely to inform and not to brag.

The NCAA has cleared Marcus Witherspoon to play immediately. It appears his story about everything being a big mixup may have panned out.

http://www.pressofatlanticcity.com/126/story/256465.html

Congrats on LaLota, excellent get and I'm happy to see him not end up at Notre Dame. Speaking of which, beat the hell out of the Irish today.

The Scarlet Knights are now 0-2 after a loss to Butch Davis's UNC Tar Heels:

  http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/recap?gameId=282550164

If this keeps going, even Penn State won't want Schiano when JoPa retires in 20 years.

Hmmm... looks like we dodged a bullet....

 

 

http://www.heraldtribune.com/article/20080804/blog42/270966541

Jeff Zuttah, two years older than Jeremy, was one of the top prep offensive linemen in New Jersey in 2002, a consensus All-American who accepted a football scholarship to the University of Michigan in 2003.

It was there that his lifelong affliction derailed him for the first time.

Jeff Zuttah has sickle cell anemia, an inherited blood disorder that affects 72,000 people in the United States. Two million Americans carry the sickle cell trait.

Doctors at the University of Michigan would not clear Jeff to play. He never took a snap in any practice for the Wolverines.

So he decided to transfer to Stanford, where team doctors allowed him to practice the following year.

He played two games for Stanford in 2004, but then could not continue.

He received an economics degree from Stanford.

"There's no cure, you just live with it," Jeremy said. "Since he's not doing anything overly physical, like conditioning for football, he's going to be fine."

So now, Jeremy, a rookie third-round draft pick of the Buccaneers, is feeling his way through his first NFL training camp, without the benefit of his brother getting there before him.

"That would have been cool, but you have to take whatever comes your way," Zuttah said.

Jeff Zuttah is an investment banker for Morgan Stanley in New York City.

"He's doing great for himself right now," Jeremy said. "He's going to make more money than me in the long run."

I wrote a post today detailing the Big East's new partnership with Comcast. There are a couple parallels and contrasts to the ongoing Big Ten Network saga that may be of interest to anyone who's followed the coverage of the BTN's attempts to get itself up off the ground.

Would the Big Ten have been better off partnering with Comcast/Versus from the start, instead of bickering for a year?